A Fresh Start !

Ok this fresh start is not for my life. It is for my blogging experience. I have started a new blog…. I was tire of witing and thinking about myself and I need a break from that. Meanwhile I will be writing on that new one. You all are warmly welcomed there as I need you all in my journey. Please read the about page first. I will be writing FOR myself there and ABOUT myself here on this blog.

Here is the address : http://www.shadowsofthedivine.wordpress.com

Thank you.

“I Love You” – A Fiction.

red_rose_on_a_grave__in_bellu_by_schwarzekatze181

She said, “I need to talk to you !”

And he never did.

He reminisced. Each time she tried to share her feelings he pushed her away. Every time she cried in front of him, he was pissed off. Each time she said that she needed him with her, he disappeared.

He shouts on her , insults her but she never turned away…. she threw her self respect far away for him….And he use all his self respect and ego against her. Whenever they had a fight, he never apologized and talked to her first. And every time she made him realize that after talking and resolving the fight by apologizing first.

Love of Human

Sacrificed Self respect

Butchered ego

Pleasurable pain

Enchanting heartache

Dying Wishes

Trembling smiles

Tranquility

He never knew through how much pain she has to go through to keep poking him with texts and call when she knew he don’t care. She knew he won’t reply but still she kept staring at the screen for a long time and then burst into tears.

“I Love you”

“I Love you too”

These were the words that begun and end there conversation…..and which were the only words to say when they had nothing else left to say to each other…..and these were the words he kept saying to her almost a hundred times a day……

And he recalled, He was not there for her in her most miserable times….. She stopped sharing her pain because she wanted him in her life.

Tears were dropping by his eyes…one by one…..and he was staring in the air…..

He recalled the texts she left for her in these days….She said she wanted to talk to him but he was angry…He was taking a break from her…He never replied….He never talked to her……..He needed time.

He never knew time is a thing no one can have. It doesn’t breathe but it dies.

She shared her feelings once again this time and like always…..He turned his back on her. He stopped talking…He needed time. She kept talking….. She needed him.

But she had no time left…….

He wiped away his tears , put that red flower on her fresh grave and whispered , ” I Love you and I knew you would wait for me” .

Haunting regrets were all he was left with.

==========================================

* P.S Adrift : No, this is not FOR you…. This is ABOUT me. Couldn’t come up with anything better in this misery.

=================================

O December…

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December…. A symbol of sadness and pain, quiet and peace, calmness and reticence. A symbol of unearned Love, unwanted desires and unanswered prayers. Mournful feelings of melancholy and gloom are embedded in its essence. Chilled winds full of woes an abyss….

Friedrich Nietzsche says

“When you stare into the abyss, it stares back at you”

December…. was never like this for me. I read thousands of quotes describing about its sad essence and many people discussing about its sorrowful qualities but I never believed them. It was like other months of the year for me until now….

When In the center of snow , I stand

See white snow  falling on the dry land

When chilling winds give me shiver

Sadness prevailed, Tears do wither

I see myself lost in the winds and snow

And here I stand, with agony and woe

Both my best friends yet worst enemies

And here I stand, invisible and vanished

Like shadows vanishing with nights

Cold that makes our inside, cold !

Blood freezes inside veins, Lifeless heart

Pumps it hard but never succeeds

And I am left with the effortless efforts and

unanswered questions, question marks

When every way I see is not for me

And I want to move, without ways , in abyss

White Darkness; The only thing I see

Rays of hope fainted , I am abandoned

In the horrifying cage of December…..

Empty handed I stand, Lifeless I grow

A soul-less statue I form, lost in the glow

Of December, The month of gloom and abyss…..

O December….

“He had been walking for a long time, ever since dark in fact, and dark falls soon in December.”

(“The Old House In Vauxhall Walk”)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She…

She is not a good blogger nor a good writer. She keeps writing same things again and again no matter what we say. Her writings always revolve around her own life…the same so called sadness, the same pain , the same fears…. She keeps writing about them and we keep advising her but she never understands nor does she change her views about anything. I think she should stop this…. I think she should bound herself again in the huge , concrete, unwanted walls of her own self…. Freedom is not for her….Sharing don’t suit her….It never did…. She should stop now, yeah ?

Happiness ? She do’t know what it is ? Oh she is a big liar ! Who don’t understand happiness ? She do too. She know how to smile…she know how to extract happiness from her favorite moments….She just don’t want herself to be happy…. she is giving her own self some kind of punishment which she don’t realize…. Why ? She laughs on jokes…she talks and make people laugh…. She seems normal enough ! Then why do she writes opposite to it ? May be she want sympathies of people…may be she wants pity ! May be she enjoys when people spend their time diverging her thoughts towards positiveness….. She is bad enough to be hated anyway !

She hates dreaming and she still do it….She still never stops and still gets wounded with their broken ends….And she is willing to bear an unending pain just for some seconds of amusement ? What a loser.

What a dual personality she is….. She says she loves Allah so much and on the same time she let Him down… She do things which He don’t like and still she thinks He loves her…. How can she do this ? She is definitely an abnormal person with no character and mind. She will soon die by drowning in her own self.

She annoys her readers now…I think she should stop it ! She definitely should…

 

 

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