A Bad Dream Of Reality

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Strolling in a garden

Full of flowers and green grass

Shining sun and flying butterflies

Humming birds with sparkling eyes

I was spreading my arms

Closing my eyes and starting to dance

And Then

I felt myself suffocating

Eyes started to bleed

The sun with shining rays

Was fading with all its heat

The flowers started turning black

The birds were dying

Losing their feat

The colors turned to black and white

And Transition was complete…..!

I shivered and shivered sitting on my knees

Till someone whispered slowly

This is not the world transforming

You have seen the reflection of inner self

Vague Spot where imagination and absoluteness meets…..

Life Is About Making People Happy

happy-people-jumping

Once some one asked an old man , ” You are so old now, your hair have turned white, but I see you happier than other people. You don’t seem to be unhappy with your life like others. Is it fake ? ”

He replied , ” I have to pass my life, whether laughing or crying. Life would pass if I cry and it would pass if I laugh. If we have to pass our life with our consent then why pass it crying ? ”

It made me think he was right. Life seems complicated to us because we can’t see its inner beauty.

Life is like a walk to the beach Some people go there to search for shells and in the morning .  Right after sun rises they find pearls scattered all over the sand. Some people go there in search of pearls , they sometimes dive deep into the water but they find every shell empty. Life and sea both are too suspenseful. They are not under man’s wishes.

Life is something very strange. It gives things and takes things. It gives rain to the sea but takes water from it to make clouds.  It takes a lot of effort from farmers and gives them crops. It gives water and minerals to a stem and takes flower out of it. It takes a lot of love from the parents for their children and gives parents the wish to see their children according to what parents dream.

Life is full of colors, like a beautiful newly blossomed flower. With all the colors and shine, It pleases the eyes only if eyes want to be pleased. Life is easy for the people who search for happiness in every moment of it. And difficult for people like me, who want to remain in their misery . Who are not willing to get over their pain and step forward to enjoy life. They sit in front of the same closed door , knock and knock again in the hope that it will open some day. They don’t see the door that was opened when the first one was closed. They are blind folded. They get their part of happiness from life after covering a long long journey.

I once read, “Do what you have to do. Don’t do what you wish for or is your desire. You will feel difficulty in doing it at first. But then “what you have to do” will become what you wish to do. This is the source of happiness and peace ”

When a person decides to start the journey of life, he always chooses the easiest path. He never plans to go higher so that he may be scared to come back down. He just starts his journey. The one who don’t fights with life, gets his destination very easily.

Life is easy if we don’t poke into others matters and if we engage our minds in thinking about ourselves and not other people. If we don’t point out other people’s bad habits and attitudes and just concentrate in making our habits and attitudes good. If we don’t talk about people in their backs. If we don’t gossip about what other people are doing and saying. Life is about pleasing people . Once the people are happy with you , you will be happy automatically. Although making people is very difficult but we can at least try.That is why keeping silent is said to be the best way to avoid problems in your life. Make you inner self good, your outer self will become good automatically.

Life is beautiful if we know howto extract its beautiful-ness out of it ! Do small pretty things for the people around you. Prepare some recipe  for your mom. Text a friend and tell them how they mean to you so much. Buy a card , write some sweet things on it and put it in your fathers room. Buy a small everyday use gift for your brothers. Give the dress or something from your make up to your sister which she likes the most and hug her. Kiss your daughter and tell her You Love her. Do sweet things to people like listening to their problems and suggest possible solutions to them. Care for them, when they are sick and they need you. Take some time out from your life may be at weekends and help a poor child study. While going shopping, give some money to the poor children . Try to make people around you happy. Stop caring about yourself only !

Thinking bad about people, making Conspiracies about them, Making them feel bad with your words and realizing them their mistakes,  causing troubles for them indirectly and doing things which helps you but cause problems to people make life ugly . Every one has problems in one’s life. But no one faces problems more than he can carry . Overcoming the pain and extracting happiness out of life is the real task !

True Happiness :)

True Happiness 🙂

Be happy and make people around you happy. This is message of the day.

Late Night Thoughts !

Dark Beautiful Night

Dark Beautiful Night

Standing along the hall way on the second floor in front of my room. It is dark out there.  With the cool breeze passing by me, I look  towards the sky. How can it be so calm and silent ? I question  myself and suddenly burst into tears ! With my lips folded , I am trying to hold back my tears but I can’t. I sat down along the pillar. With tears falling all over my cheeks I started thinking why am I crying. A lot of questions came into my mind and more tears came out. I can hear the echo of questions more clearly now.

I once showed my hand to a girl who knew watching hands with a promise not to tell about my future but just present. She said your mind thinks in so various dimensions at a time. Also you are very sensitive. I feel both things true right now. There are many things going on in my mind. I don’t even decide about which to think of in detail. I just want to know the answers. Why am I not so calm and quiet like this sky, like this night. I am the same dark from inside like this night is and I hide many secrets inside me like this night does.Then why can’t I find peace like this night has in it ?

I just wipe of my tears brutally with my hands and started thinking over again. What am I ? Who am I ? What am I supposed to be ? What should I do ? I am running out of answers. Why do my heart always pinches me inside whenever I see or read something I wished in the past ? Is that wish still inside my heart making me helpless and weak ? I don’t know.

How would I live with the things I never wished about but know they would be a part of my life soon ? Am I that brave ? I guess not. There is fear, there is pain and there is misery. Yes I am scared of my future. I am scared of revelation of my inner self to people who care about me. My mask of happiness is bruised now. It is breaking and I can’t help it.

Is hope an answer to that ? Have I lost hope or Still have it somewhere hidden in my heart ? I can’t think of it. I don’t know it. I am closing my eyes I can’t see my self destroying. It hurts !! It hurts a lot! I wonder why everything seems so deep at night like I feel myself ?

I see people around me with laughter and smiles , playing around with their life and having fun. Then why do I always feel the need to cry ? I want to cry hard right now, I want to scream . I want to take out all the tears and worries and pain inside me all at once. I need a shoulder to cry on. I need someone to console me. to listen to me whatever meaningless things I say. To be with me whatever I say not to leave me alone. And I have no one. I forgot I was like this night, It is alone too.  It can see my real face , it looks right into my eyes and never judges me.

What was the reason I was sent to this earth? What was the reason I was given those great parents and loving family? What was the reason I got all the people in my life I have now ? What was the reason I got the Love Of God by means of Love of human ? Why am I still hanging in between the God’s Love and Human’s love at a time ? No Answers….. My heart is shedding tears silently and my mind is not responding. Probably it has no answers left. No words to say anything that will calm me down.

I wonder why is my vision getting so blur. Why ca’t I see things clearly ? I want to see the depth of this  beautiful night. Everything become so intense and true at night. I want to ask a few things to it. May be it answers ! Resist, Resist and resist ! That is what I do all the time. I resist to express my feelings. I resist to open up. I resist to get things I like. I resist to do things I want. This resistance was an answer to my worries by my True Love. He said if you resist here in this world, you will get everything in the next one and the next one is far more long and good then this one. I am acting upon it ! It seems hard sometimes but I try my best. He said don’t do things which I don’t like and I try not to do them He said you will succeed if you do what I tell you in my book. I try to follow everything. He says you will find peace if you will come to me five times a day. I do it, but I don’t find peace. I want to know the answer, why ? Why am I still empty handed ?

I know these questions would keep biting me inside until I would be eaten and destroyed completely. I hope My True Love give me answers to these. I want to be with Him. I want to get Him. I love when He talks to me and show me signs. Hope is a single way for me now. Hope brings happiness and hope is the answer, ambiguous but that’s all I have. As Einstein says,   “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”

I just saw clouds floating on the sky. They look beautiful. Darkness is getting lighter slowly. I stood up , walk with tired steps towards my bed. Here I sleep , again with headache spreading all over my head and tears making my pillow wet. Another night passed, Hoping for a bright morning to come!

Hope For A Beautiful Morning

Hope For A Bright Morning

This Is Me

Meet me…..a very ordinary girl 🙂 So ordinary that a piece of sand is worth than me… Yes this is me !! People say I am complicated…I say life is complicated and one who starts discovering its realities becomes complicated… I have a rainbow of moods inside me. Sometimes when I am happy…. really happy from inside (although it happens rarely) I talk and talk and laugh and laugh….loud and with my eyes …. and when I am sad….I cry, I scream out loud with a pillow on my face, I hit my hand with a wall sometimes….This is all when I am alone and with people I wear a cover on my face I smile at them laugh with them and sometimes put my head down, remove that mask, cry a little, wipe out my tears and wear that mask again ! I hide things with my smiles….I collect courage at night to face people and I use it at the day time ! People never know what is happening inside me or what I am thinking or feeling….even my eyes look normal even after hours of crying…this is a blessing though 🙂 And…..normally I feel empty from inside…lifeless !! With no particular aim in my life. My parents have never felt proud because of me….even if I try hard….

I love my family My mama daddy and three brothers…. And I always prefer praying for them instead of me…They are my everything after Allah !! Have a special relationship with Allah but don’t want to talk anything about it to people.

I may be complicated and broken, but I am a regular girl with same feelings and emotions. I behave decent In public and people say I am mature but I know I am not…I would never be !! I understand life and pain…I am familiar with the realities of life very much. I have experienced life at the age of 20 very much. Girls at my age are full of small wishes and happiess but I don’t have any left with me.

I have a special theory about Love. Yes love…the most complicated thing ever. I know the core of it….I know the theory of it !!

Yes I am depressed and I would have made you depressed too with all this….:) Sorry for that !!

I am not a good writer but I like writing because I don’t speak too much and can’t express what is inside me by speaking. People ask me why do you speak so little….and I answer because I don’t have words to speak….This is in my nature and I have never tried to change it. I feel more comfortable writing things than speaking.

Enough about me I guess 🙂 You must be hating me already…..

And about this blog…….. As you are familiar with my rainbow mood now I can’t write specifically….So In this blog you will find things on every topic depending on my mood I will write 🙂

Tell me your thoughts after reading about me….Am I really out of the world and mad ?

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