Caustic heavy heart beat drumming in ears

The very choking breath full of fears

The restlessness, hopelessness, pain arise

Rubbing hands, Hollowness, tears in eyes


The severe agony thinking about the future

The regrets while peeking into the past

Eating my heart like beetles eat wood

Not letting me do, what I should !


The wish to have a wound on my body

The urge to scratch it hard with nails

That pain would kill the pain in heart

The blood would cause the heartache frail

Stepping singly on the graves of wishes

Each one arises and cause acute affliction

Somewhere deep down a part of heart itches

Takes me back to the endless expedition

The questions bubble into my mind

Like the sky with soft white clouds aligned

Am I bipolar , mystic ,ย schizophrenic , wacky brain ?

Or I am just having the ‘Heartache’ again.

Leave a comment


  1. Loved this! I was walking through the store penning my own best seller when I finally “GOT IT” I relate to everything you said! The regrets while peeking into the past is an amazing line! YOU must keep writing!! Anyway as I was in the store yesterday, I got this overwhelming feeling to cry. Nothing new bad happening… in fact, a few morsels of good news came my way… but I was writing a scrip in my head… something I might say in the future… like:
    I could go to work and be animated and funny, kind and even fun… but when I would find myself alone with me…. and I would not have any distractions… just me and my thoughts… and this overwhelming heart ache would fill my senses… this total shot of regret… a lump in my throat… a pain so great I’d try to impulsively calm it. I guess in the same way a cutter cuts or a person with eating disorders does their things or maybe like an alcoholic or an addict drinks or uses… maybe shopping or in my case a connection with someone from my past who I can’t seem to disconnect from… and I understood mental health and illness more. The thing is…
    WE are NOT alone. The end of my script is still unwritten. It obviously needs that hook… of and then I found….. the cure, the miracle… God Himself (Which by the way I do believe… I just think He wants me to find the answer myself which will ultimately turn back to Him…) But I think it is a lesson even deeper. We all need to go back and find the pain. The kid inside us all and bring them home so the pain can begin to heal.
    I should have blogged this one myself.
    But you know you have a great poem when someone can write this much about what it brought out in them! ๐Ÿ˜‰
    Keep writing my friend!

    • Thank you so much sweety first of all you just memorized me with the thoughts you just shared !
      You know when I feel depression and pain I do the same…write the script in my head and write it down in the future and make it a post ๐Ÿ™‚ That is why all my poetry is sad I guess ๐Ÿ™‚
      I am sad you had these thoughts but at the same time I must say you have beautifully expressed them…..I loved your words !
      I think the same…God wants us to find all the answers…He helps us but we have to do the task.
      Lol You should really blog this one ! I love it and I am so glad you shared it to me….. I read it thrice !
      Yes I was wondering though is my poem capable of making someone say these beautiful things ๐Ÿ™‚
      Thank you so much your words are everything to me ! I will keep writing if you will be with me ๐Ÿ™‚
      Love you ! Hugs xx

  2. Well…White Pearl..I guess this quote is a good answer for you here too…Love Ya dear..let’s be crazy together with all our other crazy friends…!

    I had my Marilyn Monroe Shirt on last night when I went to see the Jobs movie…I was so happy and so unashamed to be crazy when I saw the movie that I whirled and twirled like a ballerina through Walmart @light speed if you will..up and down the aisles here and there and everywhere..I weigh about 210 lbs and AM ‘pretty light’ on my feet if you will..

    When I was singing and playing the piano for my Catholic Church choir for over 10 years I was also dancing in the youth of mating ritual for over 10 years too at a place called 2001 for disco freaks like me2 at that time through the 80’s to electronic music TOO with higher frequencies too for light and love…

    Yes I was acting crazy as hell…but the end EFFECT…is more people went home smiling at least once that day…yesterday and long a go when this crazy nerd danced like hell at 2001..that bar back then that was a relative lit up heaven of LIGHT and MUSICK!

    Pictures of me with my Marilyn Monroe shirt on my latest twitter feed..maybe for some more laughs HAhaHEhe..who knows maybe God is a laugh after ALL..and maybe it is a divine comedy…

    Only a crazy person would think that huhheh1!
    Maybe one day TIME WILL PROVE ME RIGHT TOO2!

    THIS IS THE QUOTE AT THE END OF THE MOVIE JOBS BY HIMโ€ฆI follow every dot of every eye of this philosophyโ€ฆ

    Steve Paul Jobs:

    โ€œHereโ€™s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holesโ€ฆ the ones who see things differently โ€” theyโ€™re not fond of rulesโ€ฆ You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you canโ€™t do is ignore them because they change thingsโ€ฆ they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.โ€

    • Lol It was nice reading about your movie experience ๐Ÿ˜‰ I guess it is fun sometimes to get crazy and dance ๐Ÿ˜‰
      I hope you get more fun and bring smiles on face faces ๐Ÿ™‚
      I haven’t opened my twitter for sometime I would see your pix now !
      Love the quote ! You are making me more and more convinced to watch the movie ๐Ÿ™‚
      Love xx

  3. Yeah that’s a good question isn’t it?
    At least it often seems to be.

  4. Dear White Pearl,
    I love the media photo, and your poetic words are so deep, and raw with emotion. Beautifully composed my friend.
    Your Friend,

  5. AND well…EXCUSE me if a Hurricane of light and love comes ON a little too strong on your blog here now but hear know this video below is what my spirit looks like if it could be sea and see..you see..it has no gender no shape form but if it would..if it could..it would be this song..this video..this expression of passion energy light and love…

    The song and dance is by Olivia Newton John..I have no idea who made the video but it found me and it rang true for the spirit I experience as true…

    Sorry again.. you cannot see the video in Pakistan..but I will provide the lyrics again…here too…


    Come take my hand
    You should know me
    I’ve always been in your mind
    You know that I’ll be kind
    I’ll be guiding you

    Building your dream
    Has to start now
    There’s no other road to take
    You won’t make a mistake
    I’ll be guiding you

    You have to believe we are magic
    Nothin’ can stand in our way
    You have to believe we are magic
    Don’t let your aim ever stray
    And if all your hopes survive
    Your destiny will arrive
    I’ll bring all your dreams alive
    For you

    From where I stand
    You are home free
    The planets align so rare
    There’s promise in the air
    And I’m guiding you

    Through every turn I’ll be near you
    I’ll come anytime you call
    I’ll catch you when you fall
    I’ll be guiding you

    You have to believe we are magic
    Nothin’ can stand in our way
    You have to believe we are magic
    Don’t let your aim ever stray
    And if all your hopes survive
    Your destiny will arrive
    I’ll bring all your dreams alive
    For you”

    OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN lyrics are property and copyright of their owners.
    “Magic” lyrics provided for educational purposes and personal use only.

    • Yes I can’t see the video again but I have read the lyrics ! Yes I guess we have to believe we are magic ๐Ÿ˜‰
      Lovely words ! Beautiful ๐Ÿ™‚
      Love xx

  6. Oh white pearl thats really really nice. i have no words to decribe. this poem is fantastic and it really meant something to me too. i can relate all your words with true feelings the one suffer. keep it up !!

  7. A true masterpiece… all of my poems bow before this one… Very pure in flow of thoughts…

    “The wish to have a wound on my body

    The urge to scratch it hard with nails

    That pain would kill the pain in heart

    The blood would cause the heartache frail”

    Marvelous…. Simply magical…


    And here I try my bit…


    And far from your sight do I stand
    On the dry, barren, infertile land
    And far from your sight does my heart pain
    When trembling in agony, I see you again

    If I come running; will you wait for me?
    I will wear a smile on face, only for you to see
    I promise not to utter a word
    Though volumes I would wish to speak

    Will you accept my arms’ embrace
    As we quietly meet face to face?
    And then not the bodies but hearts would speak
    Sharing the agony, together would they weep

    Oh my heart, are you so strong?
    To quench the sorrow, absorb the wrong?
    You who has bathed in joy for long
    Will you swing in the melody of a sad song?

    Oh dissolve the agony, vanish the pain
    Fear not you silly, do not refrain
    As her fear is what you have come to defeat
    Take away the bitter sorrow, give her the joy sweet

    For long has she bled with her aching heart
    But now peace must come; agony must depart
    And she too must find a future bright
    And bath in the lake of joy without fright…

    • Arindam…. Listening such an appreciation from you mean something really big to me ! I have always said I learn from you…You are my teacher. So my poems can bow before your one’s…There is no vice versa ! You are kind enough to say that and you don’t know what I felt in my heart reading it ๐Ÿ™‚ THANK YOU for this !
      Arindam….. You are a true master of poetry !!!
      How can you create this excellent poetry in response to whatever I write ? Really I am impressed badly by you now ๐Ÿ™‚
      Your poem is far far Wonderful than mine….. Love all the lines !
      You know what…I cried while reading it ! I can’t express my appreciation for it with words…You must feel it !
      I have wished all my life for someone to understand me like this….and say the same healing words to me…. I just needed words…. Nothing else…But I was unlucky enough !
      THANK YOU so much for this Yaar …. !!
      A real BIG THANKS ….. ๐Ÿ™‚
      Love you bro ! You have earned much more love and respect in my heart for you !

      • There is definitely a vice versa. It is the sheer quality of the poem that matters and not the author. You see, the beauty of a masterpiece does not depend on its creator!

        In an earlier comment also (in response to cabrogal) I had said that the fact that I respond to some poems in poems has to be attributed to the author of the poem. A poetic response just simultaneously flows and is never created by hand (for example, this poem was written in 10 minutes).

        My belief is that poems are nothing but pure emotions. Every poem is written when a person is emotionally immersed in the flow of thoughts. In that case, I consider writing poetic responses becomes very easy if the original poem is a pure flow of emotions.

        So in a nutshell it is you who is responsible for the beauty of the response and not me. Your clarity of expression of thoughts is marvelous.

        ๐Ÿ™‚ Chal… ab to unlucky nahin rahi na… ab rona band kar

        You wanted to understand the secret of my poetry na… It is simple… Feel the emotion on which you would write. Feel it desperately… So desperately that at a point in time you become the emotion itself… And then the words flow out… (Ab jaake ‘Dancing in Madness” padh…)

        Remember… I will always be there to understand you… unconditionally… after all you have called me your brother ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Feel the emotion on which you would write. Feel it desperatelyโ€ฆ So desperately that at a point in time you become the emotion itselfโ€ฆ And then the words flow outโ€ฆ

        But alas, that is precisely when words are completely inadequate.

      • True… That is precisely why I say that poem is not a collection of words. It is purely emotional outburst with the words as their carriers…

      • It is purely emotional outburst with the words as their carriersโ€ฆ

        A sort of psychic sneeze?

        “Language is a virus” – Laurie Anderson

      • It definitely depends on the Creator ๐Ÿ˜‰ If you won’t be that beautiful from inside , you won’t be writing that beautiful poems …
        You are right…poems are emotions…and I always feel the sad emotions , desperately so my poetry is always sad ๐Ÿ™‚ I wonder how can people feel happiness too like this ! I never did.
        You created this in 10 mins ? You are just making me impress more ! ๐Ÿ˜‰
        Thank you…. I have these two words only, which probably can’t show how Grateful I am…
        Aur ab me tumhain janay b nae dun gi kaheen ๐Ÿ™‚ Never ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for being with me too ! Love you Bro ๐Ÿ™‚

      • ๐Ÿ™‚ Its my pleasure…

        Tension na le, ek din main tujhse khusi ka poem bhi likhwa doonga ๐Ÿ˜‰ … Promise…

        And that will be a day of achievement for me ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Oh wow well I will wait for that day too…desperately ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Time lagega uske liye… sabar kar… ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Haan sabar he tu ker rae hun ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Oye… sun… rakhi kal hai… bhoolns mat… (Topper psycho, bhulakkad kahin ki…) ๐Ÿ™‚

      • ๐Ÿ˜‰ Sorry for late replies ๐Ÿ˜›

      • Sent the gift… Cheers ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Just going to check ! Sorry for being late again !

      • Oh! forgot to mention… I loved the rhyming… (Ah I always do) ๐Ÿ™‚

      • He he Thank you so so much ๐Ÿ˜‰ I didn’t tried for it ๐Ÿ˜› Pata nae kesay ho gae khud ba khud ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Achchha? ๐Ÿ˜‰

        Tab to aap kaavya-lekhan ke sarvochch shikhar per vijay praapt kar chukin hai… ๐Ÿ˜‰ Mera shat-shat naman sweekaar karen. Aur apne is vilakshan kaaryakaushal ke rahasya ka patakshep bhi jald hi kar den.

        (Achaanak shuddh Hindi ka proyog karne ka man kiya :P… Sorry… ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

      • Yaar kasam le lu aik word b jo samaj aya ho ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Koi nahin… aise bhi bakwaas kar raha tha… ๐Ÿ˜€

        You know aaj kal ke zamaane mein pure Hindi bolne ka mauka bahut kam milta hai… ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Lol han per usk sath bolo na jisko samajh b aay ๐Ÿ˜› Meray sath bolna to dewaar me sir maarne jesa hai ya bhains k aagay been bajanay jesa ๐Ÿ˜› I hope this Muhaawra works in Hindi too ๐Ÿ˜›

      • Haan wo to karta hi hoon…

        But teri taang kheechne se jyada mazaa aur kahan ๐Ÿ˜›
        Plus, agar tujhe pataa bhi na chale ki teri taang kheechi ja rahi hai ๐Ÿ˜› to sone pe suhaaga…

        Haan haan the muhaawra works here too… Kyun na karenge… Aakhir bhains aur been to ek hi hote hain na… aur deewar bhi… ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Lol Khaincha kero taang ๐Ÿ˜› Me b poochun gi aik din ๐Ÿ˜›
        Lol ๐Ÿ˜‰

  8. Heartache – What a beautifully sad poem. Lovely!

  9. Heartache covers all of the above, very well penned ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Oh yes I guess it does ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thank you so much ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

      • That said all the above equally cause the heartache. It’s true.

      • Yes ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for reading it and liking it. Honored ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I’m glad you stopped by mine too, my personal loony bin of verse and such. If you are suffering the bipolar you’re in good company over this way. I never did fit the plan right myself.

      • I loved it !
        I haven’t been able to sort out my thoughts yet…. I don’t know yet I am bipolar or not….But I know the thing tat I am in a really good company here on this blog ! It is helping me out so much….There are many honest true people out there who help you getting you again ๐Ÿ™‚
        Thanks for staying with me ๐Ÿ™‚ I really wish you visit here again ! Love xx

      • I lost me before my diagnosis of me, I’ve been missing real me an awful lot. I must admit though I’m seeing some rays of light here and there of late. Perhaps I’ll return to me eventually. My sense of humour is back and weird as ever I take this as a good sign.

      • Don’t worry…you will get yourself back…Just try for what you want to achieve ๐Ÿ™‚ You will definitely find the light….of your part ! As it is said, you get what you think. So think positive and get positive ๐Ÿ™‚ Well it is good that your sense of humor is back ! I hope you get back all of you ๐Ÿ™‚ My wishes and prayers are with you !

      • Thank you very much ๐Ÿ™‚

      • ๐Ÿ™‚ โค

      • And thank you again, it means a lot ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Oh don’t mention ๐Ÿ™‚ It was lovely talking to you ๐Ÿ™‚

      • You also ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. The portrait reflects each paragraph of the poem ,sadness, pain and dismay
    walking on fire ,on ice on broken vases ,bleeds the feet and causing the heart between agony and pain sway.. . beautifully expressed …Jalal

    • Oh your words are more beautiful than the rest of poem ! Thank you so much Jalal for the excellent praise ! I really appreciate it ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks ๐Ÿ™‚ Love !

  11. ah that heartache! it has evolved me so much. lovely poem! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Awh Thank youuuuu ๐Ÿ™‚ I am glad you liked it ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hearing words of praise for your piece from such an excellent poetess is always a pleasure ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  12. Reblogged this on Thoughts From a Mind Full of Dreams and commented:
    An amazing piece nonetheless. A sadness not sad but happy reached my heart.

  13. Such good writing,such sad lines… The sad moment brings lots of happiness afterwards. Such feelings hidden under such sad but happy lines.

  14. Well, White Pearl, headdache can make you crazy, so let’s say: it’s just a headdache ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hope you’re feeling better today. Loved the poem, it’s sad, but very good written. Pawkisses ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Lol I wish it could be a headache and not a heartache ๐Ÿ™‚
      Thank you so much I am so glad you liked it ๐Ÿ™‚ Love you !

  15. Achingly beautiful! You are SO talented White Pearl. I think it’s time for you to seek out a publisher. Pronto!

  16. Nadia

     /  August 18, 2013

    just beautiful!! but I don’t like the picture, it scares me ^^

  17. Ever feel like you’ve got a deadline to publish something…?

    I’m not quite sure why but I had to make this comment here as the 26 liker of you post, on the 64th comment here since I made the title post in my new Word Press Blog from the old blog 74 days ago…on June 6th…my 53rd birthday..at exactly 12:01 AM on August 19th..something about 93 days and September 6th of 2013 keeps sticking in my mind…if you will…before that it was July 22nd…

    Anyway I love Word Press..I can finally link songs where people from your country can likely hear them as MP3 format…including the Piano music I created…It’s in the first post of my new blog in the name linked here KATiE MiA FredericK!iI…called Garden of Band-Aid…Oops missed my deadline it’s 12:06AM now… love ya light..see ya later… sorry for the off topic stuff..if you will…

    • Lol no I never felt like a deadline….I just use to publish one post daily in the second month then I use to post after leaving a whole day…Now I was busy somehow so I haven’t posted anything for three days I guess ….
      I am glad you love word press…..I told you it is a lot more fun then blogger !
      Love you ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  18. Its a wonderful piece of work. your writings often reminds me of my days.

  19. Dear the lines are lovely and intense as always, and the way you write is awesome but may I ask you why you always write sad lines?You write so beautiful so why don’t you write happy and merry lines.. I would like to see that.. ๐Ÿ™‚

    BTW Here is a token of appreciation for you..Please check do it out

    • Oh thank you so so much for liking it ๐Ÿ™‚ And….. I always write sad lines because poetry always comes to mind when I am sad and tensed…I don’t really know the reason right now !
      I am sure I would be able to write happy lines one day ! I am being optimistic today ๐Ÿ˜‰
      I checked it….Thank you so much for all this ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks !

  20. the pain of the heart as it aches – you captured the emotions well with your words. the image completes the effect felt.

  21. Hmm… my comment from last night is still waiting for moderation…I have a new website with word press so you will likely have to approve another first comment from me before I can comment freely again… But if you see any problem with my last comment that is okay too..love ya dear…

    • I am sorry I got stuck somewhere….. I just approved it and now approving this one ! I find no problem at all please stop thinking in this way ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
      Love all your comments…. !!

      • Thanks dear..I tend to push the envelope a little sometimes when I get a little high and crazy in love with life so I come back thinking I have pushed it a little too far some times to cross the boundaries of other people..you are exceptional in that you understand me so well.. you have no idea how much that means to me..thanks for being a friend. ๐Ÿ™‚ If no one else in the entire world liked my new webpage posts.. it would be enough for me that you do. ๐Ÿ™‚ and you did,,so thanks too for that. :)..too. That’s another nice thing about word press,,I can finally ‘like’ your posts too. :),,,

      • You would never cross my boundaries….Because I trust you ! You know we should leave people who don’t understand us ….. And don’t worry I am here !! ๐Ÿ™‚ You means a lot to me too….
        Ha ha you just made me laugh with these cute words…I would not only like, I would read them too and I would share what I felt too….. I just need sometime to get free from studies…
        Lol yes I saw many likes of your’s already ๐Ÿ˜‰

  22. Such a sad and longing poem. This line stood out, “Somewhere deep down a part of heart itches.” That’s a difficult feeling to encompass and you did it well.

  23. Very nice, but do have some questions for you. Do you think heartache is based on unrequited desire, and is inevitable for everyone ? And whatever it may be, do you think one just has to live with it, or overcome it, or actually find fulfillment ? And is that possible only on a one-to-one basis ? And does it happen by luck, chance, destiny, or by sincerely working towards it ?
    Aah, your verse induced me to think you are one great Yogi. But you could still have a go at the answers.

    • Thank you ! ๐Ÿ™‚
      I don’t know about people…I just know about me. Yes it sometimes come from unrequited desires and is inevitable for me….
      I am living with it….I am not able to overcome it and I never found fulfillment….But I am living with it…
      I don’t know exactly what do you mean by one to one basis…
      And it happens sometimes due to luck sometimes due to destiny fate and sometimes it comes to you because you want it to come…you wish for it and you never try to get out of it…..
      I am not a yogi nor do I ave answers…..My answers may be rubbish…or may strike your mind …but I don’t think I am able enough to give you answers…..
      I appreciate your presence…as always sir and pardon me for being absent for so long…..
      All the respect and love ๐Ÿ™‚

  24. first time here but what a writeup .. while reading i was so indulged that i thought this Heartache belonged to me.. Sigh…!

    • Oh I am honored !! Thank you for all the praise….. yeah *Sigh* But I wish it to be a happy one ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope you will keep visiting ! ๐Ÿ™‚

  25. it’s a painful and beautiful write …

  26. The wish to have a wound on my body

    The urge to scratch it hard with nails

    That pain would kill the pain in heart

    The blood would cause the heartache frail


  2. Sixty Nine ONE Ninety Six | KATiE MiA FredericK!

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