This Is Me

Meet me…..a very ordinary girl 🙂 So ordinary that a piece of sand is worth than me… Yes this is me !! People say I am complicated…I say life is complicated and one who starts discovering its realities becomes complicated… I have a rainbow of moods inside me. Sometimes when I am happy…. really happy from inside (although it happens rarely) I talk and talk and laugh and laugh….loud and with my eyes …. and when I am sad….I cry, I scream out loud with a pillow on my face, I hit my hand with a wall sometimes….This is all when I am alone and with people I wear a cover on my face I smile at them laugh with them and sometimes put my head down, remove that mask, cry a little, wipe out my tears and wear that mask again ! I hide things with my smiles….I collect courage at night to face people and I use it at the day time ! People never know what is happening inside me or what I am thinking or feeling….even my eyes look normal even after hours of crying…this is a blessing though 🙂 And…..normally I feel empty from inside…lifeless !! With no particular aim in my life. My parents have never felt proud because of me….even if I try hard….

I love my family My mama daddy and three brothers…. And I always prefer praying for them instead of me…They are my everything after Allah !! Have a special relationship with Allah but don’t want to talk anything about it to people.

I may be complicated and broken, but I am a regular girl with same feelings and emotions. I behave decent In public and people say I am mature but I know I am not…I would never be !! I understand life and pain…I am familiar with the realities of life very much. I have experienced life at the age of 20 very much. Girls at my age are full of small wishes and happiess but I don’t have any left with me.

I have a special theory about Love. Yes love…the most complicated thing ever. I know the core of it….I know the theory of it !!

Yes I am depressed and I would have made you depressed too with all this….:) Sorry for that !!

I am not a good writer but I like writing because I don’t speak too much and can’t express what is inside me by speaking. People ask me why do you speak so little….and I answer because I don’t have words to speak….This is in my nature and I have never tried to change it. I feel more comfortable writing things than speaking.

Enough about me I guess 🙂 You must be hating me already…..

And about this blog…….. As you are familiar with my rainbow mood now I can’t write specifically….So In this blog you will find things on every topic depending on my mood I will write 🙂

Tell me your thoughts after reading about me….Am I really out of the world and mad ?

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