My Life , A Pendulum !

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Touching the heights…..Changing state………Lowering to ground……changing state…….. Touching the heights……..My life is a pendulum !!

I am having some weird days…… It is like someone is forcing me to stay happy and I can’t absorb it……

I am being forced to stay and hang out with people who have the most worst Image of me in their minds and they hate me…….

I am being forced to enjoy the things which kill me inside when I think about the reason I am doing them…….

I am being forced not to cry by feeling the pain of cramps all over my body because I am made tired physically……

I am being forced not to think about the things which make me sad by making me busy in some abnormal tensions from study life……

I am being forced not to think continuously as I use to do by giving me severe headaches….

I am being forced to live with people who are not my fate by pushing people who are my fate, away from me……

I am being forced not to write by inserting words in my mind and not giving me time to write them down……

And I am not sure if I am being forced or I am the one doing them with my choice !!

I don’t want to be a pendulum anymore….. I want to move upward……Higher enough to reach Him……….

I am being forced to stop my journey…….. WHY ?

May be because this is another phase I have to go through……. I am missing the previous days….

I am missing my home……. My mind has not accepted the reality yet and it has started living in fantasies…..

I just need a shock….a collapse…a trauma…..a stroke…..a jolt…..another punch on my face !!

To see the reality again,…… I am already seeing my suffering in very near future….In 15 days or less….. And maybe that is why I am being forced to enjoy some moments……

I have learnt being a pendulum for so long….. People don’t have time to think about you…. Your death or absence effects you and only you…… You are a fool if you think you are important for someone…….

I know the truths and yet still I close my eyes for them…….

I am a fool….and I am having some weird days….. I know what life is going to give me and yet I am closing my eyes……..

I am a coward !!

I am sorry for being absent from here…..I told you I am having some weird days…..

My life is a pendulum and it is changing its state again…….

 

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65 Comments

  1. The only constant is change. πŸ™‚

    Reply
  2. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words

     /  August 21, 2013

    as the pendulum swings..so the song goes…
    I have been pacing all morning…looking for something to hold on to
    as I seem to not have roots these days…
    and your lines….
    “I have learnt being a pendulum for so long….. People don’t have time to think about you…. Your death or absence effects you and only you…… You are a fool if you think you are important for someone…….”

    is where my is at the moments….your thoughts are where I am in silence
    screaming for I am doing all this to myself I have been told..
    when does someone else take the responsibility for their actions…*sigh*
    Hope you feel better soon…
    Take Care…You Matter…
    )0(
    maryrose

    Reply
    • I can fel the sadness in your words here…every word saying some story and a tear along with it…
      The magic in your words comes mostly with your emotions..More sad you are, more effective the words become…
      I am sorry you have to go through this all…. All I can do is to pray for you and I am good at it πŸ™‚
      No one takes responsibility…Never ! Don’t expect anyone for anything….. except that they can do anything to you !!!!
      I hope the same …. And I love the pain in your words….
      Take care and your pain will be relieved soon ….
      Love you !!

      Reply
  3. Yeah, heaven can be hell that way.

    You would probably be more comfortable if you could let go of what you think you should be. But that’s a whole lot easier said than done. And it still won’t cure the mood swings – though it may make them easier to ride.

    And while, in a fundamental sense, it might be both completely true and utterly false that ‘Your death or absence effects you and only you’, don’t imagine for an instant that your loss wouldn’t f*** up other people. Even if those who know you only lose their false image of who you are, that image can be incredibly valuable and the loss impossible to recover from.

    In fact it’s arguably more true to say that you are the only person your death doesn’t effect – at least among those you have touched.

    Reply
    • You know some things are obvious , you know they had to come in your life…. And I know those some things which are going to happen to me…. So there is no way I could let them go….
      Your death effects you and only you….I have seen people dying….Mothers die and children after crying for some days become busy again in their lives…Yeah they sure might be missing them but life never stops…..for others…It has to go on….. I said it effect you and only you…because I have faith in the life after death….you don’t have , so you won’t understand it…

      Reply
  4. BTW, the very worst period of my life, the bit I was sure was going to kill me, turned out to be a kind of spiritual crisis, a blockage that not only stopped what I had imagined was my spiritual progress but seemed to set it back by decades.

    When it finally cleared not only did my life go from bleak and miserable to precious and joyful, it turned out that my pain and insanity had given me more spiritual gifts than I even believed could exist.

    I can’t say that will happen for anyone else of course, but if there’s a chance it’s really worth holding out for. Believe me.

    You know what lies at the centre of your heart.
    Would it test you beyond your capacity and endurance?
    Would it really betray you?
    Does anything else really matter?

    Reply
    • I get spiritual progress always in my worst times…..When I feel helpless and urge to be dead…. That is the time Allah is closest to me….
      This is one of the reason I like my pain….
      Yes pain always give you gifts…. You never suffer without getting some reward from somewhere else…. There is always happiness attached to every sadness…. But We can’t see it more often !
      No It would never test me beyond my capacity…I have blind faith on it …I am just scared of my increasing capacity !
      I don’t know what matters…apparently everything tends to bother me….

      Reply
  5. This is slightly disturbing…

    Reply
  6. Just flow with the life…and you will be fine.. πŸ™‚
    No matter who hard the situation is stay calm and always hope for the best and move forward…Life is indeed a Roller-coaster Ride and it never goes the way we want..So enjoy every moment and stop sounding pessimist..Take it as an advice and see the beauty of life..I guess you got me Rukh.. πŸ˜‰

    Reply
    • I know πŸ™‚ But it is usually the hardest thing to do and the easiest to say……Life is indeed like a roller coasters ans what interesting is I have a phobia against roller coasters πŸ˜› Never rode them…. Turns out I have a phobia for my life too πŸ™‚
      Thanks for the advice though…I have kept it safe with me πŸ™‚ Love xx

      Reply
  7. this too, shall pass away. keep the faith, do what feels right in your heart. sometimes, its the hardest thing in the world but nature doesn’t go against good and pure intention πŸ™‚ sending much much love your way xx

    Reply
    • Awh thank you for such positive response πŸ™‚ Love your words….Thank you πŸ™‚ Receiving all the love, put it in here and took out more love and sent it back …I hope you get it in time πŸ˜‰ Love you !

      Reply
  8. Nadia

     /  August 21, 2013

    white pearl !!! ..I am so touched by what you’ve written .. I can’t explain … for some reasons these days I am going through weird days too … there were sentences in your post where it just hit me … as much as it hurts as much as I found comfort that not only me is feeling like that sometimes … I hope you’ll find true true true TRUE T-R-U-E HAPPINESS soon, just feel relaxed and that everything was really just “weird days”
    πŸ™‚ say AMEEN

    Reply
    • Well Nadia….I am glad and sad at the same time by your comment…Glad because I found out my words were somehow effective….and sad because you could relate to the sad things…..
      Thank you so very much for the cutest wish πŸ™‚ I love you and I hope the same for you ! Yes I would try πŸ™‚
      Ameen !! πŸ˜‰
      Love xx

      Reply
      • Nadia

         /  August 22, 2013

        I feel much much better today .. maybe it’s because of your nice wishes πŸ˜‰

      • Oh I am so glad to know this πŸ™‚ Stay happy all your life πŸ™‚ My wishes will always haunt you πŸ˜‰

  9. Hmm… mind is trapped? In the cage of obligations, responsibilities, circumstances? I can at best give my way of handling such circumstances…

    “Sit back in a quite place and concentrate on something you find eternally beautiful. Slowly the mind would vacate… It would take time… Sure! But once it is vacated, the feeling experienced is wonderful… Cherish it for a moment.

    And then set your targets… What would you do if there were no constraints? What would be the steps? Set your priorities… Now think of the problems one by one and think of ways to resolve them.”

    Talk to someone who understands you inside out and is not prejudiced.

    Bottom line… Do as your heart says… Generally requires sacrifices but ultimately makes you happy… πŸ™‚

    Always there to help if you need any…

    Reply
    • Your advice seems to be the best one….Once again !
      I used to do this … But I never ever reached any decisions ever…I always get up empty-handed …..
      I know talking to someone solves many things too but I have no real person to talk to……. I don’t feel like I would be able to talk to anyone….
      See told you weird days πŸ™‚
      Heart says things that my mind forbids me to do strictly….. Stuck !!
      And thanks a lot for the offer…I really appreciate that and I know you are here…And I am here too πŸ™‚
      Thank you πŸ™‚

      Reply
      • Once Again!? Achchha, so they were the best earlier too? πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜› I thought we always used to fight on my advices… *wicked smile*.

        No one to talk to? Jeewan bhar akele hi chalti aa rahi hai kya? Chal koi nahin, make new friends… And why won’t you be able to talk to someone? Ego?

        You too are here? Never knew that πŸ˜‰

        Thank YOU… for the daily dose of mental exercise… (physical exercise to main karne se raha :P)

      • Ha ha they were pretty awesome ! I argued on them to understand them in more depth !
        And my wicked smile is more wicked…you won’t be able to handle it πŸ˜›
        Haan akeli chalti rae hun…Really no one to talk to…. i NEVER GET FRIENDS WHO ARE SINCERE WITH ME…who could understand me….
        No I don’t have any ego….It was killed long time ago….
        Because I don’t feel comfortable…because I never felt that much attachment to anyone that I want to share stuff with…..
        Lol don’t thank me….I sometimes can’t stand it πŸ™‚
        Physical kehna b mat…me nae hilti apni jaga se πŸ˜›

      • Hmm… I know real friends are difficult to find… mostly dosti ‘strategic’ hi hoti hai…
        I hope you get a true friend very soon… Everyone requires one… πŸ™‚

        And yes, in terms of wicked smile and physical exercise, I definitely stand your competition :P… Challenge :P. Being lazy is one of my expertise, you know πŸ˜‰

        And tujhe thank you to main kehta hi rahunga… if you can’t stand it then sit down… Khare rehne ko kisne kaha hai… πŸ™‚

      • Yes…I hope the same too…. very desperately πŸ˜›
        Haha Being lazy is one of my expertise too…You don’t know me, ask my mom πŸ˜€
        Ok I will sit down and will keep receiving your thanks πŸ˜› You too keep receiving mine πŸ˜›
        THANKYOU’ssss πŸ˜› πŸ˜›
        And Love you ! Thanks πŸ™‚ so much !

      • πŸ™‚ Thank you!

  10. Hello our beautiful, White Pearl!

    I’m not going to say anything today as I feel (Arindam Saha) has said it so beautifully!!!
    His advice is right on the mark. You take care of you. You ARE important!!
    Love and hugs to you. Paula xxxx

    Reply
    • Hey sweetheart….I am missing you guys !
      Yes Arindam understands me I guess…and He comes up with the best solutions to problems always πŸ™‚
      Thank you so much for being there for me…. I love you ! πŸ™‚

      Reply
  11. You will have much better days than you can imagine now…either here are ‘there’..lovelight..

    Reply
  12. Lalarukh. Is pendelum ko khud set karo. Whatever your life is going through, only you can handle. Dont let it be the way its being. Change it. Stand for it. Otherwise accept it happily. Trust Him. He will sooth it out. Best wishes forever and ever πŸ™‚

    Reply
    • I do trust Him and I know He is there for me….But I can take a stand….Change is not in my control…I wish it would be ! :)Thank you so much Maria πŸ™‚ Love you…… And Thanks for the wishes too….I really need them a lot πŸ™‚ xx

      Reply
  13. Remove the “I”… and things will seem much different… πŸ˜‰

    Reply
  14. Did you see some intricacies? We’ve seen them too and some are regularly seeing them — Life indeed would be utter dull if there were no such difficulties– Master them.

    Reply
    • Yes you may be right…But it takes a lot to handle this kind of fun πŸ˜‰ Mastering them is difficult…. We can just try again and again !! Thanks for the comment and for reading my article πŸ™‚ Keep visiting ! Love xx

      Reply
  15. well written .. and this writing is so flowery πŸ™‚ .. life can be simple as well as complex.. just depends on how much iota of life we enjoy !

    Reply
  16. Great, not merely poetic – Great and Poetic, like Iqbal and Tagore,
    Someone said Attitude is more important than Facts, and I am too exhausted to google it to find out now, but you certainly have the right Attitude that is going to take you not just safely, but happily and with fulfillment, through this tough world of Hard Knocks !
    So, Great Going, once again.

    Reply
    • Well Thank you so very much Sir ! I really appreciate it πŸ™‚
      Yes that someone was right…… Attitude matters….
      I am sure it would….If you say so ! I value your thoughts….. Thank you so much for the great boost up once again…..I write because you are with me ! Respect and Love xx

      Reply
  17. Hi White pearl (gem)You are a young lady with a strong perseverance ,l am sure you will overcome anything comes your way.We all fell changes and think about them but we don’t have to bend for the. l am glad you read and liked my recent post ( Ostentation ..Insolence ) my regard to you and your family .Best wishes too.jalal.

    Reply
    • Well first of all so nice of you to call me a gem πŸ™‚ May be that is because of my name but I loved it !
      Secondly Thank you with all my heart for this respectful buck-up ! I really really appreciate it Sir ….
      I thank you too for reading my post and sharing your thoughts here….
      Looking forward to hear more from you πŸ™‚
      Best wishes !

      Reply
  18. Me too…. what a week.

    Reply
  19. Khud se jhagro ge kab tak?
    Apni hi shakh (branches) men uljhe rehne ka irada he kia?

    Dont be a pendulum for it never reach the highest top b/c pendulum is unaware of the fact that highest point it can achieve is at exactly at 180 degree from the lowest (ground) position of it rather at some where else !!!

    The psyche of the pendulum is to repeat itself b/w the two positions (which is not highest in any case), its neither enthusiastic nor creative . . .

    Life is a sinusoidal wave (u can google it ) . . . . with crest and trough . . . with an amplitude which human being can change with the efforts . . . a frequency, so unique to everyone of us . . . Going positive . . . & than coming back to the balance . . . Going negative again . . .

    U know what to do ??

    1. Put a filter to the devil inside you . . . to clip the negative side of the wave . . . to make sure u never touch the negative when u fall back from height -the positive . . .

    2. Try to lower down the frequency . . . how? Try to be consistent . . . help u lower down the frequency or oscillations in b/w the positions . . .

    3. Increase the amplitude of the wave . . . Amplitude of the wave is the peak or height of the life -the positive . . . how? . . . positive energy, patience, know your purpose here & than put the efforts as much as you can . . . it will help you increase the height u achieve . . . . to help you beat your own best . . .

    4. Try to decrease the time it takes to switch from lower (ground/balance) to the peak . . . how? be less involved i the negative . . . so that even if you fall from height . . . you are back as quick as possible to the peak -the positive . . .

    Tawalat ke liay maazrat 😦

    Reply
    • Well I don’t know how this comment was missed…. So perfect and scientific comment I must say ! Are you a scientist ? πŸ˜‰
      Khud se jaghar ker he tu raaz miltay hain…wo jo khud k andar dabaay huay hain !
      Yes well after reading all this I get the point that I should not be like a pendulum….
      Except that…I doubt What I have understood πŸ˜›
      Really Impressed about how you have applied the laws of science to the normal thoughts and emotions ! Thumbs up !!
      Okaay so Life is a sinusoidal wave ? This is new to me !
      I will try to solve my issues scientifically as you have suggested… For this I would have to read your comment again and again..I already did it for 5 times I guess !
      Thank you so much for this intellectual answer ! I love it ! Aur achi cheezun k leyay maazraat naheen kertay πŸ™‚ Thank you !

      Reply
      • hahaha . . . . m a psycho case, interested in abstract & theories :p

        thank for u liked it . . . . i used to think about my life often about those negative & positive phases . . . up & down . . . so sinousoidal wave comes to my mind many a times . . . ap ne pendulum ki baat ki tu bas mujhe moka mil gaya kia philosopy jharne ka πŸ˜›

        well, not a scientist but an engineer πŸ™‚

        hope ap se gup shup rahe gi πŸ™‚

      • Well you are mistaken… People interested in abstracts and theories are called as Intellectuals , not as psycho πŸ˜‰
        Haha acha hai …. philosophy can vary but every philosophy leads towards the same thing eventually πŸ™‚
        Oh kaay which Engineer ?
        Oh yes sure I would love to continue the gup shup πŸ˜›

      • Hmmmm good idea about gup-shup . . I am Telecommunication Engineer . . . Bara sa naam he na?? Lakin Itna acha men engineer nahi hon . . . Hehehe: p

      • The idea was your’s πŸ˜›
        Okay well done πŸ™‚ And I don’t have problems with big names πŸ˜‰
        Acha Engineer kon hota hai ? πŸ˜›

      • hahaha . . . . A
        Well acha engineer wo hota he jo really engineer ho apni field ka expert. . . Hum bas guzara hi hote hen . . Plus minus centre wale: p

      • Lol no one in this world can be a perfect expert πŸ˜‰ So don’t worry apnay ap ko acha engineer kehna start ker den πŸ˜›

      • Hahahaha, lol . . . I will call myself aik “acha engineer” from today:p

        Aap kia karti hen wese?

  20. My life is a pendulum too and so is everyone else’s in some way I guess. My sister always tells me, to have ups you have to have downs and so change, stillness, positivity, negativity, optimism, pessimism and so on is a way of life… I think of it as a metamorphosis that leads to deeper self discovery so I look at every challenge as a gift as life teaches us how strong we are and how much we can sustain. Stay strong and keep writing because there is so much I discover through your writing.
    Love and hugs xoxo

    Reply
  21. it sounds as if you are very disgruntled from life as am i
    But life has given us the keys of difficulties while it depends on it that which door of difficulty it will open for us:The difficult one,the most difficult one or the most difficult one,so use they keys wisely that you should get in the right door πŸ™‚
    On thing more,Allah has not decided to give the all pleasures to one person,if there will be no disasters,storms and cyclones in our lives so how we will realize.
    people come,play with our emotions,come to check us,come to use us but unfortunately no one comes to understand us(this is what we mostly think)
    But may be those persons are not able for us,may be they don’t deserve our love so don’t worry,
    If there are sorrows and difficulties so take it as a bad dream
    but
    If there are pleasures and diamonds-fall in your life
    So take it as a true dream!!!!
    And keep three keys with you always:
    Trust
    Belief
    Hope
    And you will never get alone and you will never fell disappointed….
    Remember one thing
    Whatever is going on:
    Allah is with U
    Still with U
    Always with U
    Just pray to him and fell that you are worthy of getting the pleasures that he wants to give u,not what u want because we humans take stupid decisions,so BE Optimistic πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
    LOve U
    Xoxo

    Reply
    • Hey Sunshine ! πŸ™‚
      Sorry for the late replies I was kinda busy.
      Yes you are right we always know the way out….It just depends on us whether we follow the easy path or the hard one !
      And yes…without pains there are no gains for sure !
      There are many may be’s…I guess they cause the real problem every time ?

      You are a sweet heart….I am loving all the sweet wishes and beautiful prayers you wished for me here….
      I will always keep these keys with me inshAllah !
      Love you the most and thanks for being with me.
      I am optimistic !!
      Big big hugs πŸ™‚ xoxo

      Reply

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