I should laugh.

What should I call myself ? Huh !

A loser ? A psycho patient ? A dumb idiot ? Sorry I can’t come up with a better word.

My life has been a total disaster…..I have been living in the house of my own imaginations.

All my life I thought I shouldn’t show my tears to my parents…I shouldn’t share my problems with the….They should never see me crying….. Why ? Because I thought they might get worried….I thought I have never given them any happiness so I have no right to give them pain because of me.

And today I am laughing at my thoughts. I am making fun of my own self…..

I was lying on my bed….crying and sobbing…..Reason was my parents.

They stood in the the door way…watching me. And then they left. They didn’t even say a word. ย They didn’t even ask why am I crying.

They didn’t even thought I am dying for their one sentence of sympathy and care.

I am witnessing the pile of my imagination about my parents scattered on the ground right now….. And I am laughing…..

Happiness means smiling and laughing….Yeah?

So I am happy……I am so happy.

Because I know now, my parents don’t give a F*** !!

I was wandering in a black hole with no start or end and suddenly I am at the dead end !

(16th november 2013….A post written while crying and in extreme emotional imbalance)

Leave a comment


  1. I am worried for you. Please take care love!

  2. rjl2727

     /  November 16, 2013

    hey sister. i’m a lot older than you, but i know that pain – the pain of never measuring up, and finding no understanding that allows us to be who we are. i feel like the one blessing for me was a determination not to put my children in that same fucking mold my parents wanted to push me into, but to let them be and rejoice in who they are. i wish your parents were the generation that learned that for your sake, but it is a lesson you must hold on to for the sake of your own children when they come – and you will thank yourself and be blessed every single day by it and by them. and it is important to let our children see and know our own failures and weaknesses, for they will then be free to try and fail, and know they are accepted and loved for who they are.
    and my last point in this lengthy comment is that being able to laugh at them (parents or whoever), and especially being able to laugh at ourselves is the greatest psychological survival skill life can offer. my ability to laugh, and laugh at myself has kept me from even considering the tragic alternative. my heart is with you in your pain, but if it helps in any way, i will laugh at them with you. peace and goodness to you. bob

    • He sorry for late replies and making you worried. I am fine ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you.
      I am so grateful for you for saying all these beautiful words to lessen my pain…..I read your comment before but was not in a condition to reply at the same time. Apologies for that.
      And actually I was not laughing at my parents…I was laughing at myself and my thoughts thinking of which I passed my whole life and then I came to know they were absolutely false.
      Thank you again for the wonderful reply.

      • rjl2727

         /  November 18, 2013

        my pleasure. but girl, your whole life is ahead of you, so the lesson is one for the road ahead. always laugh at yourself – and at me if it helps.

      • You are right….I am in a habit of laughing at myself….And It helps a lot.

  3. YOu have captured the feelings so many have lived through- the pain of realization related to the “piles of imagination” about one’s parents. Such awareness may be painful but is it ultimately transformative. I wish you luck!

      • Maria, She’s clearly not replying. I guess you’re her oldest blog friend that I know. What’s happening to her…?? In the moments like this, one can’t help but think of an irony… how can one like this post… how can one even close this page, and go resuming their work… how to do that…? and what to do if not that?
        When you know that someone you happen to know is going through an ordeal… shutting down the world outside, and confining self to solitary…. it’s tough to decide whether to leave them there or whether to participate, or to extract them out of it…
        She has so many people on the blog, so many of the homeland… I ponder if any one, most likely a female friend, have her personal number, so that they can call and listen to her, any one in close proximity to hold her, to hug her, to do anything that would not let her feel so unloved and perishable….
        It’s uneasy to see someone you know in depression, but more than that it’s depressing to self when you can’t help but feel, wouldn’t there be any form of relief?
        Thankfully she has a blog to let out, but if this much she has expressed, than one wonders how much would be an actual pain… how much is she still hiding in her chest… what would be a margin of extreme… ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
        I hope she comes out of this episode. Sooner and better..! Much as a strong person.
        Lala, if you’re reading this. Please know that we’re here, and none of us would like to see you depressed. We wish you all the world’s happiness… come back… we know you’re much stronger than you have portrayed… you’re a fighter – a survivor, a hope for the many people around you… don’t let them loose a faith on a fact that even in the hardest circumstance, human posses the power and will, a courage to bounce back! ๐Ÿ™‚
        We miss you… Don’t you ever forget that…!

      • I talked to her yesterday, and tried to do what I could. The way she is, she feels sorry to upset her readers. We can all only hope and pray for the very best.

      • I understand.
        I’m happy that you’re there… I was hoping for that. ๐Ÿ™‚
        Asking her not to loose hope, and then giving it up ourselves.. I hope world never comes to that…

      • It won’t happen ever Ali don’t worry ! You people are better than me, better than to lose hope ๐Ÿ™‚
        Stay blessed !

      • Love you Maria.

      • Ali, Your comment just brought tears in my eyes…..So much Love, so much care ….Why ? You people make me feel Loved…..You are the ones behind my quick recoveries these days…Trust me ! Your words mean a lot to me Ali, and I mean it, A LOT ! Love you for being here for me in hard times and for caring that much for me…..I don’t deserve all this care Ali…..I haven’t got this kind of care all my life and now my cravings have become my strength ….I am not strong though from inside….
        I don’t know what to say….But your words are like a balm ! Really love your wishes and advice….Thank you ! Thank you so very very much. I am honored !

      • It just makes me glad… very glad! That you’re back!! ๐Ÿ™‚ Rest is history as they say… You proving that you can survive and come out stronger, becomes an inspiration for all of us.. Stay blessed and keep rocking! ๐Ÿ™‚

      • An you excitement just made me smile ๐Ÿ™‚ Love you for all your words and for staying with me. You are awesome ! I will keep rocking until you are with me ๐Ÿ™‚ Stay happy always.

      • ๐Ÿ™‚ I think we all deserve a treat from you… Ek zabardast poem…! On hope and courage! – A brave new world! ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Araay why not !! Sure ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you so much ! โค

      • Indeed its some relief to know that you are there with her … or at least have come in contact with her … Ali is also right … its so excruciatingly annoying … to want to be there for someone, to hold em, and let them know you are listening to their each breath… And not being able to do it … Allah Pak us kay Dil ko saqoon ataa farmaye …!!! Aameen

      • Ameen ! …………….

      • Thank you Maria, You are Lovely โค

      • I am. Indeed. ๐Ÿ˜‰ But you are more.

      • :-* ๐Ÿ˜›

    • Yeah I guess pain is the same in every condition , That’s why ! It is painful but after all a truth ๐Ÿ™‚ A brutal one ! Thank you so much for your response and Wishes. Love xx

  4. You are not at a dead end sister… Please don’t loose hope… because I believe that you would never loose hope… And if you do so, my belief will be broken… Don’t fail me…

    • I would never lose hope…It is my oxygen mask…I will die in real If I would lose it brother. I won’t fail you ever in this case.

      • ๐Ÿ™‚ Good girl… And yes… You should laugh ๐Ÿ™‚ Always

      • Laugh like this ? Like in the post ? ๐Ÿ™‚

      • You know how to laugh… Ab nautanki bandh kar aur hans de ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜›

        Waise… skimming through the other comments I found you saying “I don’t deserve the love you are giving me”…

        Kyun yaar? Dost hote hi kis liye hain? Kal agar main kisi problem mein fas jaaun to tu nahin help karegi kya?

      • Okaay ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hehe ๐Ÿ˜›
        No I meant I am not that lucky or you can say I on’t worth your love…..
        I know dost isi leye hotay hain per banday ko b tu is qabil hona chaye na k dost usk leye itna kuch kerain.

      • Jo dosti qabiliyat dekh ke ki jaaye woh dosti nahin sauda hota hai… ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Continue writing and sharing your inner pain, releasing it and freeing yourself. You are important and have much to share which will help others going through the same situations as yourself. We are here for a reason…..Namaste”

  6. I know it doesn’t make sense when someone says I understand how you feel but I can tell you I have seen worse days in my life. I have “been there,done that” and I could tell you that it is mostly what we are thinking and expecting. The thought that helped me during that time was “We have to take responsibility for every area of our life and everything that happens in our life”. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • It helps when you see someone going through the same , what you go through and fighting with it . Your thought was right, I absolutely agree to it. Thank you Gaurab for telling me how you have been there, done that ! It helped. Thanks.

  7. Hello friend. Sorry to hear that you are feeling that way. God loves you and cares. My thoughts and love too. There is always hope for better relationships. Take care.

  8. Rexie

     /  November 16, 2013

    White Pearl,

    This is the first time ever I have read your blog though I have visited only a couple of time in the past through Himani’s blog. As a stranger with no proximity with you, I would still want to say that you should try and gather yourself for your own caring sake and not for any uncaring fool out there.

    As for bloggers from Pakistan, I don’t know if you ever heard of Nehdia Sameen, a Fulbright Scholar and a blogger par excellence, who was my friend and who unfortunately expired last year at the tender age of 27 from a brain hemmorhage. And then I have had another friend who is a young writer and has one of the best blogs in Pakistan. The third is you ๐Ÿ™‚

    Take care WP, it make me sad to see your emotions.

    • First of all Rexie, Thank you so much for taking out your valuable time to read my blog. I am so happy to have you here ๐Ÿ™‚
      Thank you so much for your advice and good wishes , they mean a lot to me !
      And I don’t know about the blogger you have mentioned from Pakistan, I will do some internet research though right now to know ! What is the name of second blogger ? And I guess I am lucky to have you then ๐Ÿ™‚ Love you ! Stay with me. Take care lots and don’t be sad….. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Rexie

         /  November 19, 2013

        Can I call you Rukh? This lovely blogger Harsha calls you Rukh and I like that name. I am hoping that probably is your name. Let me know if I am allowed to use it ๐Ÿ™‚

        I have not given you any advice here. I believe, without a really close relationship giving advice to someone makes you look like an insufferable egoistic fool. I hate people who give me advice without knowing me (sometimes those who know me as well) so I wouldn’t want to annoy you and patronize you. I guess your sadness hit me straightaway and I exchanged words of fellow feeling. You’re a very beautiful soul and I want you to take on this mad and horrid world of yours simply through the power of your beauty which means being resilient in the end even if you lose grip on yourself once in a while.

        Don’t bother about those bloggers. Now the story begins between you and me. And please don’t say that I have spent my precious time ro read your blog. I am another human being like you and i must say that you have invested your precious time in creating this, I have only simply read it.

        That was enough for now lovely lady? ๐Ÿ™‚ see you soon. And yes, I will stay with you for as long as you allow me to.

      • Hey beautiful ๐Ÿ™‚ Sure you can call me Rukh I love it. Harsha calls me this because he knows m full name is Lalarukh and he likes the rukh part . You can do the same .
        You sound right Rexie people who don’t know me can’t give me proper advice but you know some advice is universal . You can give it to anyone like to stay positive and to be happy to smile etc and I guess most of the people have given these kind of advice and It feels good to hear all that ๐Ÿ™‚
        Okay Rexie I guess this is your humbleness ! I am honored by your words ๐Ÿ™‚
        Love you and I hope to see you around more often and forever . Thank you so much with all my heart ๐Ÿ™‚ Love you . Hugs xx

  9. *tight Hugs*

  10. Please don’t be so sad. Concentrate on the good things God has given you and try to overcome sadness.

  11. gather your self
    stop crying
    find solution

  12. Well..since you asked..I will tell you what you are…

    You are Allah’s gift..of love to others…

    And oh my god..not many people are..

    You see when Allah led me to your blog I was dead in effect…

    But you lit the highest fire of my soul back to life again..with your unconditional words..

    And now I easily share that with others win REAL LIFE for the first time in over 5 years….

    So I simply love you that is all..and you know you can express all your love and other emotions here and people will love you back as no one can miss the true reality of Allah’s Love that is you…

    I am glad you are expressing your repressed anger against your parents…

    Deep down somewhere you know your Allah’s True Will and the time is coming for you
    to make that TRUE TOO…

    I don’t how.. but IT WILL happen….

    IN this life my friend….

    • Thank you for your kind and encouraging words my friend. I never knew when and how I was responsible of liting fire of your soul back to life….I would never take the credit…It was all your effort. But I am so happy you think like that for me…. You are lovely. Thank you so very much. Love you…….

      • Well..’sweet’heart…

        There are two types of Tigers in the World…

        One is the Tiger who fears no other and has the strongest will to live..

        But there is another very special very rare Tiger..named as Allahtiger….

        The thing that makes Allahtiger so very very special and rare..is that Allahtiger never fears to express unconditional love for others..but Allahtiger can be afraid of his shadow sometimes..as his spirit is just too sweet…

        WEllyou see sometimes in the world Allahtigers are born as Allahtigers..but rarely does a regular tiger ever become an Allahtiger…

        Well yeah..I was born an Allahtiger…

        All Allahtigers have this very special light in their eyes…

        One can see it in my baby picture avatar..that I use on some of my sites…

        The saddest thing of all though is when Allahtigers lose the light in their eyes..and then change back into regular tigers and only fear no others..with that strong will to live…

        I had to search the entire world to find another Allahtiger to once again..regain that light in my eyes..

        It took five years..and you see..NOW..please..i found you Allahtiger…

        And so now I retire my baby picture avatar..as the light of the Allahtiger..is back in my eyes..it’s in my latest blog post dear..

        That is all sweet heart..

        You didn’t have to do anything but be you..sweet Allahtiger…..

        So nah..me calling you Allahgater..was just a trick..you are really Allahtiger…

        I’ve just been patient..waiting..to tell you…..love..

      • Well your story of this tiger thing was amazing and I guess I have reached to the depth of its meanings too ! I hope I have. Thanks for your encouragement again ! Keep telling me that I am always here to listen ๐Ÿ™‚ Love xx

  13. Ahmed Usman

     /  November 17, 2013

    And so correct is ali sohani! how can one “LIKE” this post and yet close it and resume his work!

  14. Rukh…I always ask you to Smile but reading this believe me I am very sad…All I can say is Life is just like that..But You have to strong to defy the Odds..Until and Unless you are strong unwanted things will happen to you,That day I told you “Try to Stand for Yourself” instead of breaking Down…Crying will only make you more immune to all these unwanted things and I and the People above me who commented,all believe that you are Strong–Don’t Let Yourself Down Rukh..I know you are going through a Very Hard Time and If I say I know your Pain it would be wrong but Rukh you are bound to have pains in Life..But they are never Bigger than Life..Have Patience and faith in yourself,the dark shadows will very soon go away and there will be sunshine..But Please don’t Cry..I always tell you that Crying is not for you…You Know I have not seen you,maybe never will..But I am Sure You Don’t Look Good Crying…There should always be a Smile in Your Face…When You are sad and some other is the reason for that–Always Smile at them,which will make them that they are just making fool of themselves…

    Once Again I will say Rukh “Please Smile for Us”…
    God Bless You.. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • *Smiles* *Tears* Thank you so much brother…..You are the one always saying me to think positive and smiling and I always let you down by crying ๐Ÿ˜ฆ How bad I am ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
      I am sorry I let you down again……But your words mean a lot to me Harsha….They have always mean a lot .
      You are right…crying always makes me weak….But at those times I can’t resist crying….I don’t have a power more than it. You know Allah says He don’t put burden on a man more than his capabilities to bear it. I guess my I have less capabilities….But I don’t complain for anything….
      I just have to let it out by crying. I will try not to Harsha…. You like me smiling , I will smile ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚
      Thank you so so much………May God bless you too ! Lots of love xx

      • If God says they don’t burden Human beyond their capabilities–He is true and to find the capabilities within–It totally depends on us Human Rukh..be Positive in LIfe and Never give up on Life or Hope..Because you know “Duniya Umeed pe hi Kayam hai”… ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

        And see how beautiful you look Smiling… ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€
        Happiness is the key to life Rukh,But to find that Happiness it depends on us.. ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Yes Harsha trely duniya umeed per he qaem hai ๐Ÿ™‚ Love you for your positivity ๐Ÿ™‚
        You are so right. The next thing I want to know about you is that you are doing PhD in happiness ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜› Love xx

      • Hahaha..Lol..PhD..Arey I m done and Happy with my Engg. Deg,Actually I have had enough problems in life right from my young days,So I learned that there is no other way but just be Happy and never give up Hope and I learned to always look at the Positive side of Life even in the Darkest Times.. ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

        Believe me that is the only solution in Life. .:D,Life is Hard but very Beautiful.. :D.Always tell this to yourself and you will see the changes.. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • You learned the right thing Harsha, you are a great person ๐Ÿ™‚
        I believe you , your words have always been a positive effect on me. Thank you so much ! Stay blessed xx

      • Hehehehe..Ab itne bhi tareef mat karo..I m blushing.. ๐Ÿ˜‰
        BTW Be Happy Rukh–I will always say this.. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Hey BTW How is everything at your end now?
        If it is not fine no worries–Something Good is surely in store for you.. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • It is good…..I guess ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for asking.

      • My Pleasure Rukh.. ๐Ÿ˜€
        And What is there to Guess?

    • Rexie

       /  November 19, 2013

      Harsha, it feels very pleasing when you this lovely lady Rukh. I have asked her if I can use it. I hope it’s not something you have specially chosen. ๐Ÿ˜€ Btw, I have a feeling I have met you before and we had a chat about flowers on your blog
      And i guess I remember a lovely poem you wrote for your mum which has kind of stayed in my memory. Tell me I am not wrong.


      • Oh Yes I remember.. ๐Ÿ˜€
        And I am glad to hear that my Poem is still in you mind.. ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€
        And What you are asking to you use..I didn’t get you..Please Explain.. ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Rexie

         /  November 19, 2013

        Yeah, that poem stayed with me or let’s say, still stays with me.

        Haha. No, I was referring to her name “Rukh”. I did not know if it was her own or if you gave it to her. I wanted to use it. Sorry, I was typing it from mobile and oh god, what a struggle to do this from mobile! It took me ages to type that little sentence.

        Are you still doing flower photography?

      • Oh…Yeah it is her name actually “LalaRukh” is her full name and I liked the Rukh part so call her as Rukh.. ๐Ÿ˜€

        And Mobile is really a struggle to type…And Yes I am still into Flower Photography and actually Photography of all things that makes me Smile.. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Rexie

         /  November 19, 2013

        Nice Harsha. Just been to your blog. Loved the water snaps. They are damn gorgeous. When you have time, teach me photography please ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Thank You.. ๐Ÿ˜€
        And I am still not up to that mark of teaching others though I will love to share the technique I used in taking Photographs whenever you need them.. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Rexie

         /  November 19, 2013

        No worries sir. I’ll remember this too. I will definitely come to you for that technique at least. Take care for now. I will keep in touch with you through your blog.

        And what’s with that fish photo? Oh my god! It is going to be hard to believe that these are the same hands that capture beautiful flowers and also the horrendous looking dead animals too. Lol.

      • Hahaha..No Sir Please..And you are most welcome anytime.. ๐Ÿ˜€
        And the Fish Photo actually–I was preparing for Dinner the other day.. ๐Ÿ˜€

  15. So sad to hear all this from you.
    I don’t know what’s the real matter, but yes I know this pain as I have experienced this sometimes too. Keep in mind one thing, that parents do always care for you; there may be some events or things which cover their love with mist, but still they’d be the ones who are the most worried for you.
    In your situation, you need to calm down and see where the problem is. May be they are in some problem, or they have some misconception about you. I won’t tell my assumptions, but please be okay, don’t cry. Learn smile in the harsh moments, this will help you to solve the puzzle ๐Ÿ™‚ Be happy with life, take care!

    • I know Haseeb I know they care for me a lot…..But they don’t care or understand my emotions and feelings. You may be aware of what I am referring to, as you live In Pakistan, in the same circumstances I live. You know we have a large generation gap between our parents…They never try to understand what we think, Instead according to them providing ‘things’ is all their duty and they are working hard to fulfill it. I don’t say this is their mistake….They actually don’t know what we think and we don’t have courage to tell them At least I don’t have at all !
      Don’t assume things please…I know where is the problem but the thing is I can’t do anything to correct it. So have to bear with it I guess ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you so much for your sincere advice and wishes ! You too be happy ๐Ÿ™‚ Love xx

      • I do understand! You’re exactly right about the generation gap, I have had this experience a lot, so now I have learnt how to live with it; bearing things and sorting out ways ๐Ÿ˜‰ It’s our collective problem btw, every generation thinks that the next one is rotten ๐Ÿ˜€
        Well, I was just advising as a friend, cuz I can’t see any of my friends weeping; specially such talented friends ๐Ÿ˜›
        So Rukh, try to stay calm and wait for the right moment, things will sort our themselves. And yes, explaining them ur feel is good, try to tell them a bit, they’re your parents they would understand and lead you to the right way. Time is the best healer ๐Ÿ™‚ I always remember this quote, it makes me happy when I’m sad:
        “Yeh Waqt Bhi Guzar Jae Ga.”
        Stay Happy, Best wishes ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Lol yes yo are right….Our generation thinks the same already I guess we would more or less the same parents like our parents are ๐Ÿ™‚
        Well you are lucky then ! I don’t share sadness or weep in front of my friends either . So please check it your friends really don’t weep or they hie it from you ? ๐Ÿ˜‰
        I can’t explain them…I know they won’t understand…they never did.
        Sahi kehtay hain ap…Yeh waqt bhi guzar jaay ga ! ๐Ÿ™‚ Per her anay wala waqt pehlay walay se zada mushkil he kyun hota hai ?
        Anyways thanks for your thoughts and replies ! You too stay happy always .

      • Hahahaha!! Yeah may be ๐Ÿ˜› But I can’t really predict yet about what type of parent I would be ๐Ÿ˜€
        I do care for my friends, that’s why I keep checking if they’re worried ๐Ÿ˜›
        Well, esa nahi he, with every difficulty, there’s an ease, that’s what Quran says too. ๐Ÿ™‚ So be determined.
        Don’t say thanks, stay happy too. ๐Ÿ˜€

      • Lol start predicting then ๐Ÿ˜‰
        Well keep taking care of your friends….
        And yes you are so right ! Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ You too stay happy always xx

      • thanks ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. And yes, pray to ALLAH, he will open the doors of Rehmat. ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. Interesting. I cry all the time. Actually, I bawl. So my parents have stopped noticing my tears. Both our parents ignore us, but for different reason. ๐Ÿ˜€ Cheer up. The world cup is coming soon…

    • Oh yeah our situations are totally opposite ๐Ÿ™‚ Well I guess time will change…we can at least have hope it will ! Thank yo so much….I am scared of the world cup already ๐Ÿ˜‰

  18. Mail check kar…

  19. I have not seen so far anyone who have been loved and cherished the way you have been, just by letting out your heart the world understood you and came closer to hold hands with you in this blog of yours. Your sincerity and inner words from your heart is so refreshing that no on can ignore. i hope you get past this present maze you are and become happy again bcos you need and deserve it…..I think this is one of the longest comment i have done on any blog…Smile and be happy dear.

    • Yes seyyid you are so right…I myself never knew it would be that easy to make people understand me ! My writing skills have always been better than the speaking ones. And I am thankful to the people including you ho take out time for me …. Thank you.
      Thank you for your wishes and thank you for as you say your ‘long comment’ ๐Ÿ™‚ I feel honored ! Stay blessed xx

  20. Even though you feel your parents don’t care about you, you have a duty to respect them. For daily happiness however, surround yourself with people who DO care about you and know how to show you their love. We all have difficulties to cope with in this life but no one receives a burden that is too big for him/her. Feel sorry for your parents – they probably think they’ve done their best for you and perhaps feel bewildered by their artistic daughter and her emotional needs. Not all parents know how to show their love, but I’m sure it’s there – too well hidden perhaps, but it’s there for sure.

    • My parents do care about me and they do love me Safia and I respect them and will respect them with all my heart. You took a wrong impression from my words here I guess. What I was trying to say was that they failed to understand my feelings and emotions and they never cared abut them….They thought providing everything tome is their greatest responsibility . Yes they do think they have done best for me ….. And that is the thinking of them what I don’t want them to change . They are happy with their thoughts, I wont destroy their happiness.
      It is there and I know it ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for your wishes Safia your words mean a lot to me ! Thank you xx

      • You’re welcome, dear. Maturing and accepting your parents and their failures is tough (I’m still trying lol). Now that I’m a parent myself, I have to say, if it was paid employment, most of us would get fired! ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I am sure you will succeed in understanding it ๐Ÿ™‚
        Lol I am sure about that, though I will learn it after becoming a parent myself ๐Ÿ™‚
        Lots of best wishes and Duaa’s xx

  21. I can understand what you are going through … the feeling is of utter hopelessness … Our parents … no matter how much healthy or bad relation we have with them in our lives … There is always a deep … rather the deepest connection we always have with then … No matter where we are … we always have a belief in our hearts that whatever happens these are the two people, who will not leave me … turn their back upon me … they are the very ground you stand upon … one over which you build up your life … your hopes, dreams, you values and belief … and when that ground suddenly vanishes like some flimsy thing … you find your self falling to the depths of oblivion … and darkness … and while falling you pray with your life … grope around to find something … anything to hold on to … to cling to … to stop the fall … the hopelessness is so profound you start to doubt your own value, principle and belief … you start to doubt your own existence … you think … is any thing in this world real … am I real … whats my purpose … the pain is excruciating …!!!

    If that is what you feel then … I am really sorry yaar … I would not even wish this upon my enemies … The only thing you can hold on to is Allah Pak right now … believe in HIM … try to find peace within your prayers … cry away your pain … till you are numb … and DONT stop sharing … let your emotions flow … or it will start eating you from inside…!!!

    May Allah Pak bless you and guide you … and give peace to your heart … lots of X(s) and O(s).

    • Thank you Mani for being here with me and sharing your thoughts.
      Well the scene you have created here with your words is so perfectly sad an perfect ๐Ÿ™‚
      You are right though…. An this is not happening to me for the first time.,…I have always been punched in the face like this . Life is a cruel thing you know.
      I know Allah is with me and will always be with me …. I just wish when I share my things with Him He could reply back with words to me…..I so want to listen to Him despite searching for answers in Quran . I know I am stupid.
      Anyway Thank you again Mani your words always have a positive effect.
      Thanks for your prayers and wishes. Stay blessed ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Hey good to see you up and about … joking and laughing …!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

        I hope It not just for us … the whole smiling and everything ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

        Well you can understand why I can create the scene so perfectly … This is the first time that I have let these feeling out of me … I saw yours and just couldn’t keep myself from sharing what I felt … I thought maybe I would be able to reach out to you … let you know you are not alone in this … so that you mite not fall into a deeper depression … !!!

        Life is hard indeed … not cruel … Its our expectations from it and the people around us that makes it seem like cruel … !!!

        Ager ye sub itna he simple hota to phir aazmaish kahaan hoti … ye zindagi to hai he aazmaish … ager Allah Pak har aik se directly baatain karte to phir to koi bhi Allah Pak ki nafarmani na karta … koi kafir na hota … koi shirk na karta … ye he to imtehaan hai … kay insaan koi ache bure ki tameez sikha kar … us per choor diya …. kia teachers aate hain examination haal mai … students ko directly batane … NO … magar aap hamesha Allah Pak ko mehsoos kar saqte ho … apni shah rug se bhi qareeb … !!!

        I read a comment of your above … that may be Allah Pak has put more upon your shoulders that you can bear … mite be I understood it wrong but … Aisi baatain nahi karte … yehi to nashukri hai … dekho Allah Pak ne tumhain himaat di to tum es depression se nikli … you are alive and well … Mashallah … tumhain itna sound support system dia … all these people who love and care about you … Never say such things again …!!!

        I am glad that my words could lift someones spirits … And always … anything for my only fan … I wrote an article on Youm-e-Ashura … I hope you take time to read it … There is also a link to a video lecture … Bohot zabardast hai … agar time mile to zaroor dekhi … Stay blessed … lov ya!!!

      • It feels good to know that you were able to let it all out after reading my words….and your words means a lot.
        Theak kehtay ho life azmaesh ka he naam hai aur azmaeshun se me ghabrati nae hun kabi b….I spit out all my negative or bad thoughts here doesn’t mean I couldn’t think positive….Or I keep thinking like the same all the time. Like I said don’t judge me by my writings ๐Ÿ™‚
        Aur you totally got the wrong idea…I said to that reader k Insaan pe Allah utni he azmaeshain daltay hain jitna wo bardasht ker sakay… Ap ne tu totally ulta meaning le k sab kuch keh dia ……. Aisa bilkul nae hai you thought it all wrong.
        I sure am going to read it. I guess I read it already when you mentioned it on facebook. Ab pher se perhti hun ๐Ÿ™‚
        Likhtay raha kero…..Stay blessed ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  22. keep on writing and writing and writing and writing. through it all, keep writing. my two-cent advice. take care of yourself.

    • Yes I will for sure ! Thank you for your advice Sun you are so Lovely ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

      • whenever i get to a rough patch in life, i remember to tell myself, “this too shall pass…” i cannot remember what famous person said it but it puts things into perspective that nothing will last so…let’s get on with life. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Your perspective is a wonderful one Sun ! Truly amazing ! I will keep it in mind whenever I will face a situation like that again ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you xx

  23. tears
    help you release the wreckage of misery
    let them slip away from your reverie
    not to hurt but heals

    Warm regards,

  24. Hi, I’ve just found you on my blog.
    I lived in America for a period and learned how to hug. I hugged my father and you would have thought that I had attacked him, however he eventually got used to my hugs.
    It is posible that your parents do love you at some level but simply don’t know how to express themselves. The modern world and expectations can be challenging to say the least.
    My eldest daughter said that the best advice I gave her was to accept what her father was able to offer her as he was not able to offer her what she thought a father should – he is a good man. Once she had the grace to allow him to express what he was able to express they had a good relationship until she died – life can be fleating.
    Do read and try the things on my blog. You can see that they are my personal experiences. If you can try these you’ll find a peace inside. I did one for 3 months every day and was unaware of how I was changing until something happened that was beautiful. Change comes as slowley as your hair growing, but it grows and beautifully so. M’reen
    p.s. let me know how you get on.

    • Hey sweetheart ! Your comment means a lot to me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here. My parents do love me and I know that but you know they never were able to understand me. I have been living with it and will live forever its just that sometimes you have to let it all out somewhere and I did here on my blog.
      Your advice was right ….. You are a nice soul.
      I will for sure read your things on your blog an will sure tell you what I gained from them. I hope they would prove excellent for me. Thank you for caring so much ! Hope to see you around more often. Love and hugs xx

  25. Yasir

     /  November 21, 2013

    Sometimes, what we don’t realize is that in emotions and hate we are blinded…we are blinded to see the small things that matter. I have a philosophy which I live by, never expect anything in return even if it is coming from your parents. Rather just give give and give can be love attention or sympathy ๐Ÿ™‚ hopefully your problems are solved, Amen.

    • Very true Yasir ! We ignore the small things that matter and take them for granted while wishing for big things to happen. Your philosophy is right but very hard to practice. I have been practicing it too for everyone in the world except my parents. Expecting things from them is natural I guess !
      Thank you for your Duaa ….. Ameen !

  26. First of all the all feelings you shared with us,realize us that you consider us very close to you and never say it again that you are a dead end dear,,we all are here and might having the same sorrows and pains.but life is the name of difficulties.I really can feel what you shared here because i have also crossed the same roads in my life and such things happen,not to make you week but sometimes it comes in our lives as an examination from Allah that how much we trust him?sometimes it comes as a test from life to check our confidence level and sometimes it comes from our own loved ones as a very big disaster just to make us strong!
    we may not realize it at the same time when people don’t ask us about the reasons that why are we crying? But we realize it when they till their reasons that why they didn’t ask us??
    I am not that much experienced and not a Zindagilogist ๐Ÿ™‚ that i should tell you more but as a sister and friend i will always tell you three things and remind you about three keys:::
    Hope for betterment
    Trust yourself
    Believe Allah Almighty
    Inshallah all will be well!!!
    And keep three keys always with you that open every door even the most difficult and the darkest door of your life and they are:
    I never consider my self being as a lived person like you,i was also disgruntled from my parents,society and relatives,the more i trusted the more i was hurt but make it a way:
    Don’t consider every bad and harsh thing v. bad just leave it and live as a dead person that you said but positively,,,,,,,
    Us k badh ap khud ee mature ho u can understand better
    Smile has been snatched from me
    sometimes it is good to be selfish like people ๐Ÿ™‚
    Love you my sweety ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Hey Yasmeen ! I hope you are doing well. First of all Thank you so very much for such a positive and energetic response. You are right yasmeen every problem is either a test or a punishment from our beloved Allah and the thing I mentioned here was not a test so I know the feeling and I know you can understand it too. And yes may be my parents had their reasons…. Your words sound so right.
      And now I am feeling like you are expert on solving out the life problems ๐Ÿ™‚ Your keys are the best…I am sure they do wonders always when used.
      It feels bad to hear about your problems with your parents and life….I can just pray and wish your problems get solved soon.
      Keep smiling sweetheart…No one can snatch smiles from us….It is us who can o this to ourselves alone.
      Love you and many many dua’s or you. Thanks again. stay blessed ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

      • Oh yarr i am blessed 2 have a nice friend like you ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks a bunch fro so much love honey
        blessings for u too ;;hugs and love too ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. I can’t say anything that other amazing blogger friends of yours haven’t already said to you lala, but I know and understand one thing from your writing and previous posts I have read, is that you have a strong bond with Allah Almighty. Even if you are feeling down, I just know in my heart that you’ll make through it. Because you are strong and seek shelter from Allah. You’ll be fine my dear sister. I just know it . Keep the faith and believe in yourself .

  28. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words

     /  November 23, 2013

    crying washes the soul and lightens the Spirit to once again spread those gossamer wings and fly
    You matter…just being you matters….
    Take Care…

  29. I know you are better than what you felt when you wrote this…

    But one who has the courage to show the emotions to the world has the courage to face it as well..

    take care ๐Ÿ™‚ … keep smiling

  30. Iv been feeling this all year around… 2013 sucks!

  31. dont be sad sweetheart, please dont be sad. there is light, there indeed is light. what might seem to you a ‘dead end’ might be the start of something new and wonderful? I believe so. I hope and pray you are able to see it too. lots of love โ™ฅ

  32. Parents from our side of the world don’t expect such explosions of emotions from their children usually; they themselves find themselves at a loss of what to do and thus leave us to ourselves thinking that we might figure out the things…..
    We usually tend to hide our emotions….

  33. extreme emotional imbalance…for sure!

  34. Asalam walik kum Dear..How are you??

  35. aak92

     /  July 2, 2015

    We all feel this way at some point of our lives or many points of our lives. But see you made it. If, only if you would have given up you would have lost so much. Much more than this. So never give up and yes you are loved by many including your parents. Because of generation gap I think we people lack understanding.
    You have given other people hope. Don’t ever give up.
    Love you friend and wish you luck. โค


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