Touching the heights…..Changing state………Lowering to ground……changing state…….. Touching the heights……..My life is a pendulum !!

I am having some weird days…… It is like someone is forcing me to stay happy and I can’t absorb it……

I am being forced to stay and hang out with people who have the most worst Image of me in their minds and they hate me…….

I am being forced to enjoy the things which kill me inside when I think about the reason I am doing them…….

I am being forced not to cry by feeling the pain of cramps all over my body because I am made tired physically……

I am being forced not to think about the things which make me sad by making me busy in some abnormal tensions from study life……

I am being forced not to think continuously as I use to do by giving me severe headaches….

I am being forced to live with people who are not my fate by pushing people who are my fate, away from me……

I am being forced not to write by inserting words in my mind and not giving me time to write them down……

And I am not sure if I am being forced or I am the one doing them with my choice !!

I don’t want to be a pendulum anymore….. I want to move upward……Higher enough to reach Him……….

I am being forced to stop my journey…….. WHY ?

May be because this is another phase I have to go through……. I am missing the previous days….

I am missing my home……. My mind has not accepted the reality yet and it has started living in fantasies…..

I just need a shock….a collapse…a trauma…..a stroke…..a jolt…..another punch on my face !!

To see the reality again,…… I am already seeing my suffering in very near future….In 15 days or less….. And maybe that is why I am being forced to enjoy some moments……

I have learnt being a pendulum for so long….. People don’t have time to think about you…. Your death or absence effects you and only you…… You are a fool if you think you are important for someone…….

I know the truths and yet still I close my eyes for them…….

I am a fool….and I am having some weird days….. I know what life is going to give me and yet I am closing my eyes……..

I am a coward !!

I am sorry for being absent from here…..I told you I am having some weird days…..

My life is a pendulum and it is changing its state again…….