Repentance, With Love.


A black heart, dirty soul, tear filled eyes and trembling hands….. That is all I have. I don’t worth standing in front of you…. And still I am here….. I don’t deserve your mercy….. Yet still I am begging for it.

You are The Beneficent, you are The Merciful, You are The Almighty,  You are Kind. You Love me more than every single person in the world.

I do sins and I repent. You forgive me. I do sins again an I repent again and you forgive me. How would I ever be able to return you what you have been doing for me all my life ?

And here I am…begging you again with a bundle of sins on my shoulders….. I need you with me….I need to talk to you.

I know you are angry with me. And I know you will forgive me again. This feeling is all I have….More than a treasure for me. I need the exams you take from me…I need the difficulties…I need the problems….. I have realized what you always say that exams are for special persons to whom you want to give something other than ordinary.

I have realized, a life full of comfort and happiness is nothing….. I have realized I am nothing without you….

I know the difference now when you take my exams and when you punish me….I have recognized the feeling…. I want to have more….

I want to indulge in Ishq-e-haqiqui…..I want to be your ‘Muqarab’…… I want to Live this life for you….. I know my Wishes are huge…But same is your personality Allah….and I know I am wishing it from you…… You are Almighty.

I Love you Allah tala jee I Love you….Please forgive me…..

I am running out of words…..But you know what is going on in my heart…..I don’t know fancy words to attract you….I just have a plain simple heart and soul who is filled with your Love…..You know me Allah tala and I know you will respond…..

I just want to tell you I am embarrassed….I can’t lift up my eyes…..I am feeling ashamed of myself…..and I love you.


Ek din Hazrat Moosa (A.S) ne Allah se kaha k mai Aapki Rehmat aur insan k gunah dekhna chahta hn Allah ne frmaya Peche dekho, Dekha to ek bohot bare Samandar k andar 1 drakht par 1 chirya apne mou mai mitti le kr bethi hai,

Hazrat Moosa (A.S) ne kaha ye kya.

Allah ne farmaya,

ye Samandar meri Rehmat hai aur ye drakht dunya , ye chirya insan aur us k mo mai jo thori c mitti hai wo us k Sare Gunah hain. Agar ye apna mo khol kr mitti(Gunah) pani mai gira de to meri Rehmat ko koi farq nhi parta. To kyun na insan touba kre aur main maaf na kron, insan to Naadan hai.

[ One day Hazrat Moosa (R.A) said to Allah that I want to see your blessing and human’s sins. Allah asked him to see behind. He saw a huge sea and a tree inside it, a sparrow sitting on that tree and some mud in its mouth.

Hazrat Moosa (A.S) said what is this ?

Allah said,

This sea is my blessings and this tree is this world, this sparrow is human being and the dirt in its mouth is all his sins. If this sparrow opens it’s mouth and throw all the dirt in water, it won’t effect my blessings . Then why not a human repents and I forgive him ? As human is unknowing.



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  1. Ahmed Usman

     /  November 23, 2013

    Just wanted to reblog this Excellent stuff!! So true…So lovely.

  2. Wonderful story… Truly amazing… Bas chiriya muh khol de… 🙂

  3. God is Great you Know..They Forgive us in every way possible but also teach us the lesson in its own unique way,I believe you there is no reason questioning Him for I know what he does is only good for us.. 🙂

  4. Well..dear I reALLy cannot add anything to this as it is simply true to…LOVE

  5. Beautiful …just beautiful. You have captured so many things in this post. Must reblog Insha Allah.

  6. I am also going to post it on my Facebook page. would appreciate if you like the page.

  7. Rexie

     /  November 23, 2013

    A black heart, dirty soul, tear filled eyes and trembling hands….. That is all I have.

    You know Rukh, it is strange that I never get this feeling in front of even the more purest of human beings but when I stand in front of the Lord (or Allah as you call him) and envisage him in my heart and mind, this is the imagery that is evoked – of a feeble, worthless, insincere, fragmented and narrow consciousness, tiny like a twig, weightless like a cork, small and imperceptible as a dot when compared to this massive universe. But suddenly a realisation came to me one day. As I was offering myself more and more with my “black prayers” where the focus lay on my darkness more than His Light, I felt I was not coming closer to God as I was when I offered myself with a simplicity where I totally forgot that I was flawed. I just was what I was and that how it is and that is much I could give. All I wanted to be was to offer and offer all the time. That worked wonderfully. I then realised that to possess the qualities of a slave without thinking much of what we are, who we are and where we stand, with no emphasis on ourselves except for on the Master was the best way of winning him. Perhaps to win him is also not good idea. Just be. Just offer. I call it the method of The Beautiful Slave where we perceive ourselves as being only slaves to Him and this beauty of physical, mental and psychic supplication takes you automatically to him like a jet stream takes an aeroplane.

    I don’t really believe in sin as “bad” as my aphorism on sin says. It is just that things are not in their right place which appears to be sin. So I could almost say that I don’t even believe in sin, let alone believing it as bad. Please know, while I am writing this, that you certainly are interacting with worst of the sinners. I am not lying. And hey, I am just human after all. Or should I say, I am still human, after all 🙂

  8. rjl2727

     /  November 24, 2013

    sister, i feel the depth of your pain. i’ve been there time and again. and because i know i will always return to the very thing that made me feel such guilt and need of forgiveness, i am learning to make peace with both the fallen humanity i will always be and the Divine, who i truly believe is far kinder than we are willing to believe. and if God, Allah is merciful, so He is and we can never earn or match that. God is good, yes? so, God is good whether we are or not. find peace with yourself as you are here, and you will have peace there. live life on earth before you worry about heaven. i hope i do not offend you. this is meant with sincerity and with your goodness at heart.

  9. rjl2727

     /  November 24, 2013

    please, please forgive me if my above comment has offended you. i truly meant not to. and then i considered that i cannot speak to your religious tradition, and you’ve followed me long enough to know of my struggles with faith, so i am unqualified to address you on this. i beg your pardon.

  10. I completely endorse what Rexie says.

    I’d also add that maybe you should think about whether Allah could really be angry with you. Surely He has seen it all before and even your very worse sins would be pretty trivial to Him.

    Ask yourself, could you seriously get angry at a puppy or kitten for being naughty?
    Now think about yourself in comparison to Allah.

    If there is a God who judges He may disapprove of some things you do and He may be disappointed if you waste the potential He has gifted you.
    But angry?

    Could it be that you’re angry at yourself?

  11. Every story is great, but The Greatest is Him who story-rizes to show how merciful He is. You’re embarrassed and ashamed of your sins? This is it. That’s all He asks from you.

  12. Subhanallah. Thank you for your inspirational post.

  13. MashAllah!!! So beautifully written. It is so true Allah gives his hardest battles to his toughest soldiers, this is our jihad. To be what HE the almighty desires us to be. May we all please HIM and Allah have mercy on all of us. Ameen…

  14. junaid, the muslim guy next door

     /  November 26, 2013

    Reblogged this on Muslim guy next door. and commented:
    if you can read urdu, then do read the text in the pic of a woman who is holding a tasbih… SubhanAllah

  15. Welcome back… Rockstar! 🙂

  16. Mashallah a beautiful post… I love this xx


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