A Dream………

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Slept hearing the sounds of her own sobs and weep

On a damp pillow , swollen eyes and heart with cuts deep

Wakes up gliding in a sea of her own tears

With nobody around , Loneliness and no fears

 

She lie there with arms bent around her knees

Staring at the pervasive vastness of limitless seas

People who modified her life were not around

Busy in their own lives they made her astound

 

Alone she stand to face her life planned by them

To reveal and to hunt, whether to find sand or a gem

She thought she had cried over her loss for long

Now she had to take a step forward and be strong

 

Life has to pass, through laughs or through cries

Choosing the easy way is clever, higher she flies

Leaving behind everyone she loved before

Preparing herself to love one’s she never adore

 

Looking at the reflection of her face in pool of her own tears

She threw into it, her love her dreams, wishes and her fears

Shivering inside, feeling helpless, lonely but calm and quiet

She bestowed herself to Him, He is the one who is just right

 

Preparing to fly high, she looks at the clear blue sky

Shoulders without burden , she took a warm sigh

Wishing to feel all her life , the same optimism’s gleam

But sad she was , because this was only a dream…..!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Am Getting Married.

Yes I am getting married. It took me 1 and a half YEAR to realize this single reality…I am getting married.

Though the things beyond this fact are blur. Getting married to whom ? What do I feel ? Why I am doing this ? Why is all this happening ? Everything is blur.

I am going to be a computer scientist in another month. I Love my field now . I got the highest grades and GPA In my class. I am a so called intelligent student in the eyes of teachers. And yet….I am getting married. Just after the completion of my studies.

People say me to be optimistic about my future ! Can I ? Yes I know I should………..!!

The one I wished to pass all my life with….saw all my future dreams with….planned my future with…..is lost in the fog of time and fate !

The one I am going to have a future with….. I never thought about him….I have no feelings , an empty heart for him. This is the future I have to look up to !

I don’t know If I won’t be getting married , I would be doing any job or studying further , My life would be better in Future.

I don’t know either my life would be good with all that seems obvious. I don;t know anything. I am confused.

It took me 1 and a half year to realize the fact that I am getting married. I don’t know how much time I would take to accept the person of my fate.

My Allah and then my parents chose him for me…..and I accepted their wish…with my eyes closed. I couldn’t kill the happiness of my parents . I never gave them any happiness except this one. I am not selfish.

That was the time I stopped wishing for myself. Its hard when you get wounds all over your soul….by the broken pieces of your dreams….and you find no remedy…..no cure.

I have made room for pain in my heart. I know I have to live with what I am given I know I have to accept and I have to Move on !!

It is a difficult task.

Anyway…… I am getting married on 15th February 2014 and You all are Invited.

 

There should be some caring people to give me their shoulder. After all I need four of them. After all ‘Red’ color is getting ‘white’ for me. After all my marriage may be my funeral.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be With Me O Merciful !

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When life is at pause, when time stops and when the trees and birds are still

When my eyes stare at a point in the air , the point that is abstract that is nil

When my body turns into exquisite glass, the vessel through which vision can pass

When a warm stroke of pain emerge from heart and spreads in all the body very fast

When it starts flowing in my blood and with my breath It spreads profusely at last

When it penetrates in every inch of the flesh , Every part whether brain or heart

When my body screams out loud when my heart beats rowdy in my chest

This is the time when a pleasure , a bliss arise and spreads in my body at rest

I become tranced I feel the felicity and solace cascading in my blood

I cry but my heart is stunned in the fun, In the pleasure of this pain’s flood

When I never ask for the pain to stop, when I want it more and more

When the vessel and soul’s desires are opposite, no longer do they adore

Outside; Tears , shiver and pain , Inside; Pleasure , amusement and gain

When I calmly start feeling ‘Him’ Inside myself, while effaced is the pain

When ‘His’ Love then percolates through my blood my soul and my mind

When I feel ‘Him’ closer to the vein in my neck, My breath says ‘He’ is divine

When the vessel made of glass dances with the dance of soul

Dances in the shadow of ‘His’ light, ‘He’ is the partner ‘He’ is the whole

When my mind is stuck on the thought to talk , to see and to Meet ‘Him’

When I forget myself and ‘He’ is left as my world and as my self esteem

I bow and I cry , I become your servant I am the one who needs to find

Be with me O Merciful ! Be with me O My Lord ! Be with me O Kind !

I Miss You Today !

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Zoomed-in Human Eye

In my eyes , in the form of tears, you come

Slide your hands through my cheeks , glum

Gather on my neck , kissing it, make me frozen !

 

I dive into the past , those moments pleasant

The few days passed with you, make them my present

See them through my eyes, smile with contentment

 

Then I see the future, my life with open eyes

I get scared , I shiver, a wave of pain arise

It seems empty , hollow and barren without you inside

 

I miss you today, as today can be the last

To miss you or to talk about ‘our’ past

As I am losing that ‘tiny’ right on you today, alas !

 

Eyes are so beautiful , so why they do the hardest task

Of seeing through time, of becoming windows for the pain vast

Of becoming the mirror for the feelings in heart’s glass

 

The bright colors of eyes are insufficient for me to see you

I adore you, be with you and In my heart I see you

I love you and no beauty of eye is required for me to love you

 

This day is the day of pain, the day of finally getting realization

As I hang , between ‘Him’ and you through time of coadunation

You don’t belong to me, why there is still this strong connection ?

 

Memories of The past and The present have jumped on me

Eating my flesh, taking away my strength, they stabbed me

Alone, powerless and hopeless here in the dark they just left me…

 

And like every time I just realized, Missing him wasn’t a good idea !! The lines above may be absurd to you, As ‘myself’ is for me. But this was all I had. Sometimes words are not sufficient to describe what you feel. In fact they are not sufficient at all.

 

 

 

 

Guest Post : Fallen

A guest Post by my dearest brother Arindam Saha.

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Swinging along with the breeze

With other leaves on other trees

A-midst the clutter as wind passes by

With the birds as they hastily fly

Hanging from a branch, I watch the sky

With the sun hidden, as clouds float by

But all of a sudden I watch him leave

An old comrade who told not to grieve

He had lost grip of the tree

And now he floats; forever free!

He flutters, and flows, and turns around

And merrily he smiles and falls on ground

I look around and then realize

A splendid miracle, a pleasant surprise

As millions of leaves from thousands of trees

Fall on the ground guided by the breeze

I witness the most formidable treat

As millions leave their homes sweet

To agglomerate into the divine rain

And head to their destiny without refrain

And then I realize that alongside me

Were you, on the same branch of the tree

And together with me, you too did see

How leaves fell and set themselves free

Today we adore this mighty tree

Swing in breeze and chatter do we

Provide shade to the travelers on road

And listen to the birds’ same old ode

But O dear friend these days are few

When we are adorned by the morning dew

Soon we would be old and whither away

And I am so scared imaging that day

The day when breeze would be only so strong

And leaves would yet again compose their song

They would merrily dance and rejoice

But I would have no other choice

O friend so dear, would you come along

As we danced in synchrony to the same song?

Would you come along on the journey profound

Even on the day I fall on the ground?

Turning To A Zombie

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Days purposeless, lifeless

Nights sleepless, weep-less

Mind powerless, thinking-less

Heart feeling-less, emotionless

Eyes tear-less, fearless

A little brain making me alive

Turning to a Zombie, I survive

Those awake nights with tears

Have disappeared in fog

But still I stand filled with fears

With all the hollowness and less hope

I flow with the flow of life

A zombie walk on streets

He hunt people to survive

And I get my own meat to eat

Mind collapsed, fainted, wrecked

They hold secret of eternal life in it

Depression, pain and schizophrenic attacks

My forever friends no longer dwell

My life has possessed some weird days

A state between happiness and hell

A zombie life is indeed pleasant

Nothing to feel, Nothing to repent

Life is turning to a meaningless dream

Awareness-less, Search-less, direction-less

Praying , longing…… for pain, for screams

As Pain takes everything, gives everything, doubtless !

Please Donate !

Paloma Charity

I am Glad to know that I was missed this time 🙂 Thank you !

I was out of town for some important personal stuff , that is why I couldn’t give time to the blog. Back now . Want to discuss something …. Consider it a welcome back treat for me 🙂

Allah advises us that when giving charity, we should do so in a way that our left hand doesn’t know what our right hand has spent.

I listened to a beautiful explanation of this saying. I want to share it with you people. It was by a Muslim-ah Scholar. She said I use to wonder what this saying means. Always when we do a thing with our hands, all of the body parts know at the same time what is happening. She said she tried to give charity secretly with one hand but at the same moment each of the body part was sent a message about it by the mind . Then she realized it meant something else. It meant that while giving charity we should not count it, because counting involves the second hand. In this way when one hand will give charity the other body parts will never know how much amount was spent. And when we do something for Allah without counting, the reward is countless too.

The cook in our hostel mess is a young lady with 5 children and her husband is dead. She is recently diagnosed Cancer. She is so poor that she hardly raise her children. So finally after visiting many hospitals and annoyed by the expensive treatements she managed to visit Shaukat Khanum Memorial Hospital that was made by Imran khan , a famous political person and I was amazed to listen to the story she told me.

She said they do a free checkup and full treatment of Cancer patients who are poor and can not afford the expensive treatments. And the doctors and nurses and every employee there talks to you in the same way they talk to the people who are rich and can afford the treatment. And the rich people give double triple payments when they recover , with their consent and through this money the poor are treated for free.

We hardly see this type of kindness in this world now, specially in Pakistan.

I request you all please give donations to this hospital for the treatment of Cancer patients. I am requesting this to you because I felt I should. I have done my part. It is your turn now. I hope you people will donate for the noble cause.

This is the website of Shaukat Khanum Hospital .

http://www.shaukatkhanum.org.pk

If you can’t donate much, Just send a text to 7770 and donate Rs-20 for them. 

Mention here when you are done ! May be your donation saves an innocent life 🙂

Kind Regards !

Thank you !

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