Back Here Again !

Hi my beautiful fellows ! I don’t know right now whether any of you still follows my blog or not or whether anyone of you will get to read this post or it will stay here, unnoticed. I have written on my other blog for about 7 months and tonight, I felt like returning back to this one. I can’t figure out why I love this blog so much. May be because this is the place where I used to write with all my heart, where I used to share what I felt without even bothering to give words all the fanciness and glitter. Where I made so many beautiful friends and met so many honest and nice people who helped me in my bad times and never left me alone.

This blog was the place where I used to wander when I was struggling to go through life. When my mind never used to get tired of thinking in new dimensions and above all, when He was with me. When my Allah was with me. I lost Him on my way to pass life and I am struggling to get Him back from then. May be this place helps me to get Him back. May be you people help me to get Him back.

Back then, I wished to get a normal life. Now, I want to get that life back again. I want to get heart broken and I want to get all my pain back. That pain was the reason He was here. It was the reason I was in Love with him and He used to listen to me. It was a part of me and now¬† I am alone and miserable but I don’t feel that pain. A black hole of abyss is sucking me deep inside and this hollowness in my heart, it grows. I wan’t to cry but I can’t. May be man never gets satisfied with what he gets.

I wish you still read me here. I would be glad to know if you do ūüôā Love you all.

Repentance, With Love.

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A black heart, dirty soul, tear filled eyes and trembling hands….. That is all I have. I don’t worth standing in front of you…. And still I am here….. I don’t deserve your mercy….. Yet still I am begging for it.

You are The Beneficent, you are The Merciful, You are The Almighty,  You are Kind. You Love me more than every single person in the world.

I do sins and I repent. You forgive me. I do sins again an I repent again and you forgive me. How would I ever be able to return you what you have been doing for me all my life ?

And here I am…begging you again with a bundle of sins on my shoulders….. I need you with me….I need to talk to you.

I know you are angry with me. And I know you will forgive me again. This feeling is all I have….More than a treasure for me. I need the exams you take from me…I need the difficulties…I need the problems….. I have realized what you always say that exams are for special persons to whom you want to give something other than ordinary.

I have realized, a life full of comfort and happiness is nothing….. I have realized I am nothing without you….

I know the difference now when you take my exams and when you punish me….I have recognized the feeling…. I want to have more….

I want to indulge in Ishq-e-haqiqui…..I want to be your ‘Muqarab’…… I want to Live this life for you….. I know my Wishes are huge…But same is your personality Allah….and I know I am wishing it from you…… You are Almighty.

I Love you Allah tala jee I Love you….Please forgive me…..

I am running out of words…..But you know what is going on in my heart…..I don’t know fancy words to attract you….I just have a plain simple heart and soul who is filled with your Love…..You know me Allah tala and I know you will respond…..

I just want to tell you I am embarrassed….I can’t lift up my eyes…..I am feeling ashamed of myself…..and I love you.

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Ek din Hazrat Moosa (A.S) ne Allah se kaha k mai Aapki Rehmat aur insan k gunah dekhna chahta hn Allah ne frmaya Peche dekho, Dekha to ek bohot bare Samandar k andar 1 drakht par 1 chirya apne mou mai mitti le kr bethi hai,

Hazrat Moosa (A.S) ne kaha ye kya.

Allah ne farmaya,

ye Samandar meri Rehmat hai aur ye drakht dunya , ye chirya insan aur us k mo mai jo thori c mitti hai wo us k Sare Gunah hain. Agar ye apna mo khol kr mitti(Gunah) pani mai gira de to meri Rehmat ko koi farq nhi parta. To kyun na insan touba kre aur main maaf na kron, insan to Naadan hai.

[ One day Hazrat Moosa (R.A) said to Allah that I want to see your blessing and human’s sins. Allah asked him to see behind. He saw a huge sea and a tree inside it, a sparrow sitting on that tree and some mud in its mouth.

Hazrat Moosa (A.S) said what is this ?

Allah said,

This sea is my blessings and this tree is this world, this sparrow is human being and the dirt in its mouth is all his sins. If this sparrow opens it’s mouth and throw all the dirt in water, it won’t effect my blessings . Then why not a human repents and I forgive him ? As human is unknowing.

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A Thorn……….

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The World is not heaven…. The world is not heaven…… A voice echoed in my ears and tore them apart along with my heart….. This world is not heaven………..

Then why did you show it to me…why did you let me feel it…why did you let me see it…. for some seconds…. for some bits…. why didn’t you kept it hidden from my eyes….

And now that I have seen my heaven why can’t I get it here ? It is very hard for me to see my heaven some steps away from me and I feel impossible to get it….. I stretch both my hands and I run fast but I can’t get there…. I return each time to the point where I started….. why ? because this world is not heaven…..

I got aware of what is meant by heaven and what is meant by living hell that day….. I got aware of the hidden meanings… The meanings about which people say, some things are better unknown !

I am burning in ¬†the fire…. The fire of my wishes…. Wishes which are not about things of this world… wishes which are about having a life….I don’t have any right of ‘living’ ? I was born to live dead ? The fire burns me inside…… I can’t breathe….

Iqbal says us to destroy ‘Me’ …. To destroy the self….. To live for others…. Then where did this fire come from ? He never mentioned it….. What is this then ?

Allah says the pain that takes me close to Him is an exam for me and the pain that takes me away from him is a punishment.

My pain took me closer to Him…. Can sins take people closer to Him ? I am confused.

I once read, Bigger the sin bigger is the gift after you repent. The gift of pain is too much to handle…. But the gift of Him is everything to hold on to…. I can’t decide who am I ?

I don’t know why I am crying from last… I don’t know how many hours and I don’t know how I slept in his feet today…. I don’t know why I feel Him so close to me right now…. I don’t know why I want to quit….quit this world and go to Him…. I don’t know why I am me…..

I feel jealous….I feel jealous of the people who say they are happy and satisfied…. I feel jealous of the people who can talk about Him for hours and then do things opposite to the one they just said….

Do I deserve craving for the only only wish I had ? Yes May be.

I am nothing, With you I am everything……. 30-1-2013

It pricks like a thorn….. It pricks like a thorn………. This world is not heaven… It burns like fire…. It cuts like a knife…. And it pricks like a thorn……

 

 

 

 

Under The Spell Of Black Magic….!

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I had been thinking about the magical things I have been hearing these days too often So here I am sharing them with you.

This is a true story from 9 to 10 years ago when I was a little kid and used to sleep¬†in my Mom’s room on a separate small¬†bed. I still remember it because it gives me goose bumps still when¬†I recall it.

It was the time of mid night and everyone was sleeping. Suddenly I woke up and saw a shadow moving towards my Mom’s bed. It sat down beside her on her pillow. I felt scared¬†and I cried “Mom there is someone sitting beside you” .¬†She was so sleepy and without opening her eyes she pulled out her hand and punched that thing on his back with her fist and then slept again. And I was not watching a dream because¬†I heard the sound of punching. That thing, then stood up and started¬†walking towards the door and disappeared !¬†When I told my mom in the morning she said she remember me crying but there was nothing else she could recall.

I am not sure whether that really happened or I was dreaming. Since my childhood I have heard of so many stories about magic and ghosts and people who tell them claim them to be true.

Another incident happened to my father when I was in college. He went out of station and when he returned at night, his clothes were covered with blood stains. We were all so worried. He then told that he was walking towards the train and he felt like someone has pushed him from the rear and suddenly his clothes were all covered with blood and he fainted. One of the persons near by took him to his shop. He was a Hafiz-e-Quran (People who know Quran by heart) and he told my dad that
the blood is not human blood and he has been attacked by black magic, but he¬†survived. My mom used to tell me that the same thing happened to my dad when I was a little baby. He was¬†sitting in someone’s shop and he was covered in blood within an instant. Than he went to Qaari Saab ( Pious Hafiz-e-Qran) and he told him that he survived the¬†attack because he was reciting Quranic verses at that time.

Despite this, I haven’t seen any type of Magic related thing in my whole life. I have¬†listened to the stories of my friends but since I have not seen them with my eyes I don’t believe in them.¬†I have heard stories how close relatives do magic on people out of jealousy or some¬†other reasons and what effects this magic could have on them.

Magic can be done for giving financial crisis to people, for causing them health problems and diseases, for stopping their minds to work for studies or job, for making a person paralyze, causing heart attack or even death. I wonder how could these people sleep at nights but I have heard those people getting ruined and destructed after-wards. Some stores were related to how some homes can be under the spell of Ghosts and how they irritate people to leave them. They even go inside small kids and scare other family members.

People use different things to make magic work. These things include small written papers, small pieces of clothes, blood, meat or bones of some animal and things like that and these things are buried or hid at some place where no one could see them. And then by discarding these things and reciting proper verses the spell can be broken.

Seems like the typical Horror series or movie story ! It is weird though how we think these serials to be stupid and believe in things happening to the lives of people around us.

People who have seen these things with their own eyes believe in them and people who haven’t seen them, think them to be absurd. Specially the ‘modern’ people. I don’t know about their truth except the things I have¬†seen by myself. But I do believe that ghosts exist and they live in this world like we¬†do. I have also read that there is a third dimension of this world where
these type of things exist and they could sometimes interfere in the lives of humans too due to some unknown reasons. I also have heard that Ghosts have certain limitations and they can not always enter the human world .

I don’t have any kind of proof of any of these assumption to be right or wrong.¬†I am just curious to know the hidden truths of this universe. I love Horror movies and novels too , have read couple of them and I am not scared of ghosts… ¬†Our knowledge and wisdom¬†is limited… God knows how many other creatures are living with us and may be reading this¬†article with me as I am writing it ! ūüėČ

The magic spell culture is increasing in Pakistan among the uneducated and foolish people. I have no idea whether people of other countries have to face it too or not ! Do YOU have any scary story from your own life ?

Grave Is Your Destination…

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** Urdu lines are taken from a Naat read by Junaid Jamshed.

Duniya k aye musaafir , Manzil teri Qabar hai

Manzil teri qabar hai…

Tay ker raha hai jo tu, do din ka ye safar hai

du din ka ye safar hai…

O traveler of the world, grave is your destination

Grave is your destination…

The one you are travelling, is a two days exploration

Is a two days exploration…

Sitting at the back seat in the car by window side, she settled her head at corner of the window glass. Her eyes were wandering along the trees and the roads…. people of different ages on various vehicles, In a hurry to reach somewhere, to do something…. alone or with their families…. Colorful clothes…. Chatting , smiling faces…… Energetic and glowing children running by the road side…. bright blue clouds…. It was Eid day… Eid which is a second name for happiness……..

Ankhon sa tu nay apni , kitnay janazay dekhay ?

Hathon sa tunay  apnay , dafnay kitnay murday ?

Dafnay Kitnay murday….

Anjam sa tu apnay , kyun itna be khabar hai ?

Kyun Itna Be khabar hai…

With your own eyes, how many funerals have you witnessed ?

With your own hands, How many dead’s have you buried ?

How many dead’s have you buried…

Of your consequence, why are you so ignorant ?

Why are you so ignorant…

She had a bad mood since morning that day… She cried over small things… It was Eid ! She was supposed to be happy but she locked herself in her room and cried her heart out laying down on the floor… She realized her last Eid was the same… It started with tears too…and the third last Eid….and the previous ones… She realized ‘Eid’s ‘ are not made for her…. She realized her ‘Eid’ had not come yet… She realized she had no part in today’s happiness…… Or any happiness at all ?

Why ? Why don’t I have the right to feel happy like normal people ? Why don’t you feel me ? She had questions for Him….. He was not answering !

Then she realized she had been thinking about her past and the future , all her life…every moment of her present , she never had a present. Her present was filled with thoughts of the past or worries of the future. She thought, what If she dies today , this very moment ? What has she done to herself ?

Makhmal main sonay walay, mitti main so rahay hain

shah o gada yaha per , sub ek ho rahay hain

Sab aik ho rahay hain….

Dono hoye barabar ye mout ka asar hay

Ye mout ka asar hai…

The ones who slept in silk, are sleeping now in clay

Kings and servants here, are all getting same…

Are all getting same…

Both got equal, this is the effect of death

This is the effect of death…

Her mom was calling her….She was saying her to get ready…to wear colorful clothes…to be lively…. And she was dead already. She never knew for what parents is this said, ¬†that they can know what is in your heart by looking at your eyes…

She had to be happy for the ones who love her and who can’t see her sad. She had to live in present for some time. She had to get rid of the unending dark loneliness inside her… May be thinking about life is not what should be done. May be death is the ultimate truth to be thought of….She stood up. She had to fake it again.

After all the fear of death follows from the fear of life….

 

 

The Day When Personal Passion Was Sacrificed For The Highest Love

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Hundreds of years ago….. A perfect complete home with a father and a son included. Both of them were filled with the same beautiful Love and compassion that is an essence of human nature since first man was forged into the world.

Father once had a dream, a hallucination, that he is sacrificing his son for Allah. Back in those times, Allah used to communicate with people through definite signs, How felicitous and fortunate they were !

The next night . he again witnessed the very dream. Postulating it to be a true one, as all his former dreams proved out to be true, He conceived from it that Allah demanded a sacrifice from him. In order to accomplish Allah’s command, he sacrificed a herd of camels and disseminated the meat among the poor.

Repeatedly in the following nights he witnessed the same dream and did the same sacrifices. Still, the dream didn’t cease. Then he had second thoughts.

He called his beloved son and elaborated him the story , he said “O my son! I have seen you being sacrificed in a dream; what do you say?”(The Quran: 37:102)

The son, being aware of the fact that his father is a prophet of Allah, replied without any reluctance:¬†“O my father! Do what you are commanded; if God please, you will find me of the patient ones” — (The Quran: 37:102).

The father , the son and his mother…. everyone though being anxious and shaken inside, were delighted and overjoyed over getting a chance to serve Allah. How sacramental they were !

Fatherly tender Love and child’s fond affection was going to be sacrificed for the Greater Divine. On their way to alter, they were distracted and horrified by the Satan but they didn’t let anything come in their way.

At the Altar the son threw himself prostrate before his illustrious father, who blindfolded as he was, lest his parental love should come in the way, applied the knife to his son’s throat. An exemplary conduct of complete submission to the will of Allah; sacrificing his only son in His way! The soul of Abraham within himself was praising the Lord, saying: “My prayer and my sacrifice and my life and my death are all for God, the Lord of the worlds”.

Angels stood metamorphosed, as it were, into lifeless pictures and overcome by extreme anxiety. 

“God is great; God is great; God is great; God is great; There is no Allah, but He. And God is great; All praise for God.”

My words and my wisdom is not enough to pen down the great light and the essence of that very happening….

Abraham was about to cut the throat of his only son. But lo! He heard a voice from Above:

“O Abraham! you have indeed shown the truth of the Vision; thus We reward the doers of good. Surely this is a manifest trial” — (The Quran: 37:104-106).

The Patriarch laid down the knife and there was rejoicing mingled with thanksgiving that God had accepted the Sacrifice. It dawned on him what his Vision really meant ‚Äď viz., that what God wanted was not the blood of his son but the sacrifice of that highest of love which a father has for his son and vice-versa. It was the sacrifice of personal passion that was acceptable to God and that was done both by the father and the son. The father and son fell down in prayer praising their Lord.

From that day, to commemorate this outstanding act of sacrifice (qurbani) by Prophet Abraham, people sacrifice a lamb, goat, ram or any other animal on Eid-ul-Adha and give the meat to friends, neighbors, relatives and the needy. Eid is celebrated with a great zeal and enthusiasm by the Muslims all over the world.

In-spite of judging the intentions of other people behind the sacrifice, Can’t we just do our part honestly ?

I wish all My brothers and sisters a very Happy Eid Mubarik ! People who are away for Hajj , a very warm Congratulations to them too ! 

Eat lots of meat (only your part ūüėČ ), get fat and remember me in your prayers ūüôā

 

 

You Say Equal Rights, I Say Equal Respect !

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” Gender Equity is a thought-provoking direction”

“Men and women should have equal rights”

“They are same”

These were the slogans of one the protest happening in Pakistan with lots of women of every age with modern clothes and expensive make-up on their face shouting their mouths out under hot sun with sun-blocks on their skin !

These are the same women who go to their homes full of servants and sit in air conditioned rooms and insult their female servants and maids. Who don’t even move themselves to get a glass of water and who say a word out of their mouth and their husbands have to follow it. Then the same women brag about what social work they are doing by protesting for Equal right for men and women. Yes they can say that because they see the same thing in their own homes…. Both of them, wife and husband have pockets full of money and both of them work in hugs offices to earn this money !

They say , ” If you can’t cook , get out of kitchen ! “

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But the women working at homes and Growing their children and men working hard from dawn to dusk for their children and raising their family can ask for equal rights and equality ?

I am against the concept of equal rights and equality for men and women. Men and women can never be equal. Both have their own strengths and both have their own weaknesses. No one can take place of the other and both with all their different unique capabilities are necessary to run the society  successfully. Then how come we ask for equal rights ?

If we talk about Islam, Women were treated as inferior creatures before Hazrat Muhammad (PBUH) that they were buried alive . After Him , they were given many rights in society regarding property and other but they were never called as equal to men. They were given greater respect then men but at the same time it was said that they can never take place of men. Men are born to earn and run the family and women have to stay inside to raise their families. They can go out too to earn but under certain restrictions and boundaries. Both of them are born with different natures. I can’t say men should be preferred on women neither am I saying men are superior to women. Both are at an equal place but with their own unique capabilities. ¬†Women will create more imbalance in the society if they would try to do the work men are made for doing. That is why a women ruler is said to be always destructive because Ruling is a characteristic of men.

Nowhere in Quran Allah said that Man is superior to woman. Instead He said

“We created you from a male and female, made you into nations and tribes, so that you may come to know one another. Truly the most honored of you in God’s sight is the greatest of you in piety “ 49:13

Women have their own rights to life, to learn, own and dispose of property, choose a husband, right as a wife, standard of living, right to be treated equally, right to divorce, right to inherit and right to a final will. Men have their own rights.

I am on the side of demanding equal respect for both men and women but when it comes to feminism and equal rights for men and women, I am Sorry I deny it !

 

 

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I Am Getting Married.

Yes I am getting married. It took me 1 and a half YEAR to realize this single reality…I am getting married.

Though the things beyond this fact are blur. Getting married to whom ? What do I feel ? Why I am doing this ? Why is all this happening ? Everything is blur.

I am going to be a computer scientist in another month. I Love my field now . I got the highest grades and GPA In my class. I am a so called intelligent student in the eyes of teachers. And yet….I am getting married. Just after the completion of my studies.

People say me to be optimistic about my future ! Can I ? Yes I know I should………..!!

The one I wished to pass all my life with….saw all my future dreams with….planned my future with…..is lost in the fog of time and fate !

The one I am going to have a future with….. I never thought about him….I have no feelings , an empty heart for him. This is the future I have to look up to !

I don’t know If I won’t be getting married , I would be doing any job or studying further , My life would be better in Future.

I don’t know either my life would be good with all that seems obvious. I don;t know anything. I am confused.

It took me 1 and a half year to realize the fact that I am getting married. I don’t know how much time I would take to accept the person of my fate.

My Allah and then my parents chose him for me…..and I accepted their wish…with my eyes closed. I couldn’t kill the happiness of my parents . I never gave them any happiness except this one. I am not selfish.

That was the time I stopped wishing for myself. Its hard when you get wounds all over your soul….by the broken pieces of your dreams….and you find no remedy…..no cure.

I have made room for pain in my heart. I know I have to live with what I am given I know I have to accept and I have to Move on !!

It is a difficult task.

Anyway…… I am getting married on 15th February 2014 and You all are Invited.

 

There should be some caring people to give me their shoulder. After all I need four of them. After all ‘Red’ color is getting ‘white’ for me. After all my marriage may be my funeral.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be With Me O Merciful !

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When life is at pause, when time stops and when the trees and birds are still

When my eyes stare at a point in the air , the point that is abstract that is nil

When my body turns into exquisite glass, the vessel through which vision can pass

When a warm stroke of pain emerge from heart and spreads in all the body very fast

When it starts flowing in my blood and with my breath It spreads profusely at last

When it penetrates in every inch of the flesh , Every part whether brain or heart

When my body screams out loud when my heart beats rowdy in my chest

This is the time when a pleasure , a bliss arise and spreads in my body at rest

I become tranced I feel the felicity and solace cascading in my blood

I cry but my heart is stunned in the fun, In the pleasure of this pain’s flood

When I never ask for the pain to stop, when I want it more and more

When the vessel and soul’s desires are opposite, no longer do they adore

Outside; Tears , shiver and pain , Inside; Pleasure , amusement and gain

When I calmly start feeling ‘Him’ Inside myself, while effaced is the pain

When ‘His’ Love then percolates through my blood my soul and my mind

When I feel ‘Him’ closer to the vein in my neck, My breath says ‘He’ is divine

When the vessel made of glass dances with the dance of soul

Dances in the shadow of ‘His’ light, ‘He’ is the partner ‘He’ is the whole

When my mind is stuck on the thought to talk , to see and to Meet ‘Him’

When I forget myself and ‘He’ is left as my world and as my self esteem

I bow and I cry , I become your servant I am the one who needs to find

Be with me O Merciful ! Be with me O My Lord ! Be with me O Kind !

Please Donate !

Paloma Charity

I am Glad to know that I was missed this time ūüôā Thank you !

I was out of town for some important personal stuff , that is why I couldn’t give time to the blog. Back now . Want to discuss something …. Consider it a welcome back treat for me ūüôā

Allah advises us that¬†when giving charity, we should do so in a way that our left hand¬†doesn’t¬†know what our right hand has spent.

I listened to a beautiful explanation of this saying. I want to share it with you people. It was by a Muslim-ah Scholar. She said I use to wonder what this saying means. Always when we do a thing with our hands, all of the body parts know at the same time what is happening. She said she tried to give charity secretly with one hand but at the same moment each of the body part was sent a message about it by the mind . Then she realized it meant something else. It meant that while giving charity we should not count it, because counting involves the second hand. In this way when one hand will give charity the other body parts will never know how much amount was spent. And when we do something for Allah without counting, the reward is countless too.

The cook in our hostel mess is a young lady with 5 children and her husband is dead. She is recently diagnosed Cancer. She is so poor that she hardly raise her children. So finally after visiting many hospitals and annoyed by the expensive treatements she managed to visit Shaukat Khanum Memorial Hospital that was made by Imran khan , a famous political person and I was amazed to listen to the story she told me.

She said they do a free checkup and full treatment of Cancer patients who are poor and can not afford the expensive treatments. And the doctors and nurses and every employee there talks to you in the same way they talk to the people who are rich and can afford the treatment. And the rich people give double triple payments when they recover , with their consent and through this money the poor are treated for free.

We hardly see this type of kindness in this world now, specially in Pakistan.

I request you all please give donations to this hospital for the treatment of Cancer patients. I am requesting this to you because I felt I should. I have done my part. It is your turn now. I hope you people will donate for the noble cause.

This is the website of Shaukat Khanum Hospital .

http://www.shaukatkhanum.org.pk

If you can’t donate much, Just send a text to 7770 and donate Rs-20 for them.¬†

Mention here when you are done ! May be your donation saves an innocent life ūüôā

Kind Regards !

Thank you !

Happy Birth Day Pakistan , You Will Live Forever InshAllah !

Note : This post is meant for Muslims and Pakistanis and Based on my thoughts. No one is forced to agree with me . Anyone who feel offended through this could stop reading at any point. I apologize already if I hurt your feelings through this !

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A heart full of Love for my country and a mind full of thoughts about Pakistan and Muslims…This is what I am today !

It is the 67th birthday of Pakistan today…. The same Pakistan which was made with a lot of efforts and martyrs by our ancestors. The same Pakistan which was made on the name of Islam and the same Pakistan where we can not see any true Islamic practice nationally. I am not in a mood of giving a long lecture on how Pakistan was made by all the efforts and How we are not doing what we were supposed to do and what should we do. I guess every Pakistani knows his duties in his heart.

I want to share some logic and some predictions with you today. If we look back, Muslims have the most major contributions in Mathematics, Science, Philosophy, Geology,  astronomy, geography , Literature and arts and their rules and formulas are still in use now-a-days. Examples of Muslims rulers for bravery and Justice are still given.

And then there is Today when The same Muslim are called as “Terrorists” ! Muslims are considered to be the most un-educated and ill-mannered people of the world. Muslim countries are continuously under control Of Western Countries and they are implementing the rules they want in Muslim countries. What happened to Muslims ? Islam can not be the reason. Islam was the same long long time ago when Muslims were prospering.

There are bundles of columns and articles filled on conditions of Muslims and the reasons and everything. I would like you to see it with my perspective. Let us talk about some Interesting Facts.

Some Interesting Spiritual Facts About Pakistan :

  1. No country was made after that many Martyrs , as Pakistan faced.
  2. Pakistan came into being on the Shab-e-Qadar “The night Of Blessings” ¬†, On 27th Ramadan.
  3. In 1930’s when Quaid-e-Azam once decided to leave politics and he was persuaded by Allama Iqbal, He shared a secret with some of his very critical friends. He said that Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W) came to meet him and ordered him to return back to sub-continent as he has to complete his spiritually assigned task.
  4. Sufi Barkat Ali , a well known saint, said “Listen O’ people a day will come when UNO will ask Pakistan before taking any step , whatsoever, I may not remain alive till that time, but if it doesn’t happen, then come and spit on my grave
  5. Many Muslim Scholars, Faqeers and Saints like Allama Shabbir Ahmed Usmani , Atiya Bibi , Qudratullah Shahab, Naimatullah shah Wali, Ashfaq Ahmed and many more described the detailed Spiritual Importance of Pakistan. Many of them Saw Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W) in their dreams saying something about Pakistan.
  6. Many spiritual Aspects of the 1965 war have been described Spiritually Like the sight of Cavaliers dressed in white dresses , a letter by ‘Madina’ people about sighting of Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W) saying he is going to fight for Pakistan, many bombs detonation, sighting of one bridge into six by an Indian Soldier and etc.

You can Read full details on these links.

http://pakistannislam.blogspot.com/2013/01/spiritual-pakistan.html#.UgkQQNKTRMg

http://pakistancyberforce.blogspot.com/2011/09/spiritual-importance-of-pakistan-past.html

With all these points in mind, Can you say Pakistan has no importance and all these proofs are just coincidences ? No , I don’t think so. Pakistan was made for a special purpose and that special purpose has yet to be served, in near future.

Let us discuss that Purpose now.

Some Islamic Predictions About Signs Of Qayamat (The day Of Judgment) :

1-Some of you (people) would fight with Hindus and Allah would give them (Muslims) Success ” ¬†–Kanz-ul-aemaal, Hadees # 39719.

2- Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W) said , ¬†Dajjal won’t come out till people don’t forget him , even the people at mosques stop saying anything about him.

3-Many Sufi Saints and Faqeers have predicted the success of Muslims in the Fight of Hind.

Now according to the recent column of Orya Maqbool Jan , A renowned writer , Sufi and spiritual person, Hindus have given out the dates of the year 2013 for this fight to be started. They say they won’t be succeeded, if they don’t fight now, for about hundred years. And according to Islamic predictions , in this fight Muslims would succeed and Pakistan would ¬†be considered as the leader of Muslim nations. According to Hindus, a person they call as “Mahaarashi” is hiding in the mountains and he will come out with 70,000 Jews. The same was predicted back then, about the “Dajjal Fitna

You can read the whole Article of Oriya Maqbool Jan here : http://oryamaqbooljan.com/columns/jung-ka-mahorat-orya-maqbool-jan

The thing I am going to state now is Pure my thoughts and a voice from my heart or you can say my instincts or sixth sense.

I feel that the preparations for this ‘Ghazwa-e-Hind’ would start now in the year 2013 and The fight would start when Imran Khan would be the leader of Pakistan! After this 5 years period of Nawaz Shareef , I think Imran Khan would be the President and then this fight would happen and Pakistan would have a success InshAllah !

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This is not written anywhere, It is just what I feel.

So After such important proofs, I don’t think the Dream of America, that Pakistan would no longer be in the maps of world , seems to be right !

I am not a scholar or anything, I just share what I believe and you are not forced to agree with my views here !

By stating all this information about fights I am not showing that I want people to fight. I love peace and So do Pakistan. Islam never wants fight, ever. Even in Islam killing one innocent is the same as killing the entire nation ! It is strictly forbidden. I was just recalling the things said by the Great people and was just telling my thoughts that I feel , this is the time.

At the last I would just say, Pakistan , you have given me everything and I am Thankful to you, To the sacrifices of our Ancestors ! May Allah give Pakistan a strength to Perform the task for which it was made 66 years ago and predicted by Hazoor Pak (S.AW) thousand years ago !

I Love you Pakistan and You will live Forever InshAllah !

Ameen !

Happy Independence Day  To All Pakistanis !

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I am A Beggar !

Afghan_girl_begging

Sadness In Eyes !

Rain is a pleasant thing for people, In fact for me too ! A blessing and a much awaited blessing specially In our Areas.

Then what is the reason that after rain, everything seems so silent, so still and so sad ?

May be because people says there is sadness after every happiness and happiness after every sadness. I feel happy when it rains that is why I feel sad after it ? Don’t make much sense to me.

And weird sad things happen to me when it rains. This is weird ! May be because I feel sad from inside, I see only the sad side of things ! Yes after all I intend to be sad. Sadness gives me peace, to my mind and to my soul.

Same sadness that you see in eyes of a child who had nothing to eat all day and he keeps begging and get nothing but criticism and castigation. The same sadness that you see in the eyes of a Mother of 12 or more children or an ill husband waiting at home for the money she earns through begging . The same sadness that you feel on the face of a father who can not find a job and at the end of the day, starts begging because he don’t want to go empty handed in his house where many eyes are waiting for him. For him or for food ? No one knows.

Sadness may have many reasons but it has one face. The deep intense feeling when meets with silence, stillness and a somber sigh and appears in the form of a dim light in eyes, makes the face of sadness.

While having a drive with my family today , Instead of watching the happiness in their eyes I was busy in noticing the sadness in eyes of people outside. Whenever our car stops at a food place, Many poor children and women come rushing towards it. And If anyone of us give anything to one beggar, they all keep standing there without moving and keep asking !

Yes I can understand the irritation caused to my parents by this. But sometimes I can’t understand. Each time they say them to get away my hearts misses a beat. My mood swings to the sad one !

I tried to Imagine myself on their place today. Dirty hair, Ragged Filthy clothes , Bare feet and hands wide open , joined together ! Mouth saying words which I could never say in front of people and belly carving for food. Head heavy with the weakness. Shameful bent-down eyes and sadness……..

The feeling while watching other people sitting in cars, eating delicious food , wearing colorful clothes and talking with each other, Happy faces !

The feeling every time I spread out my hands to beg and every time I  was rejected with a sentence, a single word, a hand saying to move forward or just a finger or sometimes a mere movement of an eye-brow !

The feeling of rejection….. As If someone kicks on my face and move forward by putting a step over my corpse !

The feeling when people see me with greed, hunger, lust and dirt in eyes. Their eyes going through my body and tearing me apart. Their shameless smiles and cheap signs.

The feeling of embarrassment and humiliation…..I feel like the ground tears up and I jump inside hiding there forever !

My brother offered me an Ice-cream which I rejected to eat. I wasn’t able to tell him I am already eating one, Of ‘Reality’ ! It tastes ‘bitter’ !

I was trying to hide my tears from all of them so I closed my eyes . From the reality, From that horrible picture of me and from more people like I imagined myself and wasn’t even able to bear that mere imagination !

Why is reality always so tough ?

People with one leg or arm broken , blind , deaf, or diseased were still moving outside, begging ! And we think only we are ‘Humans‘ !!

A song in the voice of ‘Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan‘ was playing in the car……

ko’ii to hai jo nizaam-e-hastii chalaa rahaa hai
vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai
dikha’ii bhii jo na de nazar bhii jo aa rahaa hai
vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai

(Someone is there who is managing the order of life
He is God, He is God, He is God
He is invisible still He can be seen
He is God, He is God, He is God)

nazar bhii rakhe sama’ateN bhii, vo jaan letaa hai niyyateN bhii
jo Khaana-e-laa-shauur meN jagmagaa rahaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai
vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai

(He keep eyes and ears too, He knows even the intentions
The one who is illuminated in our subconscious minds
He is God, He is God, He is God)

talaash us ko na kar butoN meN, vo hai badaltii hu’ii rutoN meN
jo din ko raat aur raat ko din banaa rahaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai
vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai

(Do not search for Him in the idols, He is in the changing seasons
The one who is changing day to night and night to day
He is God, He is God, He is God)

And My search For Allah continues……..Along with the words of the song. Would I be able to get Allah if I become a beggar one day, In front of people ? Would that pain be enough to led me to you ?

You say you don’t see the filthiness of body. You see the heart, the soul. Then why we make our hearts and souls filthy and our bodies decorated and clean ?

I don’t have the answers. I want to experience the answers. I am a beggar, I beg you ! I beg you and only you I spread my hands only In front of you. Lead me towards yourself ! Aye Allah…………………….

A Tribute To Beautiful People Who Wrote Poetry For Me….!

This post is dedicated to beautiful people who wrote poetry for me or in response to my writings and I want to give them credit, appreciation and respect for all the Love !

======================================================

*** Once upon a time, I asked him, “Say something to me !” , And he sent me this piece of poetry. I said, “Can I show it to people” . He said no because it is not special. I want to tell him…. You are special for me. Every word you say is special for me and I value every word coming out of your mouth like precious stones and pearls . This voice comes out of my heart and I mean every word. I Love You !

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This dark night

Without a ray of hope

Hope that gives

You hopelessness

Searching And Searching

A way out ?

Love is hopelessness

Hopelessness is Hope !

¬† ¬† ——————-

Explanation Needs words

Words which means something

Empty mind with meaningless thoughts

Wandering what to say

Only One thing

Love is divine

And I Love You !

=====================================================

*** She is a beautiful Women , a friend and a fellow Blogger from Maldives. Here is the link to her blog. Some days back I saw a caption in My Reader with my name in it and when I opened it, I was excited to see what she dedicated to me ! It was really a lovely gift ! I want to say thank you for these beautiful words .

white-pearl

When she stood at the jetty

Every tear that fell from her eyes to the sea

They changed into little white pearls

They floated on the ocean and sang this beautiful song

“Let out your grieve my sister

We are here for you

Our little love carry your burden!

Oh! Let out your grieve my sister‚ÄĚ

“Thank you my dear white pearls

For your love and smile‚ÄĚ

Her tears were precious …..

They turned to pearls

They floated on the sea

They lifted her spirit

Little white pearls

They are floating with the waves

And these courageous pearls visited me…

======================================================

*** Maria and Arindam are very Dear friends of mine and fellow bloggers too. Here are is the link to Maria’s and Arindam’s Blog. They wrote some really amazing Answers to My post “Shab-E-Qadar (The Night Of Blessings) ” and I believe their answers made my Poem complete and Responsive ! I love the beautiful words they added to it and I wanted to mention them too here !

By Arindam :

He is too far to see through eyes

But ask your heart, and there lies

Within the veins as blood he flows

Smiling at your success; standing close

He is the smile which makes your day

He is in the tears that who shed in dismay

He dances in the rains and sways with the waves

He flies with the butterflies and lives in the caves

He cries as rains seeing the drying lands

He wanders as freely and swiftly as sands

He teases you as a child, with a sweet mischief

He understands you as a friend in your grief

He even plays the game of love, eternal and pure

He runs with you in the race of life to the target you endure

No only that…

He is in the blazing fire of rage

Of a parrot trapped in the cage

He is in the intimate sight of the one

Immersed in love of his loved one

He is in the everyone; sinful,, ignorant, stupid and wise

The question is just; when his presence do you realize…

—————————————–

By Maria :

There He is

Closer than

You

Can Imagine

Looking

At You

And All

His creations

Smiling

At those

Who

Raise their hands

And Bow their heads

And Kneel

Down

To Pray.

He is There

Closer

Than your nerves.

Inside

Your Heart

Inside

Your Soul.

His existence,

Is very much

The existence

Of all

That is existing.

=========================================================

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”¬†

G.K. Chesterton

So Thank You !! ^ __ ^

Shab-E-Qadar ( The Night Of Blessings )

Surely We revealed it on the grand night. And what will make you comprehend what the grand night is? The grand night is better than a thousand months. The angels and Gabriel descend in it by the permission of their Lord for every affair, Peace! it is till the break of the morning. РSurah Qadar.

 

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Time ticks , Eye blinks

Where is He ?

Nights passes gently

Seconds And Minutes

Where is He ?

Meet Him , See Him

Desire I

Where is He ?

Bow before Him

Reach the Skies

Searching Him

Passionately

Wish I

Where is He ?

The day of end

Where End is beginning

Why so far

Life so Long, or short

Think I

Where is He ?

Him and only Him

Need , Want

No Heaven

No luxuries

Just He

Around Him

Pray I

Where is He ?

He is inside

He is everywhere

Says He

My Beloved

But

Blind eyes

No sight

Where is He ?

Feel Him

Sense Him

Think Him

Talk to Him

Searching

Praying

Waiting

See Him ?

Can I ?

Where is He ?

Many Problems, One Solution…..The Complete Code Of Life !

light-ofthe-quran1

The Code Of Life

I noticed, My eyes were filling with water. It started coming out , Through my cheeks towards the neck. Drop by drop, making a continuous line and I let it flow. I kept reading. The first page was ending . I started the second page. Stopped for a while , sobbed some more , wiped my eyes to make the vision clear and continued again. The third page was starting. I noticed my voice started trembling because of the intense feelings in my heart. I continued till I reached the fourth page. I felt like someone is slowly taking away all the restlessness and pain from my heart. I started feeling ease when I reached the fifth page. I felt peace at once. I remembered, I was in search of peace. There were no more tears and the intense feeling. I stopped reading. Closed it slowly, Kissed it , touched it with my fore head and Placed it at the upper shelf of my cupboard. I was Thankful.

————X————–

I was having a problem. I was feeling pressure and my head was heavy with stress. I can’t sleep because I was thinking about the problem continuously. As I was thinking more, The pressure was increasing. I couldn’t find the solution . I thought and thought , but all in vain. I was tensed. I tried to ask some people about the solution but no one was able to give answer. I picked it up, sat down on my bed and started reading it. As I read, I beg Him in my heart to solve my problem with his blessings because My efforts are not enough. I begged and begged with my true heart, and continued reading . Till I started feeling the heaviness of my head was getting lesser. I was satisfied. I felt the problem fading . I put the book back on its place. After a day, The problem was solved. Tears of joy were filled in my eyes. I was Thankful again.

————-X————–

There was a question in my mind relevant indirectly to Him. I was in search of its answer. I looked and looked , Pondered upon but found nothing. I felt a strong urge to cry , feeling my restlessness. I wanted the answer so bad. It was irritating me, It wasn’t letting me think about anything else. I picked the same book off its place and started reading it with meanings. I read. And suddenly when I was reciting the meanings, I got the answer of that question that was annoying me to an extent. So simply written with the other lines, but it was such a benediction for me, That I, Just I was aware of it. I felt like the writer of book has put the answer in my mind. I felt like a bud just blossomed into a flower in my heart. I felt a like a wave of happiness just tickled my heart. With a smile on my face, I kissed it with gratitude and put it back. I was Thankful once again.

————-X————–

I was in complete depression. There were extreme explosions happening in my head. Many reasons were combined to put me in that position. I wasn’t feeling comfort anywhere. I was trying hard to make my soul relax for a while but this was not happening. I was crying and crying … Hard ! I couldn’t find ease at all. The book was there, right on its place. It was in front of my eyes but I couldn’t read it. I was losing courage and hope. I was angry with its creator, with its writer. I failed myself and Him. This depression had no end, I thought. I got up, ate sleeping pills with water and back to my bed. I was sleeping.

Next day when I got up, I was feeling hatred from my own self. I was feeling guilty. I picked up the book, Opened it and without reading a word, Started talking to its writer. I apologized , I admitted my guilt, I asked for forgiveness. There was gratification all over in my heart. I closed my eyes to feel all the peace. I was Thankful and Contented….AGAIN!

————-X—————

Read!

In the name of thy Lord and Cherish-er,

Who created– Created man, out of a clot of congealed blood:

Proclaim! And thy Lord is Most Bountiful —

He Who taught (the use of) the Pen —

Taught man that which he knew not.

————-X—————

No Matter Which Phase Of Life are we facing, No matter How big our problem Is. The solution Is In our hands.

It is we, who search other ways to seek refuge, But At last come back to this simple solution.

The Stories Above Are all true. But the urge to Read Quran arises only when we collect Enough Love for the creator.

Whatever we do, Don’t forget Him even for a while. He never leaves us alone.

Search Allah with love in your heart , Not with Fear.

He is very close to us, closer than our breath, closer than our own souls.

He Loves each of us. His Love is more than the Love of 70 Mothers combined !! And We can’t be thankful for our One Mom’s Love even if we keep thanking, all our lives.

 

The doors of Forgiveness are Always open ! We just need to figure out ourselves. We need to recognize our inner-selves.

Happy Ramadan Mubarik To You All !! ¬†I never got a chance to wish it Formally ūüôā May You all get all the blessings, Forgiveness and Nijaat simultaneously with all the ‘Ashraas‘. May you succeed in Getting more close to Him. May you get able to collect his countless blessings. And May This Ramadan increases your Love and faith on Him, More Than Ever.

Please Remember Me In Your Prayers !

Love xx

An Interview Of Self Awareness With My Own Self !

247453_572584826108637_1821527186_nIn a dark room covered with a sheet of sheer silence and stillness, I lie on my bed gazing at the fan on the ceiling. The hammering of my own heart is filling my ears. A thousand thoughts are exploding in my mind like shards of broken glass that are shattering the stillness. My eyes are narrowing to thin slits, full of derision. Every thing seems still outside, but there are extreme explosions happening inside.

Suddenly I felt, there is someone sitting right beside me. A girl like me.¬†Her face was like a barren land on which it hasn’t been raining since long.¬†Or like small rigid stones attached together to make a face. Her hair were¬†Rusty, and out dazzled. Her eyes were bulging out , of dark red color. She was¬†altogether scary, like a witch from a fairy tale.

An icy chill ran up my spine and my blood felt cold to me. Stunned, I felt an¬†urge to scream loud. But I can’t, I was in shock. Th shock induced a faint¬†trembling and I drew a long breath to overcome my fear. I bent my neck slowly¬†towards her face and Asked her¬†“Who are you and Why are you here ? ”

She, after a while, Pulled her face upward and struck her hair behind her¬†ears with her fingers. Blood was coming out of her eyes and there was ¬†something in her eyes that made me scared, Not because of fear, but because of the Misery I ¬†saw in her eyes. She spoke slowly,¬†“Look at my face, into my eyes. Don’t you see Who am I ?”

I slide some closer towards her . As I took a closer look , I was¬†astounded to see her face was my face. Her eyes were my eyes and her hair were¬†my hair. She was me ! How is that possible ? I am sitting right beside my own¬†self ? But I wasn’t in a dream .It was all real. I , the other I, was real¬†too ! I felt cold. I couldn’t feel my hands and feet, and when I opened my¬†mouth to speak no words came, in fact I was not able to make any sound at all.

At last after a while of fight with my own self, I decided to have a conversation with my self. I tried to ask her some questions. Questions which were  always unanswered and I was in eternal search of their answers. I opened my mouth, and an unfamiliar sound came out this time. My voice shattered the silence as I spoke. I started questioning her, Myself, My Reflection.

I: Who Am I ? What is my importance in this world ?

My Reflection: Sometimes in life, we reach a point where every relationship ends.  Only we are left alone with Allah there. Mother, father, brother, sister friend, no one is there. Then we come to know there is no land underneath  our feet and no sky above our head. There is only Allah who is still holding us  in air. Then we come to know we are not worth than a grain in a pile of mud  or a small leaf on a big tree. Then we come to know it makes no difference  to anyone whether we are here or not. The one who get affected, is our self. There is no change in the whole universe, nothing changes . This is me, This is my worth !

I:Why do people think bad of me ?

My reflection: I am a scandalized and stigmatized girl in eyes of everyone. Because People¬†often don’t accept you when you choose the right path. You have to give exam¬†at every point of your life and this is one of the exams.

I:Why can’t I forget the one who is not mine ?

My reflection: I have no control on my heart nor on my tears. It was Allah who gave him  a place in my heart. He put so much love for a human in my heart that  I always pray for him In front of Allah. He made me so miserable.
I am a human and I am made with all the weaknesses which are a characteristic of humans. That human love is standing in my every path. He is not allowing me to go anywhere. I wish Allah make his love vanish from my heart in a way that I
can’t even think of him for the rest of my life or He make my love mine. ¬†I will cry for his love all my life if I don’t get him. I want to make my ¬†tears pure for ¬†Allah. I want to love Allah with all my heart. Make my tears pure.¬†Ease my pain. I wish and I beg !

I: Why didn’t Allah gave me my Love?

My Reflection: If there is no integrity and sincerity in love, You can’t get it. I loved him with all¬†the truth and sincerity. But integrity of one side wasn’t enough to achieve¬†The ultimate truth, Love. May be Allah has to give you His love in exchange of your human Love !

I: What is next to ecstasy ?

My Reflection:”Pain”

I: What is next to pain ?

My Reflection: “Nothingness”

I: What is next to nothingness?

My Reflection: “Hell”

I: What is next to hell?

My Reflection: You are not scared ?

I: Of what?

My Reflection: Of hell? There is nothing next to it. Everything is left ¬†behind .You have faced a time when you understood everything. you have stopped¬†laughing now. you are scared, of death and of hell. You don’t realize ¬†it yet. You are hanging in between pain and nothingness. Try to move back on this path. You don’t want hell, you shouldn’t ! The face behind your fake mask is me. You have chosen the right path, now stick to it. You have all the answers of your questions, You just don’t¬†have the courage to face and fight with the reality. Avoiding despair and hoping ¬†key to success.

Then she brought out a shining pearl out of  her pocket, She called it hope.  She put that pearl slightly in my hand and folded my hand with her fingers. She came close to me, Closer enough and got absorbed in my body . There was silence all over again and My fast breath was trying to shatter it. I found myself covered with heavy sweat and My eyes were wide open. I saw a mask right where she was sitting some time ago. I picked it up and put it on my face.

I was sleeping, again like always. Sleep….That make me forget myself for some time.

I went through the process of self-awareness  and I had a small pearl in my hand. A pearl that seems to be  the solution of every problem ! At least to me !

‚ÄúYour visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.‚ÄĚ

‚Äē¬†C.G. Jung

Note:¬†The answers by ‘My reflection’ were inspired by the famous novel “Peer-e-kamil (PBUH)”¬†By Umera Ahmed. I love this novel and I love it more every time I read it.

Who Are “People” ?

chickenbad

Realities need to be hidden. Once they are disclosed, Their darkness comes out and then they are hard to accept ! Hard to realize!

Everyone learns from the place, the environment He lives in and the problems he faces. From the people around him and from their acts. No matter how important the people are to you, whether your mom,dad,brothers, sisters, cousins or even friends, They are In fact “people”. The same people about which

Albert Einstein says

‚ÄúThe world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.‚Ä̬†

And Will smith says

“Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too.”

And Wayne Dyer says

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”

“People” are the ones who do something with others and when someone do the same to them, They Scream Loud. As If something out of the world happened to them. Come on ! It was the same thing you did to others but there is no one to tell you that on your face.

“People” are the ones who never appreciate you , what you always do for them. Never mention the things they were supposed to do, But you did those things for them. Never even realize what favors you do to them without even mentioning. And in return, Taunt you for the small mistakes you make unconsciously ! And judge you from your mistakes !

“People” are the ones who make fun of you when yo are not here. Talk about you In a bad way with others¬†As if they hate you so much. And in the same moment, If you appears , They put a smile on their face and say¬†” Hey ! so good to see you ūüôā ” .

“People” are the ones who never trust you but want you to trust them. “People” are the ones who take you for granted. ” People” are the ones who hurt you , give you pain for their own amusement. Who make fun ¬†of you in front of others and get peace inside them.

BUT

“People” are the ones, who, despite through all the things they make you suffer, Puts a smile on your face. Bring laughter’s with their jokes and make you happy. Who are dear to you. These are the people you Love, You live with and you laugh with. You spend your whole lives with. Who are your treasures for life.

I never understood people actually. They are the most unexpected things, The most scary when their inner is revealed to you and The greatest support when their inner is hidden.

Every one has a dark evil hidden inside. We hide it from the world with colors of rainbow but rainbow is just an illusion . It is just a reflection, nothing real. Eventually the evil vanishes the rainbow and spreads dark. Your success depends on how long you hide yourself from the world.

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I chose loneliness for my self. I don’t want to follow the path of “People”. I can’t do what they do. The world is spoiled. I don’t want to be like them. I have chosen my own way and I can walk without any help from people. People leave you, Allah never. And Allah is sufficient for me.

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I would mention the people who were a big cause of my changed life and habits. Who changed me, In the next post. Tell me what you think of “people” and what are your thoughts. I would love to hear from you !

This Is Me

Meet me…..a very ordinary girl ūüôā So ordinary that a piece of sand is worth than me… Yes this is me !! People say I am complicated…I say life is complicated and one who starts discovering its realities becomes complicated… I have a rainbow of moods inside me. Sometimes when I am happy…. really happy from inside (although it happens rarely) I talk and talk and laugh and laugh….loud and with my eyes …. and when I am sad….I cry, I scream out loud with a pillow on my face, I hit my hand with a wall sometimes….This is all when I am alone and with people I wear a cover on my face I smile at them laugh with them and sometimes put my head down, remove that mask, cry a little, wipe out my tears and wear that mask again ! I hide things with my smiles….I collect courage at night to face people and I use it at the day time ! People never know what is happening inside me or what I am thinking or feeling….even my eyes look normal even after hours of crying…this is a blessing though ūüôā And…..normally I feel empty from inside…lifeless !! With no particular aim in my life. My parents have never felt proud because of me….even if I try hard….

I love my family My mama daddy and three brothers…. And I always prefer praying for them instead of me…They are my everything after Allah !! Have a special relationship with Allah but don’t want to talk anything about it to people.

I may be complicated and broken, but I am a regular girl with same feelings and emotions. I behave decent In public and people say I am mature but I know I am not…I would never be !! I understand life and pain…I am familiar with the realities of life very much. I have experienced life at the age of 20 very much. Girls at my age are full of small wishes and happiess but I don’t have any left with me.

I have a special theory about Love. Yes love…the most complicated thing ever. I know the core of it….I know the theory of it !!

Yes I am depressed and I would have made you depressed too with all this….:) Sorry for that !!

I am not a good writer but I like writing because I don’t speak too much and can’t express what is inside me by speaking. People ask me why do you speak so little….and I answer because I don’t have words to speak….This is in my nature and I have never tried to change it. I feel more comfortable writing things than speaking.

Enough about me I guess ūüôā You must be hating me already…..

And about this blog…….. As you are familiar with my rainbow mood now I can’t write specifically….So In this blog you will find things on every topic depending on my mood I will write ūüôā

Tell me your thoughts after reading about me….Am I really out of the world and mad ?

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