Story of a date

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When words lost their meanings, when silence was the language

When barren was the heart, a rock , a stone, life bitter and tart

When tears were the drink, a sobbing champagne, a pain pie

I enjoyed dinner in perfect ambiance, with a partner ‘solitude’

Who being lovely enough to be hated, was a truth hidden in a lie

I danced that night , in madness, over sharp pieces of glass

With poison in stomach , wrapped in arms of ecstasy and trance

When It kissed me with knives , left me with pleasurable wounds

When I lost myself Inside me, when I was nowhere to be found

That night I was punished, in the fire of burning hell on ground

That night my soul was bruised , with all thrones gathered around

Ah! that night ended before the start, after agony became my best friend

Now every path is of pain , I want to walk without a path, is it a dead end ?

You want me to still have hope ? I have it. You want me to still try to stay happy ? I try. You want me to think positive ? I do.

I just need time to gather up myself again…..

 

 

 

 

The One Night When A Miracle Happened !

The Calm After A Storm

The Calm After A Storm

She was angry with Him for several days , She recalled.  They were not talking for some days. The occasional phone calls they used to do everyday for some minutes were aborted.

She was feeling something inside her that day. She couldn’t recognize what it was. It was chasm, exhaustion,anxiety or what it was ? She was not sure. She was looking at the phone repeatedly with a gap of some moments. The feeling was in-suppressible. She couldn’t move her eyes off the phone. Her hand moved towards it for a moment and then reverts back. She wasn’t sure whether to call him or not. She was restless and distressed but she couldn’t tell him . She recalled, She was angry with him !

At the evening she found her self  irresistible. She never felt that intense feeling before ever. She wanted to tell him about what she was feeling. She picked up her phone and dialed his number. She could hear the noise of her heart hammering hard in her ears. She was making up words in her mind to talk to him. The bell rang, twice, thrice and the phone was picked up from the other side !

As she tried to speak, She heard harsh loud noise coming from the other side of phone. She couldn’t figure out what it was.She tried to speak but random words came out of her mouth. Then she heard his feeble trembling voice echoing into her mind I just met with an accident a minute ago He was crying loud with pain and she was hearing it. She tried to speak but nothing came out of her mouth. He hung up. This all happened in such an instance.

She recalled she was angry with him ! She recalled he told her, he had to go to the next city in his car to pick up his brother today. She recalled he use to drive rash and she always kept advising him to drive slow. She recalled  he was everything to her. He was her love, her life, her soul. He was everything ! She recalled, she starts crying every time she saw him crying . She thought…….He is in pain right now…..Extreme pain.

She couldn’t breathe. she was suffocating. She felt like someone is pressing her neck with both hands.

Where is he now ? How is he ? Did anyone came to help him ? Is he bleeding ? He will be bleeding . His blood…. There would be a lot of blood. Is he alright ? How is he ? He must be in pain ….. What should I do ? What can I do ? I don’t know where He is. I should call some one to ask him to go help him. To whom should I call ? No one knows about us. I should go there . How can I ? I……I am helpless……. A lot of questions and answers were exploding in her mind. Her mind was not accepting what she just heard. He must be joking…..But the pain in his voice ?

She felt, she is going to die. She dialed his number again. Her hands were shivering this time. He accepted the call but she realized he didn’t took the phone to his mouth. Their were noises, there were people asking him about his name and his father’s name. He was crying , screaming with pain. She felt the misery in his voice when he was saying his father’s name. She felt her heart bursting out. Her nails were pinned into her own hands in her fist. She was trying to absorb the pain but it was increasing with his screams. Her lips were under her teeth , pressed forcefully. She was in extreme pain. She felt the same pain he may be feeling right now. She called his name loudly but there was no response. The call was cut off again.

She remembered, recently she heard about so many of her relatives died in car accidents. She hated herself for thinking about that but couldn’t help it. She got up off her bed and started walking in the room, crying hard. She found herself screaming out loud. The walls of her room were trying to absorb her voice but they failed. She screamed for some time and then she felt herself tired. She was still crying. Her eyes were red , bulged out and nose was swelled. She was rubbing her hands again and again restlessly. Her one leg was moving speedily as if she is trying to calm her down but she wasn’t succeeding.

She recalled she was angry with him !

She looked again at the phone in her hands. This phone is the only source connecting me with him ? She thought. More warm big tears came out of her eyes and fell on the phone. What should I do ? He is in pain……He is in extreme pain….and I….. I am sitting here…..I can’t be with him right now…..I can’t see him right now……I can’t do anything for him……..She started crying more loudly. She was holding her hair hard in her fists. He is in pain………He could die ? No I won’t let him die……I won’t.

She wiped her tears brutally off her face and started praying to God. The One God who placed him in her heart. Who gave her the Love of human. The one God who caused this problem and He is the Only one who can solve it, She thought. She started praying. Prayer after prayer every prayer with a purpose of saving his life. She asked Him in the name of His book, His Prophet, to save his life. She bowed in front of Him . She was crying loud. Please save him. Please lessen his pain. Please take away his pain. Please help him finding doctor. Please protect him. She was begging , she was begging.

I need a Miracle. She found herself saying this. I want a Miracle. You do Miracles for your men. Today I need it. You have created me and you are responsible for my every suffering. I have never asked you anything forcefully. I always wanted your consent. I am asking today. forcefully , not to harm him. I beg you, I need a Miracle. I will be Thankful to you all my life. Take my life and give it to him.She begged and begged. She couldn’t find more words but she was begging with the same words again and again.

This was the night she realized, How much this person means to her. She realized she could live without him if she see him healthy and contented but She can’t see him dying. She realized she want to see him happy and peaceful. She realized how important he was to her. She realized, how obstructed she is. She realized How hard her hands are tied and she realized, she was not worth than a grain of sand !

She was scared of Him. Very much scared. How powerful He was, What couldn’t  He do ?  How merciful He was, What didn’t He do ? He knew how to keep human, a human . With anger or with mercy, He knows how to keeps human in his limits !

She traveled a long journey of ecstasy towards pain in this short night.  She traveled from complication to perception. She was chosen to see the real face of life. She was chosen to know the hidden ugly secrets. The truth was revealed to her in one night. Her importance was made clear to her in one night. Her capability was clear. Pain, anxiety,agony, discomfort, misery,convulsion, distress, affliction,hurt…………. what feeling was left for her to go through. She was entering into a new phase of life with a new meaning of it. She couldn’t think. Her thinking capability was  fading because of crying hard for a long time. She realized its been three hours she is crying.

She started walking again in her room. She felt her mind and body convulsed. She sat in a corner of the room , contracting herself. Her eyes were centered onto a virtual point, gazing. She was scared of the future. She was scared what is going to happen. She was afraid, She was frightened to the extent. She found herself dialing the number again. He picked up this time, He spoke. She was burst into tears and she started crying again. She asked Him while crying How he was. He said,I am fine now and I am in a hospital. I will call you when I will reach home I can’t talk right now . Don’t worry.”

These were not words she just heard. She heard the call of peace and happiness. She heard the flowers blossoming . She heard the cool wind whispering. She heard all the loveliest sounds of the world , altogether. She found herself bowing on the ground where she was sitting a second ago. She found herself shedding tears again, but this time the tears were of joy, of happiness and of thankfulness. She kept in that state for several minutes Thanking Her God what He did for Her. She was Thankful , He made her His slave, for the rest of her life.

She asked for a Miracle, And It happened !

After some hours She received a call from him. He told her all about the accident. He told her She was the first one to call him, at the moment he met the accident. He asked her , How did you came to know about this?  She had no answer but tears in her eyes.

He broke a bone near his neck. Had some scratches on the knee and some other body parts but he was safe. The car was destroyed badly. No body was believing he survived after such a bad accident. Doctor advised him to take complete bed rest and some medicines. She was talking to him. She had no words to tell him what she went through in the past hours. She was trying to upraise him, cheer him up. You will be fine soon. He was crying and she was not. She was consoling him . There were tears in her eyes but she wasn’t losing hope. She was feeling extreme love for him right now in her heart . She felt an urge to hug him. He was under the influence of medicines so he slept while talking to her.

She was listening to his breath. She realized how important his running breath was to her. Her heart was filled with tears and they were coming out of her eyes but there was peace. She looked at the sky out of the window. Night was passed , the sun was coming out.

There was silence and calm, like the calm after a big storm passes.

She recalled she was angry with him. Was she ?

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*This story may seem like a fiction to you but it is true. It is my Story. Each and Every word of it is true. I was not comfortable writing it with ‘I’ so I wrote it with ‘she’. I have re-lived the same moments today as I was writing this story, that I lived then. I am feeling so tired after writing it……Replaying my life makes me tired. I hope I have done justice with it 🙂

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Late Night Thoughts !

Dark Beautiful Night

Dark Beautiful Night

Standing along the hall way on the second floor in front of my room. It is dark out there.  With the cool breeze passing by me, I look  towards the sky. How can it be so calm and silent ? I question  myself and suddenly burst into tears ! With my lips folded , I am trying to hold back my tears but I can’t. I sat down along the pillar. With tears falling all over my cheeks I started thinking why am I crying. A lot of questions came into my mind and more tears came out. I can hear the echo of questions more clearly now.

I once showed my hand to a girl who knew watching hands with a promise not to tell about my future but just present. She said your mind thinks in so various dimensions at a time. Also you are very sensitive. I feel both things true right now. There are many things going on in my mind. I don’t even decide about which to think of in detail. I just want to know the answers. Why am I not so calm and quiet like this sky, like this night. I am the same dark from inside like this night is and I hide many secrets inside me like this night does.Then why can’t I find peace like this night has in it ?

I just wipe of my tears brutally with my hands and started thinking over again. What am I ? Who am I ? What am I supposed to be ? What should I do ? I am running out of answers. Why do my heart always pinches me inside whenever I see or read something I wished in the past ? Is that wish still inside my heart making me helpless and weak ? I don’t know.

How would I live with the things I never wished about but know they would be a part of my life soon ? Am I that brave ? I guess not. There is fear, there is pain and there is misery. Yes I am scared of my future. I am scared of revelation of my inner self to people who care about me. My mask of happiness is bruised now. It is breaking and I can’t help it.

Is hope an answer to that ? Have I lost hope or Still have it somewhere hidden in my heart ? I can’t think of it. I don’t know it. I am closing my eyes I can’t see my self destroying. It hurts !! It hurts a lot! I wonder why everything seems so deep at night like I feel myself ?

I see people around me with laughter and smiles , playing around with their life and having fun. Then why do I always feel the need to cry ? I want to cry hard right now, I want to scream . I want to take out all the tears and worries and pain inside me all at once. I need a shoulder to cry on. I need someone to console me. to listen to me whatever meaningless things I say. To be with me whatever I say not to leave me alone. And I have no one. I forgot I was like this night, It is alone too.  It can see my real face , it looks right into my eyes and never judges me.

What was the reason I was sent to this earth? What was the reason I was given those great parents and loving family? What was the reason I got all the people in my life I have now ? What was the reason I got the Love Of God by means of Love of human ? Why am I still hanging in between the God’s Love and Human’s love at a time ? No Answers….. My heart is shedding tears silently and my mind is not responding. Probably it has no answers left. No words to say anything that will calm me down.

I wonder why is my vision getting so blur. Why ca’t I see things clearly ? I want to see the depth of this  beautiful night. Everything become so intense and true at night. I want to ask a few things to it. May be it answers ! Resist, Resist and resist ! That is what I do all the time. I resist to express my feelings. I resist to open up. I resist to get things I like. I resist to do things I want. This resistance was an answer to my worries by my True Love. He said if you resist here in this world, you will get everything in the next one and the next one is far more long and good then this one. I am acting upon it ! It seems hard sometimes but I try my best. He said don’t do things which I don’t like and I try not to do them He said you will succeed if you do what I tell you in my book. I try to follow everything. He says you will find peace if you will come to me five times a day. I do it, but I don’t find peace. I want to know the answer, why ? Why am I still empty handed ?

I know these questions would keep biting me inside until I would be eaten and destroyed completely. I hope My True Love give me answers to these. I want to be with Him. I want to get Him. I love when He talks to me and show me signs. Hope is a single way for me now. Hope brings happiness and hope is the answer, ambiguous but that’s all I have. As Einstein says,   “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”

I just saw clouds floating on the sky. They look beautiful. Darkness is getting lighter slowly. I stood up , walk with tired steps towards my bed. Here I sleep , again with headache spreading all over my head and tears making my pillow wet. Another night passed, Hoping for a bright morning to come!

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