Repentance, With Love.

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A black heart, dirty soul, tear filled eyes and trembling hands….. That is all I have. I don’t worth standing in front of you…. And still I am here….. I don’t deserve your mercy….. Yet still I am begging for it.

You are The Beneficent, you are The Merciful, You are The Almighty,  You are Kind. You Love me more than every single person in the world.

I do sins and I repent. You forgive me. I do sins again an I repent again and you forgive me. How would I ever be able to return you what you have been doing for me all my life ?

And here I am…begging you again with a bundle of sins on my shoulders….. I need you with me….I need to talk to you.

I know you are angry with me. And I know you will forgive me again. This feeling is all I have….More than a treasure for me. I need the exams you take from me…I need the difficulties…I need the problems….. I have realized what you always say that exams are for special persons to whom you want to give something other than ordinary.

I have realized, a life full of comfort and happiness is nothing….. I have realized I am nothing without you….

I know the difference now when you take my exams and when you punish me….I have recognized the feeling…. I want to have more….

I want to indulge in Ishq-e-haqiqui…..I want to be your ‘Muqarab’…… I want to Live this life for you….. I know my Wishes are huge…But same is your personality Allah….and I know I am wishing it from you…… You are Almighty.

I Love you Allah tala jee I Love you….Please forgive me…..

I am running out of words…..But you know what is going on in my heart…..I don’t know fancy words to attract you….I just have a plain simple heart and soul who is filled with your Love…..You know me Allah tala and I know you will respond…..

I just want to tell you I am embarrassed….I can’t lift up my eyes…..I am feeling ashamed of myself…..and I love you.

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Ek din Hazrat Moosa (A.S) ne Allah se kaha k mai Aapki Rehmat aur insan k gunah dekhna chahta hn Allah ne frmaya Peche dekho, Dekha to ek bohot bare Samandar k andar 1 drakht par 1 chirya apne mou mai mitti le kr bethi hai,

Hazrat Moosa (A.S) ne kaha ye kya.

Allah ne farmaya,

ye Samandar meri Rehmat hai aur ye drakht dunya , ye chirya insan aur us k mo mai jo thori c mitti hai wo us k Sare Gunah hain. Agar ye apna mo khol kr mitti(Gunah) pani mai gira de to meri Rehmat ko koi farq nhi parta. To kyun na insan touba kre aur main maaf na kron, insan to Naadan hai.

[ One day Hazrat Moosa (R.A) said to Allah that I want to see your blessing and human’s sins. Allah asked him to see behind. He saw a huge sea and a tree inside it, a sparrow sitting on that tree and some mud in its mouth.

Hazrat Moosa (A.S) said what is this ?

Allah said,

This sea is my blessings and this tree is this world, this sparrow is human being and the dirt in its mouth is all his sins. If this sparrow opens it’s mouth and throw all the dirt in water, it won’t effect my blessings . Then why not a human repents and I forgive him ? As human is unknowing.

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Under The Spell Of Black Magic….!

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I had been thinking about the magical things I have been hearing these days too often So here I am sharing them with you.

This is a true story from 9 to 10 years ago when I was a little kid and used to sleep in my Mom’s room on a separate small bed. I still remember it because it gives me goose bumps still when I recall it.

It was the time of mid night and everyone was sleeping. Suddenly I woke up and saw a shadow moving towards my Mom’s bed. It sat down beside her on her pillow. I felt scared and I cried “Mom there is someone sitting beside you” . She was so sleepy and without opening her eyes she pulled out her hand and punched that thing on his back with her fist and then slept again. And I was not watching a dream because I heard the sound of punching. That thing, then stood up and started walking towards the door and disappeared ! When I told my mom in the morning she said she remember me crying but there was nothing else she could recall.

I am not sure whether that really happened or I was dreaming. Since my childhood I have heard of so many stories about magic and ghosts and people who tell them claim them to be true.

Another incident happened to my father when I was in college. He went out of station and when he returned at night, his clothes were covered with blood stains. We were all so worried. He then told that he was walking towards the train and he felt like someone has pushed him from the rear and suddenly his clothes were all covered with blood and he fainted. One of the persons near by took him to his shop. He was a Hafiz-e-Quran (People who know Quran by heart) and he told my dad that
the blood is not human blood and he has been attacked by black magic, but he survived. My mom used to tell me that the same thing happened to my dad when I was a little baby. He was sitting in someone’s shop and he was covered in blood within an instant. Than he went to Qaari Saab ( Pious Hafiz-e-Qran) and he told him that he survived the attack because he was reciting Quranic verses at that time.

Despite this, I haven’t seen any type of Magic related thing in my whole life. I have listened to the stories of my friends but since I have not seen them with my eyes I don’t believe in them. I have heard stories how close relatives do magic on people out of jealousy or some other reasons and what effects this magic could have on them.

Magic can be done for giving financial crisis to people, for causing them health problems and diseases, for stopping their minds to work for studies or job, for making a person paralyze, causing heart attack or even death. I wonder how could these people sleep at nights but I have heard those people getting ruined and destructed after-wards. Some stores were related to how some homes can be under the spell of Ghosts and how they irritate people to leave them. They even go inside small kids and scare other family members.

People use different things to make magic work. These things include small written papers, small pieces of clothes, blood, meat or bones of some animal and things like that and these things are buried or hid at some place where no one could see them. And then by discarding these things and reciting proper verses the spell can be broken.

Seems like the typical Horror series or movie story ! It is weird though how we think these serials to be stupid and believe in things happening to the lives of people around us.

People who have seen these things with their own eyes believe in them and people who haven’t seen them, think them to be absurd. Specially the ‘modern’ people. I don’t know about their truth except the things I have seen by myself. But I do believe that ghosts exist and they live in this world like we do. I have also read that there is a third dimension of this world where
these type of things exist and they could sometimes interfere in the lives of humans too due to some unknown reasons. I also have heard that Ghosts have certain limitations and they can not always enter the human world .

I don’t have any kind of proof of any of these assumption to be right or wrong. I am just curious to know the hidden truths of this universe. I love Horror movies and novels too , have read couple of them and I am not scared of ghosts…  Our knowledge and wisdom is limited… God knows how many other creatures are living with us and may be reading this article with me as I am writing it ! 😉

The magic spell culture is increasing in Pakistan among the uneducated and foolish people. I have no idea whether people of other countries have to face it too or not ! Do YOU have any scary story from your own life ?

The Day When Personal Passion Was Sacrificed For The Highest Love

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Hundreds of years ago….. A perfect complete home with a father and a son included. Both of them were filled with the same beautiful Love and compassion that is an essence of human nature since first man was forged into the world.

Father once had a dream, a hallucination, that he is sacrificing his son for Allah. Back in those times, Allah used to communicate with people through definite signs, How felicitous and fortunate they were !

The next night . he again witnessed the very dream. Postulating it to be a true one, as all his former dreams proved out to be true, He conceived from it that Allah demanded a sacrifice from him. In order to accomplish Allah’s command, he sacrificed a herd of camels and disseminated the meat among the poor.

Repeatedly in the following nights he witnessed the same dream and did the same sacrifices. Still, the dream didn’t cease. Then he had second thoughts.

He called his beloved son and elaborated him the story , he said “O my son! I have seen you being sacrificed in a dream; what do you say?”(The Quran: 37:102)

The son, being aware of the fact that his father is a prophet of Allah, replied without any reluctance: “O my father! Do what you are commanded; if God please, you will find me of the patient ones” — (The Quran: 37:102).

The father , the son and his mother…. everyone though being anxious and shaken inside, were delighted and overjoyed over getting a chance to serve Allah. How sacramental they were !

Fatherly tender Love and child’s fond affection was going to be sacrificed for the Greater Divine. On their way to alter, they were distracted and horrified by the Satan but they didn’t let anything come in their way.

At the Altar the son threw himself prostrate before his illustrious father, who blindfolded as he was, lest his parental love should come in the way, applied the knife to his son’s throat. An exemplary conduct of complete submission to the will of Allah; sacrificing his only son in His way! The soul of Abraham within himself was praising the Lord, saying: “My prayer and my sacrifice and my life and my death are all for God, the Lord of the worlds”.

Angels stood metamorphosed, as it were, into lifeless pictures and overcome by extreme anxiety. 

“God is great; God is great; God is great; God is great; There is no Allah, but He. And God is great; All praise for God.”

My words and my wisdom is not enough to pen down the great light and the essence of that very happening….

Abraham was about to cut the throat of his only son. But lo! He heard a voice from Above:

“O Abraham! you have indeed shown the truth of the Vision; thus We reward the doers of good. Surely this is a manifest trial” — (The Quran: 37:104-106).

The Patriarch laid down the knife and there was rejoicing mingled with thanksgiving that God had accepted the Sacrifice. It dawned on him what his Vision really meant – viz., that what God wanted was not the blood of his son but the sacrifice of that highest of love which a father has for his son and vice-versa. It was the sacrifice of personal passion that was acceptable to God and that was done both by the father and the son. The father and son fell down in prayer praising their Lord.

From that day, to commemorate this outstanding act of sacrifice (qurbani) by Prophet Abraham, people sacrifice a lamb, goat, ram or any other animal on Eid-ul-Adha and give the meat to friends, neighbors, relatives and the needy. Eid is celebrated with a great zeal and enthusiasm by the Muslims all over the world.

In-spite of judging the intentions of other people behind the sacrifice, Can’t we just do our part honestly ?

I wish all My brothers and sisters a very Happy Eid Mubarik ! People who are away for Hajj , a very warm Congratulations to them too ! 

Eat lots of meat (only your part 😉 ), get fat and remember me in your prayers 🙂

 

 

I Am Getting Married.

Yes I am getting married. It took me 1 and a half YEAR to realize this single reality…I am getting married.

Though the things beyond this fact are blur. Getting married to whom ? What do I feel ? Why I am doing this ? Why is all this happening ? Everything is blur.

I am going to be a computer scientist in another month. I Love my field now . I got the highest grades and GPA In my class. I am a so called intelligent student in the eyes of teachers. And yet….I am getting married. Just after the completion of my studies.

People say me to be optimistic about my future ! Can I ? Yes I know I should………..!!

The one I wished to pass all my life with….saw all my future dreams with….planned my future with…..is lost in the fog of time and fate !

The one I am going to have a future with….. I never thought about him….I have no feelings , an empty heart for him. This is the future I have to look up to !

I don’t know If I won’t be getting married , I would be doing any job or studying further , My life would be better in Future.

I don’t know either my life would be good with all that seems obvious. I don;t know anything. I am confused.

It took me 1 and a half year to realize the fact that I am getting married. I don’t know how much time I would take to accept the person of my fate.

My Allah and then my parents chose him for me…..and I accepted their wish…with my eyes closed. I couldn’t kill the happiness of my parents . I never gave them any happiness except this one. I am not selfish.

That was the time I stopped wishing for myself. Its hard when you get wounds all over your soul….by the broken pieces of your dreams….and you find no remedy…..no cure.

I have made room for pain in my heart. I know I have to live with what I am given I know I have to accept and I have to Move on !!

It is a difficult task.

Anyway…… I am getting married on 15th February 2014 and You all are Invited.

 

There should be some caring people to give me their shoulder. After all I need four of them. After all ‘Red’ color is getting ‘white’ for me. After all my marriage may be my funeral.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Am A Muslim Girl And This World Is Not For Me !

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Dedicated to all Muslim Girls and women of the world…..

I am a Muslim Girl and this world is not for me

When I go out wander In places

I get annoyed of boys who chases

They follow me , touch poke and run

Leaving me behind, making my fun

They can’t feel my pain, treat us like toys

Because I am a girl and they are boys

And when I cover myself up with veils

These are the white people who make me fail

By striking against the covering of women

They cause me bane that can’t be undone

I am a Muslim girl and this world is not for me

I become a victim of bad comments, riot and rape

Because I don’t find any kind of escape

I am not allowed to follow my religion

To cover myself in this men-dominant region

I am a Muslim Girl and this world is not for me

These are the men who are ready to kill

For their mothers and sisters they feel thrill

When other boys do the same to them though

They don’t remember ‘you reap what you sow’

No one understands my agony, my misery, my prate

When I question why Islam is not there in Islamic states ?

My heart cries when I see women’ right’s neglected

And when in Quran I read all about them being awarded

Where is the respect , the purity Islam gave to women

Why is it thought as negative in today’s generation

I am a Muslim girl and this world is not for me

I am waiting for the day when I would be respected

Not treated like toys not a source of lust, celebrated

Not by the yammer that ‘equal’ are women and men

Not by treating us like useless animals,  but Humans !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shab-E-Qadar ( The Night Of Blessings )

Surely We revealed it on the grand night. And what will make you comprehend what the grand night is? The grand night is better than a thousand months. The angels and Gabriel descend in it by the permission of their Lord for every affair, Peace! it is till the break of the morning. – Surah Qadar.

 

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Time ticks , Eye blinks

Where is He ?

Nights passes gently

Seconds And Minutes

Where is He ?

Meet Him , See Him

Desire I

Where is He ?

Bow before Him

Reach the Skies

Searching Him

Passionately

Wish I

Where is He ?

The day of end

Where End is beginning

Why so far

Life so Long, or short

Think I

Where is He ?

Him and only Him

Need , Want

No Heaven

No luxuries

Just He

Around Him

Pray I

Where is He ?

He is inside

He is everywhere

Says He

My Beloved

But

Blind eyes

No sight

Where is He ?

Feel Him

Sense Him

Think Him

Talk to Him

Searching

Praying

Waiting

See Him ?

Can I ?

Where is He ?

Many Problems, One Solution…..The Complete Code Of Life !

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The Code Of Life

I noticed, My eyes were filling with water. It started coming out , Through my cheeks towards the neck. Drop by drop, making a continuous line and I let it flow. I kept reading. The first page was ending . I started the second page. Stopped for a while , sobbed some more , wiped my eyes to make the vision clear and continued again. The third page was starting. I noticed my voice started trembling because of the intense feelings in my heart. I continued till I reached the fourth page. I felt like someone is slowly taking away all the restlessness and pain from my heart. I started feeling ease when I reached the fifth page. I felt peace at once. I remembered, I was in search of peace. There were no more tears and the intense feeling. I stopped reading. Closed it slowly, Kissed it , touched it with my fore head and Placed it at the upper shelf of my cupboard. I was Thankful.

————X————–

I was having a problem. I was feeling pressure and my head was heavy with stress. I can’t sleep because I was thinking about the problem continuously. As I was thinking more, The pressure was increasing. I couldn’t find the solution . I thought and thought , but all in vain. I was tensed. I tried to ask some people about the solution but no one was able to give answer. I picked it up, sat down on my bed and started reading it. As I read, I beg Him in my heart to solve my problem with his blessings because My efforts are not enough. I begged and begged with my true heart, and continued reading . Till I started feeling the heaviness of my head was getting lesser. I was satisfied. I felt the problem fading . I put the book back on its place. After a day, The problem was solved. Tears of joy were filled in my eyes. I was Thankful again.

————-X————–

There was a question in my mind relevant indirectly to Him. I was in search of its answer. I looked and looked , Pondered upon but found nothing. I felt a strong urge to cry , feeling my restlessness. I wanted the answer so bad. It was irritating me, It wasn’t letting me think about anything else. I picked the same book off its place and started reading it with meanings. I read. And suddenly when I was reciting the meanings, I got the answer of that question that was annoying me to an extent. So simply written with the other lines, but it was such a benediction for me, That I, Just I was aware of it. I felt like the writer of book has put the answer in my mind. I felt like a bud just blossomed into a flower in my heart. I felt a like a wave of happiness just tickled my heart. With a smile on my face, I kissed it with gratitude and put it back. I was Thankful once again.

————-X————–

I was in complete depression. There were extreme explosions happening in my head. Many reasons were combined to put me in that position. I wasn’t feeling comfort anywhere. I was trying hard to make my soul relax for a while but this was not happening. I was crying and crying … Hard ! I couldn’t find ease at all. The book was there, right on its place. It was in front of my eyes but I couldn’t read it. I was losing courage and hope. I was angry with its creator, with its writer. I failed myself and Him. This depression had no end, I thought. I got up, ate sleeping pills with water and back to my bed. I was sleeping.

Next day when I got up, I was feeling hatred from my own self. I was feeling guilty. I picked up the book, Opened it and without reading a word, Started talking to its writer. I apologized , I admitted my guilt, I asked for forgiveness. There was gratification all over in my heart. I closed my eyes to feel all the peace. I was Thankful and Contented….AGAIN!

————-X—————

Read!

In the name of thy Lord and Cherish-er,

Who created– Created man, out of a clot of congealed blood:

Proclaim! And thy Lord is Most Bountiful —

He Who taught (the use of) the Pen —

Taught man that which he knew not.

————-X—————

No Matter Which Phase Of Life are we facing, No matter How big our problem Is. The solution Is In our hands.

It is we, who search other ways to seek refuge, But At last come back to this simple solution.

The Stories Above Are all true. But the urge to Read Quran arises only when we collect Enough Love for the creator.

Whatever we do, Don’t forget Him even for a while. He never leaves us alone.

Search Allah with love in your heart , Not with Fear.

He is very close to us, closer than our breath, closer than our own souls.

He Loves each of us. His Love is more than the Love of 70 Mothers combined !! And We can’t be thankful for our One Mom’s Love even if we keep thanking, all our lives.

 

The doors of Forgiveness are Always open ! We just need to figure out ourselves. We need to recognize our inner-selves.

Happy Ramadan Mubarik To You All !!  I never got a chance to wish it Formally 🙂 May You all get all the blessings, Forgiveness and Nijaat simultaneously with all the ‘Ashraas‘. May you succeed in Getting more close to Him. May you get able to collect his countless blessings. And May This Ramadan increases your Love and faith on Him, More Than Ever.

Please Remember Me In Your Prayers !

Love xx

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