I am A Beggar !

Afghan_girl_begging

Sadness In Eyes !

Rain is a pleasant thing for people, In fact for me too ! A blessing and a much awaited blessing specially In our Areas.

Then what is the reason that after rain, everything seems so silent, so still and so sad ?

May be because people says there is sadness after every happiness and happiness after every sadness. I feel happy when it rains that is why I feel sad after it ? Don’t make much sense to me.

And weird sad things happen to me when it rains. This is weird ! May be because I feel sad from inside, I see only the sad side of things ! Yes after all I intend to be sad. Sadness gives me peace, to my mind and to my soul.

Same sadness that you see in eyes of a child who had nothing to eat all day and he keeps begging and get nothing but criticism and castigation. The same sadness that you see in the eyes of a Mother of 12 or more children or an ill husband waiting at home for the money she earns through begging . The same sadness that you feel on the face of a father who can not find a job and at the end of the day, starts begging because he don’t want to go empty handed in his house where many eyes are waiting for him. For him or for food ? No one knows.

Sadness may have many reasons but it has one face. The deep intense feeling when meets with silence, stillness and a somber sigh and appears in the form of a dim light in eyes, makes the face of sadness.

While having a drive with my family today , Instead of watching the happiness in their eyes I was busy in noticing the sadness in eyes of people outside. Whenever our car stops at a food place, Many poor children and women come rushing towards it. And If anyone of us give anything to one beggar, they all keep standing there without moving and keep asking !

Yes I can understand the irritation caused to my parents by this. But sometimes I can’t understand. Each time they say them to get away my hearts misses a beat. My mood swings to the sad one !

I tried to Imagine myself on their place today. Dirty hair, Ragged Filthy clothes , Bare feet and hands wide open , joined together ! Mouth saying words which I could never say in front of people and belly carving for food. Head heavy with the weakness. Shameful bent-down eyes and sadness……..

The feeling while watching other people sitting in cars, eating delicious food , wearing colorful clothes and talking with each other, Happy faces !

The feeling every time I spread out my hands to beg and every time I  was rejected with a sentence, a single word, a hand saying to move forward or just a finger or sometimes a mere movement of an eye-brow !

The feeling of rejection….. As If someone kicks on my face and move forward by putting a step over my corpse !

The feeling when people see me with greed, hunger, lust and dirt in eyes. Their eyes going through my body and tearing me apart. Their shameless smiles and cheap signs.

The feeling of embarrassment and humiliation…..I feel like the ground tears up and I jump inside hiding there forever !

My brother offered me an Ice-cream which I rejected to eat. I wasn’t able to tell him I am already eating one, Of ‘Reality’ ! It tastes ‘bitter’ !

I was trying to hide my tears from all of them so I closed my eyes . From the reality, From that horrible picture of me and from more people like I imagined myself and wasn’t even able to bear that mere imagination !

Why is reality always so tough ?

People with one leg or arm broken , blind , deaf, or diseased were still moving outside, begging ! And we think only we are ‘Humans‘ !!

A song in the voice of ‘Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan‘ was playing in the car……

ko’ii to hai jo nizaam-e-hastii chalaa rahaa hai
vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai
dikha’ii bhii jo na de nazar bhii jo aa rahaa hai
vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai

(Someone is there who is managing the order of life
He is God, He is God, He is God
He is invisible still He can be seen
He is God, He is God, He is God)

nazar bhii rakhe sama’ateN bhii, vo jaan letaa hai niyyateN bhii
jo Khaana-e-laa-shauur meN jagmagaa rahaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai
vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai

(He keep eyes and ears too, He knows even the intentions
The one who is illuminated in our subconscious minds
He is God, He is God, He is God)

talaash us ko na kar butoN meN, vo hai badaltii hu’ii rutoN meN
jo din ko raat aur raat ko din banaa rahaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai
vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai, vohii Khudaa hai

(Do not search for Him in the idols, He is in the changing seasons
The one who is changing day to night and night to day
He is God, He is God, He is God)

And My search For Allah continues……..Along with the words of the song. Would I be able to get Allah if I become a beggar one day, In front of people ? Would that pain be enough to led me to you ?

You say you don’t see the filthiness of body. You see the heart, the soul. Then why we make our hearts and souls filthy and our bodies decorated and clean ?

I don’t have the answers. I want to experience the answers. I am a beggar, I beg you ! I beg you and only you I spread my hands only In front of you. Lead me towards yourself ! Aye Allah…………………….

An Insight Of “Love”

The Lamps are different, but the Light is the same.

The Lamps are different,
but the Light is the same.

The real beloved is that one who is unique, who is your beginning and your end. When you find that one, you’ll no longer expect anything else.

There was a man living at a far away place. He had no one with him except a donkey who was everything to him and he use to spend all his time with it. He once went to a pious man living in his area.The pious man was sitting in a hut with a small door. The man stood outside the door and started a conversation with him.

Man: “I Love my donkey so much !”

Pious Man: “Ok , Come in !”

As the man entered the room, The pious man said ” You don’t Love your donkey enough ! Go back and spend more time with him”. The man was amazed to hear this. He went back and took care of his donkey more. He spend years and years with him. Then he came back to the Pious man again.

Man: “I love my donkey and this time I am sure about it !”

Pious Man: “Ok , Come in !”

As the man entered the room,

The pious man said ” You don’t Love your donkey enough ! Go back and spend more time with him” . The man was amazed again ! But he went back because he knew the pious man speaks nothing but truth. He spend many more years with his donkey taking care of him. Then he came back again !

Man: “I am in love with my donkey !”

Pious Man: “Ok , Come in !”

The Man didn’t come in.

He said ” My ears are so big and I won’t be able to fit in this small hut with my big body ! ”

The pious Man said ” Yes, Now I believe you ”

This state of Love when You start thinking you are like the one you love, is called as “Ishq” . People who don’t know Urdu, can call it “Extreme Love ” . This is a state where wisdom is left behind, all that is there is True Love. Where one don’t question “Why” . He just remember saying “Yes” .

There is a story in our History,  when a person was involved in Loving Allah so much that Once he started saying “An-al-Haq” Meaning “I am God !’ . When people listened to him they started beating and cursing him that he is calling himself  God. Later on, this theory was explained by some Sufi’s. They say that man was so much In Love with the creator that he started thinking that he is like the one he loves…..He is a part of the one he Loves….He is his Love !

At a distance you only see my light;
come closer and know that I am you !  –Rumi

Is this pure Love worth comparing to the so called love of today ? When a boy loves a girl one day, and the next day he starts loving the next ! When people calls talking on phone and dating as Love . When relationships are the means of love. No relationship , no love ! When people love each other for their own means. When one fight erases love from heart. Is this Love ? NO.

People characterize the stages of reaching “Extreme Love” or “Ishq” as :

1-First stage is of “likeness”. When we like someone’s knowledge, wisdom, way of talking, habits, manners or something then we like to meet them more often. When we meet them more often, this likeness start converting to “adoration” . We want to meet them more and talk to them more.

2- Then comes the stage of “infatuation”. When we feel we can’t live without this person. But when that person goes away from us and we find someone else in that duration we sometimes go close to the second person.

3-The step next to “infatuation” is “love”. This is the extent of likeness and infatuation. When we reach that stage we are so much involved in the person. We want to fulfill his every wish and we feel happy doing it. Every word coming out of his mouth is the last word for us . We can do anything for that person.

4- Then comes the stage of “Ishq” that is the extent of Love. When we lose the sense of thinking and all that we see is our love. where there is no “why” there is just “yes” . Where wisdom is astonished and left far behind.

Love is the feeling that forced “Ibrahim” to jump in fire without questioning His God “why” ? And His God didn’t fail him either. He turned the fire cold. Miracles do happen in Love !

Baykhatar kood para aatish-e-namrood main Ishq

Aqal hai mehw-e-tamasha-e-lab-e-baam abhi

Shewa-e-Ishq hai Azadi-o-deher aashubi

Tu hai zannari-e-bu’t khana-e-ayyam abhi    

-Iqbal

(Meanings: Baykhatar = Fearlessly; Kood para = Jumped in; Aatish-e-Namrood = Referring to fire of Namrood in which, prophet Abraham (PBUH) was thrown; Ishq = Referring to strong Faith and devotion of Prophet Abraham (PBUH); Aqal = Wisdom; Mehw-e-tamasha-e-lab-e-baam = Stunned/shocked/in state of disbelief; Shewa-e-Ishq = Strong Faith; Azadi = Freedom; Deher Aashubi = To get rid of slavery; Zannari-e-bu’t khana-e-ayyam = Under influence of idol worshipers)

Some wise people say that we reach the Creator by three means:

1-will

2-knowledge

3-love

There are 10 % chances in will and 90% chances in knowledge that we will go towards the wrong path while searching the Creator. But with love, there are no chances to get lost. Love is a thing that can’t be explained but can only be experienced. And once experienced, nothing is left after it.

O Lord! Was it the cloud of mercy or the thunderbolt of Love When the life’s crop got burned down, sprouted the seed of the Heart  –Rumi

In a human body, heart is present on one side of the chest and “wishes” or “cravings” which are called as “Nafs” In our language, is on the other side of heart. In the center of our heart, in a very deep place is where our soul resides. And in the depth of our “Nafs” , Evil resides. The thing is to fight with the “Nafs” and it leads us towards the True Love , “Ishq” !

There were many Pious persons and Sufis , whose destiny was to reach God. Because of the worldly demands and weaknesses they couldn’t reach there. So the creator engaged them in the “love of man”. When they return empty handed from it and they were hurt because of it, The creator took them, holding their hands, towards him. And they succeeded in achieving the greatest levels.

It changes the heap of earth into elixir

Such is the power of the ashes of the Heart

It gains freedom after being caught in the net of Love

On being thunder-struck greens up the tree of the Heart

Iqbal

Closing it with an English translation of a poem by Allama Iqbal, My favorite Poet. He was at a very upper level of Sufism and we need a lot of insight to reach to the true meanings hidden in his words.

One day reason said to the Heart:

I am a guide for those who are lost.
I live on the earth, but I roam the skies
Just see the vastness of my reach.
My task in the world is to guide and lead,
I am like Khizar of blessed steps.
I interpret the book of life,
And through me Divine Glory shines forth!
You are no more than a drop of blood,
While I am the envy of the priceless pearl !!

The Heart listened, and then said: This is all true,

But now look at me, and see what I am!!!
You penetrate the secret of existence,
But I see it with my eyes!!!
You deal with the outward aspects of things
I know what lies within!!! (The outward pertains to the phenomenal world, the inward to matters of the Heart and soul)
Knowledge comes from You, intuitive knowledge of spiritual truth from me!!!
You seek GOD, I reveal HIM!
Attaining the ultimate in knowledge makes one restless –
I am the cure for that ailment!!!
You are the candle of the Assembly of Truth;
I am the lamp of the Assembly of Beauty!!!
You are hampered by space and time,
While I am the “bird in the Lotus tree” (Taaeyr-e-Sidraa)
My status is so high –
I am the throne of the Majesty of GOD (According to sufistic saying, the world is too small a place to house GOD, but a believer’s Heart is large enough to house Him)

Halbe&Gaudin

From Bhuj to Belavala

Emotions Overflowing

“Everything you can imagine is real.”

hareemlutfi's Blog

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever

Talking Crap Blog

Just another WordPress.com site

Diary of a quirky girl

Filling your world randomly with sunshine

Wajiha Hyder

Writer | Person

Nayabmalika: The Blog

Collected Snippets of An Ordinary Life

Ironic-Dimensions

I say, I save - I think, I ink

Scribes of Seldomville

Cheechun KI Malliyan Ki Raaniyan.

Caffeine Poisoning

A shot in the morning will keep you on your feet; too much, and you start rambling like me.

Ablazed

Try to write.....! gather energy....! end up in mess of thoughts....!

imaginecontinua

Lumea de altadata si cea de azi.....

blissfullysedated's Blog

Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever