Love Is Always The Same !

In every every form , In every shape
In every real relationship It take
In every passionate feeling’s name
LOVE is always the same !!

Whether it is Mom’s Caring Love….whether it is Dad’s affectionate Love…. Whether it is brother’s possessive Love…. whether it is sister’s friendly Love….Whether it is daughter’s or son’s sweetest Love….whether it is friends naughty and Lovely Love…….Love is BEAUTIFUL…….
Their is no life without Love !

I am going to Introduce you to two Loves of Mine today…..

First One Is  friends Love…….

A sweet girl who Loves to Dance …..

I would like to request her again to present something 😉

She Is energetic and passionate…funny….who is annoyed by the typical aunties 😛 …. Who is the greatest writer…… And a very nice friend and human being…. An enthusiastic youngster with a lot of ambitions……Meet her….. She is publicly known as VelaneDeBeaute and personally known as Ghalia !
I Wish You a very very HAPPY BIRTHDAY !

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All the sweet wishes and warm hugs…. And don’t worry this birthday would be awesome for you 😉 We are here for you …..

I Hope all these wishes make your day a memorable one !

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Second Love is The brother’s Love…..

A caring brother who understands me…care for me….Feel my pain…..Love me as a sister……
Who always give me awesome suggestions to solve my problems…
Who is always here to help me whenever I want to talk…..
Who has a lot of problems in life….A hectic life but He is strong…. Strong enough to defeat all the problems of his life….
Who is always ready to make everyone smile…..

Who has the most positive approach towards life……

Who is so Intelligent that he has to hide his intelligence with his mask….. 😉

Who is a real pure human being……..
I am blessed to have you brother Arindam Saha !

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On this ‘Rakhi’ , which is an event He celebrates for brother sister Love , He gave me some awesome and Intellectual ( Like him ) gifts !
He has a sweet Kachhua (Tortoise) Who made these gifts and Arindam delivered them to me 😉
Those were some Pictures of ‘Rangolis’ made in such an intelligent way. You can read details about this art here :

http://whenintrovertspeaks.wordpress.com/2012/10/06/a-thing-of-beauty-a-joy-forever/

Here are the Beautiful Pictures !

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And In addition to The pictures, He designed an Award for me too !

How generous of him 😉
This Award is made in the same way as these figures….
I am loving this Most Beautiful Award and I am not passing it on like the normal Awards because It is for me and only me……

Here is the Award , he call it the Golden Fern Award :

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I am honored to you you dear brother…… I , more than LOVED , all the gifts ! I have never received gifts even on my Birthdays before So you know this was a real Surprise ! Love You and Thank you !

In addition to these beautiful people , I have made a very sweet elder sister here too known as sakuraandme (Paula) and a very special friend known as Mani ( He talks too much and I am annoyed sometimes with his long debates but at the same time I love them too 😉 plus he has the worst sense of humor 😛 ) .

I would like to Thank some special people too here cabrogal , safia and KATiE MiA FredericK!iI who have been a real source of learning for me since now !

I want to Thank you all….. For All your Love and support….. And for giving me such valuable new relationships !
Now I have started making my own family here on Word press 😉
My Virtual Life is more attractive now then my real life 😉 I have never told people in my real life how I feel about them….. Here it is the opposite !

I can write pages on the gratitude I feel for having all these people but I don’t want to bore you 🙂

I VALUE you people and all my readers more than anything Now….. Stay with me Always !

I Am A Muslim Girl And This World Is Not For Me !

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Dedicated to all Muslim Girls and women of the world…..

I am a Muslim Girl and this world is not for me

When I go out wander In places

I get annoyed of boys who chases

They follow me , touch poke and run

Leaving me behind, making my fun

They can’t feel my pain, treat us like toys

Because I am a girl and they are boys

And when I cover myself up with veils

These are the white people who make me fail

By striking against the covering of women

They cause me bane that can’t be undone

I am a Muslim girl and this world is not for me

I become a victim of bad comments, riot and rape

Because I don’t find any kind of escape

I am not allowed to follow my religion

To cover myself in this men-dominant region

I am a Muslim Girl and this world is not for me

These are the men who are ready to kill

For their mothers and sisters they feel thrill

When other boys do the same to them though

They don’t remember ‘you reap what you sow’

No one understands my agony, my misery, my prate

When I question why Islam is not there in Islamic states ?

My heart cries when I see women’ right’s neglected

And when in Quran I read all about them being awarded

Where is the respect , the purity Islam gave to women

Why is it thought as negative in today’s generation

I am a Muslim girl and this world is not for me

I am waiting for the day when I would be respected

Not treated like toys not a source of lust, celebrated

Not by the yammer that ‘equal’ are women and men

Not by treating us like useless animals,  but Humans !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Fairy Tale Of My Life…..

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This time the sparkling transparent rain drops….. like the pearls on ocean……Have turned me to Rapunzel…..

Beautiful she was….with her long beautiful gleaming hair and big glowing eyes……

But she was a prisoner……She was allowed to see the beauty of the world through a window…but she can’t feel it…..She knew the world is not for her….

At the moment standing here in my window……Listening to the melody of heavy rain falling on plants and trees outside….feeling the chilly wind on my skin…..and looking at the vast beautiful world outside…… I feel like Rapunzel……

There is greenery everywhere…. Colorful flowers, green fresh grass, beautiful plants with shining leaves, chilled fresh breeze, blue sky and rain…….. The world is so beautiful…..

I want to dance…..in the water standing in grass…….I want to dance madly….

I want to spread my arms and look above closing my eyes…..I want to dance in rain……

I want to feel the breeze going through me….Making my soul fresh and clean……While the Rain drops take away all my dirt……

But I can just stand here and dream….. This beautiful world is so fancy….and yet so artificial to me….. Like a fairy tale….Of Rapunzel….

I can stare at happiness but I know it is not for me…..I can gaze at the beauty….but I know it does not belong to me……

I can’t just step forward and do what I dream of….I am a prisoner…..Like Rapunzel….

Is life so beautiful like the world….. Or this all is a fairy tale…. Soon the rain will stop and the world will get back to normal….with all its imperfections…..

Iqbal Says :

 “Destroy whatever does not suit you.

Create a new world out of your own self.

A free man feels unhappy.

To live in a world of others.”

Is it really possible…..Why thinking of this theory causes an inner happiness……A new world….Of my choice……Beautiful….

We should learn to live the moment to its best……But I am not able to learn it yet……Is life a mere continuity of breaths or something more ?

Rapunzel was a princess…..She was in a fairy tale…That is why she got her price and lived ‘Happily Ever After’…….

There is no Happily Ever After in real life……

She didn’t see her prince fading away with someone else in this beautiful world…….

She didn’t felt the ugliness of life…..I ceased to be in an eternal paradise like her….Where there is neither a pang of love, nor yearnings nor a sympathizer.

Fairy tales are ‘overrated’……We are what we experience…..I chose thorns instead of flowers…..Now I stand here and desperation to go out is justified…..

“You lack the lamentation of a nightingale

Because you are bereft of a burning soul in your body;

In the garden where plucking of flowers is not prohibited,

You have not wounded yourself by the pointed thorns.”

— Iqbal

I stand here and yet I am not here….I am dancing in the rain…..Hair flying freely with the wind…..Closed eyes thinking of Him…..I am His Co-worker…..And I sing…….

“Thou created the night, I the lamp;

Thou created the clay, I the vase !

Thou created the jungle, mountains and deserts,

I created gardens, orchards and flower plots!

It is I who make glass out of stone,

It is I who extract elixir out of poison.”

— Iqbal

And yet the journey begins…………The eternal search……Search of divine………..The conquest of time and space…….

We feel we will die when we are thirsty…..And yet we are indulged in other things when we get water….We don’t even remember our thirst could have killed us…… No one dies of thirst….. Death comes on time and according to His wish….. So Many things in this mortal world become our thirst that we have to die a thousand times before our death……

[In urdu]                               Meri Zindagi tou firaaq hai, woh azal se dil main makeen sahi

Wo nigah’e_shauq se door hain, rag’e_jaan se lakh qareen sahi

Hamein jaan dainee hai aik din, wo kisi tarah wo kahin sahi

Hamein aap khainchiye daar par, jo nahi koi tu hameen sahi

Sar_e_toor ho sar_e_hasher ho, hamein intizaar qubool hai

Wo kabhi milein, wo kahin milein, wo kabhi sahi, wo kahin sahi

Na ho un pe kuch mera bass nahi, k ye aashqi hai hawas nahi

Mai unhi ka tha, mai unhi ka hoon, wo mere nahi tu nahi sahi

Mujhe bhaithne ki jaga milay, meri aarzoo ka bharam rahay

Teri anjuman mein agar nahi,teri anjuman k qareen sahi

tera dar tau hum ko na mil saka, teri rahguzar ki zameen sahi

hamain sajda karne se kaam hai, jo wahan nahin tau yahin sahi

meri zindagi ka naseeb hai nahin door mujh se qareeb hai

mujhay uska ghum tau naseeb hai wo agar nahin tau nahin sahih

jo ho faisala wo sunaaiye usay hashr pe na uthaiye

jo karain gay app sitam wahan wo abhi sahi wo yehin sahi

Use dekhne ki jo low lagi tu Naseer dekh hi lain gey hum

Wo hazaar aankh se door ho, wo hazaar pardah nasheen sahi

— Naseer-ud-din Shah

My Life , A Pendulum !

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Touching the heights…..Changing state………Lowering to ground……changing state…….. Touching the heights……..My life is a pendulum !!

I am having some weird days…… It is like someone is forcing me to stay happy and I can’t absorb it……

I am being forced to stay and hang out with people who have the most worst Image of me in their minds and they hate me…….

I am being forced to enjoy the things which kill me inside when I think about the reason I am doing them…….

I am being forced not to cry by feeling the pain of cramps all over my body because I am made tired physically……

I am being forced not to think about the things which make me sad by making me busy in some abnormal tensions from study life……

I am being forced not to think continuously as I use to do by giving me severe headaches….

I am being forced to live with people who are not my fate by pushing people who are my fate, away from me……

I am being forced not to write by inserting words in my mind and not giving me time to write them down……

And I am not sure if I am being forced or I am the one doing them with my choice !!

I don’t want to be a pendulum anymore….. I want to move upward……Higher enough to reach Him……….

I am being forced to stop my journey…….. WHY ?

May be because this is another phase I have to go through……. I am missing the previous days….

I am missing my home……. My mind has not accepted the reality yet and it has started living in fantasies…..

I just need a shock….a collapse…a trauma…..a stroke…..a jolt…..another punch on my face !!

To see the reality again,…… I am already seeing my suffering in very near future….In 15 days or less….. And maybe that is why I am being forced to enjoy some moments……

I have learnt being a pendulum for so long….. People don’t have time to think about you…. Your death or absence effects you and only you…… You are a fool if you think you are important for someone…….

I know the truths and yet still I close my eyes for them…….

I am a fool….and I am having some weird days….. I know what life is going to give me and yet I am closing my eyes……..

I am a coward !!

I am sorry for being absent from here…..I told you I am having some weird days…..

My life is a pendulum and it is changing its state again…….

 

‘Heartache’

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Caustic heavy heart beat drumming in ears

The very choking breath full of fears

The restlessness, hopelessness, pain arise

Rubbing hands, Hollowness, tears in eyes

 

The severe agony thinking about the future

The regrets while peeking into the past

Eating my heart like beetles eat wood

Not letting me do, what I should !

 

The wish to have a wound on my body

The urge to scratch it hard with nails

That pain would kill the pain in heart

The blood would cause the heartache frail

Stepping singly on the graves of wishes

Each one arises and cause acute affliction

Somewhere deep down a part of heart itches

Takes me back to the endless expedition

The questions bubble into my mind

Like the sky with soft white clouds aligned

Am I bipolar , mystic , schizophrenic , wacky brain ?

Or I am just having the ‘Heartache’ again.

Gratitude Is The Best Attitude !

thank-you

I was reading ‘Shams Tabrizi’ Today, Who was the spiritual instructor of ‘Rumi’ . I don’t exactly know what a spiritual instructor do, but I wanted to share some of his quotes I loved, with you.

“The chemistry of mind is different from the chemistry of love. The mind is careful, suspicious, he advances little by little. He advises “Be careful, protect yourself” Whereas love says “Let yourself, go!” The mind is strong, never fells down, while love hurts itself, fells into ruins. But isn’t it in ruins that we mostly find the treasures? A broken heart hides so many treasures.”

“It is never late to ask yourself ‘Am I ready to change my life, am I ready to change myself?’. However old we are, whatever we went through, it is always possible to reborn. If each day is a copy of the last one, what a pity! Every breath is a chance to reborn…”

“Whatever happens to you, don’t fall in despair. Even if all the doors are closed, a secret path will be there for you that no one knows. You can’t see it yet but so many paradises are at the end of this path. Be grateful! It is easy to thank after obtaining what you want, thank before having what you want.”

As Shams Tabrizi says to be Grateful, I am writing this post today to be Grateful to the people who remembered me and shared their love with me in the form of Blog Awards !

I Thank You All for all of these Awards. They remind me always that there are people who read me and for whom, I am important ! Thank you for making me feel like that. I am honored !

Following is the description of Awards along with the nominations for each Award. The nominations for each Award are listed with the award.

So this time The people who will receive Awards would have to do something new 😛 Just answer the following questions with your award speech !

  • The most Embarrassing moment of your life :
  • The person you Love the most :
  • What quality makes you unique from the others :
  • The moment that proves you are naughty:
  • What is your favorite food :

That’s it. It is up to you if you want to go with the previous rules of writing 7 things about you and displaying the award or you want to follow my rules and answer these questions or both. You can accept them without following any rules too ! That’s up to you 🙂

Double Trouble Love 😉 :

This double trouble was caused to me by  the beauties VelaneDeBeaute for Shine On Award and CHANDNI for The Versatile Blogger Award ! It is not at all a trouble (Don’t judge wrong 😉 ) but an honor ! As I have received these Awards before , You can read the rules and seven things about me here and here.

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Shine On Award

Nominations:

angelswhisper2011

thaygoulart

Paras

maryamkh97

Asma

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Versatile Blogger Award

Nominations:

Lux Ferous

Harsha

Basit Ijaz

Najmah Bint Nasr

Ain Riz

A dearest Respected Love :

A dearest blogger AjayTao asked me to choose three Awards from a bucket of Awards So I chose some fit fit ones out of it 😉 There are no rules for accepting them . Here they are :

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Awesome Blog Content Award

Nominations:

Himani B

Nadia

randomlyabstract

sakuraandme

WordNinjaGirl

Kaye

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Versatile Blogger Award

Nominations:

Yasmeen Baloch

jalal michael …

Ateek Sheikh

eva626

maryamlatif

inner-peace-award

Inner Peace Award

Nominations:

starlight

astraltravler

Nancy

indiajones

Fahaad Humayun

Lovely Love From Baluchistan 🙂 :

Yasmeen Baloch is a new blogger friend , You can find her blog here. She nominated me today for some Awards. Out of which I am receiving Versatile blogger Award for the third time and Best moment Award for the second time. So you can read the rules here and here.

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Versatile Blogger Award

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SunShine Award

Nominations:

VelaneDeBeaute

CHANDNI

maryamchahine

Ayesha

rarasaur

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Best Moment Award

Nominations:

♡ The Tale Of My Heart ♡

AjayTao

Susan P

My Say

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These were some of the people I wanted to appreciate , who mean a lot to me ! Some of the people who are a bit ‘serious’ kind of 😉 They don’t like these Awards thing so I haven’t included their names but I love all of you who read me and give me feedback about my writings !

Stay happy 🙂 Love xx

Please Look Into Your Spam Folders To Read My Comments !!!!

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No I am definitely not a spammer as you already know !

I am having a problem with my WordPress account . All the comments I am writing on all other blogs are going straight into the spam ! Just Imagine you write a long comment according to the post and on pressing the ‘Post Comment’ button, It vanishes into air ! I am experiencing it from three days now and I am really annoyed !

Please check out your spam folders and accept my comments , If you find any !

I contacted WordPress Forums and the Happiness Engineers told me to contact ‘Akismet’ As they are responsible for the spam thing in WordPress. I contacted them and I received one email from them yesterday saying me to fill a form and there is no response till then !

I mean Why ? I was feeling so happy and Homely here on WordPress and it was the best experience for me till this ! I was planning a post too to thank Word press for all this comfort and friendly atmosphere but I won’t write any post now !

I am furious and I am annoyed and I am thinking of Leaving Word Press now ! Comments is the most important way of interacting with the readers and because of ‘Akismet’s’ mistake, I am unable to do it !

If anyone of you know a better solution please tell me !

Thanks.

Happy Birth Day Pakistan , You Will Live Forever InshAllah !

Note : This post is meant for Muslims and Pakistanis and Based on my thoughts. No one is forced to agree with me . Anyone who feel offended through this could stop reading at any point. I apologize already if I hurt your feelings through this !

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A heart full of Love for my country and a mind full of thoughts about Pakistan and Muslims…This is what I am today !

It is the 67th birthday of Pakistan today…. The same Pakistan which was made with a lot of efforts and martyrs by our ancestors. The same Pakistan which was made on the name of Islam and the same Pakistan where we can not see any true Islamic practice nationally. I am not in a mood of giving a long lecture on how Pakistan was made by all the efforts and How we are not doing what we were supposed to do and what should we do. I guess every Pakistani knows his duties in his heart.

I want to share some logic and some predictions with you today. If we look back, Muslims have the most major contributions in Mathematics, Science, Philosophy, Geology,  astronomy, geography , Literature and arts and their rules and formulas are still in use now-a-days. Examples of Muslims rulers for bravery and Justice are still given.

And then there is Today when The same Muslim are called as “Terrorists” ! Muslims are considered to be the most un-educated and ill-mannered people of the world. Muslim countries are continuously under control Of Western Countries and they are implementing the rules they want in Muslim countries. What happened to Muslims ? Islam can not be the reason. Islam was the same long long time ago when Muslims were prospering.

There are bundles of columns and articles filled on conditions of Muslims and the reasons and everything. I would like you to see it with my perspective. Let us talk about some Interesting Facts.

Some Interesting Spiritual Facts About Pakistan :

  1. No country was made after that many Martyrs , as Pakistan faced.
  2. Pakistan came into being on the Shab-e-Qadar “The night Of Blessings”  , On 27th Ramadan.
  3. In 1930’s when Quaid-e-Azam once decided to leave politics and he was persuaded by Allama Iqbal, He shared a secret with some of his very critical friends. He said that Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W) came to meet him and ordered him to return back to sub-continent as he has to complete his spiritually assigned task.
  4. Sufi Barkat Ali , a well known saint, said “Listen O’ people a day will come when UNO will ask Pakistan before taking any step , whatsoever, I may not remain alive till that time, but if it doesn’t happen, then come and spit on my grave
  5. Many Muslim Scholars, Faqeers and Saints like Allama Shabbir Ahmed Usmani , Atiya Bibi , Qudratullah Shahab, Naimatullah shah Wali, Ashfaq Ahmed and many more described the detailed Spiritual Importance of Pakistan. Many of them Saw Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W) in their dreams saying something about Pakistan.
  6. Many spiritual Aspects of the 1965 war have been described Spiritually Like the sight of Cavaliers dressed in white dresses , a letter by ‘Madina’ people about sighting of Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W) saying he is going to fight for Pakistan, many bombs detonation, sighting of one bridge into six by an Indian Soldier and etc.

You can Read full details on these links.

http://pakistannislam.blogspot.com/2013/01/spiritual-pakistan.html#.UgkQQNKTRMg

http://pakistancyberforce.blogspot.com/2011/09/spiritual-importance-of-pakistan-past.html

With all these points in mind, Can you say Pakistan has no importance and all these proofs are just coincidences ? No , I don’t think so. Pakistan was made for a special purpose and that special purpose has yet to be served, in near future.

Let us discuss that Purpose now.

Some Islamic Predictions About Signs Of Qayamat (The day Of Judgment) :

1-Some of you (people) would fight with Hindus and Allah would give them (Muslims) Success ”  –Kanz-ul-aemaal, Hadees # 39719.

2- Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W) said ,  Dajjal won’t come out till people don’t forget him , even the people at mosques stop saying anything about him.

3-Many Sufi Saints and Faqeers have predicted the success of Muslims in the Fight of Hind.

Now according to the recent column of Orya Maqbool Jan , A renowned writer , Sufi and spiritual person, Hindus have given out the dates of the year 2013 for this fight to be started. They say they won’t be succeeded, if they don’t fight now, for about hundred years. And according to Islamic predictions , in this fight Muslims would succeed and Pakistan would  be considered as the leader of Muslim nations. According to Hindus, a person they call as “Mahaarashi” is hiding in the mountains and he will come out with 70,000 Jews. The same was predicted back then, about the “Dajjal Fitna

You can read the whole Article of Oriya Maqbool Jan here : http://oryamaqbooljan.com/columns/jung-ka-mahorat-orya-maqbool-jan

The thing I am going to state now is Pure my thoughts and a voice from my heart or you can say my instincts or sixth sense.

I feel that the preparations for this ‘Ghazwa-e-Hind’ would start now in the year 2013 and The fight would start when Imran Khan would be the leader of Pakistan! After this 5 years period of Nawaz Shareef , I think Imran Khan would be the President and then this fight would happen and Pakistan would have a success InshAllah !

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This is not written anywhere, It is just what I feel.

So After such important proofs, I don’t think the Dream of America, that Pakistan would no longer be in the maps of world , seems to be right !

I am not a scholar or anything, I just share what I believe and you are not forced to agree with my views here !

By stating all this information about fights I am not showing that I want people to fight. I love peace and So do Pakistan. Islam never wants fight, ever. Even in Islam killing one innocent is the same as killing the entire nation ! It is strictly forbidden. I was just recalling the things said by the Great people and was just telling my thoughts that I feel , this is the time.

At the last I would just say, Pakistan , you have given me everything and I am Thankful to you, To the sacrifices of our Ancestors ! May Allah give Pakistan a strength to Perform the task for which it was made 66 years ago and predicted by Hazoor Pak (S.AW) thousand years ago !

I Love you Pakistan and You will live Forever InshAllah !

Ameen !

Happy Independence Day  To All Pakistanis !

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I am A Beggar !

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Sadness In Eyes !

Rain is a pleasant thing for people, In fact for me too ! A blessing and a much awaited blessing specially In our Areas.

Then what is the reason that after rain, everything seems so silent, so still and so sad ?

May be because people says there is sadness after every happiness and happiness after every sadness. I feel happy when it rains that is why I feel sad after it ? Don’t make much sense to me.

And weird sad things happen to me when it rains. This is weird ! May be because I feel sad from inside, I see only the sad side of things ! Yes after all I intend to be sad. Sadness gives me peace, to my mind and to my soul.

Same sadness that you see in eyes of a child who had nothing to eat all day and he keeps begging and get nothing but criticism and castigation. The same sadness that you see in the eyes of a Mother of 12 or more children or an ill husband waiting at home for the money she earns through begging . The same sadness that you feel on the face of a father who can not find a job and at the end of the day, starts begging because he don’t want to go empty handed in his house where many eyes are waiting for him. For him or for food ? No one knows.

Sadness may have many reasons but it has one face. The deep intense feeling when meets with silence, stillness and a somber sigh and appears in the form of a dim light in eyes, makes the face of sadness.

While having a drive with my family today , Instead of watching the happiness in their eyes I was busy in noticing the sadness in eyes of people outside. Whenever our car stops at a food place, Many poor children and women come rushing towards it. And If anyone of us give anything to one beggar, they all keep standing there without moving and keep asking !

Yes I can understand the irritation caused to my parents by this. But sometimes I can’t understand. Each time they say them to get away my hearts misses a beat. My mood swings to the sad one !

I tried to Imagine myself on their place today. Dirty hair, Ragged Filthy clothes , Bare feet and hands wide open , joined together ! Mouth saying words which I could never say in front of people and belly carving for food. Head heavy with the weakness. Shameful bent-down eyes and sadness……..

The feeling while watching other people sitting in cars, eating delicious food , wearing colorful clothes and talking with each other, Happy faces !

The feeling every time I spread out my hands to beg and every time I  was rejected with a sentence, a single word, a hand saying to move forward or just a finger or sometimes a mere movement of an eye-brow !

The feeling of rejection….. As If someone kicks on my face and move forward by putting a step over my corpse !

The feeling when people see me with greed, hunger, lust and dirt in eyes. Their eyes going through my body and tearing me apart. Their shameless smiles and cheap signs.

The feeling of embarrassment and humiliation…..I feel like the ground tears up and I jump inside hiding there forever !

My brother offered me an Ice-cream which I rejected to eat. I wasn’t able to tell him I am already eating one, Of ‘Reality’ ! It tastes ‘bitter’ !

I was trying to hide my tears from all of them so I closed my eyes . From the reality, From that horrible picture of me and from more people like I imagined myself and wasn’t even able to bear that mere imagination !

Why is reality always so tough ?

People with one leg or arm broken , blind , deaf, or diseased were still moving outside, begging ! And we think only we are ‘Humans‘ !!

A song in the voice of ‘Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan‘ was playing in the car……

ko’ii to hai jo nizaam-e-hastii chalaa rahaa hai
vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai
dikha’ii bhii jo na de nazar bhii jo aa rahaa hai
vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai

(Someone is there who is managing the order of life
He is God, He is God, He is God
He is invisible still He can be seen
He is God, He is God, He is God)

nazar bhii rakhe sama’ateN bhii, vo jaan letaa hai niyyateN bhii
jo Khaana-e-laa-shauur meN jagmagaa rahaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai
vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai

(He keep eyes and ears too, He knows even the intentions
The one who is illuminated in our subconscious minds
He is God, He is God, He is God)

talaash us ko na kar butoN meN, vo hai badaltii hu’ii rutoN meN
jo din ko raat aur raat ko din banaa rahaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai
vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai

(Do not search for Him in the idols, He is in the changing seasons
The one who is changing day to night and night to day
He is God, He is God, He is God)

And My search For Allah continues……..Along with the words of the song. Would I be able to get Allah if I become a beggar one day, In front of people ? Would that pain be enough to led me to you ?

You say you don’t see the filthiness of body. You see the heart, the soul. Then why we make our hearts and souls filthy and our bodies decorated and clean ?

I don’t have the answers. I want to experience the answers. I am a beggar, I beg you ! I beg you and only you I spread my hands only In front of you. Lead me towards yourself ! Aye Allah…………………….

That Scary Day When They All Were Killed Brutally………! ;)

lightning-storm-kentucky_25302_990x742

They were all horrified and scared….Of the future !

Every body seems to be in a hurry. They were building underground camps and vast food storage places. They were building shields to protect themselves. Every body was working hard even women and children were up and working like men. Meetings were being held in the Assemblies and on the top levels and every body was in search of better plans to fight. They were collecting related weapons. A great hustle could be seen among them.

With the effort of a few days , abundant food for almost a month was stored in the food storage places and all of the people were moved in the underground camps. There were few soldiers who were on duty outside the camps in case of any emergency. The high level authorities were encouraging their people , cheering them up and upraising them to stop worrying and wish for all the best. But every one knew in his heart, something bad is going to happen soon………….!

They still remember the day when it started raining suddenly, but they were astonished to see that the color of rain was black and it was not liquid, it was powder. That powder was so dangerous. The powder made people unconscious as it touched them. Some were killed too because of staying unconscious for too long. It started raining for 5 mins and these five minutes were like hell to them. Their loved ones were effected badly and many of them were died. One fourth of their total population was lost. They were crying on their losses . High authorities were pressurized for not having strong enough defense system .

Everything was improved after that horrible day to stay safe from any future rain of this type.

Then It started raining again one day, But the color of powder was white this time. It was not as powerful as the black one but it effected the people badly too. People were anyhow satisfied that their preparations are enough now to fight against it. They were considering themselves safe.

Then there was that black scary day when it started raining at the morning and it was water this time, But the temperature of water was extreme high. It was boiling. It burnt everyone it touched. People were running here and there to protect themselves but there was no way. They were watching their loved ones die in front of their eyes but they couldn’t do anything. They were striving to save their lives. Half of their population was dead due to this rain.

It was after this rain , they made all these preparations. According to the high authorities they were all safe now and there wasn’t any chance of getting anyone hurt again. They were satisfied by their defense System and preparations. Two weeks were passed peacefully when this dreadful day came………..

The morning was a bit red that day. They were hearing some rush and noises , their was no peace like the other mornings. Their hearts were drumming in their ears while they were praying for their safety. But it looks like their prayers were not accepted…..

A splash of Boiling water came and it started raining heavily again. The pressure of water was much more this time and the temperature was much more higher than the previous time. It was coming with a very high speed and intensity. People rushed towards their camps . The water killed all the people who were out on the streets and then it started destroying their storage areas and flowing towards their camps. They were considering themselves safe inside the camps but soon they realized they were wrong. The flow of water was so thick and fast that it ruined everything coming in its way either it is the strong defense system or the underground camps. Soon all people inside the camps were also killed.

It kept raining for almost half an hour and in this time their entire civilization was wiped off that area. Their were dead corpses all over the streets floating in water. Their broken legs and heads were gliding in water. Without any sign of life, this place looks like a graveyard now….

Death is an ultimate truth…..

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

-Mark Twain

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Mr and Mrs. Ali were standing in their backyard in front of their back door where there were some signs of struggle . Two big jugs were laying right beside Mr. Ali and they both were looking at a big area which looks like a mixture of mud and water now with tiny holes .

I guess this water thing worked this time” ! said Mr. Ali.

Yes, I think so too. Last time when I told you the trick I was sure it would work but you did it the wrong way” , said Mrs. Ali in a sarcastic tone.

Mr. Ali’s face turned red but he was the ‘husband’ here so you know……. He had no right to say anything .

Yes, darling you are always right” He said with one eye brow going upstairs….and the lips contracted.

The black and white powders didn’t work well though the shopkeeper was sure enough it will work” He added.

Yes you never do anything right” It was Mrs. Ali , as usual.

Any way I am sure the ants would never come here again. They use to eat all the left over food from our kitchen and they use to climb our beds and tables too in search of food. Even they use to bite us too. I am sure they have learnt their lesson ! ” said Mr. Ali

And Mrs. Ali smiled at him…….

They looked at the bright fearless morning together while Mr. Ali’s hand was going towards Mrs. Ali’s arm to pinch it hard with his nails…… He was feeling bored without listening to the special morning occasion: Showering of bad words and curses out of his wife’s mouth…….

I Got Ya ! ;)

I Got Ya ! 😉

THE END

The Window !!

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The Window opens.

The crashing thunder storm makes it weak enough. It can’t withstand the intensity of their roar. They don’t even let it fight with them now. They make it wide open………without any struggle.

The window protects…. Like the big grey metal gate of the Graveyard protecting the dead who don’t have any fear . It protects each Grave buried deep inside……

But the storm is powerful……. The storm of thoughts and memories. It knew the way to conquer the weak protection of window.

She stands, In front of the window every time it is left open. Holding the window tightly with both her weak bony hands.

Like-wise , it happened today. She stood there for a long time staring at an abstract point in the air. She was trying to peek far through the fog, in her past.

Full moon was shining on the sky like the king of a big kingdom, with all its glory . People say, In full moon nights crazy things happen. The people sick spiritually with the disease of Human Love , start having fits on this night. They start seeing things which can never be seen with naked eyes. The balance between their inner-self is disturbed by moon and they feel themselves falling into an endless depth of abyss.

Forfeited Love Reveals the concealed………

The day when he proposed Her through her parents was playing on the clear screen of her mind. She felt the pain again when she cried all night for 7 hours and when she realized she was effected badly by this disease. The answer of ‘No’ from her parents, without asking her , broke her to pieces. She felt darkness , she felt suffocated and she felt The effects of Love that night for the first time.

She closed her eyes tightly….She couldn’t continue thinking from that very moment.

When she opened her eyes, she was taken to the day he was getting engaged. Some mere pieces of paper were taking him away from her. A feeble ray of hope was getting dissolved in to dark future. And it dissolved…completely. She kept awake all night again that day. Her mind was tired of the seizure. She realized how bad the disease is spreading all inside her. She was becoming a wood eaten inside by insects.

She opened her eyes again. She knew the next part was the extreme of pain….. Nothingness!! She recalled she wanted to forget it.

Diving into the sea of memories again, she reached the part when her Love was officially going to be someone else’s. She tried to recall the words of the three texts she wrote for him every day of his marriage, trying to show her misery to him. She recalled the hysterical fits she got on the first day of his wedding. She recalled the extreme crying and screaming voice of her on the second day. She recalled she had a lot of sleeping pills those days but still she couldn’t sleep. No medicine has any effect on this dangerous disease.

Covering her face in the blanket, laying folded like a little child she used to think for hours and she’d never know when the daylight turned dark. She was scared of facing the world, facing the people and her life. Facing the reality…..

She recalled the ways she used to give pain to herself. Pain was the feeling that kept her connected to him.

He would be with ‘his wife’ right now…. Holding her hand. His hands were so strong. When he used to take her hands in his hands, she use to feel like she is in the shadow of someone, she felt protected. Now ‘her’ hands would have taken place of her’s, she thought. He had a habit of feeling the upper-side skin of her hand through his thumb while holding it…… She remembered.

They would share a pillow… They would talk till late at night about various things. Will he tell ‘her’ about me ?

A big warm tear came out of her eye and fell on her hand.

He said he never wanted to see her tears and he always closed his eyes when she cried.

‘She’ has his name….with ‘her’ name. She is lucky, very lucky. She recalled how she used to call ‘her’ name along with his name as ‘her’ last name and how each time a wave of pain came bursting out of her heart.

They would start a family. Their children….My Love’s children…… Both of their children…..

She felt small needles were just pierced through each pore of her body.

She recalled the days and nights which were passed with the thought of they being together……. The disease was spreading fast all over her soul. She was sick. Sick of the cure-less disease. She use to lay down on her bed all day without moving an inch. She was like a lifeless corpse !

She realized how painful was her past……. And how she is still living her past in her present !

She couldn’t stand here more. She realized she would fall out of the window if she won’t struggle to close the window. She needed something to let this intense feeling out of her. The moon was gazing at her as it is trying to tell her she is not alone. Her mind was stuck…….. Her thoughts were paralyzed.

A Corpse.

She closed her eyes tightly , covered her ears with her hands and started screaming. Hard….very hard till her throat started collapsing ! She slowly opened her eyes.

The moon was still there. She felt like it has absorbed all her pain for a while. It was giving her time to close the window to the past.

She had her Catharsis done.

People say Catharsis is necessary for the purification of heart and soul……. For emotions ! Without getting it done, people would become mad.

What about the people who already are mad ?

After diving into the depth of despair once, the path to the truth and light becomes clear or one drowns forever in despair. She was not drowned forever !

Life keeps you teaching lessons you never want to learn !

The window was closed. The moon couldn’t hold her pain, So it hide itself in clouds. There was no more bright light outside.

She realized some windows need to be closed forever. They should be metal plated and engraved deep inside. But she knew It needs power to close them forever. She was weak………… She was tired !

The window was there, with all its glory. She knew there would be another full moon night again. The window would open again, Soon !!

Eid Mubarik To Every One !

__eid_mubarak___by_reemu_chan1984-d2yd3ma

A Very Happy Eid Mubarik To All My Readers !

A joke to bring smiles on your Faces !

A joke to bring smiles on your Faces !

Have a Wonderful Exciting Day Full of Energy and Charm !

Love xx

 

 

 

 

Walking Wounded-feet………….

contagion_by_elisanth-d5ffxhw

Walking wounded-feet on the sand of life

Soul tired , bearing thorn pricks, of grief

Brain hemorrhage, Heart Attack, A blood vomit, Death

Needed , But, Instead, I get

Darkness, Wrinkled Forehead, Teary Red Stone Eyes

Dragging Life Over spines, Crying Silence, Stabbed Heart

Lifeless , Hollow, Devastated, Bruised , Me !

Is it possible to make heart, a stone ?

To get rid of this burning wound blown ?

Who are the people who suffer pain

Parlous Diseases do they gain

Which let them forget the inner pain

What is the feel of watching blood of own-self

Dripping down of arm while eyes engulf

Do people who drink, forget their suffering ?

These burning eyes, Heavy head, pinching nerves

Is there a cure to decrease their verve ?

What do needles and injections do to hysterical people

Do they ease their panic delirious, distress steeples ?

A pinching voice,  a cry, a scream ruptures my head

Why ? What ? How to stop it ? No………….. questions are led

I presume I have a mental disorder, I am a psycho patient

And I need to stop walking wounded-feet

I need cure, I need medicine, I need medication for my life !!

 

 

 

A Tribute To Beautiful People Who Wrote Poetry For Me….!

This post is dedicated to beautiful people who wrote poetry for me or in response to my writings and I want to give them credit, appreciation and respect for all the Love !

======================================================

*** Once upon a time, I asked him, “Say something to me !” , And he sent me this piece of poetry. I said, “Can I show it to people” . He said no because it is not special. I want to tell him…. You are special for me. Every word you say is special for me and I value every word coming out of your mouth like precious stones and pearls . This voice comes out of my heart and I mean every word. I Love You !

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This dark night

Without a ray of hope

Hope that gives

You hopelessness

Searching And Searching

A way out ?

Love is hopelessness

Hopelessness is Hope !

    ——————-

Explanation Needs words

Words which means something

Empty mind with meaningless thoughts

Wandering what to say

Only One thing

Love is divine

And I Love You !

=====================================================

*** She is a beautiful Women , a friend and a fellow Blogger from Maldives. Here is the link to her blog. Some days back I saw a caption in My Reader with my name in it and when I opened it, I was excited to see what she dedicated to me ! It was really a lovely gift ! I want to say thank you for these beautiful words .

white-pearl

When she stood at the jetty

Every tear that fell from her eyes to the sea

They changed into little white pearls

They floated on the ocean and sang this beautiful song

“Let out your grieve my sister

We are here for you

Our little love carry your burden!

Oh! Let out your grieve my sister”

“Thank you my dear white pearls

For your love and smile”

Her tears were precious …..

They turned to pearls

They floated on the sea

They lifted her spirit

Little white pearls

They are floating with the waves

And these courageous pearls visited me…

======================================================

*** Maria and Arindam are very Dear friends of mine and fellow bloggers too. Here are is the link to Maria’s and Arindam’s Blog. They wrote some really amazing Answers to My post “Shab-E-Qadar (The Night Of Blessings) ” and I believe their answers made my Poem complete and Responsive ! I love the beautiful words they added to it and I wanted to mention them too here !

By Arindam :

He is too far to see through eyes

But ask your heart, and there lies

Within the veins as blood he flows

Smiling at your success; standing close

He is the smile which makes your day

He is in the tears that who shed in dismay

He dances in the rains and sways with the waves

He flies with the butterflies and lives in the caves

He cries as rains seeing the drying lands

He wanders as freely and swiftly as sands

He teases you as a child, with a sweet mischief

He understands you as a friend in your grief

He even plays the game of love, eternal and pure

He runs with you in the race of life to the target you endure

No only that…

He is in the blazing fire of rage

Of a parrot trapped in the cage

He is in the intimate sight of the one

Immersed in love of his loved one

He is in the everyone; sinful,, ignorant, stupid and wise

The question is just; when his presence do you realize…

—————————————–

By Maria :

There He is

Closer than

You

Can Imagine

Looking

At You

And All

His creations

Smiling

At those

Who

Raise their hands

And Bow their heads

And Kneel

Down

To Pray.

He is There

Closer

Than your nerves.

Inside

Your Heart

Inside

Your Soul.

His existence,

Is very much

The existence

Of all

That is existing.

=========================================================

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” 

G.K. Chesterton

So Thank You !! ^ __ ^

Shab-E-Qadar ( The Night Of Blessings )

Surely We revealed it on the grand night. And what will make you comprehend what the grand night is? The grand night is better than a thousand months. The angels and Gabriel descend in it by the permission of their Lord for every affair, Peace! it is till the break of the morning. – Surah Qadar.

 

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Time ticks , Eye blinks

Where is He ?

Nights passes gently

Seconds And Minutes

Where is He ?

Meet Him , See Him

Desire I

Where is He ?

Bow before Him

Reach the Skies

Searching Him

Passionately

Wish I

Where is He ?

The day of end

Where End is beginning

Why so far

Life so Long, or short

Think I

Where is He ?

Him and only Him

Need , Want

No Heaven

No luxuries

Just He

Around Him

Pray I

Where is He ?

He is inside

He is everywhere

Says He

My Beloved

But

Blind eyes

No sight

Where is He ?

Feel Him

Sense Him

Think Him

Talk to Him

Searching

Praying

Waiting

See Him ?

Can I ?

Where is He ?

Be Slow To Criticize And Fast To Appreciate !

Constructive-Criticism-cartoon

Take two glasses of water. Put them in separate rooms on a table and turn the lights of both rooms off. Now go to first room, sit down in front of one glass, take your face close to it and start admiring it. Say beautiful words about it, appreciate its beauty and be as nice and as positive to it as you can. Now go in the second room, sit down in front of the glass, take your face close to it and start saying bad words. Taunts, criticism, sarcasm, bitterness, anything. Say out all your negative thoughts. Repeat this activity for a whole month. When you will turn on the lights you will see the following results. The water in the glass to which you said all the good and positive things has turned more white and it shines. While the water in the glass to which you said all the bad and negative words has turned black !

No, I didn’t do it myself. I read this in a news paper written by some very famous writer , I don’t remember the name now. I was just shocked to read the effect of words . Let me quote anther story I heard in a movie.

A long time ago there was a jungle in which people use to live. They didn’t have proper instruments to cut the trees. What they used to do for abolishing trees was a very interesting phenomena. They all gather around the tree and say all the bad words and negative thoughts about the tree. Slowly the tree starts withering and its stem and branches starts contracting. They do this activity for a specific period of time and at last the innocent tree withers and decays to ground.

Obviously I haven’t seen them doing it. But the thing is, these kind of tales mostly have truth in them. There is some solid concept on the basis of which thee tales are made.

You know in our society we are in a habit of criticizing rather than appreciating. It all starts as the child starts his school. If he plays more and study less, parents criticize all the time. shout on the children and say them bad for not studying all the time. If he can’t get good grades Parents as well as other family member keep on criticizing Like see we never saw him studying he was always playing that is why he got this grade and stuff. This all continues till college. If a child do some mistake, instead of trying to know the cause what forced him to do this, people criticize. We never see what is the effect of our criticism on that innocent child. Rather he becomes stubborn and tough and never listens to his parents again or he becomes extra sensitive and every word from parents hurts him and he becomes quiet and the light from his eyes is vanished. Either ways, the child is destroyed. The energy the passion inside him dies and as a result t becomes a weak personality. Same happens with the people doing jobs and Mothers who stays at home , cooks and bring their children up.

The only people who can admire us with all heart are our parents. They don’t understand this fact. People always look towards you as if the second you make a mistake, they catch it and start blabbering about it. They never admire you and appreciate you as I have seen in my society. Parents do it, but they are scared if they admire their children they will take everything easy .I don’t agree with this. A single word of appreciation from the loved ones gives you enough courage to face the whole world. You start feeling all the energy inside you.

The same happens to me. Every time someone appreciates me for anything, I start doing it with more enthusiasm and power. And the point someone criticizes me I lose all the energy and I don’t want to do that thing anymore. Every single word of criticism from my  parents cut me inside and every time I do something big and they don’t even know it, I become more sensitive and teary. Their is a middle stage too when you are working so hard and when you take your hard work to the respected people, you don’t get any appreciation . Instead the people with you who don’t even know the abc of work, get all the appreciation you deserved. Why ? because they know how to show off and you just know how to work. This stage is more worse !

Of course constructive criticism is always good. But it should be done only when needed truly.

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I once studied in a book that every person has a magnetic field around him and every human emits vibrations from his body. Science proves that the point of emission of these vibrations is the center of our forehead between the two eyes. Some people also call it as ‘sixth sense’ . The background of this theory is that every human body has current in it which is of 0.5 watt. Due to this current and charge , a magnetic field is formed around the body. And through this magnetic field magnetic vibrations are emitted.

When we meet a person whose vibrations are favorable and compatible with our vibrations , we are attracted towards that person. We feel attraction in him. The vibrations of some humans are neutral. Vibrations of some people are not compatible with the vibrations of our body and we run away from them. You know sometimes we feel attraction towards a person we don’t know or we don’t ever have talked to him. This is all due to the favorable vibrations. Likewise, we sometimes start disliking a person with out any reason. This is because of the unfavorable ones.

I believe this is the scientific proof of why appreciation and criticism has that intense effect on everything. When we appreciate someone, our positive vibrations are transferred to that person and as a result that person feels more energetic. In the same way with criticism we transfer our negative vibrations to the person and as a result all his energy and light is soaked out and he starts feeling empty and weak.

I wish all the parents and people outside who don’t leave any chance of criticizing anyone, know this ! We can boost up our youth just by some words of appreciation and we will see the results would be enormous. Be slow to criticize and fast to appreciate !

2009-11-25_Appreciation

 

 

 

Abstract Speculation Of A Rainy Day

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Today is  Juma-Tul-Wida (The last Friday of Ramadan Kareem).

The dawn was as hot as the rest of the days of Ramadan passed. Everyone was dying of hotness and clouds use to come daily and left without showering. Fasting in this kind of hotness is hard, very hard. But our Lord says He can’t put burden on us more than we can handle.

As I came out in the noon I saw black clouds on the sky and finally it started raining ! Everyone in my family is so happy right now . I can feel their happiness as their faces look like blooming flowers. Why are Fridays always so lucky ? I said to myself. I went into the rain feeling its cold refreshing drops falling all over me. It felt cold and pleasant. I put a chair right in the middle of the open patio of my house, beside green leaves of a tree and lie on it feeling the rain going into my soul through every pore of my body. I relax here with closed eyes feeling the pleasure of getting my heart washed. I see my family happy around me. Laughing, talking, gossiping and joking, beautiful faces . My dad is sitting right beside me. I felt peace. Real peace . No worries, no problems to think about and nothing to get tensed. Peace, serenity, lull and happiness.

After a while my mind has started doing its ‘endeavor‘. It never stops thinking and I get tired of it sometimes. S[specially at long nights when I want to sleep and couldn’t just because of my mind, awake and thinking. I wonder how it stopped just before this moment when everything was feeling so good and refreshing and Life seems so easy and peaceful.

I caught up a thought about my family and then all the news I heard before on Tv and from people started echoing in my brain. I thought at this very moment when I am sitting peacefully here there would be many atrocious things happening in some part of the world. There may be an innocent child dying in some corner of the world by barbarous people. There may be a drone attack and many innocent people may have been killed in it. There may be a suicide bomber exploding himself , taking lives of many innocent people including him. A father may have been killed by a shot from unknown bike riders in some part of my country. There may be a father killing his own family members or a brother killing his own sisters. There may be a girl being killed at some part of world after getting kidnapped.

There would be a mother, a father crying on death of their angelic children. A brother crying on the death of his sister. Small kids crying on the death of their father. There would be pain in many people’s heart right now. There would be fear in many eyes, the fear of future. There would be restlessness, agony, distress, hurt and terror dancing in the eyes of  some modest simple people.

Thinking of this, this rain water don’t seem refreshing to me anymore. I am feeling like I am dipping my feet in the blood of these people. I feel like the blood of these people is falling right now on me and I am drenched in their blood. I took out my hand and tried to feel the rain drops. They were not rain drops anymore…..

We hear about deaths of people and killings of innocent everyday. On the news in Tv , on some radio channel , on internet or through different people we meet. We hear the news , feel some pain in our heart for the moment , say some words about their loss to show we are sad and then start living our normal life again. We don’t even remember what we heard lately . Why ? Is it really a fact that our blood has turned white? ……Or is this the coldness that is spreading all over inside our hearts with time?

But what if we feel the pain in heart…..what can we do ? What can we do to stop these killings. What can we do to ease the pain of people that were attached to the killed ones? What can we do for the innocent kids left behind all alone ? We are so engaged in our own lives. We are becoming doctors and engineers . We are busy in doing our full time jobs. We are busy in taking care of our kids and raising them. Our lives are so busy we can’t even have time for fulfilling our social responsibilities. Then how can we go far away to the place where these things happen , leaving our life and family far behind and try to help them ? Can we sacrifice our lives for their lives ? Are we brave enough ? I am not…

Then what is our responsibility ? Why do I feel so much pain in my heart when I hear these kind of news and I feel my hands tied?  I feel myself obstruct and powerless . Why can’t I do anything for them? I want to stop all this. I want to ease the pain of people getting suffered. I want to be their voice. But why can’t I move , why do i feel my self tied up hard…………What can I do ?

For what reason did our beloved Messenger said

He who among-st you sees something abominable should modify it with the help of his hand; and if he has not strength enough to do that, then he should do it with his tongue; and if he has not strength enough to do even that, then he should (at least abhor it) from his heart; and that is the least of faith.”

We should act upon this . Shouldn’t we ? Then why do we show like we don’t care about other people. Some of us even don’t abhor the evil doings in our hearts. We care only when something like this happens to our own family. Why are we not able to feel the pain of other people ?

I open my eyes and took a glimpse of my family. I stare at each of their faces and I feel my heart would burst out with pain. I couldn’t even think of anything like that happening to them. I can’t think of losing anyone of them. What would be the feelings of the people who had to face this hell on earth ?

Tears have started coming out of my eyes. But I am lucky, it is raining right now. It will hide my tears from the people I love and I care about. Charlie Chaplin was a really funny man, he tried to make everyone laugh with his actions but his quote about rain always make me realize he was not what everyone assumed him. He said it right.

“I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying.”

I close my eyes again and here I lay thinking and in-questing myself…..all these questions sway in my mind and I try to figure out answers of each. Do you know the answers ?

An Insight Of “Love”

The Lamps are different, but the Light is the same.

The Lamps are different,
but the Light is the same.

The real beloved is that one who is unique, who is your beginning and your end. When you find that one, you’ll no longer expect anything else.

There was a man living at a far away place. He had no one with him except a donkey who was everything to him and he use to spend all his time with it. He once went to a pious man living in his area.The pious man was sitting in a hut with a small door. The man stood outside the door and started a conversation with him.

Man: “I Love my donkey so much !”

Pious Man: “Ok , Come in !”

As the man entered the room, The pious man said ” You don’t Love your donkey enough ! Go back and spend more time with him”. The man was amazed to hear this. He went back and took care of his donkey more. He spend years and years with him. Then he came back to the Pious man again.

Man: “I love my donkey and this time I am sure about it !”

Pious Man: “Ok , Come in !”

As the man entered the room,

The pious man said ” You don’t Love your donkey enough ! Go back and spend more time with him” . The man was amazed again ! But he went back because he knew the pious man speaks nothing but truth. He spend many more years with his donkey taking care of him. Then he came back again !

Man: “I am in love with my donkey !”

Pious Man: “Ok , Come in !”

The Man didn’t come in.

He said ” My ears are so big and I won’t be able to fit in this small hut with my big body ! ”

The pious Man said ” Yes, Now I believe you ”

This state of Love when You start thinking you are like the one you love, is called as “Ishq” . People who don’t know Urdu, can call it “Extreme Love ” . This is a state where wisdom is left behind, all that is there is True Love. Where one don’t question “Why” . He just remember saying “Yes” .

There is a story in our History,  when a person was involved in Loving Allah so much that Once he started saying “An-al-Haq” Meaning “I am God !’ . When people listened to him they started beating and cursing him that he is calling himself  God. Later on, this theory was explained by some Sufi’s. They say that man was so much In Love with the creator that he started thinking that he is like the one he loves…..He is a part of the one he Loves….He is his Love !

At a distance you only see my light;
come closer and know that I am you !  –Rumi

Is this pure Love worth comparing to the so called love of today ? When a boy loves a girl one day, and the next day he starts loving the next ! When people calls talking on phone and dating as Love . When relationships are the means of love. No relationship , no love ! When people love each other for their own means. When one fight erases love from heart. Is this Love ? NO.

People characterize the stages of reaching “Extreme Love” or “Ishq” as :

1-First stage is of “likeness”. When we like someone’s knowledge, wisdom, way of talking, habits, manners or something then we like to meet them more often. When we meet them more often, this likeness start converting to “adoration” . We want to meet them more and talk to them more.

2- Then comes the stage of “infatuation”. When we feel we can’t live without this person. But when that person goes away from us and we find someone else in that duration we sometimes go close to the second person.

3-The step next to “infatuation” is “love”. This is the extent of likeness and infatuation. When we reach that stage we are so much involved in the person. We want to fulfill his every wish and we feel happy doing it. Every word coming out of his mouth is the last word for us . We can do anything for that person.

4- Then comes the stage of “Ishq” that is the extent of Love. When we lose the sense of thinking and all that we see is our love. where there is no “why” there is just “yes” . Where wisdom is astonished and left far behind.

Love is the feeling that forced “Ibrahim” to jump in fire without questioning His God “why” ? And His God didn’t fail him either. He turned the fire cold. Miracles do happen in Love !

Baykhatar kood para aatish-e-namrood main Ishq

Aqal hai mehw-e-tamasha-e-lab-e-baam abhi

Shewa-e-Ishq hai Azadi-o-deher aashubi

Tu hai zannari-e-bu’t khana-e-ayyam abhi    

-Iqbal

(Meanings: Baykhatar = Fearlessly; Kood para = Jumped in; Aatish-e-Namrood = Referring to fire of Namrood in which, prophet Abraham (PBUH) was thrown; Ishq = Referring to strong Faith and devotion of Prophet Abraham (PBUH); Aqal = Wisdom; Mehw-e-tamasha-e-lab-e-baam = Stunned/shocked/in state of disbelief; Shewa-e-Ishq = Strong Faith; Azadi = Freedom; Deher Aashubi = To get rid of slavery; Zannari-e-bu’t khana-e-ayyam = Under influence of idol worshipers)

Some wise people say that we reach the Creator by three means:

1-will

2-knowledge

3-love

There are 10 % chances in will and 90% chances in knowledge that we will go towards the wrong path while searching the Creator. But with love, there are no chances to get lost. Love is a thing that can’t be explained but can only be experienced. And once experienced, nothing is left after it.

O Lord! Was it the cloud of mercy or the thunderbolt of Love When the life’s crop got burned down, sprouted the seed of the Heart  –Rumi

In a human body, heart is present on one side of the chest and “wishes” or “cravings” which are called as “Nafs” In our language, is on the other side of heart. In the center of our heart, in a very deep place is where our soul resides. And in the depth of our “Nafs” , Evil resides. The thing is to fight with the “Nafs” and it leads us towards the True Love , “Ishq” !

There were many Pious persons and Sufis , whose destiny was to reach God. Because of the worldly demands and weaknesses they couldn’t reach there. So the creator engaged them in the “love of man”. When they return empty handed from it and they were hurt because of it, The creator took them, holding their hands, towards him. And they succeeded in achieving the greatest levels.

It changes the heap of earth into elixir

Such is the power of the ashes of the Heart

It gains freedom after being caught in the net of Love

On being thunder-struck greens up the tree of the Heart

Iqbal

Closing it with an English translation of a poem by Allama Iqbal, My favorite Poet. He was at a very upper level of Sufism and we need a lot of insight to reach to the true meanings hidden in his words.

One day reason said to the Heart:

I am a guide for those who are lost.
I live on the earth, but I roam the skies
Just see the vastness of my reach.
My task in the world is to guide and lead,
I am like Khizar of blessed steps.
I interpret the book of life,
And through me Divine Glory shines forth!
You are no more than a drop of blood,
While I am the envy of the priceless pearl !!

The Heart listened, and then said: This is all true,

But now look at me, and see what I am!!!
You penetrate the secret of existence,
But I see it with my eyes!!!
You deal with the outward aspects of things
I know what lies within!!! (The outward pertains to the phenomenal world, the inward to matters of the Heart and soul)
Knowledge comes from You, intuitive knowledge of spiritual truth from me!!!
You seek GOD, I reveal HIM!
Attaining the ultimate in knowledge makes one restless –
I am the cure for that ailment!!!
You are the candle of the Assembly of Truth;
I am the lamp of the Assembly of Beauty!!!
You are hampered by space and time,
While I am the “bird in the Lotus tree” (Taaeyr-e-Sidraa)
My status is so high –
I am the throne of the Majesty of GOD (According to sufistic saying, the world is too small a place to house GOD, but a believer’s Heart is large enough to house Him)

Frustration !!

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This vast ample hustling universe

Feels congested, pinched and suffocating to me

Engaged in profuse conventional chores

Swallowing my own tears,  feeling them in throat

I feel an urge to lock myself in a small black room

Without any window and no doors

Where I can cry out loud

And there is no one to hear me

Where I can scream to my voice’s full intensity

And there is no one to judge me

Where I can stretch my hair,  rub my eyes, punch the wall

And there is no one to say me absurd

Where I can lay sobbing for the time I need

And no one come to ask me ‘why’

Yes, I need a break from this vast hustling universe

And yet I wish No one descry my absence

I may sound imprudent,  moronic, thick-headed

But Yes,  I am frustrated !

I am Frustrated, thwarted !

And I need a break !

‘What Are We’

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Affection, Affliction, Repulsion

Melancholy, Emotions

Blistering Fresh Wound

Elated Cheerful Sound

Our Heart !

Investigating , Envisaging, Answering

Straying And Rambling

Like Clouds

Our Mind !

Hollow, Vaulted, Ephemeral

Argil and Immaterial

A Mere Vessel

Our Body !

What Are We ?

“Wishes And Sufferings”

"Wishes"

“Wishes”

Watching a television show in the morning while eating for starting my fast, I hear some very good discussion between some scholars. It has engaged me into thinking . With the TV remote in my hand, I dive into my past and go far away. The discussion was about wishes and suffering. Its theme was something like this:

Buddhism is a religion indigenous to the Indian subcontinent based on Buddha’s teachings who was an enlightened teacher as known by the men of that time when he was alive. He spend his whole life searching for the root cause for pain and sufferings of human beings. He produced a theory in which he said that the root cause of human suffering is “wishes” . If human can eliminate wishes from his life, He would never feel pain or suffer again. He used to call attainment of the cessation of all suffering as the sublime state of “Nirvana” .

Hazrat Muhammad (P.B.U.H) who is the last messenger of Islam said something same about this theory. He (P.B.U.H) said us to refrain from bad wishes and adopt the good wishes.

I couldn’t agree more with these thoughts. I have started relating my life with these theories. I am rambling into my elapsed years. A flash back has occupied my mind.

I was a girl full of wishes since my childhood. When I was a small kid, I used to wish for the same house as I read in the story “Hansel and Gretel” . They found a house which was made of chocolate and its doors were of candies and toffees. I used to read that story everyday and then I use to dream for that chocolate house. I wished I would be eating chocolate bars from that house and I would never get caught by the witch living there .

Then when I grew up some more, I use to wish for the “Magic Pencil” , From a TV drama in which there was a kid who had a magic pencil and everything he draw with that pencil, becomes real. I use to see him carefully while drawing and the I use to practice drawing for the things I wanted in my life. Some times, lying down before sleeping I use to make stories in my mind about what will I do when I get the pencil. I enjoyed doing that. Back then I didn’t have a sense whether these wishes can be fulfilled ever or not. I never thought about what will happen if they don’t come true. I just wished and wished and I found fun in doing that.

I smile while these thoughts fill my mind . I love recalling my childhood. Childhood is about innocence and playfulness. It is about joy and freedom. I wonder how innocent children are. Without worrying about the future they know how to live in present and how to cherish every moment they have. They never think about the results, they just wish . They don’t wish about things that could become true but they find wishing pleasant so they wish. Wishing makes them happy and they know how to stay happy. Every one wishes to go back into their childhood for the same reason.

As I stepped out of my childhood towards my teenage, My wishes started changing. I started wishing about some real things. I had a wish of going to every country of the world back then. Then I started wishing some more realistically. I wished I get married to a person with a Government job so that when he gets transferred after some months I could visit many cities of my country. I was scared of living at the same place for a long time . I wished for getting good grades and first position in my class. Then I started wishing for looking cuter than my friends. I started wishing for lovely clothes and shoes.

Then there was a time span I never want to think about. It gives me goosebumps ! I should leave it untouched. It scares me. It is the most embarrassing part of my life I never want to reveal to anyone. I guess we all have some secrets hidden deep down in us which we don’t want to reveal to anyone.

And…..now there is this present time. When My wishes have took a complete new meaning. One of my wish eradicated all my other wishes at a time. That one wish produced complete new set of wishes another time. When I think about my wishes at present, I sometimes find myself stupid enough. I had the strangest wishes ever now. I know some of my wishes can never become true but I still wish for them . I know some of my wishes are the hardest, but I still wish for them. I have got rid of the wishes of “Things” completely. But still I have some extraordinary wishes. Some superstitious wishes. I never tell anyone about my wishes. I know they would judge me. I don’t wish like normal people anymore.

I ask myself. Is getting rid of wishes so easy ? Is it possible to reach to the state of “nirvana” ? If not , what was the logic behind this theory ? Is it really possible to get rid of all the suffering and pain? I don’t know. I want to know the way to do this if it really exist !

I have read, wishes are a part of human nature. It is in human blood that he wishes. How would be life like, without wishes ? I ask to myself.

I can understand the other theory though. Wishes can be distinguished into categories. Good wishes and bad wishes. It is good to wish for good things and bad to wish for bad things. But what is the scale for measuring the goodness and badness of wishes ? I guess that is the scale our religion gives us. We can take help from the teachings of our Religion about how to distinguish our wishes. I like this thought. I am distinguishing my wishes now in my mind. What are the wishes bad for me ? And what are the good ones?

This brings me peace somehow. I have passed a big part of my life in pain and suffering over small things. I knew I was emotional and touchy. I knew I expected a lot. I knew I dream t and wished a lot but I never figured out clearly that all my pain was due to these things. Everyone in this world want to get rid of pain and sufferings. But we have to sacrifice our wishes in return. It is a hard deal to do !

And now when I have figured out, What would be the next step ? Is it possible to get rid of your greatest desires so easily ? Is it that easy ? No…I guess ! Not for me.

But I have the code now. I will try. I will try to wish good all the time. I will try to load my “bad wishes” with the good ones, at least, if I won’t be able to erase them. Trying again and again is the only thing I can do ! Hope of getting rid of my pains is all I have. I once read “Dreams are more real than reality itself, they’re closer to the self” .

I get up as the time for eating is over. Starting my new fast with a new concept in mind,  I hope I figure out the ways soon !

 

Sweetness Overloaded !

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“This message has no fat, no cholesterol and no additives. This is all natural except, with a lot of sugar. But it can never be as sweet as the one reading it. Smile! “

Awwwweee How Sweet ! Isn’t it ?

“If I were to lay eleven roses next to you, you’d make the perfect dozen.”

Awee Again So Sweet !  😛

No ! I am not here to give boys tips on ‘How to say sweet things to girls‘ ! Or something else you might be thinking !

It is just that I am feeling sweet today ! I am afraid I don’t get blood sugar now !

I am not sure ‘feeling sweet’ is a thing, But it is in my case ….. I am feeling like a lot of chocolate bars are filled in my mouth and Some M&Ms are floating all along my blood in my body. My fingers have sweets instead of nails and My hair taste as sweet as jelly !!

Yes I sound Weird now 😛 It was just a fantasy, Ignore it !

The reason which made me feel that sweet today Is the sweetness passed on to me by super sweet randomlyabstract aka Maria , In the form of a Super Sweet Blogging Award !

Blogger Awards are just a Reason to tell people how Great they are and how much you Love to read them and Talk to them. These are a second name for appreciation and Love.

I am So Glad to Get this Award and Adding another Award to my Awards Closet makes me feel Wonderful ! A Big Thanks to Maria for this ! I Love You !

super-sweet-blogging-award

Super Sweet Blogging Award

Formal Acceptance of this Award needs to Answer some Super Sweet Questions !

So Here It Goes….

  • Cookies or Cake? –  Cakes ! Always and Forever ! Love chocolate cakes, cheese cakes, fresh cream cakes, ice-cream cakes, strawberry, pineapple cakes. Eating cookies make me feel old !
  • Chocolate or Vanilla? – Chocolate ! A big Chocolate Lover !
  • Favorite sweet dish? – I can’t eat a lot of sweet food at a time but I Love trying one or two bites from each 😉 Love custard, fruit deserts and Lab-e-shireen !
  • When do you crave sweet things most? – After having dinner and In winters !
  • Sweet nickname? – Well people don’t need to give me a nick name because my name itself is so small.

And Now the nominations for this Award. They have answer the same questions I just answered if they want to accept it formally. I want to say A Big Thanks to the following people As they are the best and I want to tell them that I  love them ! Award is just a metaphor !

1- Arindam Saha

He is from India. He use to read me hen I was doing a useless blog regarding news. And he is bearing me till now . He comments on each and every post of mine and sometimes his comments make me think he has written this post 😛 He understands me that well. Sometimes his comments are better than my post itself. He is a great poet but still admires my stupid poems. Whenever I write a new post, I expect his comment to be the first one and he don’t fail me most of the time. He cares about me and I love his views and arguing with him.

2- KATiE MiA FredericK!

He is from US. He is a Great and respectable person. He writes long comments on my posts and I always read the comments twice or more than twice to understand them. His comments are always that deep and philosophical that a person like me cannot get to the depth of them sometimes. I love his views and the way he perceive things. He do some great jobs out there to help people and make people happy. His comments are always an honor to me.

3- Ardizza Dwittarinda Raharja

She is from Indonesia. She is really a sweet girl. She said to me she started writing her blog in English just because of me. I was flattered ! She talks to me like we were friends forever and she is really like a cute innocent jolly kid. I love her.

4- SahrishS

She is from Pakistan . She answers ! And answers a lot 😛 Sometimes she give me replies of the comments I don’t even remember what I asked her 😀 But I like this thing and she is really sweet. She comments on every post of mine and talks like a real friend. I love her.

So…..

I am feeling more sweet after passing on this Award to lovely people.

Want Sweetness ? Have some cake

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Or Some Candies

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And Stay Sweet Always ! And remember me while having sweet things 😉

Love xx

“Guilty As Charged”

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I am a prisoner.

I am a prisoner of my own self.

I did a crime and ended up in this prison.

You know , what was the crime ?

I saw Dreams !

Dreams of a “happy” and “contented” Life

Dreams of “peace” and “Love”

Dreams of “calm” and “blessed” Me !

And these Dreams were a crime

That Day

I cried, I screamed, I begged

What is my fault ?

They said, The same

You saw dreams

You expected for a beautiful Life

You hoped for happiness

You did wrong !

You knew the rules

Expectations always hurt

Dreams always break

Love always hurt

But still, you did the crime

Now this is your punishment

You have to live

In a prison of your own self !

You will Die every day

But there will be no one to cry on your death

You will burn in your own fire

But there will be no one to put it off

You will hurt your feet everyday

Walking on the broken pieces of your dreams

But there will be no one to protect you

You are forever alone

You are forever a prisoner

This is your punishment.

Till that day

I cry out loud, I scream

I ask them, was my fault so big ?

Do I deserve this suffering ?

Every time they say the same

Yes, because you saw Dreams !

My feet are bleeding

By walking on the broken shards

My body is tired

Walking on these paths

I am hollow , I am dead inside

I see my dreams coming true in someone other’s life

And I cry, I screech with pain

But there is no one there for me

No one to feel my pain, No one to see my tears

Why Me ? Why my life ?

Because I saw dreams……………

I am tired

I am exasperated

I have started realizing now

Yes this was my fault

I saw dreams

I did a crime

And I am “guilty As Charged”

 

 

 

An Unsorted Unresolved Depress Mind’s Thought On Life……..

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Life…..

………..Starts with a white clean paper. Some words emerge on it. Words which are imperative and which needs to be mastered. As the paper start getting filled with words, The purity and cleanliness starts dissipating. The paper starts stuffing with blotches and eruptions. Marks and stains are dispersed over it. Word by word, a full story behind exclusive words. After a while, the paper looks destroyed and damaged. Words are arduous to read because of more blemishes. The blotches, words and torn ups can never be undone. They are not erasable. After a moment, the paper start tearing apart from places and at last, whole paper is turned into small pieces. This is where it ends.

One paragraph, 6 lines , 120 words , 650 letters ! 

And Life Ends…….!!

Happenings , stories, pain, happiness, sadness, tears, suffering, joy, fun, mood, This altogether makes Life !

Everyday, the same routine , the same people, the same happenings, This altogether passes Life !

Silence, pain, illness, heart attack, accident, suicide, age, This Takes Away Life !

This is the life we cry for ? This is the life we get depressed for ? This is the life we plan for ? This is the life we die for ?

Does it worth everything ?

Life is like a candle… Either it slowly melts away or a harsh breath of wind blows it out of existence.
Brittany Ann Smith

Life is short, but it’s long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
Josh Billings

Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.
Jeff Ross

Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them

Dion Boucicault

Life is wasted on the living.
Douglas Adams

I am scared. Scared of the truth. Scared of Life. Scared of death……..

Scared of the 650 letters…………..

Life ?????????

The One Night When A Miracle Happened !

The Calm After A Storm

The Calm After A Storm

She was angry with Him for several days , She recalled.  They were not talking for some days. The occasional phone calls they used to do everyday for some minutes were aborted.

She was feeling something inside her that day. She couldn’t recognize what it was. It was chasm, exhaustion,anxiety or what it was ? She was not sure. She was looking at the phone repeatedly with a gap of some moments. The feeling was in-suppressible. She couldn’t move her eyes off the phone. Her hand moved towards it for a moment and then reverts back. She wasn’t sure whether to call him or not. She was restless and distressed but she couldn’t tell him . She recalled, She was angry with him !

At the evening she found her self  irresistible. She never felt that intense feeling before ever. She wanted to tell him about what she was feeling. She picked up her phone and dialed his number. She could hear the noise of her heart hammering hard in her ears. She was making up words in her mind to talk to him. The bell rang, twice, thrice and the phone was picked up from the other side !

As she tried to speak, She heard harsh loud noise coming from the other side of phone. She couldn’t figure out what it was.She tried to speak but random words came out of her mouth. Then she heard his feeble trembling voice echoing into her mind I just met with an accident a minute ago He was crying loud with pain and she was hearing it. She tried to speak but nothing came out of her mouth. He hung up. This all happened in such an instance.

She recalled she was angry with him ! She recalled he told her, he had to go to the next city in his car to pick up his brother today. She recalled he use to drive rash and she always kept advising him to drive slow. She recalled  he was everything to her. He was her love, her life, her soul. He was everything ! She recalled, she starts crying every time she saw him crying . She thought…….He is in pain right now…..Extreme pain.

She couldn’t breathe. she was suffocating. She felt like someone is pressing her neck with both hands.

Where is he now ? How is he ? Did anyone came to help him ? Is he bleeding ? He will be bleeding . His blood…. There would be a lot of blood. Is he alright ? How is he ? He must be in pain ….. What should I do ? What can I do ? I don’t know where He is. I should call some one to ask him to go help him. To whom should I call ? No one knows about us. I should go there . How can I ? I……I am helpless……. A lot of questions and answers were exploding in her mind. Her mind was not accepting what she just heard. He must be joking…..But the pain in his voice ?

She felt, she is going to die. She dialed his number again. Her hands were shivering this time. He accepted the call but she realized he didn’t took the phone to his mouth. Their were noises, there were people asking him about his name and his father’s name. He was crying , screaming with pain. She felt the misery in his voice when he was saying his father’s name. She felt her heart bursting out. Her nails were pinned into her own hands in her fist. She was trying to absorb the pain but it was increasing with his screams. Her lips were under her teeth , pressed forcefully. She was in extreme pain. She felt the same pain he may be feeling right now. She called his name loudly but there was no response. The call was cut off again.

She remembered, recently she heard about so many of her relatives died in car accidents. She hated herself for thinking about that but couldn’t help it. She got up off her bed and started walking in the room, crying hard. She found herself screaming out loud. The walls of her room were trying to absorb her voice but they failed. She screamed for some time and then she felt herself tired. She was still crying. Her eyes were red , bulged out and nose was swelled. She was rubbing her hands again and again restlessly. Her one leg was moving speedily as if she is trying to calm her down but she wasn’t succeeding.

She recalled she was angry with him !

She looked again at the phone in her hands. This phone is the only source connecting me with him ? She thought. More warm big tears came out of her eyes and fell on the phone. What should I do ? He is in pain……He is in extreme pain….and I….. I am sitting here…..I can’t be with him right now…..I can’t see him right now……I can’t do anything for him……..She started crying more loudly. She was holding her hair hard in her fists. He is in pain………He could die ? No I won’t let him die……I won’t.

She wiped her tears brutally off her face and started praying to God. The One God who placed him in her heart. Who gave her the Love of human. The one God who caused this problem and He is the Only one who can solve it, She thought. She started praying. Prayer after prayer every prayer with a purpose of saving his life. She asked Him in the name of His book, His Prophet, to save his life. She bowed in front of Him . She was crying loud. Please save him. Please lessen his pain. Please take away his pain. Please help him finding doctor. Please protect him. She was begging , she was begging.

I need a Miracle. She found herself saying this. I want a Miracle. You do Miracles for your men. Today I need it. You have created me and you are responsible for my every suffering. I have never asked you anything forcefully. I always wanted your consent. I am asking today. forcefully , not to harm him. I beg you, I need a Miracle. I will be Thankful to you all my life. Take my life and give it to him.She begged and begged. She couldn’t find more words but she was begging with the same words again and again.

This was the night she realized, How much this person means to her. She realized she could live without him if she see him healthy and contented but She can’t see him dying. She realized she want to see him happy and peaceful. She realized how important he was to her. She realized, how obstructed she is. She realized How hard her hands are tied and she realized, she was not worth than a grain of sand !

She was scared of Him. Very much scared. How powerful He was, What couldn’t  He do ?  How merciful He was, What didn’t He do ? He knew how to keep human, a human . With anger or with mercy, He knows how to keeps human in his limits !

She traveled a long journey of ecstasy towards pain in this short night.  She traveled from complication to perception. She was chosen to see the real face of life. She was chosen to know the hidden ugly secrets. The truth was revealed to her in one night. Her importance was made clear to her in one night. Her capability was clear. Pain, anxiety,agony, discomfort, misery,convulsion, distress, affliction,hurt…………. what feeling was left for her to go through. She was entering into a new phase of life with a new meaning of it. She couldn’t think. Her thinking capability was  fading because of crying hard for a long time. She realized its been three hours she is crying.

She started walking again in her room. She felt her mind and body convulsed. She sat in a corner of the room , contracting herself. Her eyes were centered onto a virtual point, gazing. She was scared of the future. She was scared what is going to happen. She was afraid, She was frightened to the extent. She found herself dialing the number again. He picked up this time, He spoke. She was burst into tears and she started crying again. She asked Him while crying How he was. He said,I am fine now and I am in a hospital. I will call you when I will reach home I can’t talk right now . Don’t worry.”

These were not words she just heard. She heard the call of peace and happiness. She heard the flowers blossoming . She heard the cool wind whispering. She heard all the loveliest sounds of the world , altogether. She found herself bowing on the ground where she was sitting a second ago. She found herself shedding tears again, but this time the tears were of joy, of happiness and of thankfulness. She kept in that state for several minutes Thanking Her God what He did for Her. She was Thankful , He made her His slave, for the rest of her life.

She asked for a Miracle, And It happened !

After some hours She received a call from him. He told her all about the accident. He told her She was the first one to call him, at the moment he met the accident. He asked her , How did you came to know about this?  She had no answer but tears in her eyes.

He broke a bone near his neck. Had some scratches on the knee and some other body parts but he was safe. The car was destroyed badly. No body was believing he survived after such a bad accident. Doctor advised him to take complete bed rest and some medicines. She was talking to him. She had no words to tell him what she went through in the past hours. She was trying to upraise him, cheer him up. You will be fine soon. He was crying and she was not. She was consoling him . There were tears in her eyes but she wasn’t losing hope. She was feeling extreme love for him right now in her heart . She felt an urge to hug him. He was under the influence of medicines so he slept while talking to her.

She was listening to his breath. She realized how important his running breath was to her. Her heart was filled with tears and they were coming out of her eyes but there was peace. She looked at the sky out of the window. Night was passed , the sun was coming out.

There was silence and calm, like the calm after a big storm passes.

She recalled she was angry with him. Was she ?

—————————————————-

*This story may seem like a fiction to you but it is true. It is my Story. Each and Every word of it is true. I was not comfortable writing it with ‘I’ so I wrote it with ‘she’. I have re-lived the same moments today as I was writing this story, that I lived then. I am feeling so tired after writing it……Replaying my life makes me tired. I hope I have done justice with it 🙂

—————————————————-

The Story Of Cute Family Distractions While Writing A Post……And Awards !!!

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Once upon a time, there were Awards ……        No there were distractions….     No Awards…..

Ok Lets talk about distractions first !

I was nominated for some awards and I wanted to write a post about it. It takes me almost 3 to 4 hours to complete one post and I write 1 post daily. As I am at home now for vacations, It is not easy for me to give that much time to the blog thing as I used to do in hostel. I face a different situation everyday when I spend 4 hours writing a post .

These four hours never go easy on me. Let me tell you the story of today, when I am writing this post right now. I always think about what I will write next in the night. So I opened my laptop today and started writing.

Omg ! This girl is always sitting beside her computer all day long and Look how her fingers keep dancing like that ! Stop this tuk tuk tuk and come out of your room

Yes you have guessed right, This is my mom !

I tried to explain to her, Mama I am writing something important, I will come out after a while. She left grunting in the same style she always do !

I started writing again.

A frog just jumped into your room !!!!!!

A loud scream came out of my mouth and I carried my legs off the ground and put them on the bed , but I didn’t stop writing !!

This was my younger brother, He is 14. He was in search of that Mr. froggi who was devoted in disturbing me while writing.

My brother was wandering in my room feeling himself like a superman or some kind of frog detective with a stick in his hand in search of that Mr.froggi. He kept searching for it for about 10 mins and was sharing some precious pieces of knowledge about frogs with me all along.

It produces a chemical from his mouth and if it falls on a person, He may die !!

Mr. Froggi

Mr. Froggi

I gave him a look, Really ?  *Sigh*

He ignored my look and continued his search in every corner of my room. After a long search program, Mr.froggi showed his face from the back side of dust bin !

I couldn’t write in this situation so I was looking at him with my complete attention. He put it in the same dustbin after a struggle of 5 mins and said,

Why are you looking at me like this ? Do your work !!

And I ……. Yeah with Big *Sighs* started writing again.

When I was about to complete the post, only one paragraph was left behind , something like this happened :

Please give me the snacks you bought yesterday I am hungry !

I looked up again, It was my middle one brother, He is 16. He was looking at me with a begging look on his face !

Okaay take them and run away of my room and don’t let anyone come here pleaseeeeeee !!

He looked at me as if I am telling some kind of joke, and ran away with all the bags of chips.

And this is how I , at last , completed my post !!

So Moving Towards the Awards Now 😛

I was nominated for two blog Awards by arfamasihuddin and I thank her with all my heart for these Awards ! I Love them and I am truly honored to receive them. I don’t want to make a formal speech as I am getting short of words to thank from my limited vocabulary…..but Look Arfa ! Through how many hard stages I have gone through for accepting the awards 😛 You may be aware of the importance of these Awards to me by now !!

You can read the best article about all the rules for the Awards here:

http://arfamasihuddin.wordpress.com/2013/07/18/two-more-awards-im-honoured/

The main Rule is to display the pictures of Awards on Your Blog and nominate 10 NEW members for these Awards to pass on So here it goes !

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I am the part of The WordPress Family Award

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Best Moment Award

10 Nominations for the Awards: (This time I am nominating new people who write very good but I don’t have very good interaction with them )

1- emphadiate

2-Aaks-e-Takkhayul

3-Nadia

4-sameernahar

5-bpreethi

6-Maryam

7-jalal michael …

8-Sam.h

9-celestepoesie

10-Nafees

Congrats a Lot !!

Signing Off towards my Family 😉

Love xx

The Monster Inside Us !

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Yes I am thinking that way now ? How negative …. Right ?

Let me tell you the story behind these thoughts.

The Monster in my story hacked my email account and Facebook about 8 months ago. He stole all  my pictures and started black mailing me. He asked me the phone number or any contact of one of my college friends but I didn’t give it to him. He had nothing to do with me, nothing at all. Even he didn’t know me well and I had no idea who he was. I have never seen him. He used to scare me saying he will do bad to my pictures and he sent some of them to me, photo shopped !  And he was enjoying all this. He was having fun by scaring me. I was scared to hell ! I am the kind of girl who never puts her picture as a display picture in her own Facebook. And it was hard to bear all this torch-er he was causing me. And after some time he disappeared.

Recently He attacked again on my emails and Facebook but he was failed due to my security measures. He was able to get into one email account and I deleted it. He was out raged and tried to black mail me with the same pictures again. But thanks to a friend, who didn’t let it happen. I have passed some bad days in fear. All I saw was fear everywhere. It was hard but As they say every cloud has a silver lining !

The point I was thinking about is, He may be a Monster for me. He may be bad for me. But He would be a good loving son to his mother, A caring brother to his siblings and an obedient son to his father ! His family would have never seen the Monster inside him. He can be a Monster for the whole world, but when it comes to his family, he is a good guy like others. Why ?

Because there is a monster inside each one of us ! We behave bad sometimes to some people and we are the best for some other people. Sometimes, time matters and at other times , people matters but we are all the same ! The Monster inside us forces us to do things he want. And we are all scared of revealing this monster to the people we love. We try to hide this monster from the people we care about. The thought that what would happen to us, if our loved ones come to know what are we from inside, scares us to death !

I am reminding a true story right now in my mind. There was a man living with his family near our house. He was caring and loving to his family like everyone. And then I heard the news. One day he entered his home with an axe in his hand. He first cut the legs and necks of his own daughters. Then cut his son and wife too with the same axe. Police caught him and when they asked him the reason behind what he did. He said, It wasn’t me. Something forced me to do this and it prevailed my mind so badly that I lost my thinking power. And I did that. He was crying hard with pain. Pain that his Monster caused to him and The thought that the thing he did, can never be re-winded !

The Monster I just talked about,was a big one ! We all have small monsters hidden inside us. Some Monsters become happy when they see the others in pain. Some monsters become happy when they can irritate the people under them Some monsters are of the kind that they enjoy seeing the misery of other people. Some Monsters become happy when they see people less successful then they are . Some Monsters are happy when they see other people failing in things they are passed. The ways are different, But almost all monsters want the same. They are bad, and watching bad things happening to people around them makes them happy.

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Ego is the best friend of these Monsters and Mutiny is the best mate. They grow bigger taking the shoulders of Ego. That is why I have heard Senior people saying that There is no ego and self respect in Love. If you Love someone with all your heart , whether it is the human love or the real Love, You have to sacrifice your Ego. And Love is a feeling where no Monster can exist.

You may be disagreeing with my point. We see a lot of people around us who are good to everyone. We can’t even think there can be any bad thing inside them . We respect them with all our heart.  The thing is, they are successful in suppressing the monster inside them. The more the one is successful in suppressing it, the more he succeeds in becoming a good person.

Take some time from your busy life and think ! Think what were the places where your monster took the charge and He let you do bad things. Things you regret and You want to go back and erase them . The things you think you would never do if you have a chance now. There are many things in my life too. Now try to understand the nature of your monster. How he behaves at some points when He want you to do evils. There may be some specific areas you need to work on. If you have figured them out, Try to think about them in your mind, that you won’t let your monster took over it again. You are strong enough to fight against your monster. Once this thought is settled in your mind, The Monster will be grounded forever !

We fight daily with our monster. He says us to do a thing and then our conscious and heart says no it is wrong and we leave it. If we see it in the light of religion, Then it is our ‘Nafs’ Who is the Monster. You all are aware of it. It is said repeatedly by Allah to suppress our ‘Nafs’. People who are successful in suppressing it, are the good ones in eyes of Allah. But we are so trapped in the puzzle of our ‘Nafs’ that we are forgetting the good inside us. We grow our ‘Nafs’ daily by letting him eat our good. He do what he wants, all day long.  “Nafs’ would be the biggest reason for our sufferings. It may let us enjoy here, But we will be caught in its trap hereafter !

I see a lot of mass killings happening all around the world. A lot of innocent children are murdered in front of their mothers. Many girls are raped in-front of their fathers. People go for their work and they are shot by unknown people. Robberies, thefts and Kidnapping are on their peak. No one feels safe now. The people who are so called ‘rulers’ of us, are doing nothing but eating pop-corns and watching these things like we watch a movie. Why is that so ? Are these the Monsters who are trying to undertake the whole world ? Is the power of good so less that it can’t control the power of evil ? I don’t think so.

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Well that is a joke ! It may be the matter of time. All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. At this time it may look like the evil is going to succeed but at the last , good always wins ! I hope that truth is stronger in the end than any evil or misfortune in the world.I am waiting for that time. I have hope in me, I know I will see the sun of good rising one day. Sometimes I wonder, is there something like “Karma” in this world ?

Time To Show Off A Bit ;)

Hey !!

No I am not that kind of person as you may be thinking from the title 😉

But this is my right to say, I got another Blog Award ! Yaaaaaaayyyy 😀

I receive awards daily, In the form of your comments and likes. And I feel honored. Really honored ! My readers have given me so much Love that I can’t even handle it 🙂  While replying to a bundle of comments daily, I feel Loved and blessed. I want to tell you that the reason I am writing and I  haven’t stopped writing is you people.

I am loving the blogging experience and I can sit all day on my laptop and stare at the stats page 😀 I Love when readers understand my feelings through my writings. And I love when they express their care and Love to me. I love you guys ….So very much !

So Now About the blog Award, Will BS Brooks nominated me for the Shine On Award from the family of blogger Awards and I am really grateful to him ! I Thank Him with all my heart for giving me this Award !

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Shine On Award

To Officially receive this Award I have to mention who created this award, Write 7 things about me and Nominate 15 people for this award. So Here It goes !!

*Who created this award : willc88

*7 Facts About Me : (-Any resemblance to another person or place is purely coincidental 😉 )

1- I like to eat rice with a fork rather than a spoon 😛

2- I love stuff toys and I have almost 15 dolls at the age of 21 ! Though I don’t play with them now 😀

3- I have three diaries from my childhood which are full with autographs from my friends and teachers. I still read them when I miss my childhood 🙂

4- I love sea sides but I have never been to one 😦

5- I steal coke from my own fridge and when my mom asks who has done it, I start staring at the ceiling with narrow eyelids and wicked smile 😀

6- I love kids and in free times, I use to think about what will I do to my own baby and how would I love him/her 😛

7- Me and my brothers gather here in my room daily to watch ‘Dexter’ Together 😛

I guess these are the most stupid facts one may have described about oneself ever 😀 Pardon me if I sound extreme stupid 😉

* Nominations for This award :

1- SahrishS

2- randomlyabstract

3-Khaula Nazir

4-Moniba

5-Arindam Saha

6-Pieces of 8

7- annedarmawan

8-Kazi Mustakim

9-cabrogal

10-coastalmom

11-Ellespeth

12-Ajaytao2010

13-Eddie

14-Dr_IQ

15-busymindthinking

Thanks again For the honor ! Love xx

Many Problems, One Solution…..The Complete Code Of Life !

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The Code Of Life

I noticed, My eyes were filling with water. It started coming out , Through my cheeks towards the neck. Drop by drop, making a continuous line and I let it flow. I kept reading. The first page was ending . I started the second page. Stopped for a while , sobbed some more , wiped my eyes to make the vision clear and continued again. The third page was starting. I noticed my voice started trembling because of the intense feelings in my heart. I continued till I reached the fourth page. I felt like someone is slowly taking away all the restlessness and pain from my heart. I started feeling ease when I reached the fifth page. I felt peace at once. I remembered, I was in search of peace. There were no more tears and the intense feeling. I stopped reading. Closed it slowly, Kissed it , touched it with my fore head and Placed it at the upper shelf of my cupboard. I was Thankful.

————X————–

I was having a problem. I was feeling pressure and my head was heavy with stress. I can’t sleep because I was thinking about the problem continuously. As I was thinking more, The pressure was increasing. I couldn’t find the solution . I thought and thought , but all in vain. I was tensed. I tried to ask some people about the solution but no one was able to give answer. I picked it up, sat down on my bed and started reading it. As I read, I beg Him in my heart to solve my problem with his blessings because My efforts are not enough. I begged and begged with my true heart, and continued reading . Till I started feeling the heaviness of my head was getting lesser. I was satisfied. I felt the problem fading . I put the book back on its place. After a day, The problem was solved. Tears of joy were filled in my eyes. I was Thankful again.

————-X————–

There was a question in my mind relevant indirectly to Him. I was in search of its answer. I looked and looked , Pondered upon but found nothing. I felt a strong urge to cry , feeling my restlessness. I wanted the answer so bad. It was irritating me, It wasn’t letting me think about anything else. I picked the same book off its place and started reading it with meanings. I read. And suddenly when I was reciting the meanings, I got the answer of that question that was annoying me to an extent. So simply written with the other lines, but it was such a benediction for me, That I, Just I was aware of it. I felt like the writer of book has put the answer in my mind. I felt like a bud just blossomed into a flower in my heart. I felt a like a wave of happiness just tickled my heart. With a smile on my face, I kissed it with gratitude and put it back. I was Thankful once again.

————-X————–

I was in complete depression. There were extreme explosions happening in my head. Many reasons were combined to put me in that position. I wasn’t feeling comfort anywhere. I was trying hard to make my soul relax for a while but this was not happening. I was crying and crying … Hard ! I couldn’t find ease at all. The book was there, right on its place. It was in front of my eyes but I couldn’t read it. I was losing courage and hope. I was angry with its creator, with its writer. I failed myself and Him. This depression had no end, I thought. I got up, ate sleeping pills with water and back to my bed. I was sleeping.

Next day when I got up, I was feeling hatred from my own self. I was feeling guilty. I picked up the book, Opened it and without reading a word, Started talking to its writer. I apologized , I admitted my guilt, I asked for forgiveness. There was gratification all over in my heart. I closed my eyes to feel all the peace. I was Thankful and Contented….AGAIN!

————-X—————

Read!

In the name of thy Lord and Cherish-er,

Who created– Created man, out of a clot of congealed blood:

Proclaim! And thy Lord is Most Bountiful —

He Who taught (the use of) the Pen —

Taught man that which he knew not.

————-X—————

No Matter Which Phase Of Life are we facing, No matter How big our problem Is. The solution Is In our hands.

It is we, who search other ways to seek refuge, But At last come back to this simple solution.

The Stories Above Are all true. But the urge to Read Quran arises only when we collect Enough Love for the creator.

Whatever we do, Don’t forget Him even for a while. He never leaves us alone.

Search Allah with love in your heart , Not with Fear.

He is very close to us, closer than our breath, closer than our own souls.

He Loves each of us. His Love is more than the Love of 70 Mothers combined !! And We can’t be thankful for our One Mom’s Love even if we keep thanking, all our lives.

 

The doors of Forgiveness are Always open ! We just need to figure out ourselves. We need to recognize our inner-selves.

Happy Ramadan Mubarik To You All !!  I never got a chance to wish it Formally 🙂 May You all get all the blessings, Forgiveness and Nijaat simultaneously with all the ‘Ashraas‘. May you succeed in Getting more close to Him. May you get able to collect his countless blessings. And May This Ramadan increases your Love and faith on Him, More Than Ever.

Please Remember Me In Your Prayers !

Love xx

A Letter That Is Never To Be Posted !

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Dear Mama And Daddy !

First of all I Love you and so very much !

No I am not fine as I always say when you ask me how are you ? I want to tell you some things… Some things That you don’t know and you can’t even imagine of.

Do you know what is my biggest wish of my life ? Let me tell you today.

My biggest wish is that I make you proud one day. You get a lot of happiness or reward because of me, someday. I don’t have any wish regarding myself. I use to fantasize in my free time that I have done something big and every one is admiring you both because of me and you have that shine in your eyes, which comes in every parents eyes when they feel proud of their child. I want to see that shine in your eyes ! I want to make you feel proud ! I have always let you down. I never did anything for you in my whole life , At least this is what you know ! I feel this from the depth of my heart. This is the strongest desire I feel when ever I think of my life.

I am a sensitive and touchy girl. You don’t know this till now. It all started when I was young I don’t exactly remember my age. And mama, you were sitting with all my brothers and you all made fun of me for some thing. I ran away to my room and fell on my bed and cried and cried but no one came to express sympathy with me. I felt so bad. I was young, I didn’t realized what is happening but I felt neglected.

Then It started happening more often. You say words to make fun of me in a funny way but instead they hurt me. I started feeling pain when I was so young but back then, I couldn’t name it. I cried lying on my bed every time this happened but you never consoled me . A wish started sprouting in my heart that you come to console me, wipe away my tears and upraise me but you never did. You never felt what I use to go through.

I was a good student at first and you somehow felt proud of me till 9th grade. Then a disaster happened to me and I failed your expectations. I failed you badly in 10th grade and in my college. You never bothered to ask me what happened to you ? You used to be a brilliant student what is the matter with you ? You used to be so happy why don’t you seem happy now? Did something happen ? No. Instead , on knowing about the matter you behaved so rudely I can’t even think of that time now. It makes me cry ! That was the most ugliest time of my life and there was no one to tell me what is right and what is wrong. There was no one to listen, and when I found someone who listened to me I followed the wrong path even without seeing that face ever in my life. It was just a voice to me, But you behaved like I have done something so bad. I needed you at that time but you beat me hard with your words. I felt alone. I started receding away from you.

Dear mama,

Do you know what I use to think when I miss you ? That I am lying with my head in you lap and you are running your fingers across my hair. And talking to me. I felt so loved in my dreams thinking of that. I am your only daughter but you never did it. I don’t have courage to tell you that. I wish that I lie with my head in your lap one day and you kiss on my forehead . And you tell me how much you love me and you are here no matter what happens. Tell everything to me like your friend. I am your friend. But I don’t see that happening ever.

Dear daddy,

I use to think of you too in the same way. I wish someday you hug me and kiss my forehead. You express your indulgence . You pass your hand through my head with love some day and say I love you.  You are my sweetest daughter and I am proud of you.

I felt so happy when you sometimes put your hand on my head and when mama said You are my lovely daughter I felt blessed. I felt honored at that time !

Tears are running out from my eyes through my cheeks towards my neck as I am writing this. I am running out of words. I am not bothering to use fancy words and phrases while I write this. These words are flowing out of my fingers without following any rules.

I want to tell you that there was no one I can celebrate my success with when I got a position in my class here in university. There was no one whom I can tell that my teachers admire me and they are happy from me. No one to tell that I got highest marks in my favorite subjects. No one to tell that I got such a good GPA. No one to tell that I made a web site alone and my teacher admired me so much that he said he will buy a domain himself and will make it online. No one to tell that there are three people in my class who have some real skills of web and I am one of them . No one to tell that there are three students in my final year project group but they look at me when they need help and I alone is making that project without any help and my teacher is satisfied with me. Every time I got something, some admiration directly or indirectly no face comes into my mind to whom I can share my happiness. I felt more alone and the happiness faded at once. Sadness prevailed it .

I want to tell you that I took the biggest decision of my life because of you. I gave importance to your choice rather than mine for passing my rest of life with someone. I had a chance, but I never told you people because I thought you will think bad of me , you will get hurt ! I left the person I loved with all my heart, The Person who led me towards Allah’s love. I said yes to the person you selected for me . Why ? Because daddy, you let me lay down on your arm and told me that you liked that boy so much and you want me to accept him. And I did…. For you daddy ! I never thought what would happen to me, I never thought how would I survive with a person I don’t have any feelings , with an empty heart. I still don’t tell you that I pass through so much pain while talking to him and thinking of him. But I do this for you  And you will never know.

I loved you when I was here at home but I valued your worth when I started living in hostel. I missed you so much and all my views about you changed. At first I use to think that you don’t give me what I needed. Now I think that you did your best. You chose a life for me that is the best according to you. You tried to do everything perfect for me. It is just that you never tried to feel what I feel. Do you know why I use to keep laughing when I come home? You think because I am happy and satisfied. But I want to tell you I do this to hide my sadness, my tears. And you will never ever know that.

I don’t want to reveal My inner self to you. That will make you hurt. It will be difficult for you to think your daughter is going through so much pain. You think I am happy about the future you chose for me, I want you to think that for the rest of your life. I feel satisfied when I see you happy. I never want to tell you that How painful is the very thought of my future for me. I want to respect what you think. I will never break your trust on me. Some times when I came out of the washroom after crying for hours and there was a smile on my face you never recognized I have cried. You never read my eyes you never saw my tears. I felt hurt sometimes that you cant see my sadness but It is good I guess.

I want to tell you how alone I am. I want to tell you that I cry every time I am alone and I think of telling that to someone and sometimes your face come to my mind but I always think this will make you worried about me and I cancel the thought of telling you. I want to tell you that I have faced so many big problems in my life and I solved them with out even letting you know. You think my life is so easy and comfortable  I want you to think the same always. I want to see you happy. I use to pray for you after making every prayer. I don’t have any wish for myself. I pray for you and my brothers. You are my life you people are my soul !

Sometimes I wish I could tell you all that. At some point in life, when you hurt me with your words saying  ” You don’t feel what we go through for you people ” Or you don’t feel our worries or things like that. I feel an urge to tell you all this. But then I stop. Think of me like you always do…At least that will make you happy. I want your happiness and I am ready to pay the price for it.

You have done so much for us. I want to tell you that I feel your worries. I feel your pain… my heart melts when I see you in some kind of pain and I cry when I am alone and ask help for you from Allah. You know all my wishes revolve around you. I want my dad to get close to Allah. I know He love Allah so much but I want him to start following the right path. I want my brothers to follow the right path and get all the success and happiness in life. I want my mother to get all her wishes come true and all her worries fade out.

I love you mama and daddy. I want to see you happy. I never want you to see the face behind my mask. I want you to think it is the real me.

I will never tell all this to you. Never ever.

I love you !

And I know Some things are better unsaid !!

Your One And Only Daughter !

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