An Insight Of “Love”

The Lamps are different, but the Light is the same.

The Lamps are different,
but the Light is the same.

The real beloved is that one who is unique, who is your beginning and your end. When you find that one, you’ll no longer expect anything else.

There was a man living at a far away place. He had no one with him except a donkey who was everything to him and he use to spend all his time with it. He once went to a pious man living in his area.The pious man was sitting in a hut with a small door. The man stood outside the door and started a conversation with him.

Man: “I Love my donkey so much !”

Pious Man: “Ok , Come in !”

As the man entered the room, The pious man said ” You don’t Love your donkey enough ! Go back and spend more time with him”. The man was amazed to hear this. He went back and took care of his donkey more. He spend years and years with him. Then he came back to the Pious man again.

Man: “I love my donkey and this time I am sure about it !”

Pious Man: “Ok , Come in !”

As the man entered the room,

The pious man said ” You don’t Love your donkey enough ! Go back and spend more time with him” . The man was amazed again ! But he went back because he knew the pious man speaks nothing but truth. He spend many more years with his donkey taking care of him. Then he came back again !

Man: “I am in love with my donkey !”

Pious Man: “Ok , Come in !”

The Man didn’t come in.

He said ” My ears are so big and I won’t be able to fit in this small hut with my big body ! ”

The pious Man said ” Yes, Now I believe you ”

This state of Love when You start thinking you are like the one you love, is called as “Ishq” . People who don’t know Urdu, can call it “Extreme Love ” . This is a state where wisdom is left behind, all that is there is True Love. Where one don’t question “Why” . He just remember saying “Yes” .

There is a story in our History,  when a person was involved in Loving Allah so much that Once he started saying “An-al-Haq” Meaning “I am God !’ . When people listened to him they started beating and cursing him that he is calling himself  God. Later on, this theory was explained by some Sufi’s. They say that man was so much In Love with the creator that he started thinking that he is like the one he loves…..He is a part of the one he Loves….He is his Love !

At a distance you only see my light;
come closer and know that I am you !  –Rumi

Is this pure Love worth comparing to the so called love of today ? When a boy loves a girl one day, and the next day he starts loving the next ! When people calls talking on phone and dating as Love . When relationships are the means of love. No relationship , no love ! When people love each other for their own means. When one fight erases love from heart. Is this Love ? NO.

People characterize the stages of reaching “Extreme Love” or “Ishq” as :

1-First stage is of “likeness”. When we like someone’s knowledge, wisdom, way of talking, habits, manners or something then we like to meet them more often. When we meet them more often, this likeness start converting to “adoration” . We want to meet them more and talk to them more.

2- Then comes the stage of “infatuation”. When we feel we can’t live without this person. But when that person goes away from us and we find someone else in that duration we sometimes go close to the second person.

3-The step next to “infatuation” is “love”. This is the extent of likeness and infatuation. When we reach that stage we are so much involved in the person. We want to fulfill his every wish and we feel happy doing it. Every word coming out of his mouth is the last word for us . We can do anything for that person.

4- Then comes the stage of “Ishq” that is the extent of Love. When we lose the sense of thinking and all that we see is our love. where there is no “why” there is just “yes” . Where wisdom is astonished and left far behind.

Love is the feeling that forced “Ibrahim” to jump in fire without questioning His God “why” ? And His God didn’t fail him either. He turned the fire cold. Miracles do happen in Love !

Baykhatar kood para aatish-e-namrood main Ishq

Aqal hai mehw-e-tamasha-e-lab-e-baam abhi

Shewa-e-Ishq hai Azadi-o-deher aashubi

Tu hai zannari-e-bu’t khana-e-ayyam abhi    

-Iqbal

(Meanings: Baykhatar = Fearlessly; Kood para = Jumped in; Aatish-e-Namrood = Referring to fire of Namrood in which, prophet Abraham (PBUH) was thrown; Ishq = Referring to strong Faith and devotion of Prophet Abraham (PBUH); Aqal = Wisdom; Mehw-e-tamasha-e-lab-e-baam = Stunned/shocked/in state of disbelief; Shewa-e-Ishq = Strong Faith; Azadi = Freedom; Deher Aashubi = To get rid of slavery; Zannari-e-bu’t khana-e-ayyam = Under influence of idol worshipers)

Some wise people say that we reach the Creator by three means:

1-will

2-knowledge

3-love

There are 10 % chances in will and 90% chances in knowledge that we will go towards the wrong path while searching the Creator. But with love, there are no chances to get lost. Love is a thing that can’t be explained but can only be experienced. And once experienced, nothing is left after it.

O Lord! Was it the cloud of mercy or the thunderbolt of Love When the life’s crop got burned down, sprouted the seed of the Heart  –Rumi

In a human body, heart is present on one side of the chest and “wishes” or “cravings” which are called as “Nafs” In our language, is on the other side of heart. In the center of our heart, in a very deep place is where our soul resides. And in the depth of our “Nafs” , Evil resides. The thing is to fight with the “Nafs” and it leads us towards the True Love , “Ishq” !

There were many Pious persons and Sufis , whose destiny was to reach God. Because of the worldly demands and weaknesses they couldn’t reach there. So the creator engaged them in the “love of man”. When they return empty handed from it and they were hurt because of it, The creator took them, holding their hands, towards him. And they succeeded in achieving the greatest levels.

It changes the heap of earth into elixir

Such is the power of the ashes of the Heart

It gains freedom after being caught in the net of Love

On being thunder-struck greens up the tree of the Heart

Iqbal

Closing it with an English translation of a poem by Allama Iqbal, My favorite Poet. He was at a very upper level of Sufism and we need a lot of insight to reach to the true meanings hidden in his words.

One day reason said to the Heart:

I am a guide for those who are lost.
I live on the earth, but I roam the skies
Just see the vastness of my reach.
My task in the world is to guide and lead,
I am like Khizar of blessed steps.
I interpret the book of life,
And through me Divine Glory shines forth!
You are no more than a drop of blood,
While I am the envy of the priceless pearl !!

The Heart listened, and then said: This is all true,

But now look at me, and see what I am!!!
You penetrate the secret of existence,
But I see it with my eyes!!!
You deal with the outward aspects of things
I know what lies within!!! (The outward pertains to the phenomenal world, the inward to matters of the Heart and soul)
Knowledge comes from You, intuitive knowledge of spiritual truth from me!!!
You seek GOD, I reveal HIM!
Attaining the ultimate in knowledge makes one restless –
I am the cure for that ailment!!!
You are the candle of the Assembly of Truth;
I am the lamp of the Assembly of Beauty!!!
You are hampered by space and time,
While I am the “bird in the Lotus tree” (Taaeyr-e-Sidraa)
My status is so high –
I am the throne of the Majesty of GOD (According to sufistic saying, the world is too small a place to house GOD, but a believer’s Heart is large enough to house Him)

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Frustration !!

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This vast ample hustling universe

Feels congested, pinched and suffocating to me

Engaged in profuse conventional chores

Swallowing my own tears,  feeling them in throat

I feel an urge to lock myself in a small black room

Without any window and no doors

Where I can cry out loud

And there is no one to hear me

Where I can scream to my voice’s full intensity

And there is no one to judge me

Where I can stretch my hair,  rub my eyes, punch the wall

And there is no one to say me absurd

Where I can lay sobbing for the time I need

And no one come to ask me ‘why’

Yes, I need a break from this vast hustling universe

And yet I wish No one descry my absence

I may sound imprudent,  moronic, thick-headed

But Yes,  I am frustrated !

I am Frustrated, thwarted !

And I need a break !

‘What Are We’

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Affection, Affliction, Repulsion

Melancholy, Emotions

Blistering Fresh Wound

Elated Cheerful Sound

Our Heart !

Investigating , Envisaging, Answering

Straying And Rambling

Like Clouds

Our Mind !

Hollow, Vaulted, Ephemeral

Argil and Immaterial

A Mere Vessel

Our Body !

What Are We ?

“Wishes And Sufferings”

"Wishes"

“Wishes”

Watching a television show in the morning while eating for starting my fast, I hear some very good discussion between some scholars. It has engaged me into thinking . With the TV remote in my hand, I dive into my past and go far away. The discussion was about wishes and suffering. Its theme was something like this:

Buddhism is a religion indigenous to the Indian subcontinent based on Buddha’s teachings who was an enlightened teacher as known by the men of that time when he was alive. He spend his whole life searching for the root cause for pain and sufferings of human beings. He produced a theory in which he said that the root cause of human suffering is “wishes” . If human can eliminate wishes from his life, He would never feel pain or suffer again. He used to call attainment of the cessation of all suffering as the sublime state of “Nirvana” .

Hazrat Muhammad (P.B.U.H) who is the last messenger of Islam said something same about this theory. He (P.B.U.H) said us to refrain from bad wishes and adopt the good wishes.

I couldn’t agree more with these thoughts. I have started relating my life with these theories. I am rambling into my elapsed years. A flash back has occupied my mind.

I was a girl full of wishes since my childhood. When I was a small kid, I used to wish for the same house as I read in the story “Hansel and Gretel” . They found a house which was made of chocolate and its doors were of candies and toffees. I used to read that story everyday and then I use to dream for that chocolate house. I wished I would be eating chocolate bars from that house and I would never get caught by the witch living there .

Then when I grew up some more, I use to wish for the “Magic Pencil” , From a TV drama in which there was a kid who had a magic pencil and everything he draw with that pencil, becomes real. I use to see him carefully while drawing and the I use to practice drawing for the things I wanted in my life. Some times, lying down before sleeping I use to make stories in my mind about what will I do when I get the pencil. I enjoyed doing that. Back then I didn’t have a sense whether these wishes can be fulfilled ever or not. I never thought about what will happen if they don’t come true. I just wished and wished and I found fun in doing that.

I smile while these thoughts fill my mind . I love recalling my childhood. Childhood is about innocence and playfulness. It is about joy and freedom. I wonder how innocent children are. Without worrying about the future they know how to live in present and how to cherish every moment they have. They never think about the results, they just wish . They don’t wish about things that could become true but they find wishing pleasant so they wish. Wishing makes them happy and they know how to stay happy. Every one wishes to go back into their childhood for the same reason.

As I stepped out of my childhood towards my teenage, My wishes started changing. I started wishing about some real things. I had a wish of going to every country of the world back then. Then I started wishing some more realistically. I wished I get married to a person with a Government job so that when he gets transferred after some months I could visit many cities of my country. I was scared of living at the same place for a long time . I wished for getting good grades and first position in my class. Then I started wishing for looking cuter than my friends. I started wishing for lovely clothes and shoes.

Then there was a time span I never want to think about. It gives me goosebumps ! I should leave it untouched. It scares me. It is the most embarrassing part of my life I never want to reveal to anyone. I guess we all have some secrets hidden deep down in us which we don’t want to reveal to anyone.

And…..now there is this present time. When My wishes have took a complete new meaning. One of my wish eradicated all my other wishes at a time. That one wish produced complete new set of wishes another time. When I think about my wishes at present, I sometimes find myself stupid enough. I had the strangest wishes ever now. I know some of my wishes can never become true but I still wish for them . I know some of my wishes are the hardest, but I still wish for them. I have got rid of the wishes of “Things” completely. But still I have some extraordinary wishes. Some superstitious wishes. I never tell anyone about my wishes. I know they would judge me. I don’t wish like normal people anymore.

I ask myself. Is getting rid of wishes so easy ? Is it possible to reach to the state of “nirvana” ? If not , what was the logic behind this theory ? Is it really possible to get rid of all the suffering and pain? I don’t know. I want to know the way to do this if it really exist !

I have read, wishes are a part of human nature. It is in human blood that he wishes. How would be life like, without wishes ? I ask to myself.

I can understand the other theory though. Wishes can be distinguished into categories. Good wishes and bad wishes. It is good to wish for good things and bad to wish for bad things. But what is the scale for measuring the goodness and badness of wishes ? I guess that is the scale our religion gives us. We can take help from the teachings of our Religion about how to distinguish our wishes. I like this thought. I am distinguishing my wishes now in my mind. What are the wishes bad for me ? And what are the good ones?

This brings me peace somehow. I have passed a big part of my life in pain and suffering over small things. I knew I was emotional and touchy. I knew I expected a lot. I knew I dream t and wished a lot but I never figured out clearly that all my pain was due to these things. Everyone in this world want to get rid of pain and sufferings. But we have to sacrifice our wishes in return. It is a hard deal to do !

And now when I have figured out, What would be the next step ? Is it possible to get rid of your greatest desires so easily ? Is it that easy ? No…I guess ! Not for me.

But I have the code now. I will try. I will try to wish good all the time. I will try to load my “bad wishes” with the good ones, at least, if I won’t be able to erase them. Trying again and again is the only thing I can do ! Hope of getting rid of my pains is all I have. I once read “Dreams are more real than reality itself, they’re closer to the self” .

I get up as the time for eating is over. Starting my new fast with a new concept in mind,  I hope I figure out the ways soon !

 

Sweetness Overloaded !

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“This message has no fat, no cholesterol and no additives. This is all natural except, with a lot of sugar. But it can never be as sweet as the one reading it. Smile! “

Awwwweee How Sweet ! Isn’t it ?

“If I were to lay eleven roses next to you, you’d make the perfect dozen.”

Awee Again So Sweet !  😛

No ! I am not here to give boys tips on ‘How to say sweet things to girls‘ ! Or something else you might be thinking !

It is just that I am feeling sweet today ! I am afraid I don’t get blood sugar now !

I am not sure ‘feeling sweet’ is a thing, But it is in my case ….. I am feeling like a lot of chocolate bars are filled in my mouth and Some M&Ms are floating all along my blood in my body. My fingers have sweets instead of nails and My hair taste as sweet as jelly !!

Yes I sound Weird now 😛 It was just a fantasy, Ignore it !

The reason which made me feel that sweet today Is the sweetness passed on to me by super sweet randomlyabstract aka Maria , In the form of a Super Sweet Blogging Award !

Blogger Awards are just a Reason to tell people how Great they are and how much you Love to read them and Talk to them. These are a second name for appreciation and Love.

I am So Glad to Get this Award and Adding another Award to my Awards Closet makes me feel Wonderful ! A Big Thanks to Maria for this ! I Love You !

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Super Sweet Blogging Award

Formal Acceptance of this Award needs to Answer some Super Sweet Questions !

So Here It Goes….

  • Cookies or Cake? –  Cakes ! Always and Forever ! Love chocolate cakes, cheese cakes, fresh cream cakes, ice-cream cakes, strawberry, pineapple cakes. Eating cookies make me feel old !
  • Chocolate or Vanilla? – Chocolate ! A big Chocolate Lover !
  • Favorite sweet dish? – I can’t eat a lot of sweet food at a time but I Love trying one or two bites from each 😉 Love custard, fruit deserts and Lab-e-shireen !
  • When do you crave sweet things most? – After having dinner and In winters !
  • Sweet nickname? – Well people don’t need to give me a nick name because my name itself is so small.

And Now the nominations for this Award. They have answer the same questions I just answered if they want to accept it formally. I want to say A Big Thanks to the following people As they are the best and I want to tell them that I  love them ! Award is just a metaphor !

1- Arindam Saha

He is from India. He use to read me hen I was doing a useless blog regarding news. And he is bearing me till now . He comments on each and every post of mine and sometimes his comments make me think he has written this post 😛 He understands me that well. Sometimes his comments are better than my post itself. He is a great poet but still admires my stupid poems. Whenever I write a new post, I expect his comment to be the first one and he don’t fail me most of the time. He cares about me and I love his views and arguing with him.

2- KATiE MiA FredericK!

He is from US. He is a Great and respectable person. He writes long comments on my posts and I always read the comments twice or more than twice to understand them. His comments are always that deep and philosophical that a person like me cannot get to the depth of them sometimes. I love his views and the way he perceive things. He do some great jobs out there to help people and make people happy. His comments are always an honor to me.

3- Ardizza Dwittarinda Raharja

She is from Indonesia. She is really a sweet girl. She said to me she started writing her blog in English just because of me. I was flattered ! She talks to me like we were friends forever and she is really like a cute innocent jolly kid. I love her.

4- SahrishS

She is from Pakistan . She answers ! And answers a lot 😛 Sometimes she give me replies of the comments I don’t even remember what I asked her 😀 But I like this thing and she is really sweet. She comments on every post of mine and talks like a real friend. I love her.

So…..

I am feeling more sweet after passing on this Award to lovely people.

Want Sweetness ? Have some cake

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Or Some Candies

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And Stay Sweet Always ! And remember me while having sweet things 😉

Love xx

“Guilty As Charged”

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I am a prisoner.

I am a prisoner of my own self.

I did a crime and ended up in this prison.

You know , what was the crime ?

I saw Dreams !

Dreams of a “happy” and “contented” Life

Dreams of “peace” and “Love”

Dreams of “calm” and “blessed” Me !

And these Dreams were a crime

That Day

I cried, I screamed, I begged

What is my fault ?

They said, The same

You saw dreams

You expected for a beautiful Life

You hoped for happiness

You did wrong !

You knew the rules

Expectations always hurt

Dreams always break

Love always hurt

But still, you did the crime

Now this is your punishment

You have to live

In a prison of your own self !

You will Die every day

But there will be no one to cry on your death

You will burn in your own fire

But there will be no one to put it off

You will hurt your feet everyday

Walking on the broken pieces of your dreams

But there will be no one to protect you

You are forever alone

You are forever a prisoner

This is your punishment.

Till that day

I cry out loud, I scream

I ask them, was my fault so big ?

Do I deserve this suffering ?

Every time they say the same

Yes, because you saw Dreams !

My feet are bleeding

By walking on the broken shards

My body is tired

Walking on these paths

I am hollow , I am dead inside

I see my dreams coming true in someone other’s life

And I cry, I screech with pain

But there is no one there for me

No one to feel my pain, No one to see my tears

Why Me ? Why my life ?

Because I saw dreams……………

I am tired

I am exasperated

I have started realizing now

Yes this was my fault

I saw dreams

I did a crime

And I am “guilty As Charged”

 

 

 

An Unsorted Unresolved Depress Mind’s Thought On Life……..

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Life…..

………..Starts with a white clean paper. Some words emerge on it. Words which are imperative and which needs to be mastered. As the paper start getting filled with words, The purity and cleanliness starts dissipating. The paper starts stuffing with blotches and eruptions. Marks and stains are dispersed over it. Word by word, a full story behind exclusive words. After a while, the paper looks destroyed and damaged. Words are arduous to read because of more blemishes. The blotches, words and torn ups can never be undone. They are not erasable. After a moment, the paper start tearing apart from places and at last, whole paper is turned into small pieces. This is where it ends.

One paragraph, 6 lines , 120 words , 650 letters ! 

And Life Ends…….!!

Happenings , stories, pain, happiness, sadness, tears, suffering, joy, fun, mood, This altogether makes Life !

Everyday, the same routine , the same people, the same happenings, This altogether passes Life !

Silence, pain, illness, heart attack, accident, suicide, age, This Takes Away Life !

This is the life we cry for ? This is the life we get depressed for ? This is the life we plan for ? This is the life we die for ?

Does it worth everything ?

Life is like a candle… Either it slowly melts away or a harsh breath of wind blows it out of existence.
Brittany Ann Smith

Life is short, but it’s long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
Josh Billings

Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.
Jeff Ross

Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them

Dion Boucicault

Life is wasted on the living.
Douglas Adams

I am scared. Scared of the truth. Scared of Life. Scared of death……..

Scared of the 650 letters…………..

Life ?????????

The One Night When A Miracle Happened !

The Calm After A Storm

The Calm After A Storm

She was angry with Him for several days , She recalled.  They were not talking for some days. The occasional phone calls they used to do everyday for some minutes were aborted.

She was feeling something inside her that day. She couldn’t recognize what it was. It was chasm, exhaustion,anxiety or what it was ? She was not sure. She was looking at the phone repeatedly with a gap of some moments. The feeling was in-suppressible. She couldn’t move her eyes off the phone. Her hand moved towards it for a moment and then reverts back. She wasn’t sure whether to call him or not. She was restless and distressed but she couldn’t tell him . She recalled, She was angry with him !

At the evening she found her self  irresistible. She never felt that intense feeling before ever. She wanted to tell him about what she was feeling. She picked up her phone and dialed his number. She could hear the noise of her heart hammering hard in her ears. She was making up words in her mind to talk to him. The bell rang, twice, thrice and the phone was picked up from the other side !

As she tried to speak, She heard harsh loud noise coming from the other side of phone. She couldn’t figure out what it was.She tried to speak but random words came out of her mouth. Then she heard his feeble trembling voice echoing into her mind I just met with an accident a minute ago He was crying loud with pain and she was hearing it. She tried to speak but nothing came out of her mouth. He hung up. This all happened in such an instance.

She recalled she was angry with him ! She recalled he told her, he had to go to the next city in his car to pick up his brother today. She recalled he use to drive rash and she always kept advising him to drive slow. She recalled  he was everything to her. He was her love, her life, her soul. He was everything ! She recalled, she starts crying every time she saw him crying . She thought…….He is in pain right now…..Extreme pain.

She couldn’t breathe. she was suffocating. She felt like someone is pressing her neck with both hands.

Where is he now ? How is he ? Did anyone came to help him ? Is he bleeding ? He will be bleeding . His blood…. There would be a lot of blood. Is he alright ? How is he ? He must be in pain ….. What should I do ? What can I do ? I don’t know where He is. I should call some one to ask him to go help him. To whom should I call ? No one knows about us. I should go there . How can I ? I……I am helpless……. A lot of questions and answers were exploding in her mind. Her mind was not accepting what she just heard. He must be joking…..But the pain in his voice ?

She felt, she is going to die. She dialed his number again. Her hands were shivering this time. He accepted the call but she realized he didn’t took the phone to his mouth. Their were noises, there were people asking him about his name and his father’s name. He was crying , screaming with pain. She felt the misery in his voice when he was saying his father’s name. She felt her heart bursting out. Her nails were pinned into her own hands in her fist. She was trying to absorb the pain but it was increasing with his screams. Her lips were under her teeth , pressed forcefully. She was in extreme pain. She felt the same pain he may be feeling right now. She called his name loudly but there was no response. The call was cut off again.

She remembered, recently she heard about so many of her relatives died in car accidents. She hated herself for thinking about that but couldn’t help it. She got up off her bed and started walking in the room, crying hard. She found herself screaming out loud. The walls of her room were trying to absorb her voice but they failed. She screamed for some time and then she felt herself tired. She was still crying. Her eyes were red , bulged out and nose was swelled. She was rubbing her hands again and again restlessly. Her one leg was moving speedily as if she is trying to calm her down but she wasn’t succeeding.

She recalled she was angry with him !

She looked again at the phone in her hands. This phone is the only source connecting me with him ? She thought. More warm big tears came out of her eyes and fell on the phone. What should I do ? He is in pain……He is in extreme pain….and I….. I am sitting here…..I can’t be with him right now…..I can’t see him right now……I can’t do anything for him……..She started crying more loudly. She was holding her hair hard in her fists. He is in pain………He could die ? No I won’t let him die……I won’t.

She wiped her tears brutally off her face and started praying to God. The One God who placed him in her heart. Who gave her the Love of human. The one God who caused this problem and He is the Only one who can solve it, She thought. She started praying. Prayer after prayer every prayer with a purpose of saving his life. She asked Him in the name of His book, His Prophet, to save his life. She bowed in front of Him . She was crying loud. Please save him. Please lessen his pain. Please take away his pain. Please help him finding doctor. Please protect him. She was begging , she was begging.

I need a Miracle. She found herself saying this. I want a Miracle. You do Miracles for your men. Today I need it. You have created me and you are responsible for my every suffering. I have never asked you anything forcefully. I always wanted your consent. I am asking today. forcefully , not to harm him. I beg you, I need a Miracle. I will be Thankful to you all my life. Take my life and give it to him.She begged and begged. She couldn’t find more words but she was begging with the same words again and again.

This was the night she realized, How much this person means to her. She realized she could live without him if she see him healthy and contented but She can’t see him dying. She realized she want to see him happy and peaceful. She realized how important he was to her. She realized, how obstructed she is. She realized How hard her hands are tied and she realized, she was not worth than a grain of sand !

She was scared of Him. Very much scared. How powerful He was, What couldn’t  He do ?  How merciful He was, What didn’t He do ? He knew how to keep human, a human . With anger or with mercy, He knows how to keeps human in his limits !

She traveled a long journey of ecstasy towards pain in this short night.  She traveled from complication to perception. She was chosen to see the real face of life. She was chosen to know the hidden ugly secrets. The truth was revealed to her in one night. Her importance was made clear to her in one night. Her capability was clear. Pain, anxiety,agony, discomfort, misery,convulsion, distress, affliction,hurt…………. what feeling was left for her to go through. She was entering into a new phase of life with a new meaning of it. She couldn’t think. Her thinking capability was  fading because of crying hard for a long time. She realized its been three hours she is crying.

She started walking again in her room. She felt her mind and body convulsed. She sat in a corner of the room , contracting herself. Her eyes were centered onto a virtual point, gazing. She was scared of the future. She was scared what is going to happen. She was afraid, She was frightened to the extent. She found herself dialing the number again. He picked up this time, He spoke. She was burst into tears and she started crying again. She asked Him while crying How he was. He said,I am fine now and I am in a hospital. I will call you when I will reach home I can’t talk right now . Don’t worry.”

These were not words she just heard. She heard the call of peace and happiness. She heard the flowers blossoming . She heard the cool wind whispering. She heard all the loveliest sounds of the world , altogether. She found herself bowing on the ground where she was sitting a second ago. She found herself shedding tears again, but this time the tears were of joy, of happiness and of thankfulness. She kept in that state for several minutes Thanking Her God what He did for Her. She was Thankful , He made her His slave, for the rest of her life.

She asked for a Miracle, And It happened !

After some hours She received a call from him. He told her all about the accident. He told her She was the first one to call him, at the moment he met the accident. He asked her , How did you came to know about this?  She had no answer but tears in her eyes.

He broke a bone near his neck. Had some scratches on the knee and some other body parts but he was safe. The car was destroyed badly. No body was believing he survived after such a bad accident. Doctor advised him to take complete bed rest and some medicines. She was talking to him. She had no words to tell him what she went through in the past hours. She was trying to upraise him, cheer him up. You will be fine soon. He was crying and she was not. She was consoling him . There were tears in her eyes but she wasn’t losing hope. She was feeling extreme love for him right now in her heart . She felt an urge to hug him. He was under the influence of medicines so he slept while talking to her.

She was listening to his breath. She realized how important his running breath was to her. Her heart was filled with tears and they were coming out of her eyes but there was peace. She looked at the sky out of the window. Night was passed , the sun was coming out.

There was silence and calm, like the calm after a big storm passes.

She recalled she was angry with him. Was she ?

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*This story may seem like a fiction to you but it is true. It is my Story. Each and Every word of it is true. I was not comfortable writing it with ‘I’ so I wrote it with ‘she’. I have re-lived the same moments today as I was writing this story, that I lived then. I am feeling so tired after writing it……Replaying my life makes me tired. I hope I have done justice with it 🙂

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The Story Of Cute Family Distractions While Writing A Post……And Awards !!!

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Once upon a time, there were Awards ……        No there were distractions….     No Awards…..

Ok Lets talk about distractions first !

I was nominated for some awards and I wanted to write a post about it. It takes me almost 3 to 4 hours to complete one post and I write 1 post daily. As I am at home now for vacations, It is not easy for me to give that much time to the blog thing as I used to do in hostel. I face a different situation everyday when I spend 4 hours writing a post .

These four hours never go easy on me. Let me tell you the story of today, when I am writing this post right now. I always think about what I will write next in the night. So I opened my laptop today and started writing.

Omg ! This girl is always sitting beside her computer all day long and Look how her fingers keep dancing like that ! Stop this tuk tuk tuk and come out of your room

Yes you have guessed right, This is my mom !

I tried to explain to her, Mama I am writing something important, I will come out after a while. She left grunting in the same style she always do !

I started writing again.

A frog just jumped into your room !!!!!!

A loud scream came out of my mouth and I carried my legs off the ground and put them on the bed , but I didn’t stop writing !!

This was my younger brother, He is 14. He was in search of that Mr. froggi who was devoted in disturbing me while writing.

My brother was wandering in my room feeling himself like a superman or some kind of frog detective with a stick in his hand in search of that Mr.froggi. He kept searching for it for about 10 mins and was sharing some precious pieces of knowledge about frogs with me all along.

It produces a chemical from his mouth and if it falls on a person, He may die !!

Mr. Froggi

Mr. Froggi

I gave him a look, Really ?  *Sigh*

He ignored my look and continued his search in every corner of my room. After a long search program, Mr.froggi showed his face from the back side of dust bin !

I couldn’t write in this situation so I was looking at him with my complete attention. He put it in the same dustbin after a struggle of 5 mins and said,

Why are you looking at me like this ? Do your work !!

And I ……. Yeah with Big *Sighs* started writing again.

When I was about to complete the post, only one paragraph was left behind , something like this happened :

Please give me the snacks you bought yesterday I am hungry !

I looked up again, It was my middle one brother, He is 16. He was looking at me with a begging look on his face !

Okaay take them and run away of my room and don’t let anyone come here pleaseeeeeee !!

He looked at me as if I am telling some kind of joke, and ran away with all the bags of chips.

And this is how I , at last , completed my post !!

So Moving Towards the Awards Now 😛

I was nominated for two blog Awards by arfamasihuddin and I thank her with all my heart for these Awards ! I Love them and I am truly honored to receive them. I don’t want to make a formal speech as I am getting short of words to thank from my limited vocabulary…..but Look Arfa ! Through how many hard stages I have gone through for accepting the awards 😛 You may be aware of the importance of these Awards to me by now !!

You can read the best article about all the rules for the Awards here:

http://arfamasihuddin.wordpress.com/2013/07/18/two-more-awards-im-honoured/

The main Rule is to display the pictures of Awards on Your Blog and nominate 10 NEW members for these Awards to pass on So here it goes !

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I am the part of The WordPress Family Award

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Best Moment Award

10 Nominations for the Awards: (This time I am nominating new people who write very good but I don’t have very good interaction with them )

1- emphadiate

2-Aaks-e-Takkhayul

3-Nadia

4-sameernahar

5-bpreethi

6-Maryam

7-jalal michael …

8-Sam.h

9-celestepoesie

10-Nafees

Congrats a Lot !!

Signing Off towards my Family 😉

Love xx

The Monster Inside Us !

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Yes I am thinking that way now ? How negative …. Right ?

Let me tell you the story behind these thoughts.

The Monster in my story hacked my email account and Facebook about 8 months ago. He stole all  my pictures and started black mailing me. He asked me the phone number or any contact of one of my college friends but I didn’t give it to him. He had nothing to do with me, nothing at all. Even he didn’t know me well and I had no idea who he was. I have never seen him. He used to scare me saying he will do bad to my pictures and he sent some of them to me, photo shopped !  And he was enjoying all this. He was having fun by scaring me. I was scared to hell ! I am the kind of girl who never puts her picture as a display picture in her own Facebook. And it was hard to bear all this torch-er he was causing me. And after some time he disappeared.

Recently He attacked again on my emails and Facebook but he was failed due to my security measures. He was able to get into one email account and I deleted it. He was out raged and tried to black mail me with the same pictures again. But thanks to a friend, who didn’t let it happen. I have passed some bad days in fear. All I saw was fear everywhere. It was hard but As they say every cloud has a silver lining !

The point I was thinking about is, He may be a Monster for me. He may be bad for me. But He would be a good loving son to his mother, A caring brother to his siblings and an obedient son to his father ! His family would have never seen the Monster inside him. He can be a Monster for the whole world, but when it comes to his family, he is a good guy like others. Why ?

Because there is a monster inside each one of us ! We behave bad sometimes to some people and we are the best for some other people. Sometimes, time matters and at other times , people matters but we are all the same ! The Monster inside us forces us to do things he want. And we are all scared of revealing this monster to the people we love. We try to hide this monster from the people we care about. The thought that what would happen to us, if our loved ones come to know what are we from inside, scares us to death !

I am reminding a true story right now in my mind. There was a man living with his family near our house. He was caring and loving to his family like everyone. And then I heard the news. One day he entered his home with an axe in his hand. He first cut the legs and necks of his own daughters. Then cut his son and wife too with the same axe. Police caught him and when they asked him the reason behind what he did. He said, It wasn’t me. Something forced me to do this and it prevailed my mind so badly that I lost my thinking power. And I did that. He was crying hard with pain. Pain that his Monster caused to him and The thought that the thing he did, can never be re-winded !

The Monster I just talked about,was a big one ! We all have small monsters hidden inside us. Some Monsters become happy when they see the others in pain. Some monsters become happy when they can irritate the people under them Some monsters are of the kind that they enjoy seeing the misery of other people. Some Monsters become happy when they see people less successful then they are . Some Monsters are happy when they see other people failing in things they are passed. The ways are different, But almost all monsters want the same. They are bad, and watching bad things happening to people around them makes them happy.

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Ego is the best friend of these Monsters and Mutiny is the best mate. They grow bigger taking the shoulders of Ego. That is why I have heard Senior people saying that There is no ego and self respect in Love. If you Love someone with all your heart , whether it is the human love or the real Love, You have to sacrifice your Ego. And Love is a feeling where no Monster can exist.

You may be disagreeing with my point. We see a lot of people around us who are good to everyone. We can’t even think there can be any bad thing inside them . We respect them with all our heart.  The thing is, they are successful in suppressing the monster inside them. The more the one is successful in suppressing it, the more he succeeds in becoming a good person.

Take some time from your busy life and think ! Think what were the places where your monster took the charge and He let you do bad things. Things you regret and You want to go back and erase them . The things you think you would never do if you have a chance now. There are many things in my life too. Now try to understand the nature of your monster. How he behaves at some points when He want you to do evils. There may be some specific areas you need to work on. If you have figured them out, Try to think about them in your mind, that you won’t let your monster took over it again. You are strong enough to fight against your monster. Once this thought is settled in your mind, The Monster will be grounded forever !

We fight daily with our monster. He says us to do a thing and then our conscious and heart says no it is wrong and we leave it. If we see it in the light of religion, Then it is our ‘Nafs’ Who is the Monster. You all are aware of it. It is said repeatedly by Allah to suppress our ‘Nafs’. People who are successful in suppressing it, are the good ones in eyes of Allah. But we are so trapped in the puzzle of our ‘Nafs’ that we are forgetting the good inside us. We grow our ‘Nafs’ daily by letting him eat our good. He do what he wants, all day long.  “Nafs’ would be the biggest reason for our sufferings. It may let us enjoy here, But we will be caught in its trap hereafter !

I see a lot of mass killings happening all around the world. A lot of innocent children are murdered in front of their mothers. Many girls are raped in-front of their fathers. People go for their work and they are shot by unknown people. Robberies, thefts and Kidnapping are on their peak. No one feels safe now. The people who are so called ‘rulers’ of us, are doing nothing but eating pop-corns and watching these things like we watch a movie. Why is that so ? Are these the Monsters who are trying to undertake the whole world ? Is the power of good so less that it can’t control the power of evil ? I don’t think so.

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Well that is a joke ! It may be the matter of time. All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. At this time it may look like the evil is going to succeed but at the last , good always wins ! I hope that truth is stronger in the end than any evil or misfortune in the world.I am waiting for that time. I have hope in me, I know I will see the sun of good rising one day. Sometimes I wonder, is there something like “Karma” in this world ?

Time To Show Off A Bit ;)

Hey !!

No I am not that kind of person as you may be thinking from the title 😉

But this is my right to say, I got another Blog Award ! Yaaaaaaayyyy 😀

I receive awards daily, In the form of your comments and likes. And I feel honored. Really honored ! My readers have given me so much Love that I can’t even handle it 🙂  While replying to a bundle of comments daily, I feel Loved and blessed. I want to tell you that the reason I am writing and I  haven’t stopped writing is you people.

I am loving the blogging experience and I can sit all day on my laptop and stare at the stats page 😀 I Love when readers understand my feelings through my writings. And I love when they express their care and Love to me. I love you guys ….So very much !

So Now About the blog Award, Will BS Brooks nominated me for the Shine On Award from the family of blogger Awards and I am really grateful to him ! I Thank Him with all my heart for giving me this Award !

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Shine On Award

To Officially receive this Award I have to mention who created this award, Write 7 things about me and Nominate 15 people for this award. So Here It goes !!

*Who created this award : willc88

*7 Facts About Me : (-Any resemblance to another person or place is purely coincidental 😉 )

1- I like to eat rice with a fork rather than a spoon 😛

2- I love stuff toys and I have almost 15 dolls at the age of 21 ! Though I don’t play with them now 😀

3- I have three diaries from my childhood which are full with autographs from my friends and teachers. I still read them when I miss my childhood 🙂

4- I love sea sides but I have never been to one 😦

5- I steal coke from my own fridge and when my mom asks who has done it, I start staring at the ceiling with narrow eyelids and wicked smile 😀

6- I love kids and in free times, I use to think about what will I do to my own baby and how would I love him/her 😛

7- Me and my brothers gather here in my room daily to watch ‘Dexter’ Together 😛

I guess these are the most stupid facts one may have described about oneself ever 😀 Pardon me if I sound extreme stupid 😉

* Nominations for This award :

1- SahrishS

2- randomlyabstract

3-Khaula Nazir

4-Moniba

5-Arindam Saha

6-Pieces of 8

7- annedarmawan

8-Kazi Mustakim

9-cabrogal

10-coastalmom

11-Ellespeth

12-Ajaytao2010

13-Eddie

14-Dr_IQ

15-busymindthinking

Thanks again For the honor ! Love xx

Many Problems, One Solution…..The Complete Code Of Life !

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The Code Of Life

I noticed, My eyes were filling with water. It started coming out , Through my cheeks towards the neck. Drop by drop, making a continuous line and I let it flow. I kept reading. The first page was ending . I started the second page. Stopped for a while , sobbed some more , wiped my eyes to make the vision clear and continued again. The third page was starting. I noticed my voice started trembling because of the intense feelings in my heart. I continued till I reached the fourth page. I felt like someone is slowly taking away all the restlessness and pain from my heart. I started feeling ease when I reached the fifth page. I felt peace at once. I remembered, I was in search of peace. There were no more tears and the intense feeling. I stopped reading. Closed it slowly, Kissed it , touched it with my fore head and Placed it at the upper shelf of my cupboard. I was Thankful.

————X————–

I was having a problem. I was feeling pressure and my head was heavy with stress. I can’t sleep because I was thinking about the problem continuously. As I was thinking more, The pressure was increasing. I couldn’t find the solution . I thought and thought , but all in vain. I was tensed. I tried to ask some people about the solution but no one was able to give answer. I picked it up, sat down on my bed and started reading it. As I read, I beg Him in my heart to solve my problem with his blessings because My efforts are not enough. I begged and begged with my true heart, and continued reading . Till I started feeling the heaviness of my head was getting lesser. I was satisfied. I felt the problem fading . I put the book back on its place. After a day, The problem was solved. Tears of joy were filled in my eyes. I was Thankful again.

————-X————–

There was a question in my mind relevant indirectly to Him. I was in search of its answer. I looked and looked , Pondered upon but found nothing. I felt a strong urge to cry , feeling my restlessness. I wanted the answer so bad. It was irritating me, It wasn’t letting me think about anything else. I picked the same book off its place and started reading it with meanings. I read. And suddenly when I was reciting the meanings, I got the answer of that question that was annoying me to an extent. So simply written with the other lines, but it was such a benediction for me, That I, Just I was aware of it. I felt like the writer of book has put the answer in my mind. I felt like a bud just blossomed into a flower in my heart. I felt a like a wave of happiness just tickled my heart. With a smile on my face, I kissed it with gratitude and put it back. I was Thankful once again.

————-X————–

I was in complete depression. There were extreme explosions happening in my head. Many reasons were combined to put me in that position. I wasn’t feeling comfort anywhere. I was trying hard to make my soul relax for a while but this was not happening. I was crying and crying … Hard ! I couldn’t find ease at all. The book was there, right on its place. It was in front of my eyes but I couldn’t read it. I was losing courage and hope. I was angry with its creator, with its writer. I failed myself and Him. This depression had no end, I thought. I got up, ate sleeping pills with water and back to my bed. I was sleeping.

Next day when I got up, I was feeling hatred from my own self. I was feeling guilty. I picked up the book, Opened it and without reading a word, Started talking to its writer. I apologized , I admitted my guilt, I asked for forgiveness. There was gratification all over in my heart. I closed my eyes to feel all the peace. I was Thankful and Contented….AGAIN!

————-X—————

Read!

In the name of thy Lord and Cherish-er,

Who created– Created man, out of a clot of congealed blood:

Proclaim! And thy Lord is Most Bountiful —

He Who taught (the use of) the Pen —

Taught man that which he knew not.

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No Matter Which Phase Of Life are we facing, No matter How big our problem Is. The solution Is In our hands.

It is we, who search other ways to seek refuge, But At last come back to this simple solution.

The Stories Above Are all true. But the urge to Read Quran arises only when we collect Enough Love for the creator.

Whatever we do, Don’t forget Him even for a while. He never leaves us alone.

Search Allah with love in your heart , Not with Fear.

He is very close to us, closer than our breath, closer than our own souls.

He Loves each of us. His Love is more than the Love of 70 Mothers combined !! And We can’t be thankful for our One Mom’s Love even if we keep thanking, all our lives.

 

The doors of Forgiveness are Always open ! We just need to figure out ourselves. We need to recognize our inner-selves.

Happy Ramadan Mubarik To You All !!  I never got a chance to wish it Formally 🙂 May You all get all the blessings, Forgiveness and Nijaat simultaneously with all the ‘Ashraas‘. May you succeed in Getting more close to Him. May you get able to collect his countless blessings. And May This Ramadan increases your Love and faith on Him, More Than Ever.

Please Remember Me In Your Prayers !

Love xx

A Letter That Is Never To Be Posted !

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Dear Mama And Daddy !

First of all I Love you and so very much !

No I am not fine as I always say when you ask me how are you ? I want to tell you some things… Some things That you don’t know and you can’t even imagine of.

Do you know what is my biggest wish of my life ? Let me tell you today.

My biggest wish is that I make you proud one day. You get a lot of happiness or reward because of me, someday. I don’t have any wish regarding myself. I use to fantasize in my free time that I have done something big and every one is admiring you both because of me and you have that shine in your eyes, which comes in every parents eyes when they feel proud of their child. I want to see that shine in your eyes ! I want to make you feel proud ! I have always let you down. I never did anything for you in my whole life , At least this is what you know ! I feel this from the depth of my heart. This is the strongest desire I feel when ever I think of my life.

I am a sensitive and touchy girl. You don’t know this till now. It all started when I was young I don’t exactly remember my age. And mama, you were sitting with all my brothers and you all made fun of me for some thing. I ran away to my room and fell on my bed and cried and cried but no one came to express sympathy with me. I felt so bad. I was young, I didn’t realized what is happening but I felt neglected.

Then It started happening more often. You say words to make fun of me in a funny way but instead they hurt me. I started feeling pain when I was so young but back then, I couldn’t name it. I cried lying on my bed every time this happened but you never consoled me . A wish started sprouting in my heart that you come to console me, wipe away my tears and upraise me but you never did. You never felt what I use to go through.

I was a good student at first and you somehow felt proud of me till 9th grade. Then a disaster happened to me and I failed your expectations. I failed you badly in 10th grade and in my college. You never bothered to ask me what happened to you ? You used to be a brilliant student what is the matter with you ? You used to be so happy why don’t you seem happy now? Did something happen ? No. Instead , on knowing about the matter you behaved so rudely I can’t even think of that time now. It makes me cry ! That was the most ugliest time of my life and there was no one to tell me what is right and what is wrong. There was no one to listen, and when I found someone who listened to me I followed the wrong path even without seeing that face ever in my life. It was just a voice to me, But you behaved like I have done something so bad. I needed you at that time but you beat me hard with your words. I felt alone. I started receding away from you.

Dear mama,

Do you know what I use to think when I miss you ? That I am lying with my head in you lap and you are running your fingers across my hair. And talking to me. I felt so loved in my dreams thinking of that. I am your only daughter but you never did it. I don’t have courage to tell you that. I wish that I lie with my head in your lap one day and you kiss on my forehead . And you tell me how much you love me and you are here no matter what happens. Tell everything to me like your friend. I am your friend. But I don’t see that happening ever.

Dear daddy,

I use to think of you too in the same way. I wish someday you hug me and kiss my forehead. You express your indulgence . You pass your hand through my head with love some day and say I love you.  You are my sweetest daughter and I am proud of you.

I felt so happy when you sometimes put your hand on my head and when mama said You are my lovely daughter I felt blessed. I felt honored at that time !

Tears are running out from my eyes through my cheeks towards my neck as I am writing this. I am running out of words. I am not bothering to use fancy words and phrases while I write this. These words are flowing out of my fingers without following any rules.

I want to tell you that there was no one I can celebrate my success with when I got a position in my class here in university. There was no one whom I can tell that my teachers admire me and they are happy from me. No one to tell that I got highest marks in my favorite subjects. No one to tell that I got such a good GPA. No one to tell that I made a web site alone and my teacher admired me so much that he said he will buy a domain himself and will make it online. No one to tell that there are three people in my class who have some real skills of web and I am one of them . No one to tell that there are three students in my final year project group but they look at me when they need help and I alone is making that project without any help and my teacher is satisfied with me. Every time I got something, some admiration directly or indirectly no face comes into my mind to whom I can share my happiness. I felt more alone and the happiness faded at once. Sadness prevailed it .

I want to tell you that I took the biggest decision of my life because of you. I gave importance to your choice rather than mine for passing my rest of life with someone. I had a chance, but I never told you people because I thought you will think bad of me , you will get hurt ! I left the person I loved with all my heart, The Person who led me towards Allah’s love. I said yes to the person you selected for me . Why ? Because daddy, you let me lay down on your arm and told me that you liked that boy so much and you want me to accept him. And I did…. For you daddy ! I never thought what would happen to me, I never thought how would I survive with a person I don’t have any feelings , with an empty heart. I still don’t tell you that I pass through so much pain while talking to him and thinking of him. But I do this for you  And you will never know.

I loved you when I was here at home but I valued your worth when I started living in hostel. I missed you so much and all my views about you changed. At first I use to think that you don’t give me what I needed. Now I think that you did your best. You chose a life for me that is the best according to you. You tried to do everything perfect for me. It is just that you never tried to feel what I feel. Do you know why I use to keep laughing when I come home? You think because I am happy and satisfied. But I want to tell you I do this to hide my sadness, my tears. And you will never ever know that.

I don’t want to reveal My inner self to you. That will make you hurt. It will be difficult for you to think your daughter is going through so much pain. You think I am happy about the future you chose for me, I want you to think that for the rest of your life. I feel satisfied when I see you happy. I never want to tell you that How painful is the very thought of my future for me. I want to respect what you think. I will never break your trust on me. Some times when I came out of the washroom after crying for hours and there was a smile on my face you never recognized I have cried. You never read my eyes you never saw my tears. I felt hurt sometimes that you cant see my sadness but It is good I guess.

I want to tell you how alone I am. I want to tell you that I cry every time I am alone and I think of telling that to someone and sometimes your face come to my mind but I always think this will make you worried about me and I cancel the thought of telling you. I want to tell you that I have faced so many big problems in my life and I solved them with out even letting you know. You think my life is so easy and comfortable  I want you to think the same always. I want to see you happy. I use to pray for you after making every prayer. I don’t have any wish for myself. I pray for you and my brothers. You are my life you people are my soul !

Sometimes I wish I could tell you all that. At some point in life, when you hurt me with your words saying  ” You don’t feel what we go through for you people ” Or you don’t feel our worries or things like that. I feel an urge to tell you all this. But then I stop. Think of me like you always do…At least that will make you happy. I want your happiness and I am ready to pay the price for it.

You have done so much for us. I want to tell you that I feel your worries. I feel your pain… my heart melts when I see you in some kind of pain and I cry when I am alone and ask help for you from Allah. You know all my wishes revolve around you. I want my dad to get close to Allah. I know He love Allah so much but I want him to start following the right path. I want my brothers to follow the right path and get all the success and happiness in life. I want my mother to get all her wishes come true and all her worries fade out.

I love you mama and daddy. I want to see you happy. I never want you to see the face behind my mask. I want you to think it is the real me.

I will never tell all this to you. Never ever.

I love you !

And I know Some things are better unsaid !!

Your One And Only Daughter !

An Interview Of Self Awareness With My Own Self !

247453_572584826108637_1821527186_nIn a dark room covered with a sheet of sheer silence and stillness, I lie on my bed gazing at the fan on the ceiling. The hammering of my own heart is filling my ears. A thousand thoughts are exploding in my mind like shards of broken glass that are shattering the stillness. My eyes are narrowing to thin slits, full of derision. Every thing seems still outside, but there are extreme explosions happening inside.

Suddenly I felt, there is someone sitting right beside me. A girl like me. Her face was like a barren land on which it hasn’t been raining since long. Or like small rigid stones attached together to make a face. Her hair were Rusty, and out dazzled. Her eyes were bulging out , of dark red color. She was altogether scary, like a witch from a fairy tale.

An icy chill ran up my spine and my blood felt cold to me. Stunned, I felt an urge to scream loud. But I can’t, I was in shock. Th shock induced a faint trembling and I drew a long breath to overcome my fear. I bent my neck slowly towards her face and Asked her “Who are you and Why are you here ? ”

She, after a while, Pulled her face upward and struck her hair behind her ears with her fingers. Blood was coming out of her eyes and there was  something in her eyes that made me scared, Not because of fear, but because of the Misery I  saw in her eyes. She spoke slowly, “Look at my face, into my eyes. Don’t you see Who am I ?”

I slide some closer towards her . As I took a closer look , I was astounded to see her face was my face. Her eyes were my eyes and her hair were my hair. She was me ! How is that possible ? I am sitting right beside my own self ? But I wasn’t in a dream .It was all real. I , the other I, was real too ! I felt cold. I couldn’t feel my hands and feet, and when I opened my mouth to speak no words came, in fact I was not able to make any sound at all.

At last after a while of fight with my own self, I decided to have a conversation with my self. I tried to ask her some questions. Questions which were  always unanswered and I was in eternal search of their answers. I opened my mouth, and an unfamiliar sound came out this time. My voice shattered the silence as I spoke. I started questioning her, Myself, My Reflection.

I: Who Am I ? What is my importance in this world ?

My Reflection: Sometimes in life, we reach a point where every relationship ends.  Only we are left alone with Allah there. Mother, father, brother, sister friend, no one is there. Then we come to know there is no land underneath  our feet and no sky above our head. There is only Allah who is still holding us  in air. Then we come to know we are not worth than a grain in a pile of mud  or a small leaf on a big tree. Then we come to know it makes no difference  to anyone whether we are here or not. The one who get affected, is our self. There is no change in the whole universe, nothing changes . This is me, This is my worth !

I:Why do people think bad of me ?

My reflection: I am a scandalized and stigmatized girl in eyes of everyone. Because People often don’t accept you when you choose the right path. You have to give exam at every point of your life and this is one of the exams.

I:Why can’t I forget the one who is not mine ?

My reflection: I have no control on my heart nor on my tears. It was Allah who gave him  a place in my heart. He put so much love for a human in my heart that  I always pray for him In front of Allah. He made me so miserable.
I am a human and I am made with all the weaknesses which are a characteristic of humans. That human love is standing in my every path. He is not allowing me to go anywhere. I wish Allah make his love vanish from my heart in a way that I
can’t even think of him for the rest of my life or He make my love mine.  I will cry for his love all my life if I don’t get him. I want to make my  tears pure for  Allah. I want to love Allah with all my heart. Make my tears pure. Ease my pain. I wish and I beg !

I: Why didn’t Allah gave me my Love?

My Reflection: If there is no integrity and sincerity in love, You can’t get it. I loved him with all the truth and sincerity. But integrity of one side wasn’t enough to achieve The ultimate truth, Love. May be Allah has to give you His love in exchange of your human Love !

I: What is next to ecstasy ?

My Reflection:”Pain”

I: What is next to pain ?

My Reflection: “Nothingness”

I: What is next to nothingness?

My Reflection: “Hell”

I: What is next to hell?

My Reflection: You are not scared ?

I: Of what?

My Reflection: Of hell? There is nothing next to it. Everything is left  behind .You have faced a time when you understood everything. you have stopped laughing now. you are scared, of death and of hell. You don’t realize  it yet. You are hanging in between pain and nothingness. Try to move back on this path. You don’t want hell, you shouldn’t ! The face behind your fake mask is me. You have chosen the right path, now stick to it. You have all the answers of your questions, You just don’t have the courage to face and fight with the reality. Avoiding despair and hoping  key to success.

Then she brought out a shining pearl out of  her pocket, She called it hope.  She put that pearl slightly in my hand and folded my hand with her fingers. She came close to me, Closer enough and got absorbed in my body . There was silence all over again and My fast breath was trying to shatter it. I found myself covered with heavy sweat and My eyes were wide open. I saw a mask right where she was sitting some time ago. I picked it up and put it on my face.

I was sleeping, again like always. Sleep….That make me forget myself for some time.

I went through the process of self-awareness  and I had a small pearl in my hand. A pearl that seems to be  the solution of every problem ! At least to me !

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

― C.G. Jung

Note: The answers by ‘My reflection’ were inspired by the famous novel “Peer-e-kamil (PBUH)” By Umera Ahmed. I love this novel and I love it more every time I read it.

….And Then “Like” Happened !

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Instructions: Before reading the post Press “Like” button You see at the Top Of this page or at the end of this post.  Thanks !!

You all are Facebook geeks I know that. I am not here to discuss the co’s and pron’s of Facebook addiction or something. After all ‘Sir The Teenage Hero The Great Mark Jee’ did a splendid  job inventing Facebook and creating an”‘extra” activity for the lazy people. They use to do “Nothing” before and that itself is a hard task. Now they have to check there Facebook every now and then . They have to do “Something” now !

You all must be familiar with the “Like” button in Facebook. Whether we read the status or know its meaning or not, we are in a habit of liking it. If there is a status like “Its My Birthday” We “Like” it instead of wishing that soul a Happy Birthday. I sometimes see sad statuses like “My Mother died, My whole world has torn apart” And there are 26 likes on that status and 7 comments ! I mean what on earth is the point of liking here ? There is a status “Had a hell day today!”  and there are 30 likes on it !!! When you see a long status at someone’s wall, full of wisdom and knowledge (according to the one who posted it ) And you see 39 likes on it. Guess it yourself, one out of these 39 may have read the whole status ! They like it with closed eyes without even trying to read it. Is this laziness or something else ?

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I guess it is not laziness. It is that we are so use to pressing the “Like” button now. There are special pages on Facebook which are active day and night and they post pictures and stuff just to collect likes. They compare some famous thing to a very insane thing and say the people to press “like” if they like the famous one and comment if they like the insane one ! Even sometimes the insane one is Justin Beiber !!! , What a shame ….! (For the famous person 😛 ) Hehehe

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Sometimes there is a picture where a Big Water melon faced uncle is beating a little weak boy and the caption says “1 like = 1 slap ” ! See, like this “Like” button has a fist attached at its other end and on pressing it, The big Uncle’s face gets punched !

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Sometimes even people don’t stay back to use innocent ill or some kind of special children’s pictures to get likes. They sometimes use God’s name and say If you don’t “like”, you don’t Love God ! LOL As if they are the angels watching ! ! Sometimes this technique is used to judge Our Mother’s Love ! This is ridiculously insane !

Mom

And there are even more than 10,000 likes on these kind of statuses. I mean what the H** ??? Are these 10,000 people so lame enough to like these kind of stupid posts ? or they don’t even realize what they are doing ? I don’t have any idea. I hate these kind of posts and I never give a F*udge about them . Most of the people say the same. I am still trying to figure out what are those creatures who “Like” These posts. May be aliens from Moon ? Yeah Maybe.

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Despite all this, I still Love the “Like” button. I wish there is a “Like” button in real. Whenever we like something about anyone, we press “Like” and let them know we liked what they said or did. There should be a “Like” button for the things we want to do in our life. A “Like” button for the friends we like the most , out of all . There should be a prize for everyone at the end of the week for who got the most Likes ! This is my ridiculous Imagination but revolution in technology has no limits !

In the past people use to write letters to their loved ones with their own hands. Then that person use to send a letter back with the replies. There letters were filled with love and passion. They knew the thrill of waiting for the answer of their loved one. But then Facebook happened!! …. Now a boy friend writes “I Love You” on the wall of his girl friend and she “Like” it ! The end. Things have become simple but the pure feelings are fading slowly. Birthday wishes are written on walls instead of wishing through cards and gifts and in return instead of thanks cards, “Like” is used. This all seems so robotic to me . Empty lifeless wishes ! Only words without any meanings.

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And now word press has the same “Like” button .  Many of us writers use to like posts in our reader list without even having a look at them ! I too sometimes do the same when I am busy. Guess what is the first thing I do when I get up in the morning ? I check my stats page 😀 and answer the comments and check the Likes ! And then open my reader and “Like” “Like” “Like” the posts, read very few and “Like” most of them 😀 Don’t take me wrong I do it only when I have to do something or in busy times ! Otherwise I love reading 😛 I know I sound weird now :-/

Anyway the point is, there should be a meaning of everything we do, like “Like”. Now that I know you can’t unlike my post , Repeat this with me , “I will press “Like” only when I will truly like something ! “

Cheers !  Keep “Liking” and keep reading 🙂 Have a lovely day full of “Likes”.

Happy “Like” ing !!  xx

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A Bad Dream Of Reality

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Strolling in a garden

Full of flowers and green grass

Shining sun and flying butterflies

Humming birds with sparkling eyes

I was spreading my arms

Closing my eyes and starting to dance

And Then

I felt myself suffocating

Eyes started to bleed

The sun with shining rays

Was fading with all its heat

The flowers started turning black

The birds were dying

Losing their feat

The colors turned to black and white

And Transition was complete…..!

I shivered and shivered sitting on my knees

Till someone whispered slowly

This is not the world transforming

You have seen the reflection of inner self

Vague Spot where imagination and absoluteness meets…..

In The Loving Memory Of My Grand Ma

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I am roaming right now way back in my past. About 9 years ago. When I was a little girl and I remember my whole family used to visit my uncle’s house where my Grand Ma lived. We use to be so excited the day we had to go there. My mom used to dress us up nice. And as we entered the house, My aunt and uncle came to the door to welcome us and we ran towards the bed of my Grand ma. She was always waiting for us already. She used to kiss me and my brothers on the forehead. And then used to take out some money from her pocket, very new shinning currency and give it to us. We felt so happy to have it. I sit around my grand ma on her bed all day till we went back.

And I remember once she came at our house to stay for some days. I use to sing some religious words to her and she listened carefully and corrected me where I was wrong. She tried to learn those words from me. And when she went back at uncle’s, I use to say to my mom that I can still hear my Grand ma’ s voice in our house and my mom use to smile at me. I slept with her and she told me stories. I still know the stories by heart. There were two stories one about a girl and one about a couple . She used to tell these stories again and again to me until I sleep.

Then I remember going to her house almost 7 years ago. I was in 9th class and somehow mature than before. I use to sit with her and she asked about things . about my studies, about my fathers relatives. I asked her about her past and she told me she was a kid when they people traveled to our country and settled here at the time of independence. My mom use to tell me she has passed a very hard life but she was so strong. My Grand pa died when my mom was young. And my Grand Ma did everything for her children that she could.

And there was that day when we got a phone call that she is sick and we should gather at my uncle’s. I was sent to school and all my family went there. When they reached she was taking her last breaths. After a minute or two she died. I didn’t even get to see her last time alive. I was at my relatives when my mom called me from there and told me about her death. I was not sensible enough at that time but I loved her so much. I started crying . My dad came and took me to that place where she was lying. I still can see her face in front of my eyes. It was peaceful and quiet. Every one was crying there. My mom was crying so hard and it was hard for me to see her and my Grand ma too at the same time like this. I sat down near her death bed. I touched her face with my finger. I found myself crying loud ….so loud. I cried and cried and I heard some women saying something would happen to her stop her from crying but I never cared or listened. There were tears and pain everywhere. And then they took her away.

I missed her so much. I don’t really remember what happened after we came back home but I remember I use to recite some verses for her and use to pray for her everyday. I don’t really have many childhood memories but the memories with my grand ma are quiet clear.

Sometimes we realize the importance of people when they are gone. Sometimes we lose important people before they can be more important to us in future. I lost my Grand ma so early. There is a place in my heart that has a special respect and love for my grand ma. I always wish to have someone like my Grand ma , so loving and sweet and to with I can take advice and discuss my matters. I always like old people and she was my grand ma. I loved her the most. Good people go back from this world early. She was a lovely person. She was beautiful.Words are not sufficient to describe how valuable she was.

We can’t change fate. We have no control on what is already written. We can just sit around and see what life gives us and what it takes away from us. It took away my grand ma when I needed her the most. Death is the last chapter in time, but the first chapter in eternity.Reality sucks sometimes but there is no other way but to accept it. I can’t forget her love, care and indulgence. I love you Grand Ma and I pray for you here on earth. I hope you are happy and satisfied there.

I love you and I miss you so much and will miss you through the rest of my life…….!

My Emptiness

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Scared of people I hide

At a place aside

With eyes shedding tears

I looked at my hands

And realized

They both were empty

Like I am inside…!

Feeling emptiness everywhere

Convinced my heart, At least I tried !

 

Life Is About Making People Happy

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Once some one asked an old man , ” You are so old now, your hair have turned white, but I see you happier than other people. You don’t seem to be unhappy with your life like others. Is it fake ? ”

He replied , ” I have to pass my life, whether laughing or crying. Life would pass if I cry and it would pass if I laugh. If we have to pass our life with our consent then why pass it crying ? ”

It made me think he was right. Life seems complicated to us because we can’t see its inner beauty.

Life is like a walk to the beach Some people go there to search for shells and in the morning .  Right after sun rises they find pearls scattered all over the sand. Some people go there in search of pearls , they sometimes dive deep into the water but they find every shell empty. Life and sea both are too suspenseful. They are not under man’s wishes.

Life is something very strange. It gives things and takes things. It gives rain to the sea but takes water from it to make clouds.  It takes a lot of effort from farmers and gives them crops. It gives water and minerals to a stem and takes flower out of it. It takes a lot of love from the parents for their children and gives parents the wish to see their children according to what parents dream.

Life is full of colors, like a beautiful newly blossomed flower. With all the colors and shine, It pleases the eyes only if eyes want to be pleased. Life is easy for the people who search for happiness in every moment of it. And difficult for people like me, who want to remain in their misery . Who are not willing to get over their pain and step forward to enjoy life. They sit in front of the same closed door , knock and knock again in the hope that it will open some day. They don’t see the door that was opened when the first one was closed. They are blind folded. They get their part of happiness from life after covering a long long journey.

I once read, “Do what you have to do. Don’t do what you wish for or is your desire. You will feel difficulty in doing it at first. But then “what you have to do” will become what you wish to do. This is the source of happiness and peace ”

When a person decides to start the journey of life, he always chooses the easiest path. He never plans to go higher so that he may be scared to come back down. He just starts his journey. The one who don’t fights with life, gets his destination very easily.

Life is easy if we don’t poke into others matters and if we engage our minds in thinking about ourselves and not other people. If we don’t point out other people’s bad habits and attitudes and just concentrate in making our habits and attitudes good. If we don’t talk about people in their backs. If we don’t gossip about what other people are doing and saying. Life is about pleasing people . Once the people are happy with you , you will be happy automatically. Although making people is very difficult but we can at least try.That is why keeping silent is said to be the best way to avoid problems in your life. Make you inner self good, your outer self will become good automatically.

Life is beautiful if we know howto extract its beautiful-ness out of it ! Do small pretty things for the people around you. Prepare some recipe  for your mom. Text a friend and tell them how they mean to you so much. Buy a card , write some sweet things on it and put it in your fathers room. Buy a small everyday use gift for your brothers. Give the dress or something from your make up to your sister which she likes the most and hug her. Kiss your daughter and tell her You Love her. Do sweet things to people like listening to their problems and suggest possible solutions to them. Care for them, when they are sick and they need you. Take some time out from your life may be at weekends and help a poor child study. While going shopping, give some money to the poor children . Try to make people around you happy. Stop caring about yourself only !

Thinking bad about people, making Conspiracies about them, Making them feel bad with your words and realizing them their mistakes,  causing troubles for them indirectly and doing things which helps you but cause problems to people make life ugly . Every one has problems in one’s life. But no one faces problems more than he can carry . Overcoming the pain and extracting happiness out of life is the real task !

True Happiness :)

True Happiness 🙂

Be happy and make people around you happy. This is message of the day.

I strongly condemn the killings of Innocent people and children in any part of the whole world !!

“I Love you mama ! ”

“Oh I Love you too my son ! ”

“Now go to school, I will make something special for you to eat today ! Have you taken your lunch box with you ? ”

“Yes Mom ! ”

She kissed her forehead and he ran away towards his school.

She was busy all day in doing things for him. She waited and waited but he never got back home.

“It is being so late, what happened ? Why is he not back yet ? ” She questioned herself.

Suddenly the door bell rang. She hasted towards the door and opened it hoping to see the face of her son. But there was a man standing there.

” There was a drone attack at the elementary school where your son studies. Go search for him.” He said

He was mentioning some other details but she was not listening. Her vision got blur and she was shocked for a moment. It felt like someone has pushed a knife through her heart. She screamed at once, started running towards the school. Without covering her head and her feet she was running. She felt that way is never going to end.

Here she was, at the place where there use to be a school. A school where her son use to study everyday. Dashed to the ground , destroyed, destructed . Looked like there never happens to be any building before. She was screaming , she was running here and there to find her son, she was asking for help .

Then at last she saw her beloved, apple of her eyes, Her son. Laying down on a pile of mud and cement, wounded, covered in blood. She felt her soul leaving her body slowly. She came near him, scared, terrified, shocked, frightened, abashed, anxious, rattled, no words can describe her state.

He was dead already. Many innocent angels were killed in this Drone Attack in Afghanistan. (more…)

Late Night Thoughts !

Dark Beautiful Night

Dark Beautiful Night

Standing along the hall way on the second floor in front of my room. It is dark out there.  With the cool breeze passing by me, I look  towards the sky. How can it be so calm and silent ? I question  myself and suddenly burst into tears ! With my lips folded , I am trying to hold back my tears but I can’t. I sat down along the pillar. With tears falling all over my cheeks I started thinking why am I crying. A lot of questions came into my mind and more tears came out. I can hear the echo of questions more clearly now.

I once showed my hand to a girl who knew watching hands with a promise not to tell about my future but just present. She said your mind thinks in so various dimensions at a time. Also you are very sensitive. I feel both things true right now. There are many things going on in my mind. I don’t even decide about which to think of in detail. I just want to know the answers. Why am I not so calm and quiet like this sky, like this night. I am the same dark from inside like this night is and I hide many secrets inside me like this night does.Then why can’t I find peace like this night has in it ?

I just wipe of my tears brutally with my hands and started thinking over again. What am I ? Who am I ? What am I supposed to be ? What should I do ? I am running out of answers. Why do my heart always pinches me inside whenever I see or read something I wished in the past ? Is that wish still inside my heart making me helpless and weak ? I don’t know.

How would I live with the things I never wished about but know they would be a part of my life soon ? Am I that brave ? I guess not. There is fear, there is pain and there is misery. Yes I am scared of my future. I am scared of revelation of my inner self to people who care about me. My mask of happiness is bruised now. It is breaking and I can’t help it.

Is hope an answer to that ? Have I lost hope or Still have it somewhere hidden in my heart ? I can’t think of it. I don’t know it. I am closing my eyes I can’t see my self destroying. It hurts !! It hurts a lot! I wonder why everything seems so deep at night like I feel myself ?

I see people around me with laughter and smiles , playing around with their life and having fun. Then why do I always feel the need to cry ? I want to cry hard right now, I want to scream . I want to take out all the tears and worries and pain inside me all at once. I need a shoulder to cry on. I need someone to console me. to listen to me whatever meaningless things I say. To be with me whatever I say not to leave me alone. And I have no one. I forgot I was like this night, It is alone too.  It can see my real face , it looks right into my eyes and never judges me.

What was the reason I was sent to this earth? What was the reason I was given those great parents and loving family? What was the reason I got all the people in my life I have now ? What was the reason I got the Love Of God by means of Love of human ? Why am I still hanging in between the God’s Love and Human’s love at a time ? No Answers….. My heart is shedding tears silently and my mind is not responding. Probably it has no answers left. No words to say anything that will calm me down.

I wonder why is my vision getting so blur. Why ca’t I see things clearly ? I want to see the depth of this  beautiful night. Everything become so intense and true at night. I want to ask a few things to it. May be it answers ! Resist, Resist and resist ! That is what I do all the time. I resist to express my feelings. I resist to open up. I resist to get things I like. I resist to do things I want. This resistance was an answer to my worries by my True Love. He said if you resist here in this world, you will get everything in the next one and the next one is far more long and good then this one. I am acting upon it ! It seems hard sometimes but I try my best. He said don’t do things which I don’t like and I try not to do them He said you will succeed if you do what I tell you in my book. I try to follow everything. He says you will find peace if you will come to me five times a day. I do it, but I don’t find peace. I want to know the answer, why ? Why am I still empty handed ?

I know these questions would keep biting me inside until I would be eaten and destroyed completely. I hope My True Love give me answers to these. I want to be with Him. I want to get Him. I love when He talks to me and show me signs. Hope is a single way for me now. Hope brings happiness and hope is the answer, ambiguous but that’s all I have. As Einstein says,   “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”

I just saw clouds floating on the sky. They look beautiful. Darkness is getting lighter slowly. I stood up , walk with tired steps towards my bed. Here I sleep , again with headache spreading all over my head and tears making my pillow wet. Another night passed, Hoping for a bright morning to come!

Hope For A Beautiful Morning

Hope For A Bright Morning

Good Memories Of My Hostel Life

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My university

My hostel life is about to end now ! Just three months left behind out of long four years. I have gone through thick and thin during this life. Faced hard times with good times too.

I remember the first day when I was here with my mom and dad to take a tour of hostel. And some of the girl living there took me to her room and showed me the hostel. I was so scared back then, I came to my mom and dad and started crying ! I don’t know what was making me cry. Hostel or going away from my parents but I cried in front of a teacher and my parents that day. And my parents kept consoling me !

Then the first day , when I entered my room with my stuff. My room mate showed me the wardrobe and other things. And I was so scared inside that day. Seniors came , tried to make me laugh and speak but I smiled. I faked a smile the whole day and I was up all night. I can’t sleep.

Then time started passing. I hated my university and hostel at the first place but then they started becoming a part of my life, a part of me ! I laughed and cried here. It was big four years ! The place where I grew up, where I got mature and where I learned what life is about actually ….

I should say I had the most memorable time of my Life here. Today Sitting in a quiet room I want to recall all the Good things I did here. How I enjoyed with my friends and How I had so much fun. I should remember that I should stop complaining to myself about my life.

I remember in first year, When our hostel warden didn’t issued us passes to go out. and we all were so desperate to go out and have dinner. I faked the signatures of warden lol without practicing and no one recognized that ! I don’t know why we were not scared of doing this back then

And when we went out to eat ice cream from MC Donalds at 10 o clock at night and we were so afraid while coming back in the rickshaw and the rickshaw driver change the route to our university . We felt like he is kidnapping us but he was a good person .

Can’t forget how we use to eat together. Every time at lunch and dinner we four friends gather in the mess to eat. How we use to talk so much and Laugh so much. We sit for hours talking and talking and never stop. How we use to stay up all night just to have gossips.

Recently we had a water fight while it was raining . We were standing at terris enjoying rain and we started splashing filthy water towards each other. It was great fun !

How we use to get up early in the morning and went out to have breakfast. I never had breakfast somewhere out when I was at home. And the jokes we use to make at each other while eating naan chanaas and halva puri.

Can’t remember my last birthday When my friends planned a small surprise party for me and I was so happy to see all that and when one of my friends rubbed the cake all over my face to wish me 🙂 It was the best birthday ever !

How we use to go out to some restaurant for having dinner and after looking at the menu when we feel prices are high we slipped out of there saying ” We don’t like your interior” or “We are coming back we just forgot something”

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I can’t even remember many things at the moment . But I must say, I am going to miss my hostel life hard !

It is all about cherishing the moments you have. Live the moments you get to their full potential. So that their is no regret left behind. And I must say there should be some memories in the form of pictures or a daily diary to mention all the happenings. It is fun when you sit alone far away from this place and remind yourself of all the things. It gives you comfort and happiness !

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Cherishing the moments

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My University

The Versatile Blogger Award

The great Moniba Nominated me today for this award ! So good to see this many awards in such a short time. Really feeling amazed and honored !

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The Rules are to Write 7 things about myself and then give the award to 15 other persons I guess. But I am new here so I would give it to the people I got till now as my family here.

Seven Things About Me:

1- I am a going to be Computer scientist in three months and I am a web developer too.

2- I loved writing but I started writing with the true spirit these days, here because I had so much free time and I was getting lazy 😛

3- I don’t trust people. I don’t know exactly what is the reason behind it but I am afraid of people.

4-The most important people in my life After Allah are my parents and my love !

5-I love eating ! I am very fond of fast food, Chinese and desi. I Love cooking too but never cooks !

6- I like loneliness and pain. It makes me feel that I am still alive.

7- I am a great patriot. My heart cuts when I read or hear about what our country is going through and I wish I could do something for my country.

People I nominated For This Blog Award :

1-Ajaytao 2010

2-Arindam Saha

3-untoldstory6

4-davidconfidential

5-Ardizza Dwittarinda Raharja

6-bekkysworld

Thank you again for All the appreciation and Love xx Stay with me 🙂

Who Are “People” ?

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Realities need to be hidden. Once they are disclosed, Their darkness comes out and then they are hard to accept ! Hard to realize!

Everyone learns from the place, the environment He lives in and the problems he faces. From the people around him and from their acts. No matter how important the people are to you, whether your mom,dad,brothers, sisters, cousins or even friends, They are In fact “people”. The same people about which

Albert Einstein says

“The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.” 

And Will smith says

“Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.”

And Wayne Dyer says

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”

“People” are the ones who do something with others and when someone do the same to them, They Scream Loud. As If something out of the world happened to them. Come on ! It was the same thing you did to others but there is no one to tell you that on your face.

“People” are the ones who never appreciate you , what you always do for them. Never mention the things they were supposed to do, But you did those things for them. Never even realize what favors you do to them without even mentioning. And in return, Taunt you for the small mistakes you make unconsciously ! And judge you from your mistakes !

“People” are the ones who make fun of you when yo are not here. Talk about you In a bad way with others As if they hate you so much. And in the same moment, If you appears , They put a smile on their face and say ” Hey ! so good to see you 🙂 ” .

“People” are the ones who never trust you but want you to trust them. “People” are the ones who take you for granted. ” People” are the ones who hurt you , give you pain for their own amusement. Who make fun  of you in front of others and get peace inside them.

BUT

“People” are the ones, who, despite through all the things they make you suffer, Puts a smile on your face. Bring laughter’s with their jokes and make you happy. Who are dear to you. These are the people you Love, You live with and you laugh with. You spend your whole lives with. Who are your treasures for life.

I never understood people actually. They are the most unexpected things, The most scary when their inner is revealed to you and The greatest support when their inner is hidden.

Every one has a dark evil hidden inside. We hide it from the world with colors of rainbow but rainbow is just an illusion . It is just a reflection, nothing real. Eventually the evil vanishes the rainbow and spreads dark. Your success depends on how long you hide yourself from the world.

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I chose loneliness for my self. I don’t want to follow the path of “People”. I can’t do what they do. The world is spoiled. I don’t want to be like them. I have chosen my own way and I can walk without any help from people. People leave you, Allah never. And Allah is sufficient for me.

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I would mention the people who were a big cause of my changed life and habits. Who changed me, In the next post. Tell me what you think of “people” and what are your thoughts. I would love to hear from you !

Story Of Love…….And Death !

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Once upon a time there was a princess living far away from her parents at a scary place. She had no other choice. She once used to be happy all the time. She smiled with her heart and made everyone happy with her words. She cherished each moment she had and take out all the fun for her. She was calm from inside and had no worries .

Then Something happened to her. She fell In Love…… Love that is a second name for pain and love that destroys…. The love of “human being”. It made her sad…. She stopped smiling. She stopped laughing and playing. She cried every time , all night. All the fun was lost. She was broken inside. Her ego which she used to feel proud of was dashed to ground. She lost her self respect. She lost her self ! But with all the pain, She was satisfied. Why ? Because the one she loved was with her. She use to think whenever she will feel pain she will tell her love. It will listen, It will calm her down It will help her But she didn’t know….. Love is never meant to help !! She thought of telling all her problems to Love and the thought that it will hear , It will be with her to make peace inside her.

And then her love was suddenly someone else’s !! She thought she lost her love . It was someone else’s fate. She use to pray for it all the time. It was everything she had. She was lonely In this cruel world without it. But seeing it, going to someone else tore her apart !! She was broken to pieces. She then realized what pain was ! She then realized what she was ! She came to know truth’s , the secrets. Secrets that are evil, That are scary but they are realities !!  She discovered why she was on this earth. Why she did all what she did. And who created her and for what purpose. Secrets were revealed to her.

And what happened next ? What happened today ? She died…….. Why ?

Because she did a mistake. She actually told her love , her feelings. She told him what was her problems and what is she facing. She tried to show it her misery. And In return she wanted nothing but sympathy. But she never knew love was meant to leave….Love was meant to break !! Break an alive man !! The love denied to help her. The love stroke her expectations to ground. The love let her down ! It never understood it never listened ! It never sympathized her ! It made her heart tear with something hard….It made her eyes bleed. It left her bleeding…..alone.

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It was not the loved one guilty….It was Love …. Which was Guilty…. as always ! With all its glory and characteristics….. Happens to be the same despite of to whom it happened.

She cried and cried…..lying down on her bed , legs folded and hands on her face…. She cried with pain spreading inside all the body like poison…… And slowly…….. She died !!

People die….. they have to.  She was princess but her death affected no one ! No one’s life was stopped cause of her….. She was nothing. Princess’s parents missed her for some time and then they were engaged dealing with their other children. She was no where but she was watching them….She was realizing how ordinary she was. She was not even like a small leaf or a grain of sand. Even they had a purpose, a use.

This was a story……a real story. The story of love…or the story of death! This may be the story of you….And You….And you….. Everyone knows !

This is the truth. This is life. We are all like that princess. We feel the same , sometime in our life . Our ways, our passages are different but we have same destination. Life comes with different faces for everyone but the core the reality is same. We face everything same , through different means. And after happening everything. we realize we were nothing! We are nothing ! Life can’t stop because of us ! No process can wait for us…..Life has to go on and we will be left behind !

Love…….Pain……..Ecstasy……..Nothingness……Hell.

This is the path….This is it !!!

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Beauty Of Makeup……And The Smoky Bold Look

A girl is always a girl…I mean by nature. Whatever she hides or pretends, She has all the Girl stuff hidden Inside. The urge to look beautiful is in their genes. In ancient times girls use to do their make up with some herbs and chemical components. With the passage of time , Their sense developed as the world developed and now their are big brands worldwide who sell makeup and Girls use them with the same energy.Make-up is finally widely accepted as a primary means of self-expression.

In 1528, Baldassar Castiglione would lament in his Book of the Courtier said:
“Every woman is extremely anxious to be beautiful or at least, failing that, to appear so”

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This is a picture from the ancient Rome, where a woman is applying makeup to a rich roman woman. What a beauty !!

I am not that old as you may be thinking of me now 🙂 I just love the ways women have created from the beginning till now to enhance their beauty.

This post is not about history of makeup or something. I happen to go to a party once and (I don’t have a habit of admiring myself But I have to tell you 😉 ) and My bold look was admired by everyone. I thought why not to share the products that created that look with you people too.

I never used all the makeup of the same brand. I have every item in my bag , of a different makeup brand . Just select the thing that suits you, not others 🙂 In the party I did smokey eyes and wore red lipstick with it. These were the products that helped me creating that look.

1- MAC Neutral Eyes

2- Diana of London Super long wear eye pencil

3- The Body Shop Red Lipstick

Let’s know some more about them.

1- MAC Neutral Eyes:

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As you can see this kit from MAC contains amazing colors. It is best for use in party makeup. The shades are so smooth to apply and the color comes out so well after applying. Every color gives a different look. You won’t feel need of any other eye shade in the presence of this kit. The colors I love the most are Black, silver, Golden and bronze. These colors are dark and lush. I crated the smokey look by mixing black and silver colors.

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“Go With The Flow” VS “The Positive Theory”

I was once talking to a friend. He told me a story.

He said I was once sitting with a friend and He asked me how is everything going ?

And I replied               ” Just going with the flow”.

He then replied          ” Only dead straws go with the flow”

That was thought provoking. I use to apply the same theory to my life. Whenever my heart pinches me, I don’t want this to happen to you. I used to tap it gently and said ‘”just go with the flow”.

Whenever there was some problem in my life, I used to say to myself  “just go with the flow”.

Whenever I feel depressed and broken and find no way out, I wanted things to get normal again, I put my head down and remind myself of “just go with the flow” thing.

Now I feel I was dead from inside and I never tried to wake up myself. my mind and heart were dead. And i had accepted that death of them I was living with dead inner self.

But now, at the age of almost 22, I feel it wrong. I was wrong in thinking about my future. I was wrong in thinking about what will happen to me next and why. I used to think whatever happens to me, I deserved it ! It was due to what I did in the past. But I was being negative !! I was hopeless !!

I noticed one of my friends. I have seen her being negative about so many things but she never thought negative about her future. She always says something good will happen to me, she never felt hopeless like me. Even she use to dream really big about her future life. And I have seen her every wish coming true. Even I feel it like a miracle. We use to make fun of her like she has a losers approach or something. She always said she don’t try but she wishes , and her wishes comes true. Trying with wishing will make it even better I guess !!

I have noticed so many people who apply just go with the flow theory in their life and do nothing , wish nothing and pray nothing for it. On the other hand, people doing nothing but thinking positive got success!

Once I read about the positive energy. They say whenever you think something about anything very much, It will eventually come to you. Like when you will think positively, all the positive energies of universe will collectively start trying to get that thing to you … and eventually that will come to you. And this is true. The same happens when you think negative about something. Our mind emits positive and negative rays as we think and these rays eventually become a cause to get that thing for us. There is some science involved in it. As many secrets of universe are yet to be revealed, it may be one of them.

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The 2 Min Snack With A Twist!!

Let’s talk about food….. Food , Food, Food where is it ???

Okay Sorry that was my tongue watering on the name of food 🙂 Yes I know your tongue does the same with seeing or hearing about delicious food because food is necessary for living and now a days people live for food as they say

“Don’t live for eating food but eat food to live ” 

I don’t really know cooking….I am really afraid to go near fire…I can’t even lit fire in the stove by myself 🙂 But I really like cooking. I use to watch cooking programs and read recipes on internet. I know many recipes by heart but haven’t tried them yet. Actually my mom is afraid ti give me charge of kitchen. She use to do things perfectly and she says

” You will learn cooking after you ll get married and when you have to handle responsibilities, don’t worry ! ”  I love my mom…Aww I miss her 😦

As I live in hostel for my studies, I know making small tasty snacks an easy way. Although I request someone else to lit fire for me 🙂 I have a mask of being strong on me but I am very weak inside. Imagine I am even afraid of  fire 🙂

Anyway I am going to tell you recipe for a yummy snack but an easy way and it taste delicious too. You can have it when you are carving between meals or as starter.

Knorr or Maggi 2 min noodles :

You all must have made them, for yourselves or for your kids. Kids love them. Everyone has a different way of making these 2 min noodles.

1-You can boil them and drain all the water. And then mix the taste maker stuff with them and eat !

2-You can boil them and after boiling , without draining out the water just add the taste maker in it. Cook for a min and serve them in this soupy form. Grab a spoon drink the soup and eat the noodles.

3- Boil the noodles with a little water and mix the taste maker stuff in it and wait for the water to dry. Have these somehow wet slippery noodles and slurp!!!

4-If you want something more healthy, skip the taste maker. Stir fry some chicken in oil. Stir fry some vegetables of your choice. Boil chicken and put them with the chicken and vegetables. Add some soy sauce, chili sauce , vinegar , salt and black pepper. Cook for some time and serve.

5-If you are a cheese lover, make noodles with some salt and black pepper. Put it in a dish spread lots of cheese over it and bake !! It comes out yummy.

I have tried all of these methods but the method I like the most when I am not in mood of cooking and the easiest one is preparing the noodles in oven.

Following is the method of doing it:

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1- Put one packet of noodles in a bowl.

2- Cover them with water . All the noodles should be covered in water. keep the water level not too high nor too low.

3-Put one tea spoon of crushed chili powder in it.

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4- Put the bowl in oven for about 8 mins.

5- Take it out. stir it . You will see now the noodles look like double the amount then before. They have absorbed water completely. Put all the taste maker powder in it ans stir again.

6-Put it in oven again for about 5 mins.

7- The noodles are ready. You will see how amazing taste has emerged out of it. Have them with some crisps I love eating them with potato sticks or some paapar (poppadoms) . Split the poppadoms into small pieces and place them over the noodles and then eat them ! They taste amazing !! The flavor comes out best with the spicy flavor of these noodles.

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I love the masala (spicy)  flavor of these noodles. Sometimes chicken flavor feels well too. They have a variety of flavors now and these noodles are becoming the favorite snack of children as well as youngsters. They comes in many flavors now like chicken, bar-b-q, lemon chili, masala, chatt-patta, chicken sizzler and many more. Match them with your mood and eat the matching one !!

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Wanna Have Some ?? 🙂

I have many other delicious recipes for noodles too. Do tell me your recipe for these noodles. I would love to add it in my collection. Please leave a comment if you like anyone of my recipe idea. Thanks 🙂 Take care.

The Annoying Theme Search !!

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Just started this new blog and the theme search for it turns out to be so annoying !! I am freaking out now !!! This is ridiculous !!!!!!!!!! Okaay relax …..

Decided this clean and nice cheer theme after changing three nice themes. Spent three hours in this simple theme search. And check my level….after applying every theme, the other one seemed better to me always !! It is because the things we get so easy lose their importance and the things we don’t have yet…..seems more important, This is life 🙂 Anyway I don’t’ want to switch my mood to the depressing one. So….why on earth they give clean pretty and very sophisticated and eye catching themes for money and unclean and less attractive themes for free 😦 not fair….. Is money this important to them ? Yeah may be it is !!

But above all I have tried blogger and other blogging sites too but I found word press the most easy to use and better than every other one….whether we talk theme wise or use wise…It is the best. I especially love the like and follow button on the top bar. You can like and follow someone even without reading or knowing what is in their blog 😛 And they get happy too 🙂 Making someone happy is the real task in today’s world when people have no time to even think they are happy or not. Anyway dropping from the line again and I apologize for it. The second thing I love about it is how fast your posts spread to people. I guess it has something to do with search engine rankings or so but I love this thing. Every time I open the stats and have a look at the visitors visiting my blog , My heart blooms and grows 😛 It is itself a reward when you write to amuse your own self and so many people see your work ad admires you !

Coming back to the theme thing. The ‘FREE’ themes I like most in word press are following. I don’t even bother to look at the paid ones 😛 (more…)

This Is Me

Meet me…..a very ordinary girl 🙂 So ordinary that a piece of sand is worth than me… Yes this is me !! People say I am complicated…I say life is complicated and one who starts discovering its realities becomes complicated… I have a rainbow of moods inside me. Sometimes when I am happy…. really happy from inside (although it happens rarely) I talk and talk and laugh and laugh….loud and with my eyes …. and when I am sad….I cry, I scream out loud with a pillow on my face, I hit my hand with a wall sometimes….This is all when I am alone and with people I wear a cover on my face I smile at them laugh with them and sometimes put my head down, remove that mask, cry a little, wipe out my tears and wear that mask again ! I hide things with my smiles….I collect courage at night to face people and I use it at the day time ! People never know what is happening inside me or what I am thinking or feeling….even my eyes look normal even after hours of crying…this is a blessing though 🙂 And…..normally I feel empty from inside…lifeless !! With no particular aim in my life. My parents have never felt proud because of me….even if I try hard….

I love my family My mama daddy and three brothers…. And I always prefer praying for them instead of me…They are my everything after Allah !! Have a special relationship with Allah but don’t want to talk anything about it to people.

I may be complicated and broken, but I am a regular girl with same feelings and emotions. I behave decent In public and people say I am mature but I know I am not…I would never be !! I understand life and pain…I am familiar with the realities of life very much. I have experienced life at the age of 20 very much. Girls at my age are full of small wishes and happiess but I don’t have any left with me.

I have a special theory about Love. Yes love…the most complicated thing ever. I know the core of it….I know the theory of it !!

Yes I am depressed and I would have made you depressed too with all this….:) Sorry for that !!

I am not a good writer but I like writing because I don’t speak too much and can’t express what is inside me by speaking. People ask me why do you speak so little….and I answer because I don’t have words to speak….This is in my nature and I have never tried to change it. I feel more comfortable writing things than speaking.

Enough about me I guess 🙂 You must be hating me already…..

And about this blog…….. As you are familiar with my rainbow mood now I can’t write specifically….So In this blog you will find things on every topic depending on my mood I will write 🙂

Tell me your thoughts after reading about me….Am I really out of the world and mad ?

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