Be Slow To Criticize And Fast To Appreciate !

Constructive-Criticism-cartoon

Take two glasses of water. Put them in separate rooms on a table and turn the lights of both rooms off. Now go to first room, sit down in front of one glass, take your face close to it and start admiring it. Say beautiful words about it, appreciate its beauty and be as nice and as positive to it as you can. Now go in the second room, sit down in front of the glass, take your face close to it and start saying bad words. Taunts, criticism, sarcasm, bitterness, anything. Say out all your negative thoughts. Repeat this activity for a whole month. When you will turn on the lights you will see the following results. The water in the glass to which you said all the good and positive things has turned more white and it shines. While the water in the glass to which you said all the bad and negative words has turned black !

No, I didn’t do it myself. I read this in a news paper written by some very famous writer , I don’t remember the name now. I was just shocked to read the effect of words . Let me quote anther story I heard in a movie.

A long time ago there was a jungle in which people use to live. They didn’t have proper instruments to cut the trees. What they used to do for abolishing trees was a very interesting phenomena. They all gather around the tree and say all the bad words and negative thoughts about the tree. Slowly the tree starts withering and its stem and branches starts contracting. They do this activity for a specific period of time and at last the innocent tree withers and decays to ground.

Obviously I haven’t seen them doing it. But the thing is, these kind of tales mostly have truth in them. There is some solid concept on the basis of which thee tales are made.

You know in our society we are in a habit of criticizing rather than appreciating. It all starts as the child starts his school. If he plays more and study less, parents criticize all the time. shout on the children and say them bad for not studying all the time. If he can’t get good grades Parents as well as other family member keep on criticizing Like see we never saw him studying he was always playing that is why he got this grade and stuff. This all continues till college. If a child do some mistake, instead of trying to know the cause what forced him to do this, people criticize. We never see what is the effect of our criticism on that innocent child. Rather he becomes stubborn and tough and never listens to his parents again or he becomes extra sensitive and every word from parents hurts him and he becomes quiet and the light from his eyes is vanished. Either ways, the child is destroyed. The energy the passion inside him dies and as a result t becomes a weak personality. Same happens with the people doing jobs and Mothers who stays at home , cooks and bring their children up.

The only people who can admire us with all heart are our parents. They don’t understand this fact. People always look towards you as if the second you make a mistake, they catch it and start blabbering about it. They never admire you and appreciate you as I have seen in my society. Parents do it, but they are scared if they admire their children they will take everything easy .I don’t agree with this. A single word of appreciation from the loved ones gives you enough courage to face the whole world. You start feeling all the energy inside you.

The same happens to me. Every time someone appreciates me for anything, I start doing it with more enthusiasm and power. And the point someone criticizes me I lose all the energy and I don’t want to do that thing anymore. Every single word of criticism from my ย parents cut me inside and every time I do something big and they don’t even know it, I become more sensitive and teary. Their is a middle stage too when you are working so hard and when you take your hard work to the respected people, you don’t get any appreciation . Instead the people with you who don’t even know the abc of work, get all the appreciation you deserved. Why ? because they know how to show off and you just know how to work. This stage is more worse !

Of course constructive criticism is always good. But it should be done only when needed truly.

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I once studied in a book that every person has a magnetic field around him and every human emits vibrations from his body. Science proves that the point of emission of these vibrations is the center of our forehead between the two eyes. Some people also call it as ‘sixth sense’ . The background of this theory is that every human body has current in it which is of 0.5 watt. Due to this current and charge , a magnetic field is formed around the body. And through this magnetic field magnetic vibrations are emitted.

When we meet a person whose vibrations are favorable and compatible with our vibrations , we are attracted towards that person. We feel attraction in him. The vibrations of some humans are neutral. Vibrations of some people are not compatible with the vibrations of our body and we run away from them. You know sometimes we feel attraction towards a person we don’t know or we don’t ever have talked to him. This is all due to the favorable vibrations. Likewise, we sometimes start disliking a person with out any reason. This is because of the unfavorable ones.

I believe this is the scientific proof of why appreciation and criticism has that intense effect on everything. When we appreciate someone, our positive vibrations are transferred to that person and as a result that person feels more energetic. In the same way with criticism we transfer our negative vibrations to the person and as a result all his energy and light is soaked out and he starts feeling empty and weak.

I wish all the parents and people outside who don’t leave any chance of criticizing anyone, know this ! We can boost up our youth just by some words of appreciation and we will see the results would be enormous. Be slow to criticize and fast to appreciate !

2009-11-25_Appreciation

 

 

 

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66 Comments

  1. Fahaad Humayun

     /  August 4, 2013

    there is no such thing as positive criticism. also taunts and sarcasm are the best knives to cut the hope and light.

    Reply
  2. Indeed you are true..but in this world Criticism is more often used than Appreciation..Continuous Criticism in never good…And when you feel there is continuous criticism just hear from one Ear and make it go out form the other that way you won’t be hurt..Believe me it works as I myself do this.. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    • Lol this idea sounds Great ! ๐Ÿ˜‰ And it works I know ๐Ÿ˜› Yes you are right criticism is more often used than appreciation. A sad fact. Thank you so much for the comment ! Love xx ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  3. Surprising to see Fahaad putting a ‘like’ on this post.
    Seems he’s slacking off on his project to spread darkness ;).

    I’m a pretty critical person myself and wish I received more of it – at least in some areas.
    Maybe it would help me beat my narcissism down a bit.

    I was considering joining a local writers’ group last year but soon discovered that they are all essentially circle-jerks. A whole bunch of people getting together to tell each other how wonderful their writing is.

    I don’t need to know what’s right about my writing – that bit doesn’t need changing.
    I need to know what’s wrong with it so I can work on fixing it.

    Besides, no-one can dislike me as much as I can, so even the most biting criticism seems pretty feeble to me. Believe me, I can tell myself off far more viciously than others, even if I am probably blind to the worst of my faults (especially when I’m manic).

    Maybe things are different in Pakistan, but in Australia we are going down the US road of praising people for mediocrity and keeping our negative feelings to ourselves.
    Every child gets a prize!

    How much can praise be worth if there is no criticism to contrast it with?

    Right now I feel like sending WordPress a serve.
    Has anyone else stopped receiving email notifications?

    Reply
    • Lol I would leave it for Fahaad to reply ๐Ÿ˜›
      Yes you are right somehow . Sometimes criticism makes people work more hard but that is a very Hard way to achieve something….We have to put aside our feelings for this !
      I agree with you too on the point that one needs criticism to correct what is wrong in the work…. But you know we don’t want to know things that are mostly not true and people keep criticizing on the good things too ! I too Love criticism but only if it is true… and it is meant for betterment of my work not for degrading me !
      Your thoughts are true….but not all people have that much courage to think like you do !
      Things may be different in Pakistan but people and feelings are always the same…..Aren’t they ?
      Yes praise wont have any worth without good productive and honest criticism !
      I haven’t …may be you have stopped them through one of the emails accidentally ?

      Reply
    • I couldn’t agree more to you, cabrogal!

      And just as you asked, I am still getting my wordpress notifications…

      Reply
  4. I completely agree with you, if we want to move forward then we should take it in our stride

    Reply
  5. well written and thats all true ! i agree..

    Reply
  6. 1
    i am convinced…
    A person can love!
    A person the most!!
    And criticize them!
    the most!!
    ALL@ONE
    to achieve!!
    MOST positiVE!1!
    ResulTS!!!
    IN LOVE!!11!

    IN
    fact!!

    i would go
    as far!
    as
    suggesting
    this!
    is the
    ultimate!
    meaning of life…
    and even Allah
    two!!

    In more simple word(s)
    i am convinced…
    A person can love!
    A person the most!!
    and criticize them!
    the most!!
    ALL@ONE
    to achieve!!
    MOST positiVE!1!
    resulTS!!!

    in Fact!!

    1AAAMRIIARIIAAAM!

    i would go as far!
    as suggesting this!
    is the ultimate!
    meaning of life…
    and even Allah two!!

    In more simple word(s)
    Positive eye ON
    Pass eye ON
    Positive Ion Passion 1! 2.
    PositiveIONpassION1!2

    PPPP!

    t@’S WHAT IDID IN THE TWEET YOU JUST GOT FROM ME1!2

    SEAs!
    NOW?
    HEH!
    HUH?
    sEES
    HEH?
    HUH!
    NOW
    Sees
    HUH!
    HEH?
    NOW!
    Seas?

    SNHHHNSHHNS!

    8042013
    fOR TO K
    THIRTEEN
    EIGHT MONTH
    FOR DAY
    8INFINITY2
    8042013

    TEF!

    WAVE IS ALL IS

    W!!

    for the visiting audience look up
    the deeper meanings
    for huh and heh in Wiki
    and the last words are truly
    beautiful..
    in an infinity kindA way!!
    Not proud!
    HES words not mined..
    Only humbled…
    one
    bowled
    before
    thee…

    NHO!!!
    NEW WHOLE ORDER…

    H
    8
    1 2 H
    1
    H 2 1
    8
    H

    HHH
    8118
    1

    H81
    9
    69
    6
    9669

    8 4 1Know
    F
    1F81now
    4
    F
    6

    K

    Reply
    • I understand what you said in the beginning…It is beautiful ! And couldn’t understand what you said in the last……
      I have read all your tweets and would reply to them very soon ! Love ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

      Reply
  7. Agreed… Nicely written… This time I can only add to your point,,, (and not contradict it) What an exception! ๐Ÿ˜›

    After visiting Netherlands for a couple of months (yes I agree 2 months is not enough to make a general comment but still…) I realised that we Indians are very poor at the use of colloquial terms. This directly implies that we are very poor at ‘general’ appreciation. So an appreciation is given only if a significantly commendable job has been done.

    I am not sure how to extend it to Pakistan… because as far as I know we are not too different on cultural grounds so I would expect the trend of ‘lack of colloquial appreciation’ to continue. However I also feel that Urdu is a much more ‘respectful’ language so might be ‘better’ there. (Either way I know that the difference won’t be much – We are the same people afterall :))

    Ya.. so the point I was trying to make is that we seem to be much more non-appreciating people than we actually are. That may be considered bad, but I tend to look at it the other way round… Criticisms bring the best out of us. Yes beyond a certain point they prove detrimental but you know… aag mein tap kar hi sona chamakta hai. (So basically I take the side of cabrogal) ๐Ÿ™‚

    As it is said

    เค…เคคเคฟ เคธเคฐเฅเคตเคคเฅเคฐ เคตเคฐเฅเคœเคฏเฅ‡เคคเฅ

    (Excess of anything is harmful)
    So is true for both praises and criticism…

    (Uff! main sahi mein bahut bolta hoon) ๐Ÿ˜‰
    ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    • Oh well exceptions are good sometimes ๐Ÿ˜€ Love the fact that you agree with me ๐Ÿ˜‰
      Thanks for the appreciation ๐Ÿ™‚
      Okay yes you are right Pakistanis are quite same an Indians ! They are not very fond of praising and say some words of appreciation only when something remarkable happens ! I haven’t visited any other country so I don;t know anything about what people do there…Seems like Pakistanis and Indians are quite misers at it ๐Ÿ˜‰ But I don’t like this fact….
      Lol yes urdu is somehow respectable language than other languages but still the fact remains the same !
      You made it all clear by agreeing with some of my points and some of Cabrogal’s ! Aag me tap ker hi sona chamakta hai is very right….But as you say excess of anything proves to be worse always !
      Oh Love this way of writing Hindi ! It seems so charming to me !
      Lol nae ap zyada naheen boltay really I always feel Lovely reading your thoughts and infact your thoughts always polish my thoughts ! So keep talking like this always ๐Ÿ™‚
      Thanks so much ! Love xx ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
      • “Oh Love this way of writing Hindi ! It seems so charming to me !”

        Hahaha! To hindi seekh lijiye… Aasan hai… Trust Me!

        And by the way, a small correction… This and (as far as I rremember) the other sentences which I wrote in this ‘foreign’ script are not in Hindi… They are in Sanskrit…

        Confused? OK let me explain…
        All the ‘Hindi’ statements which I write here are written in Roman script – you know… the way we chat… (so that you can understand)

        However all those lines in the ‘foreign’ script (well Devanagri to be precise) are in Sanskrit…

        But you are right in a sense because both Hindi and Sanskrit are written in the same script… But just wanted to clarify that they are different languages.
        (BTW Sanskrit is way more ‘melodious’ language than Hindi)

        Did I increase the confusion? ๐Ÿ˜›

      • (BTW Sanskrit is way more โ€˜melodiousโ€™ language than Hindi)

        Ahh, for the melody of Malayalam.
        Like a sack full of tin cans falling down stairs.

        (Err, was that being complementary? I’m not very good at it you know.)

      • You from Kerala?

      • Australia.
        Lived in Trivandrum for about six months though.
        Barely managed to learn half a dozen phrases the whole time I was there.
        A difficult language.

      • I do agree… South Indian Languages have a ‘world’ of their own. And as a ”North Indian’ I can bet… almost all of my fellow North Indians (myself included) would agree with the analogy that you gave about Malayalam ๐Ÿ˜‰

        It is not a difficult language… It is a very difficult language ๐Ÿ˜›

        Anyways… I hope you had a good stay in India… I hope you visit us again ๐Ÿ™‚

        (As I just recall… Probably Malayalam is the only Indian language written in cursive form… So I guess it would be faster to write… But again doesn’t help much though… The Malayalam letters seem to be noodles to my eyes :P)

      • Between 1984 and 1997 I spent almost five years all up in India.

        My first footstep outside Australia was at Bombay airport (I still refuse to call it Mumbai – reminds me too much of Thackeray and the Sena).

        I’m ashamed to say I picked up very little of any Indian language during my stays. Marketplace Hindi, enough Tamil to order the wrong thing at restaurants, a few phrases in Kannada and Telugu …

        Partly that was because every time I got off a bus or train I found the language had changed but mainly because the excellent English of so many Indians just made me lazy.

        I probably know more Sanskrit and Pali words than I do of any living Indian language but know nothing of their grammars and couldn’t construct a sentence in either.

        Devanagiri is just pretty squiggles to me.

      • “Devanagiri is just pretty squiggles to me.”

        ๐Ÿ™‚ I can imagine why…

        Thanks for complementing us on our English…

        On Bombay and Mumbai… You can choose whatever you want… No one is going to kill you in Australia for that ๐Ÿ˜›
        I prefer Mumbai though as ‘Bombay’ gives the feeling of the British Rule.

        I am curious though… How come you know of Sanskrit and Pali words without knowing the Indian languages?

      • I hear what you’re saying about the Raj and I have no problems with Chennai and Kolkata, but I really dislike the Shiv Sena and they were the most vocal proponents of ‘Mumbai’ when I was there, so …

        The Pali and Sanskrit comes from my study of Therevada and Advaita.
        There’s no English words for many of the concepts, so I just had to learn them.

        (Actually there’s no words in any language for some Advaitist concepts – unless you count neti neti ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).

      • ๐Ÿ™‚ So true… You seem to be quite knowledgeable… Admiration… and Respect…
        เคจเคฎเคธเฅเคคเฅเคญเฅเคฏเคฎเฅ (Namastubhyam) ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Now I’m embarrassed.

        Receiving admiration and respect in my own native language from someone whose language I can barely order a thali in on a blog from an Urdu speaker who writes beautiful mystic poetry in English when I couldn’t even say ‘hello’ to her in Urdu – famed as perhaps the most poetic language in the world.

        And if I know anything at all about Islam, Advaita or Therevada, where do you suppose I got it from?

        Australians are often accused of ‘cultural cringe’, the notion that anything foreign must be better and more sophisticated than anything they can do. But sometimes I think the people of the subcontinent just can’t see how incredibly gifted they are.

      • It is very humble of you to think so wonderfully of our culture and language… But I also appreciate the efforts made by you to study a ‘foreign’ culture (Although we believe in ‘Vasudhev Kutumbakam’… So nothing is foreign)

        You have studied those ‘hard-to-find’ jewels in our literature which even we have only limited knowledge…

        True that most of us (myself included) are not able to appreciate the immense beauty hidden in our treasures…
        (But I am trying… :))

      • Although we believe in โ€˜Vasudhev Kutumbakamโ€™โ€ฆ So nothing is foreign

        There’s a corollary to Vasudhev Kutumbakam and that’s the feeling that many foreigners (including myself) get when we’re in India that it is simultaneously utterly alien and completely familiar. There’s a strange sense of coming home.

        India is the only place other than Australia I get ‘homesick’ for.

        A sadhu in Vashishta (HP) once explained to me it was because everyone in the world had lived previous lives in India.
        I don’t think I believe him ‘factually’ but he seemed to hit the bulls-eye ‘poetically’.

      • If they write Malayalam as fast as they speak it in Trivandrum the page would catch fire.

      • Hahahaha… Agreed! ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Oh ok *embarrassment* ๐Ÿ˜›
        Actually I have zero knowledge about these languages and things you and Cabrogal are talking about……So you know what can I say…..
        But I really like the way you write it is like drawing something fascinating ….. This is the reason I love this language !
        Yes I am more confused lol But its alright I will understand after doing some research about these I guess ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • ๐Ÿ™‚
        Embarrassment ki koi baat nahin…
        Your appreciation of the language itself shows your gratitude and humbleness… Kudos for that ๐Ÿ™‚

        Research kar lo…
        Results zaroor batana…

        (Abhi thoda busy hoon warna theek se samjha deta)…

        Waise ek doubt tha… bachchon wala…
        Aapko kya bulaun? Aap, tum ya tu?
        Main har baar confuse ho jata hoon… ๐Ÿ˜›

      • He he Thanks so much ๐Ÿ˜‰
        Results bataun gi zaroor ๐Ÿ™‚
        Lol jo merzi bolo I would never mind and I would Love it….Me tu ap bolti hun pe ‘ap kya ker rahay hain’ nae bolti ‘ap kya ker rahay ho’ bolti hun so you know the difference ๐Ÿ˜‰ Apko jo acha lagay ap bol saktay ho ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Main isliye poochh raha tha kyunki main generally apne doston ko ‘tu’ se bulata hoon… ‘aap’ bahut formal lagta hai and ‘tum’ mein wo apnepan waali feeling nahin aati.

        So that’s why asked… Since ‘tu’ can be considered rude by some (Waise tum log doston mein kya use karte ho? Mere liye bhi same use karna…) ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Lol doston me tu he use kerti hun ๐Ÿ˜› Oki to pher aj se aap is being converted to tu ๐Ÿ˜› You are right aap formal lagta hai tum to mene b kabi use naheen kia ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Well written, thought provoking words! ๐Ÿ™‚ Look forward to reading more of your posts! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  9. Reblogged this on AHKath's Blog and commented:
    A wonderful post about being positive and not negative!

    Reply
  10. Positive, constructive feedback is the name of my game as a high school teacher. Even with the worst piece of work, finding more to praise than to criticise means my students will grow in confidence and always strive to do their best, rather than thinking they are the worst in the class and will never achieve anything. Negativity produces negativity, so I avoid it!

    Reply
    • Tatiana

       /  August 5, 2013

      Completely agree with Pieces of 8. It has become the norm to be negative, and I am so hard on myself about everything I do. Thanks for writing this – it has reminded me that you can only grow through positivity and kindness towards both yourself and others. xx

      Reply
      • Yes I agree with both of you completely ! Negativity always give nothing…. Thank you so much for the sweet comment ๐Ÿ™‚ I am glad I was able to remind this great thought ๐Ÿ™‚ Love you xx

    • I really like your approach….you are right as a student I can understand this too…Whenever teacher appreciates even when we do worst, we strive more and more to achieve the best ! Criticism serves as an opposite to this ! Thank you so much for the Great comment ! Love you xx ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  11. I agree with you pieces of 8. Being positive is a great way to deal…..smile when someone criticize I do that often….sometimes criticism helps to correct our wrongs to make it right….

    Reply
    • Smile is a great idea to answer criticism ! You are right sometimes it leads us to heights we just have to take it positively ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  12. Chandni@Sheikhland

     /  August 5, 2013

    Constructive criticism can work wonders for one’s growth and progress and negative critics can very easily lay one off the track. Great post here!

    Reply
  13. Very true….thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  14. I love love love this- what I like best about your writing is your subjects- the topics you choose. Great work again.
    Positive criticism allows one to succeed further. Encouragement creates enthusiasm! One must find praises but must also guide others so that they may mend their mistakes..

    Reply
    • Awh Thank you so very much Maria again ! Your comments always boost me up ๐Ÿ˜‰
      Yes you are right about positive criticism and encouragement ! Their should obviously be someone who tell us our mistakes so that we can strive to achieve excellence ๐Ÿ™‚ Love you ! xx

      Reply
  15. I wish our teachers and parents could read this! Good one ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  16. My Dear Pearl,
    I’m so delighted that you presented this very important topic. I believe that negativity presented in any way breaks one’s spirit. Sadly we are not in a society were the focus is on positive reinforcement. I believe in the old saying ” If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything”. I also agree that being able to provide constructive criticism and accepting with agenda or resistance is also important. Great Post my friend.
    Anastasia

    Reply
    • Hey dear friend ! Thank you for liking what I write ๐Ÿ™‚ Its a pleasure !
      Yes I agree to all of your thoughts….You are right..it is better to stay quiet rather than destroying things with words….
      I hope people would consider more construction rather than destruction with words !
      Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚
      Love you ! xx

      Reply
  17. This is a really good article. Do you mind if i reblog this?

    Reply
  18. I came back and re-read this! I was looking for the post you talked about on one of my blog’s last comments… An Unexpected Afternoon where you said you’d written about your Grandma. Now it dawned on me… you didn’t say… you wrote about her on your blog… but I thought I’d try to track it down if you had. Loved this post! Again!

    Reply

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