May Be I Am Thinking Too Much !

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I have no memories of my childhood with my parents. Every time I sit back and start thinking , How I use to be with my parents, what were the things I did with them, anything ? There comes nothing ! Except the things told by other people and my parents. They tell me I was so adorable and everyone who see me wants to hold me … There are pictures of me when I was 2 or 3 years old and then there is a complete blank without any pictures till I was 14 or 15. May be my parents lost their camera in my childhood.

I have some memories of this time period in school and with my friends. I remember every friend I had during it. I remember how we use to play , how we use to chat with each other and how we use to spend the recess time during school.

I remember I use to make houses with dry mud ! I was expert in it back then. All my friends use to gather around me sitting in the mud with clean white uniforms and we had no fear of ‘how we look’ to the people back then. They use to gather accessories for the house I was making. Some leaves , some yellow fur like thing and some beads like things from the trees and some colorful wrappers ! Till then I make a pile of dry mud and through it , I use to make the first floor and plain it with my hands. So perfect like we plain the surface of Cake with cream while making it . Then the second floor and some times the third floor. Then comes the turn of accessories and I use to decorate it like I am doing a task that would change my life, so keenly. When it was done, my friends use to clap for me .

May be back then I had a thought embedded in my mind , of my future. May be back then I knew I won’t have a chance to make the home of my choice and decorate it . May be I knew I would be forced to live in a home that would be never a home for me. So I already fulfilled all my wishes for a home with mud and tree accessories !

I remember I was the best in every game we use to play . I ran faster than each of my friend and won every single race back then. We use to play doge-the-ball , hide-and-seek, catch-me and many other games and I always use to win. My friends use to fight with each other to become my partner in any game. I was the one they look up to when deciding what game we will play and for resolving the fights.

May be back then I knew I would lose at every single step in my real life. So I won everything already back then. I already felt the pleasure of winning. I never realized life is not a game. We can win games but even the best player loses in his life !

I had a special pattern regarding my studies. I noticed it when I was 15. I stood first in class for the first , second and third years. Then I was an average or you can say below average in fourth, fifth and sixth years. Then again I topped my class in the seventh , eighth and ninth years. Tenth year was a disaster ! It was the year I started getting spoiled . Followed by the first two years of college. Making again the three years. Now in university I have passed four years and they were remarkably good. I would never be able to understand this cycle related to my studies. I want to know though.

I Guess I need a psychiatrist. May be he could give me answers I want to know. But I know I would never be able to ask anyone .

Three weeks back when I was in my home and it was the last day there. I had to come back here in hostel the next day. I was laying down with all my family. My dad, mom, and the brothers. We were chatting and then my dad started recalling his past. The things I heard were shocking !

He told us that he always felt alone back then even with his parents and siblings around. He said there is a hollowness inside him that was never filled even by his daughter and sons and wife ! He said when he was 15 he felt this hollowness so much that he started saying that his parents are not real and he is adopted that is why he feels like this. When his parents , my grandfather asked him why he is saying all this. He said you should know the answer. You are my parents and you are behind everything I feel since the childhood. My mom then told me that my father had a diary that was filled till the end with poetry. All sad poetry with the same topics , loneliness and sadness.

Tears were falling down from my eyes and absorbing in the pillow as I was hearing this. But it was dark so no one could see them. I was shocked and hurt at the same time while knowing this. These were the same feelings all he described that I use to feel all my life. The same pattern. the same hollowness the same pain. He dared asking his parents why is he like this. I never had courage to ask them . I have seen Him the same close to Allah like I am. No one other can feel him the way I can. I can’t put it into words but his life seems to me same like mine.

I would never gather enough courage to ask him the same questions he asked his parents. I know how much he would be hurt , knowing that he had to give all the answers he searched for all his life. Knowing that his little girl has grown up, and she feels the same as he did all his life. I can feel his pain…

I kept thinking all night, Are feelings and emotions genetic ? Is pain genetic ? Are sufferings and the after effects of the sufferings genetic ? Is the way of thinking genetic ? Is it possible that the way my father use to fight with himself it was genetically passed on to me ?

I wondered and there was no answer. May be this condition has some name and it has been proved to be a genetic thing by science. May be not.

May be I am thinking too much.

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Be Slow To Criticize And Fast To Appreciate !

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Take two glasses of water. Put them in separate rooms on a table and turn the lights of both rooms off. Now go to first room, sit down in front of one glass, take your face close to it and start admiring it. Say beautiful words about it, appreciate its beauty and be as nice and as positive to it as you can. Now go in the second room, sit down in front of the glass, take your face close to it and start saying bad words. Taunts, criticism, sarcasm, bitterness, anything. Say out all your negative thoughts. Repeat this activity for a whole month. When you will turn on the lights you will see the following results. The water in the glass to which you said all the good and positive things has turned more white and it shines. While the water in the glass to which you said all the bad and negative words has turned black !

No, I didn’t do it myself. I read this in a news paper written by some very famous writer , I don’t remember the name now. I was just shocked to read the effect of words . Let me quote anther story I heard in a movie.

A long time ago there was a jungle in which people use to live. They didn’t have proper instruments to cut the trees. What they used to do for abolishing trees was a very interesting phenomena. They all gather around the tree and say all the bad words and negative thoughts about the tree. Slowly the tree starts withering and its stem and branches starts contracting. They do this activity for a specific period of time and at last the innocent tree withers and decays to ground.

Obviously I haven’t seen them doing it. But the thing is, these kind of tales mostly have truth in them. There is some solid concept on the basis of which thee tales are made.

You know in our society we are in a habit of criticizing rather than appreciating. It all starts as the child starts his school. If he plays more and study less, parents criticize all the time. shout on the children and say them bad for not studying all the time. If he can’t get good grades Parents as well as other family member keep on criticizing Like see we never saw him studying he was always playing that is why he got this grade and stuff. This all continues till college. If a child do some mistake, instead of trying to know the cause what forced him to do this, people criticize. We never see what is the effect of our criticism on that innocent child. Rather he becomes stubborn and tough and never listens to his parents again or he becomes extra sensitive and every word from parents hurts him and he becomes quiet and the light from his eyes is vanished. Either ways, the child is destroyed. The energy the passion inside him dies and as a result t becomes a weak personality. Same happens with the people doing jobs and Mothers who stays at home , cooks and bring their children up.

The only people who can admire us with all heart are our parents. They don’t understand this fact. People always look towards you as if the second you make a mistake, they catch it and start blabbering about it. They never admire you and appreciate you as I have seen in my society. Parents do it, but they are scared if they admire their children they will take everything easy .I don’t agree with this. A single word of appreciation from the loved ones gives you enough courage to face the whole world. You start feeling all the energy inside you.

The same happens to me. Every time someone appreciates me for anything, I start doing it with more enthusiasm and power. And the point someone criticizes me I lose all the energy and I don’t want to do that thing anymore. Every single word of criticism from my  parents cut me inside and every time I do something big and they don’t even know it, I become more sensitive and teary. Their is a middle stage too when you are working so hard and when you take your hard work to the respected people, you don’t get any appreciation . Instead the people with you who don’t even know the abc of work, get all the appreciation you deserved. Why ? because they know how to show off and you just know how to work. This stage is more worse !

Of course constructive criticism is always good. But it should be done only when needed truly.

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I once studied in a book that every person has a magnetic field around him and every human emits vibrations from his body. Science proves that the point of emission of these vibrations is the center of our forehead between the two eyes. Some people also call it as ‘sixth sense’ . The background of this theory is that every human body has current in it which is of 0.5 watt. Due to this current and charge , a magnetic field is formed around the body. And through this magnetic field magnetic vibrations are emitted.

When we meet a person whose vibrations are favorable and compatible with our vibrations , we are attracted towards that person. We feel attraction in him. The vibrations of some humans are neutral. Vibrations of some people are not compatible with the vibrations of our body and we run away from them. You know sometimes we feel attraction towards a person we don’t know or we don’t ever have talked to him. This is all due to the favorable vibrations. Likewise, we sometimes start disliking a person with out any reason. This is because of the unfavorable ones.

I believe this is the scientific proof of why appreciation and criticism has that intense effect on everything. When we appreciate someone, our positive vibrations are transferred to that person and as a result that person feels more energetic. In the same way with criticism we transfer our negative vibrations to the person and as a result all his energy and light is soaked out and he starts feeling empty and weak.

I wish all the parents and people outside who don’t leave any chance of criticizing anyone, know this ! We can boost up our youth just by some words of appreciation and we will see the results would be enormous. Be slow to criticize and fast to appreciate !

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